Pajiba

Ehhh, Nicolas Cage just looks like the covers of those Jim Butcher books. Why do you think I don't want to read them?

Are you s e x y people? ___RichFriends.o r g___where you can hook up the wealthy singles,s e x y beauties. (18+ s i n g l e s please)

Oh my god oh my god, did you see the pic of his SON?! Who is not in the movie and LOOKS LIKE THAT!? What the hell, man!

Nic Cage is starring as Chakan the Forever Man? I'm calling that another video game movie.

In a hilarious bit of internet congruity I read the KSK column earlier and then watched a video of Ashton Kutcher getting his chest waxed that he posted through his twitter to round out my opinion on manscaping.

My opinion: Manscaping is only preferable if the body hair has reached pelt-like consistency, and even then a trim is preferable to clear-cut. It's one thing to be naturally smooth, it's entirely another to deal with stubble on a dude's chest. And yes, all other attractive 20 something women agree with me on this. We conferred on the topic via hot chick telepathy earlier this morning.

Except for holidays, Skitz.

I could pour through this for hours:

Pour what? Through what?

I believe you are looking for pore.

Don't feel bad. One of the local TV stations is currently making the same mistake on one of their promos for an upcoming in-depth story.

I keep my chest shaved, not out of vanity but because ingrown hairs, and the pus-filled pimples the create, are significantly less attractive than my denuded breastbone. I'd be happy to stop shaving if anyone has suggestions.

Ehhh, Nicolas Cage just looks like the covers of those Jim Butcher books. Why do you think I don't want to read them?

BLASPHEMY. you take that back, Jay. You take that back RIGHT NOW.

DO NOT associate Harry Dresden in any way with that fucking hack. Them's fightin' words right there. Harry is awesome! He is nothing like Nic Cage.

I take it back. I don't heart you at all.

I knew that one would land. I kid the Butcher people, I kid.

But the guy on the Sci-Fi looked decidedly less silly than the cover paintings.

Fine, I'll let it go this time. But I'll be watching you.

(And yes, Paul Blackthorne was quite a good-looking Harry Dresden. The show was terrible, however. Do not judge the books by the show, they fucked with a lot of stuff.)

And, also, only a little over a week til Turncoat comes out!

You wanna do the honors, Drake?

Alan Rickman is sixty fucking three years old? How is that possible? I can't believe I want to bone a 63 year old. What is wrong with me?

My choice for one of the best vomit scene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5iRzB4fCQE

Look around 7:13 for awesome projectile vomiting.

Firefox decided to crash each time I tried clicking on the Jeffrey Dean Morgan link. Obviously, the internet is trying to keep me from being too disillusioned by Papa Winchester. Now if only this power could transfer to all media, like pictures of puppies taking over any magazine/newspaper space devoted to Grey's Anatomy so that I can forget he was on that, too.

"Yes" to hairy guys!

Though for me it's partly because I am damn near a sasquatch and hair on guys makes me feel better about myself.

I hear that angelbabe, I hear that. Mmrowr.

THESE HANDS!!! THEY CAN'T ACT!

Blender sucked, I'm happy it is gone.

Mini diversion:

What movie houses would you MOST like to live it?

Mine:

Bill's house at the end of Kill Bill 2. That place was a dream.

And the bath house in Spirited Away.

branded: no. That is just sad.

That's what I told my friend. I said, "Doran, no one will think your patchy chest hair is good looking, but I'll ask."

Dammit. Live IN, not IT.

branded, you are SUCH a good friend. Poor, poor Doran.

Figgy, I'd live in RDJ's Iron Man house on the cliff with all the technology. And since Tony Stark's workshop is in the basement, he'd have to come over all the time, which would be sexy in my pants.

I mean, I'm not saying you should like him because I do, actually.

I'm jus' sayin'... don't judge a book by its cover.

So lizzie, you're saying you want to do bad things to a poor scruffy man in a beat up "magic" duster, boots, and sweatpants? In Chicago?

I'm pretty sure there are plenty of guys in Chicago that fit that bill. They live under bridges.

Hehehe.

RE: Manscaping.

I've always wondered why hairy animals have no hair in their pits or crotch, while humans have no hair on their bodies, but enormous amounts in their pits and crotch.

Hair (down there) on both parties provides a nice buffer to avoid chafing. It's sort of like the felt pad they put between metal parts to avoid the scraping nails on blackboard sound. OK, I just creeped myself out.

RE: Nic Cage's Manson wannabe kid. This isn't the one named after Superman, right?
Is this one Weston?

Paris HIlton: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Manscaping: Just use clippers with a guard. I think that keeping trimmed so that no inadvertent "flossing" can happen, and I mean that for both men and women, is never a bad thing.

Nicholas Cage: I'm this close to declaring jihad on him and his entire family. I'm watching you, Cage. One more sucktastic mov....Sorcerer's Apprentice? Seriously? Okay...that's it...

Oh branded, you're bad, but you're so, so good!

totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all - I know, right? That chick's a freakin' nutball! Mmmm, nutballs...

figgy: Um, I haven't gotten enough sleep in almost a week. Clarity isn't exactly my strong suit right now. I was giving head and it took me ages to even notice that he had completely shaved down there. Too focused on the penis itself.

Nic Cage's Manson wannabe kid. This isn't the one named after Superman, right?
Is this one Weston?

Correct. Just think how effed up poor little Kal-El.'s going to turn out

Speaking of perverse amusement, I can't stop looking at photos of Emocore Coppola. I think he is Camryn Manheim's evil twin.

Anyone want to adopt Nic Cage, the dog?

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32390684&op=1&o=all&view=all&subj=2243697381&aid=-1&oid=2243697381&id=9804659

(sorry, I can't do links.)

A little tidying up is fine for both sexes, but completely bare junk? Must be like fucking a plucked chicken! (If you see what I mean).
I don't get the fashion for Brazilian waxing, either. Maybe it feels good, I wouldn't know, because I'm not about to let any hot wax that near my little boatman. But to me, it looks weird!

How did JDM not know about the kid for four years? Maybe I'm cynical, but it's a little suspicious that she only tells him now that he's probably making some half-decent money....

Yeah, I'm just not seeing how JDM is a cad.

Nope, Jay, I think I may have already said too much today.

Seems like a good place to go OT: Hands up out there who'd like to hold a Wear Pink for Pink Day next week? Like maybe Tuesday, cause I don't have to work Mondays. Just one pink anything, socks, cockring, panties etc.

You guys who wear pink all the time are, of course, exempt (I'm looking at you, Hulk).

Just kidding!

Wrong franchise, that's Hard-On's cheeseburger.

When the cat's away the mice will play.

Fuck you both branded and figgy, my patches are to die for. Right now it's been scaped into a silhouette of jM's profile.

Is Cage trying to become the most embarrassing Academy Award winner since Cuba Gooding Jr.?

This season of South Park has climbed back up from unfunny to passingly entertaining. I just wish they'd put it out of its misery. It was great in its prime, but it's just sad how hard they have to try to make it funny now.

Sooo...wait, don't tell me. Nicholas Cage mugged Hugh Jackman for his old "Van Helsing" costume?

So what is he the sorcerer of anyway? Halitosis? Bromhidrosis? Scrot Rot? Dandruff? On the other hand the low-tide funk he looks to be sporting must work better than garlic. Even one of the crew in the pictures seems to be holding his nose.

You ran in front of that bus, Mister, don't you dare blame me. I am innocent and pure and would never mock dear admin.

Glock ^
not clock.

i'm a moron.

goddamnit figgy! i should KNOW not to hit refresh while drinking chocolate milk while YOU'RE online!

Figgy wins, LOL ... oh, sorry, you're not supposed to do that here, are you?

You know what? Fuck that.

Fiigy wins. LOL and ROTFLMAO.

I don't own anything pink. I hate pink. :x

undies?

where you from figgy?

Stacey, I'm so sorry to hear about your housing situation. I'll never understand the position of people who arbitrarily decide to turn another person's home into the gaping maw of hell. And that's the thing-- you've upheld your end of the contract, so she's violating YOUR HOME. I have a friend who decided to get an apartment with another girl with whom she was very friendly. Hmmmmm... Out of nowhere, this housemate decided that my friend was shallow and had nothing to talk about besides boys. This is categorically untrue. She's got a bright, bubbly personality, but I'm a person who will NOT suffer fools, and we would not be friends if that accusation were true.

Anyway,

My friend who had go through an almost identical situation about five years ago. I say 'almost', because apart from her housemate doing everything that you mentioned in this post (uncanny), she would barricade the apartment door from the inside with furniture. Meaning: my poor saint of friend couldn't gain entry into her own apartment. This was usually because she was 'doing sex' with her equally sleazy boyfriend. How can you bear paying your bills and still (effectively) have no home? If they had disagreements (my friend is not a hot-headed person, and at this point was becoming afraid, so she was no instigator), her property would get defaced. A wire cut here or there so make sure her appliances or utilities couldn't work. She was not allowed to touch any of the objects that were not exclusively hers. You're thinking 'fair enough'? She couldn't touch the lamps, sit on the couch, eat at the dining room table, etc.

Apparently this housemate had a wildly violent temper. Thank God, she never my dear friend. You can see the severity of the situation, though.

The final straw was when this foul-minded girl barricaded my friend in her own room one night when she was asleep. She made sure that she couldn't have access to a phone or computer, so we had no way of knowing she was in trouble. and how was she supposed to eat or go to the bathroom? And since they lived on the fourteenth floor, she wasn't about to jump.

And still the housemate had the gall to try to get her kicked out because of some trumped-up, I-don't-even-know. If memory serves, my friend (obviously) confronted her housemate that it wasn't working out, and she would leave once the lease expired. She absolutely paid all of her bills on time, but the housemate was so irate, she threatened legal action and changed the locks.

We weren't standing around watching her demise, but escapes take planning. It is also a group effort--it took eight of us (not including herself)! Slowly, and methodically, she plotted how to get her out without stoking the ire of the housemate. She stayed with friends who lived close to our university campus, I looked after her feeding, and made sure she was keeping up with homework (well, this demon made her miss classes, and the unbearable strain of it left her weathered). Others talked to lawyers, and searched for apartments.

That there was no case was indisputable, but the law has no jurisdiction over true malevolence, not when it has laser-focus. We had to (for the time being) accept that the rent was gone, though it was a moot point, because it was on paper or not, she was not living there. Her safety and happiness was more important anyway, so cut your losses. Would this bully leaving her housemate homeless be illegal, immature, illogical, and incredibly cruel? Yes.

And Stalin had 20 000 people killed, y'know?

You'd never know it from the posts, but I'm very shy, unassuming and tiny. I am the least threatening person alive, so no one ever suspects the butterfly. Over the course of some months, I very slowly ingratiated myself into the housemate's life. Not that we became friends, but I got to know a little about how she operates. She was suspicious by nature, and I was the only way towards headway.

And that's the thing about morality, you have to make some hard decisions. She never would have known, and I was never caught, but I learned a bit about her schedule over time, where her locker was, and, standing by that locker so many times, I got in the myriad nano-glances that it takes to learn someone else's combination. So, when she was in an exam, I broke into her locker and stole her keys.

I felt sick. Breaking and entering, theft, betrayal of trust. I didn't like this girl by any stretch of the imagination, and I've never wavered in maintaining that I did the right thing. I still felt sick.

And she only lived there in paper, if my friend made the actual, visible move to leave her, it would've been explosive.

I handed them off to one of our circle with a car, the keys were copied, and replaced before her exam let out. Not long after that, we got the 'Change of Address' papers in order.

We waited for a time when she would be off with her boyfriend, and with the new key we copied, we went in, packed everything into the van and dollies that were rented (always have a friend over 25, kids). And literally, like thieves in the night, FRANTICALLY got her out of there, and into the new apartment she had now got in order. This took many trips, and I had to stay behind, because if the housemate got home before the job was finished: Barricade City. She'd probably wonder why eight people were wandering about in her house, uninvited. No keys can stand up to chairs and tables (couch, too).

My friend stayed in her new apartment,while someone else had to be concealed within the old, me. Cellphones at the ready to report progress, I hid in the bedroom.

The housemate did come back with her boyfriend, and it was barricades at the front door. While using this opportunity to pack more things, I called our group, saying what had happened. We trumped up a story about wanting to see a movie or something, whatever. Just something to get them out of the house. It worked. So when they left, I pushed the furniture out of the way, and we were able to complete the task.

Did the housemate try to sue? Yes. Did it work? Fuck, no! I slowly drifted out of this disturbed girl's life, never betraying what I had been doing, and she never suspected me for a second. I felt sick.

Did I say twenty thousand? Oops, I'm not doing so well with the brain. I think caught pneumonia from my niece this week.

Twenty million.

She was a strange one. And--God Bless Her--she was born really early into her mother's pregnancy, so she ended up looking a bit like a newly-birthed crack whelp. Off-putting.

Heh, bucdaddy,

This is why I live alone. Also because I came from a really poor/abusive home, and just want to be left the fuck alone. Housemates are so demanding! Oh, I'm kind enough to teach you things by giving you the brass-knuckle love grip, and you show your gratitude by making me clean the blood.

Sure, apparently I'm descending into a rabbit hole of knowledge-seeking solitude, and my friends, family and professors say I need to get out more and read less, but...you know, fuck 'em. They're weak. If you want me rest more, make my thesis shorter, ugly. And you think Ravel performs itself? Not these days, not since the Edict.

And though your plans for defenestration sound like the sort of blunt-force brutality that would make a HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME or ROBOCOP devotee swoon, I'm from Canada. They'd probably end up mistakenly jailing me for 25 years, because majoring in DNA is super-hard, and we haven't completely figured out these ding-fangled Commodores.

Look out, Dr. N.U. Cleac, this man has a leprosy!

No one follow me up on that. Making a joke about another person's country is like making fun of his mother: Deserved and Inexcusable (sauf moi).

And, on release from the hoosegow, I'd probably get a ten dollar rebate from Home Hardware, some Workfare-Approved Dignity Stamps (only redeemable thirteen days out of every month), and a sack of gently-used poutine. And not good poutine, either. It would probably be from a place called 'Trust Me's', or 'Janitor's', or 'Typhoid Gravy's'

No sincere apologies, though. Is that the message you want to send?

'My name is Stephen Harper, and I approve this message.'

This is why you need to vote Hugo/Verhoven in 2012.

Oh, she's a cow, huh? And the cow goes, 'Arrgh, matey!'

I'm sorry, I'm very sick.

On JDM,

Two opposing scenarios from my own life:

A close family friend of ours (the sweetest peach of a gentleman to ever grace us with his existence), unknowingly had a son out of wedlock. In this particular case, it was vengeance on her part. When she found out she was terminally ill--over 30 years later, she then decided to tell him about the son's existence.

So, our friend searched him out, and found him. He was dying of emphysema. Life-long smoker. His mother spent her life poisoning him against his father, and all attempts to forge a relationship were met with venom. He gave him his place to live, and did everything he could. The son despised him, but he had money. No artifices.

Life-long smoker,
Emphysema,
Oxygen Tank.

That was that.

When my mother told my father she was pregnant, he left. She made attempts to involve him, but the man is simply not a father. He more one of those people who will walk into your home unannounced after a decade-- fully expecting a full meal and clean house. Then fill your house with smoke, even though there's an asthmatic and one allergy-addled mess. Walk in, change the channel, tell you leave him alone, ask you why you went and got fat (because nobody gains weight between 15 and almost 25 that's bra-meat, lunk, and yes, I have a bad back, javelin-weasel). Then mutter about how badly you turned out(I take exception to that. I have a college diploma, two B.A.s, am trying to prep for Ph.D, and I'm only 24. Nothing 'bad' about that). Then on to how you have no personality, remark on how smart it was of him to have disowned you those years ago, complain that he had to have kids, then ask why you're so short. Is that even a thing? Because if I were bigger than five feet tall, I'd be...better? Start making sense. Anyway, it was his shitty DNA that did it, huh? Evade child support, purposefully file for bankruptcy once he had his louche little life set up, so that he would never have to pony up the $50 a month the courts ordered. This was before the legislation that stated that support payments could be bumped up if the father started making more money after a lean period. That's not even enough for a bus pass! It takes a real man to desert his family to the Hounds of Welfare and the Ghost of Food Bank Peanut Butter (to which I was allergic at the time), while he (apparently, I don't know where he lives) has a cabinet full of Swarovski.

And then he'll steal your money.

To end a convoluted fever-fueled point, you never know. I'm just keeping my legs shut.

Stacey-

7th ave station was in fact invaded by that black trench coated actlien. yes, the 7th ave station 20 ft from our front door. that's right, you were there before nic.

No.

That was some EE #1-level rant there, Jo.

Dustin, if you have a heart, if you have a soul, if you have a dick (two out of three ...) give that woman a shirt.

*laugh on screen*

Very fun. You're an over-indulgent prince, Puddle-Buc.

Cthuhlu Fthagn, friend.

A TRIUMPH!