Pajiba Love 03/31/09

Borat Goes X-Rated

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (40)

Sacha Baron Cohen is trying to drum up publicity for his upcoming Bruno by getting it slapped with an NC-17. Like idiots won’t swarm out in droves to see it regardless. (AgentBedhead)

Madonna made sure to dress conservatively in a $3000 velour tracksuit while touring around Malawi waiting for her ~~kidnapping~~ adoption to be processed. (Webster’s)

In happier Whedonverse-related news, Alyson Hanningan and Wesley Wyndham Pryce have welcomed a baby girl on Alyson’s birthday. Awww. (Celebitchy)

Pixar vs. Dreamworks, in handy stick figure chart form. (MightyGodKing)

The Matrix wasn’t simply a stupid pile of crap featuring a listlessly bland lead actor! It was a look … Into the future! (Spout)

“Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There” Hee! Thanks to Sofia! (Onion)

Wow, this is incredible. Literally any metal band name you can think of can be conveniently categorized with this helpful flow chart. Thanks, Brian! (ComicVsAudience)

Here’s a first look into Season Two of “True Blood.” (BloodyDisgusting)

Alyssa Milano apparently wrote a book, and sadly the title is neither a pun of “Who’s the Boss” or even “Charmed.” Yawn. (Yeeeah!)

1-900-commercials are truly the internet’s biggest casualty. How I miss those bursts of unintentional comedy during my teenage late night viewing. (HolyTaco)

Here’s a look at some moms in the animal kingdom who are far more impressive and incredible than that hormone-slurping Octomom. (atom)

Playboy lady Diora Bird wears next to nothing in the new Star Trek. Also, she’s green. Sexy. Like Kermit. (Film School Rejects)

For anyone interested, Faith No More’s Mike Patton has helmed the soundtrack for Crank 2, which is now available online. (CHUD)

On a side note, I’m planning to go see my new fave band, Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyer, at the Khyber Friday evening. Any Phila Pajibettes feel like meeting up for a drink after work?

Finally, thanks to Jay for bringing this to my attention, here is a video for a rapper named 1/2 Price. And why is he named that, pray tell? For the (awesome) answer you’ll just have to watch:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Is The Darkness considered Heavy Metal?

Posted by: Sofía at March 31, 2009 1:06 PM

Okay, Half Price is officially my favorite rapper. It's a short list, but still. I want to hang out with a guy with no legs and a huge bong.

Alas, his catalogue does not appear on Amazon.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at March 31, 2009 1:16 PM

HEY! Who you callin' an idiot?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 31, 2009 1:19 PM

There is absolutely no way that triple umlauts are physically impossible...

Posted by: boo at March 31, 2009 1:28 PM

Unlikely, yes, but not impossible.

Posted by: boo at March 31, 2009 1:29 PM

I want to be the first to congratulate Wes. In the face. With a tire iron. And a blowtorch.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 31, 2009 1:31 PM

Yay Satyana!

Mmmm Mike Patton

Glurgh @ frog video. Dude, I was eating yogurt.

Oh, Alyssa Milano

Sexy like Kermit? Hmm... You're a little weird, sir.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 31, 2009 1:32 PM

I gotta get me some of that Stephen Moyer.

Posted by: Cindy at March 31, 2009 1:34 PM

Poor Alexis Denisof (who played Wesley Wyndham Pryce) doesn't even get his real name put into the birth announcement here? Poor guy. That being said... Tracer, don't forget the gardening shears. And while your handling him, I'll be over here "comforting" Alyson.

Posted by: Bistro at March 31, 2009 1:36 PM

Mmmm....hot green playboy womens....

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2009 1:42 PM

That reminds me of a joke...what's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

Really had nothing to do with anything...I just wanted to post a joke.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2009 1:46 PM

I was kind of hoping Half Price would be either extremely good or completely terrible. As it is he's just bland.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 31, 2009 1:51 PM

Alyssa Milano's book is called Safe at Home? I agree with Stacey that the baseball pun title is a sorry substitute for a movie or TV one.

I would definitely buy it if it were called The Jenny Matrix Chronicles or The Double Dragon Memoirs.

Posted by: branded at March 31, 2009 1:58 PM

I would definitely buy it if it were called The Jenny Matrix Chronicles or The Double Dragon Memoirs.

I'd like to see Who's the Boss Now, Beeyotch? Oh, Wait ... Still Not Me?

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at March 31, 2009 2:02 PM

No, no, no, branded. It should have been called Help, I've been Embraced By A Vampire And Now I Can't Keep My Clothes On.

Posted by: admin at March 31, 2009 2:03 PM

Soooo many wrong and funny things went through my mind watching that video. Should I? Should I? Yeah...it's been awhile...I should.

"...so...smoking weed means you'll lose your legs and turn into a terrible y-boy?"

"I want a legless dwarf handing me beverages too!!"

"I think I know that blonde chick laying across his la....err...in front of his hip on the couch."

"I wouldn't want to walk behind him much. I remember how easily my hacky-sacks would tear open if they scuffed on the ground too much."

Now, I kid of course, but that dude totally has the market cornered on the legless, whiteboy rappers from Texaslouisianasoutherncalifornia market.

And I am the only one who laughed out loud, uncontrolably when he tried beating up that overturned speaker with a baseball bat? "Take that speaker!!"

Posted by: PissBoy at March 31, 2009 2:04 PM

"Now, I kid of course, but that dude totally has the market cornered on the legless, whiteboy rappers from Texaslouisianasoutherncalifornia market."

Dude...I was thinking that exact thought as well! He's revolutionary and inspiring!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2009 2:10 PM

HAAAAAA! That Pixar vs Dreamworks thing is effing brilliant. Dreamworks in a nutshell. I want to punch all those cartoon faces, hard, that's how much I hate them.

They also forgot to mention that every Dreamworks movie that's successful will get at least one sequel, and one spinoff, in which the most annoying characters get even MORE screen time but just end up making the same jokes they made in the original.

Hacks.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2009 2:20 PM

What time are they playing, Stacey? I'm not exactly a Phila 'jibette, but I might make the trek, I dig their music (at least, the bit I've heard since I just looked them up!). And I imagine we could *probably* convince Julie to come out, she's usually there anyway!

Posted by: lizzieborden at March 31, 2009 2:25 PM

Dreamworks blows, and so does the fucking Matrix.

Of all the great and groundbreaking sci fi films, The Matrix holds up the least well. This problem is further aggravated by the awful sequels and the bullshit defenses the fans use with "Christological Symbolism", and other bullshit like that.

You can't defend the fact that the second one had Keanu Reeves ass in full, unobstructed view, it ruined anything good that movie had to offer.

Posted by: George at March 31, 2009 2:35 PM

You can't defend the fact that the second one had Keanu Reeves ass in full, unobstructed view

Don't forget where you are, though.

Posted by: Jay at March 31, 2009 2:43 PM

True Blood Season 2! finally!

I still can't get over how damn addictive that show is. I started watching it about three episodes in, and I just kept going "wow...this show is SO TRASHY! Why am I watching this?" and then somehow I was watching every episode, the reruns, reading recaps (just not TWOP's because holy shit Jacob is insane) and just generally being completely addicted to it. I'm still amazed. But damn it's such a trashy, enjoyable show. It's sad that I have to wait until June for a new season.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2009 2:48 PM

Yeah, we like ass around here.

Posted by: Cindy at March 31, 2009 2:48 PM

You can't defend the fact that the second one had Keanu Reeves ass in full, unobstructed view, it ruined anything good that movie had to offer.

The main problem with Reloaded was Keanu's ass? That's like saying that Elizabeth Berkley's dancing ruined anything good that Showgirls had to offer.

Posted by: branded at March 31, 2009 2:59 PM

lizzie, the show starts at 6:00 and Zolof goes on second, so I will probably show up by around 6:30 at the latest.

Posted by: Stacey at March 31, 2009 3:27 PM

So, no one else clicked on the link with the animal moms? Or is it just that no one else was as completely grossed out as I was? Baby frogs being born out of their mom's back? Yeah, NOT OK, at 3:39 pm or at any other time of day.

Posted by: Kolby at March 31, 2009 3:39 PM

Kolby...I saw that as well. I didn't say anything cuz I was trying to forget I had. Forcefully.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2009 3:55 PM

Say what you will about M showing up in a $3000 sweat suit to adopt a child born into war, poverty and political unrest. As far as I’m concerned M is going to give that child a better life, god bless M.

Posted by: Pookie at March 31, 2009 4:08 PM

You can't defend the fact that the second one had Keanu Reeves ass in full, unobstructed view, it ruined anything good that movie had to offer

yes, going to have to chime in too. Keanu's ass is one of his (very) few redeeming qualities.

speaking as a butt pirate, of course.

Posted by: Drake at March 31, 2009 4:10 PM

Stacey, I'll let you know for sure in the next day or two (also, I texted Julie to see if she would be interested). I'll facebook you, kay? (I am pretty sure we're fb friends.)

Posted by: lizzieborden at March 31, 2009 4:25 PM

It depends on the song, Sofia. "Black Shuck" is metal, "Friday Night" not so much. Damn, I miss THe Darkness. Fortunately, Justin Hawkins has a new band called Hot Leg...they're not metal either unless you're into glam.

Posted by: stryker1121 at March 31, 2009 6:01 PM

Years ago the Washington Post Style section held a contest for the best made-up band name. The winner was Pointless Umlauts (with, of course, about six umlauts in it).

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 31, 2009 6:19 PM

I would definitely buy it if it were called The Jenny Matrix Chronicles or The Double Dragon Memoirs.

How about ...

Goin' Commando?

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at March 31, 2009 9:11 PM

I think my favorite is under "Faulkner References":

Sound and Fury
As I Lay Dying
Corncob Rape

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at March 31, 2009 9:15 PM

I'm sorry, but you can't post that video without answering me one question:

Does 1/2 Price...have genitals?

Posted by: David at March 31, 2009 9:30 PM

He says that he does, David. Only the other two legs are missing.

Posted by: Jay at March 31, 2009 9:42 PM

Thanks Stacey.

The Darkness is metal. When will Hot Leg have a US release? Amazon only seems to have imports

Posted by: Brian at April 1, 2009 12:06 AM

"Why am I watching this?" and then somehow I was watching every episode, the reruns, reading recaps (just not TWOP's because holy shit Jacob is insane)"

What, you don't like 30+ pages of fake, elitist bullshit comparing Jason Stackhouse to Pilgrim's Progress, or whatever other "hero's journey" blew up Jacob's ass this week?

Posted by: Craig at April 1, 2009 6:19 AM

I realise even as I type this that the following is one of the multitudinous reasons that, should the Christians be right, my soul is going to burn in eternal hellfire, but nevertheless:

I giggled my motherfucking ass off when, at 1:41 in the 1/2 Price video, he rapped 'I ain't got no legs'.

Yeah, dude. We noticed.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at April 1, 2009 2:51 PM

Now i'm nitpicking and bitchy. The Darkness has nothing to do with Metal whatsoever! That's like saying Cannibal Corpse plays Rock 'n Roll.

Furthermore, I can't believe the metal-band-name-flow-chart-thingy misplaced Metallica, linking it to Metal, when it should have been: Animals-> Real-> Metallica. It's a fucking tarantula!

Phew...time for some easy going "God Hates Us All" Slayer. End of rant.

Posted by: Mr. Rotinaj at April 2, 2009 4:08 PM

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