Pajiba

Wow. I mean wow internet comment censors. I may have to see what I can post just so I know what's considered 'appropriate' internet protocal. God forbid I talk about clubbing a baby seal, carving a hole in my dead grandmother, or comment on how an anorexic actress is so skinny I can see through her. Where would the fun be in that? No...no...Lindsay Lohan's vagina doesn't look like a chewed pencil eraser wedged between 2 pieces of week-old turkey jerkey. She's just letting the bear trap out for some air. No...I don't want to slap Paris Hilton in the head to 'un-wonky' her eye. I'm sure she loves being able to look at her own ear all day without a mirror. Pffssshhh!! It would be so rude to say that Madonna looks like her hands are strong enough to haverst semen from a Black Rhino the old fashioned way. She just has a good grip from staying in shape after all these years. No, no. Comments like those would be tasteless. But man alive! Their dresses look amazing!

I am so gonna fuck with them now. My mission, should i choose to accept it, is to see how long it take for me to be 'warned' and then 'banned' from the webite. : this message will self-distruct :

Ehhh...I'm not particularly a fan of the banning "boring" commenters, but every site has a right to determine what kind of discourse and humour they're willing to allow. Contrary to the opinion around here, Jezebel is not all about braiding hair and praising each other's shoes. It just happens to be a place where the majority of writers and commenters don't find violence, derogatory comments about women's bodies/sexual habits, or animal cruelty funny. But, it does happen to be a place that attracts a lot of trolls, so the commenter control is a sort of preventative measure.

Holy Captain Crackers! Jezebel has really gotten its head stuck up its fat ass! (See what I did there? Vulgar AND just called their ass fat. You like?) The hell, ladies? What if we ban you from the Internet for being so unbelievably stuck up?

Hee...I'd totally watch the Vague Genre Movie. Is that Maddox from the best site in the universe or something like that? He's funny. He's even angrier than Dustin after he's seen a bad remake (yea, the bad is redundant, I know).

Just for the record, though this Pajiba staffer doesn't cotton to the commenter fascism over on Jezebel, I've stated it before, and just to reiterate, aside from my own-self interested sites, Jezebel is my favorite spot on the nets. They are ridiculously good at what they do.

I think we're under attack. Ben, honey, are you lost? Can I help you find your mommy? Do you need to rush home and watch The Simple Life? I'm here to help.

MissMadie. Understandable about the trolls, but what about banning people for being "boring"?

Ben...

I heard Paris Hilton was killed. Something like a building fire, or trampled by horses or something like that. I just saw it on the news. Paris Hilton died.

joker: Like I said, I'm not really a fan of banning people for being "boring," even if only because it's kind of subjective. However, most posts in Jezebel (and there are like 25 per day) usually have at least a hundred comments each. And I know in many places it's Internet etiquette to read prior comments before posting, and the Jezebel editors themselves try to read all comments, so I suppose it's an attempt to cut down on posts like "Me too!" or "My friend has hair like that." But really, that doesn't tend to happen TOO much in the Jez-iverse, cause the ladies and gentlemen around there are pretty smart cookies.

To sum up: I don't know. I'm not really defending the banning of the boring, just trying to understand it.

Attention Everybody Who Floats In Here From Jezebel And Thinks They Have To Defend The Commenter Policy: You don't. Really.

The owners of a web site have every right imaginable to control the content of their property (for you slower ones, that means the web site). They can ban anyone they like for any reason. They can specify the reason(s) and post rules, or make the process completely mysterious and arbitrary. 'Cause it's their web site.

We get that.

Here's what some of you apparently don't get: The public at large has every right to comment on the above behavior as much as they want, in any way they want. They can criticize, agree, disagree, mock, get angry, make suggestions, parody, use Bad Words, etc.

'Cause the last time I checked, we still have freedom of fucking expression.

If the free exchange of ideas hurts you in some way that you simply cannot bear, please return to your safe, fenced-in environments, stick your fingers in your lily-pure ears and hum loudly so nothing gets through. The rest of us promise to leave you well alone.

Wow, Ben, you're right - I would like to take this opportunity to offer my apologies...

What the hell was I thinking, not taking five minutes to "an d do" some actual research in regards to Paris Hilton getting a cheetah? I now see the error of my ways, what with your being the authority on the habits of NapVa... er, Ms. Hilton as well as the spokeperson for Cheetah Awareness.

And yes, yes I did think I was the funniest thing alive until I read "douche waffle".

Here's your crown, Ben, I'll just go catch up on my Cheetah facts and never reply without thoroughly planning out what I'm going to say and the factual content behind every one of my posts from here on out. Actually, is there a way I can send them to you first, so as not to offend...?

"Douche waffle", man, that was a clever one...

So cheetahs are easy to train and domesticate, huh? I guess if you are a professional handler in a zoo, maybe; but Paris Hilton doesn't even take care of (or neuter) her own 17 dogs. She just wants a cheetah because she thinks it will make her look cool, which is not cool.

Hey Skit, are you taking donations to buy that pack of cheetahs? I'm in.

I saw its profile on blurblefeeblegurk.com.

Ha! You're right, the spambot fills a jargony void in me...but not in my heart, somewhere close to my elbow.

Skittimus Sosorrypus, the inventor of Godtopus should not deign to apologize to anyone.

KEITH COOGAN! Oh my God, I feel so much better now. I was about to have an aneurysm trying to remember that. Also, I think he was the brother, and not the friend.

Clearly, I need to watch Adventures in Babysitting again.

Pfftt. You want to see comment censoring? Swing by TWoP.

Sarina "Kevin Cougar or Ken Cougar or something...I'm way too lazy to look it up."

HOW ABOUT BOTHERING TO TAKE FIVE MINUTES AN D DO SOME ACTUAL RESEARCH?!

Sheesh... What a bunch of waffles, the whole lot of you. Good day!

Jerce: Thank you, and I totally agree. Everyone has the right to say whatever they want, "in the real world." But honestly, if someone said something to me in real life about what is going in or coming out of Lindsay Lohan's vagina, or about punching polar bear cubs, I'd probably just walk away. Maybe that's the real-life form of commenter censorship?

And by the way, I may APPEAR to sane, but appearances can be deceiving...Dun-DUH!

(Sorry, couldn't resist).

Don't worry Sarina, I've never seen The West Wing either, but I have seen Cheetah a number of times. It's nothing something I'm proud of, just a biproduct of my adolescence.

Ugh. Cheetos are nasty. I don't believe in Cheetos. Well, unless I'm fucked up. Then they are goddamn delicious. Of course, when I wake up the next day and the inside of my mouth tastes like Cheetos and ass, then I want to kill myself and I go right back to not believing in them again.

I love you people. You make work far more interesting. So far, my favorite today is "an d do". I would love to use it in daily conversation but no one I know would get it. Also, I think Pajiba should institute some kind of star system--only with martini olives/onions or Maker's Mark wax drippings.

I'm hereby banning everything.

Scrabble Sex? Banned.
Daily Trade Roundups? Banned
Comments with dirty words? Oh, you better believe they're banned.
Comments withOUT dirty words? Banned.
Taco Dip? Banned and Double-banned!
Skittimus Minimus? Banned.
Whiskey? Banned.
Babies? Buh-anned.
NinjaStars? Banned.
Godtopi? Banned.
Comment derailing? Banned.
Comment Railing? Banned.
Fun? Banned.
Manny? Yer goddamn right he's banned.

Please direct any and all complaints to Dustin Rowles. Who is also banned.

Also, complaints are banned.

Reading this comment? Banned.

Me, for writing this lame-ass comment? SUPER-banned.

Jerce: Thank you, and I totally agree. Everyone has the right to say whatever they want...But honestly, if someone said something to me in real life about what is going in or coming out of Lindsay Lohan's vagina, or about punching polar bear cubs, I'd probably just walk away. Maybe that's the real-life form of commenter censorship?

First of all, it is not necessary to thank me merely because I said you seemed decent and sane, but it is very civilized of you, and appreciated.

Second, walking away in real life, or ignoring trollishness on the Intertubes, isn't censorship--that's an exercise of your rights, dammit! That is pretty much exactly what I do...when I'm in a diplomatic mood. When I'm not in a diplomatic mood, there is sometimes trouble. But while I do not relish conflict for its own sake, I am also not afraid of it when the circumstances are appropriate.

The marketplace of ideas is a raucous caucus, and probably not for the faint-hearted or the fuzzy-thoughted.

What worries and infuriates me is this strange attitude that many people seem to have, that they have some kind of Constitutional right to never be confronted with anything that upsets them, or to have their opinions challenged, or to be offended or discomfited in any way.

I am totally bigoted and intolerant when it comes to those people.

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Posted by: Skittimus Minimus at April 8, 2008 6:38 PM

I should know better than to attempt to eat anything while reading comments, especially those written by Skits, but I guess I was feeling dangerous because I was eating a chicken sandwich when I read this.

BIG MISTAKE.

I choked and almost died. Actually, I believe I was just almost assassinated. By the killer humour.

You bash egotastic for posting misogynistic assholery and link idontlikeyouinthatway two sentences later. Yeah, that's not inconsistent at all.

The Jezebel thing is just confusing. It is a very fun blog to read, but they pride themselves on being independent thinkers, and then they censor people who disagree. What is the point of comments in the first place, if you just need confirmation that you are correct? Take a Yoga class and learn to kiss your own ass.

Bizarre Foods
Project Runway
The Golden Girls
Murder She Wrote
Little House on the Prairie
Boring documentaries on The History Channel and PBS
Cartoons

Sarina, you are okay with me for part of this list.
Project Runway, History Channel = good.
Murder She Wrote = bad.

You need to add No Reservations (Anthony Bourdain) and then you will have some quality tv.

Signiture number 125061.

Fucker'll (hopefully) be out of a job by Sunday.

I also really enjoy Jezebel and there are some threads I have bookmarked just because the comments sections make me feel completely normal (and on a bad day that is a very, very good thing). I make a point to only read certain comments threads, mainly because I don't have enough hours in the day to wade through them all, and for the most part their editorial policy doesn't bother me.

I would cry my big green eyes out if such a policy ever came in to effect here although it would probably result in the reviewers having to ban themselves so I'm not getting to worried about it right now.

I don't think it's possible for Skitt or PissBoy to even begin to offend me (despite my status as a Huffy Feminist). Damnit boys, I love you too much.

Group hug!

And your Uwe Boll quote of the day:

"I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again," says Boll. "If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius you know, and if you go on May 23 on Postal you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend."

I really think he might actually be a genius. I mean, that's pure comedy gold right there. His ego rivals Kanye West's and I honestly didn't think that was possible.

i'm excited for the kids in the hall show in toronto.

i'm still in shock that tickets to the sctv reunion show were 250 dollars! for 500, one could watch the show and mingle with the cast at a cocktail party. i realize this was a benefit performance (something about old cast members with financial needs), but it still hurt a lot to miss it.

TK: you are being both polite and philisophical today. Stop it, you're freaking me out.

Alex, I... I don't know what's wrong with me.

Send help. Fast.

Just because I'm catching up:

The Jez editor is named SlutMachine. I check it on Fridays for the Miss Demeanors thread.

I hereby refuse to read anything Skitt writes until I am in a safe zone without food, drink, breakables, or cigarettes near me. I just spilled an entire cup of lovely Alaskan wild rose tea all over the floor in my hysterical laughter.

Dead Star Twilight is absolutely amazing. I realize that's not quite on par with a review, but I need to re-read it (probably today) because once I started I couldn't stop and I'm still trying to organize my thoughts. It's not for the squeamish, but Chez uses the narrative flip-flop to constantly keep your attention. He spares himself no mercy. It's raw, fresh, honest, well-written, bittersweet, gripping, and I laughed and cried while reading it.

Seriously, go read it.

Hee hee. I still love you so much when you're pissy, Jay.

Well, I woke up morose so I must be improving.

I do so get impatient with my crushy actors going where I don't want to follow. I did pick up "Tin Man" (with a Borders exclusive third disc!), cause I *might* like it. Alan and Neal McDonough don't hurt.

But with the Gottlied book, I'm just completely flummoxed. There is no sense happening in what I read there, never mind the contested sense of the source material.

Skatt, oops, I mean Skittimus Maximus, you truly are a fucking 'tard moron of the highest order aren't you. I could give a fuck what you think or how you feel about Paris Hilton. The fact that you have an opinion about her at all exposes you as a truly shallow and vapid person of truly breathtaking proportions.

You failed to notice that my concern was not with Paris Hilton, but rather the fact that you and apparently every other fucktard who posts here is so utterly ignorant about cheetahs and the domestication/training of said.

In point of fact, the only mention I made of Paris Hilton was just that, her name, nothing else. How you can draw from that and then make the assertion that I spent my entire post defending her shows what a sicko degenerate you truly are.

It's patently obvious that everything you know about cheetahs you learned by accidentally flipping to Animal Planet for 45 seconds, just in time to see a cheetah make a kill. You've obviously never read a book, comic or otherwise in your entire pathetic vapid existence.

I think Ben has the wrong site. The Society for Love of Large Cats is that way.

Dudes, do not feed the trolls. They're like goddamn Gremlins when they're fed, except all the time, not just after midnight. Sweet be-tentacled Godtopus, next thing you know someone will get that bastard wet and there'll be a thousand of 'em.

Seriously, Ben. This is good stuff. I think you just gave me all the comic relief I need to get through the next hour at work. Wheeew. The feeling you get after a really good bellylaugh...god if they could bottle it...

But let me just add this:
Cheetahs are wild carniverous animals. Paris Hilton is made of meat. The hopes that a Cheetah would get hungry and follow it's natural intincts to eat said meat isn't.that.odd.

What is odd to me is that you honestly think that Cheetahs are not so dangerous, or difficult to train.

And what really baffles me is that you really got up in arms about Cheetahs. Actually angry enough to insult someone. Over not realizing JUST HOW SMART AND DOMESTICATED THE CHEETAH IS.

I'll just say that I dont care what random-internet-screename posted. Cheetahs are dangerous. I say put them in Madam Hilton's budouir and giggle with delight. According to Skittimus they will eat her. According to Ben they'll have a fucking tea party. I'd like to see how this one pans out.

All hail the Cheetah motherfuckers! Bow down, piddly humans and show some god damned respect!

Bizzare. But funny. And that is what matters to me.