free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 03/27/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Litely Salted’s Pajiba Love

Well, damn. This is probably going to put Maury right the hell out of business. (KSK)

Robin Williams’ wife is leaving his ass. In related news, the former Mrs. Williams lands a new housekeeper. “Helllooooo!” (WIMB)

Hmm… Upscale movie theaters serving booze for $35 a pop? If that includes open bar, then sirs, to you I say “OH HELL YES.” (Celebitchy)

Because I don’t feel as though I get yelled at enough in my daily life, I rather enjoyed the comedy rantings of Pajiba acquaintance, Patrick the Angry Viewer. (Myspace)

Wal-Mart is the devil! No seriously, people, Wal-Mart is the real deal. Like fucking Lucifer with a big-ass, yellow smiley-face mask! (QuizLaw)

Being one of the few people on this Earth who paid to see The Hottie and the Nottie, in all honesty, I can say that it’s probably not the worst movie of all time. Definitely in the Top 10, though. (ASWOBA)

Holy frick! Furniture made out of bathtubs and shopping carts? Me wantee! (WebUrbanist)

Brad Pitt is supposedly related to Obama, Angelina to Hillary, and Mike Huckabee to his third cousin Joe Bob, in more ways than one. (Yeeeah!)

Was Mariah Carey airbrushed within an inch of her life? Or is this just a flat out fucking illustration? (Celebslam)

Pop Tarts joins Hot Pockets into the realm of pretend health food. (The Impulsive Buy)

Am I the only one who liked Elisha Cuthbert with short hair? It’s not just for gym teachers and lesbians anymore, guys. (Popoholic)

Janeane Garofalo defines the term “alternative comedy” for us. (Comedy Central Insider)

Of all the Tom Cruise spoofs on YouTube, this one might be the most bizarrely hilarious, after the jump.

Pajiba Love | March 27, 2008 | Comments (26)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









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Comments

Someone actually married Robin Williams?

Woman must a saint.....or deaf.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 3:51 PM

Hell yes, pop tarts are health food now! Now I dont feel bad about my box-a-day habit!

Posted by: MG at March 27, 2008 3:53 PM

Hey, now... maybe she married him back when he was, you know... funny.

What's that you say? He was coked to the balls back then?

Oh. Never mind. Clearly the woman is a saint.

Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 3:55 PM

That lamp made out of an iron is really cool.

We have a movie theater in Philly (The Bridge) that has a bar and leather seats and small screening rooms for trailers and stuff, but you can't actually bring the booze in the theater itself. It's pretty sweet though, and is the same price, maybe a dollar or two more, than admission at any other place.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 3:56 PM

Rich one, Stacey.

Retro is great but for most of us the faked retro items at the local hipster shop are just a bit too contrived.

Why I can't let myself be too happy about anything in Restoration Hardware too. I do quite like these lamps.

Am I the only one who liked Elisha Cuthbert with short hair?

Hell no. It sometimes leads me to barking up the WRONG tree but I love short hair. My girlfriend in high school shocked me at first when she cut a whole lot off, then I found I loved it, and you just don't see any fuzzy napes anymore. I'm nothing if not tactile. The proffered evidence of renewed hotness here is doing less than nothing for me.

I have no illusions about Pop Tarts being healthy, whatever's on the box. Is this supposed to go with the Diet Coke Plus? Stick with what makes you you! (do you hear me, you bands I've given a pissy cold shoulder to?)

I wish Joe Queenan would put out another book already. LOVE that man.


I like the idea of a big plush theater seat. Kevin Murphy was almost ecstatic about this tiny little screening room you almost had your own loveseat in that he got into one year at Cannes and wrote about it very appealingly. Buuuut...if it's this high end plush room with 40 seats, like that accompanying photo, that is too small a screen for me. That's the last legs/be thankful we're even showing it room at the multiplex. AMC and Regal have made some great improvements to their seats and that's good enough. I want a motherfucking big screen. THAT is why I came to your building. I'll drink at home watching movies I want to laugh at. No dice, Chicago!

Posted by: Jay at March 27, 2008 3:58 PM

Patrick the Angry Viewer puts out new material every Friday morning on The Corey and Jay show. They happen to be my local morning show. Patrick's new rant is at 7:10 or 7:15. He is really funny and makes a Friday morning that much better. If he is streaming audio from the show that day, the guy with the really strange laugh is Jersey, who is a friend of the guys who run the show.

Patrick's rant this last week was particularly awesome. He also appears on the radio show for free mostly because he likes to yell.

Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 4:07 PM

Yeah, I'd pay $35/ticket for a good movie -- the price tag is gonna guarantee no lowclass b*tches who bring their kids to inappropriate movies cuz it's cheaper than a sitter.

Posted by: RicaB at March 27, 2008 4:28 PM

Elisha Cuthbert made Captivity--VOLUNTARILY, the producers weren't even holding her dog hostage or anything--and therefore she will NEVER EVER be hot again. Not to me, anyway.

Posted by: june at March 27, 2008 4:34 PM

Cuthbert built up some cred with me for The Girl Next Door, which I loved (SO FUCKING WHAT? It's GOOD. It's got Groove Armada on the soundtrack, and Timothy Olyphant! And porn stars! It's funny. Shut up. Don't look at me like that.)

ANYWAY. Unfortunately, she is awful in 24, and completely shit the bed in Captivity, so her goodwill is basically used up. And while short hair is adorable on some girls, on her it's sort of meh.

Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 5:03 PM

We have a theatre in town that you have to be 21 to get in to for any movie after 5pm because you can drink in the theater. NO kiddies--it's fabulous!

It's attached to a sportbar and you can order burgers and pizza off the menu. Regular admission prices and couch like seats. It's fabulous. I refuse to watch a movie without a beer anymore.

I would NEVER pay $35 for that though. no way. Unless it was like a bottomless cup and a 4 hour movie. I swear I don't have a drinking problem. Seriously.

Posted by: lawyerjenn at March 27, 2008 5:08 PM

Unless you are thin/sporty and under 25 or you are a total bull dyke you really need to stay away from the short hair, ladies.

I back Walmart against the woman who didn't get the double recovery she was hoping for.

I would rather go to the local theater at the midnight showing with a flask of Wild Turkey then spend $100 to take my wife out to a movie theater that sells chablis.

Posted by: JP at March 27, 2008 5:53 PM

Dudes, we already have theatres that serve booze. It's called the Alamo Drafthouse, and it is the bees knees. However, every time I go there I either A) spend $80 on food and drinks in addition to the tickets, or B) miss the end of the movie because they insist that you close out your tab before it ends. However, they have age restrictions (no kids) and they have great special screenings. And they WILL bounce your ass out if you can't keep your mouth shut.

Posted by: Mandacat at March 27, 2008 5:57 PM

I came here to post what Mandacat said above: Alamo Drafthouse is an Austin treasure and the owners should be considered for sainthood.

Posted by: JanetFaust at March 27, 2008 6:10 PM

Organic Pop Tarts are the shit. Screw Kellogg brand though. The ones I have are Strawberry Pomegranate. And they have actual ingredients.

Note to haters: I don't eat them because they're healthy, I eat them because they taste twice as good.

Posted by: twig at March 27, 2008 6:17 PM

RE: short hair on women: I look absolutely rocking with short hair (and am neither "thin/ sporty" or a "bulldyke" thanks, JP) and the ex Mr TheOdd used to encourage me to keep mine above chin level... of course then I found out that with my hair long I looked identical to his ex girlfriend (to the extent that it was scary). I've been growing mine out for a couple of years now and, at bra-strap length, it's the longest it's ever been. I'm tempted to cut it again but my hair is a thing of beauty and it's gorgeous glossy silkiness prevents me from taking drastic measures. Plus it's cheaper this way and requires so much less effort.

Right, I'm done with hair talk now... moving on!

I miss my old indie movie theatre which had fold down wooden seats, a strictly over 18s policy, didn't show anything classing as a "blockbuster" and was in possession of a bar. It was bliss. Now I just attend late night over 18s only showings on random weeknights with a few beers hidden in my bag.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 27, 2008 6:54 PM

BTW, here is my pic for evil corporation of the day.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/business/20080327-1351-chronicoilspiller.html

Posted by: JP at March 27, 2008 7:13 PM

I'll say that Cuthbert looked the hottest with brunette hair as she was in He Was A Quiet Man.

I never wanted to be a homicidal office worker who talks to imaginary fish more than when watching that film.

Posted by: Andrew831 at March 27, 2008 7:48 PM

So, that paternity test is just a couple of Q-tip and a mailing address? For $30? Alrighty.

Posted by: Lannie at March 27, 2008 8:42 PM

Am I the only one that found Patrick's SJP rant incredibly grating? Yes, I get that she's not the hottest woman out there and yet she's pushing beauty products, but I think she's got a point when she says that she's not siliconed up the ying-yang. Jesus, maxim readers, what about the alien that is Posh (although, as far as short hair goes, she rocks the bob).

Posted by: Rahel at March 27, 2008 8:43 PM

Someone actually married Robin Williams?

Actually, TWO women have. Marcia met Robin when she was the nanny for the first wife.

Posted by: Simon B at March 27, 2008 9:25 PM

Maury isn't out of a show! He still has Sylvia Brown!

We have this thing in Vancouver, WA called "Cinetopia". They have cushy leather seats, and serve "high class" food and wine. For less than a dollar more than a regular movie theatre ticket. $35 a ticket?! I can buy the DVD and a six pack of my favorite beer for that!

Pop tarts are gross. Period. Okay, the cookie dough/other chocolate varieties are okay. I just really hate their attempt at an artificial fruit flavored filling. A lot.

Posted by: Kay at March 27, 2008 10:06 PM

Dear Pop Tarts,

It's not just your imagination, something's been wrong between us for a long time. I've been seeing Toaster Strudels behind your back ever since they moved into the local freezer case. What can I say? The flaky, buttery, fattening pastry, the oozing pure sugar filling, the sweet, sweet sticky white squirts of icing.... they're just so BAD. Your pathetic attempts at winning me back by going healthy are just pushing me further away. Maybe your new look will find you love with a sugary bottled chai drink of some sort, and I wish you the best. Let's just both let this relationship die with dignity, okay?

Love,

Kris

Posted by: Kris at March 28, 2008 12:30 AM

You should all just move to New Zealand where you can drink beer and wine at every movie theatre and at any time of the day for the normal price of a ticket and a slightly higher-than-normal price of the booze.

Also we have leather and/or plush armchair seating.

Posted by: VampireNomad at March 28, 2008 5:14 AM

Rahel: No, you're not alone. Jesus. SJP - talk about a cheap shot. Oh, and a bunch of (undoubtedly fat, nerdy, pimply) radio guys sitting around laughing hysterically about her "horsiness"? That, my friends, is wimmin-hatin'.

As for Wal-Mart - sure, what they did is within their rights entirely. Admirable and free from criticism? No. These companies eat A LOT of money for A LOT of reasons. They should've this time.

Posted by: samantha t at March 28, 2008 7:30 AM

VampireNomad, it's not nice to gloat like that.

Also, can I sleep/pass out in a dead drunk on your couch?

Posted by: TK at March 28, 2008 8:40 AM

I have been following the Walmart thing for a while. I read that a lot of companies have the right to sue in these situations, but they choose not to. That is the thing with Walmart, they seem to always to be making the wrong choices. I hate Walmart.

Posted by: Erin at March 28, 2008 10:17 AM



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