Pajiba Love 03/14/08

Pajiba Love

Happy St. Patty’s Day! Frosty green beer for everyone! [Editor’s Note: St. Patty’s Day not actually today.]

AtomFilms presents the top 10 funniest videos in the history of their website. (AtomFilms)

Christian Bale and Maggie Gyllenhaal: drink it motherfucking in. (WIMB)

Thanks to Dan for this thoughtful piece regarding the horrific puppy torturing troops stuff from last week. (SlowlyGoingBald)

Dumbest bank robber ever, or the smartest? No, definitely dumbest. (QuizLaw)

Reason #75325 why life is unfair: K-Fed will probably make more money showing up to his own birthday party than you make a year. (Celebitchy)

The guy who staples parts of his self to other parts of his self isn’t right in the head. What is the world coming to?? (Yeeeah!)

Painful Listerine builds character, dammit! Anything less is for lily-white, porcelain-mouthed pussies. (The Impulsive Buy)

The frat boys over at KSK finally pull back the magic curtain. (KSK)

Forget “Mr. Right,” ladies — apparently we’re supposed to just be looking for “Mr. Takes Out the Trash and Provides a Second Income.” Oh, swoon. (BowlOfStupid)

Just to clarify: a date with ScarJo runs you $40,100; 5 grand for a fantasy whore, but for the bargain basement price of $19.95 you can nail a poor, plastic likeness of Eva Longoria or Sarah Jessica Parker. Free-market economy, baby! (Agent Bedhead)

Or, you can pick up the character of a presidential candidate for a mere 40 bills and climbing! (Hey, stop throwing stuff — it was Kolby!!) (EBay)

When I read the description for this video, I thought there was no way in hell it was gonna make me laugh as hard as it did. Just see for yourself, after the jump.

Pajiba Love | March 14, 2008 | Comments (30)

Follow @pajiba

← Horton Hears a Who | Doomsday →

Comments

What a great view....from under the bus! Thanks, Stacey!

Posted by: Kolby at March 14, 2008 3:41 PM

I liked Dan's essay a lot, I couldn't bring myself to watch the video either, and he expressed why in a far better way than I could. I'd like to read the graphic novel he'd referenced, but "Animal Farm" is one of the few books that has ever made me cry. Using animals as an allegory for human suffering = messy and unhappy Genny. And yes, I understand that's the point of it.

I'd like to take this time to thank Maggie Gyllenhaal for continuing to look like a real person and not a plastic Hollywood construct. Thank you.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at March 14, 2008 3:49 PM

Maybe that bank robber had Alzheimer's and forgot which bank he had robbed. We should be getting help for these poor unfortunate criminals with debilitating diseases...after all, they're being impaired from doing their profession.

[shoots self in head]

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 14, 2008 3:51 PM

Bwaha! Anytime, babe!

Posted by: Stacey at March 14, 2008 3:51 PM

I actually found that linked in the comments section of the New York Times. I can't believe people are bidding - it was only $1.35 when I first saw it yesterday!

And that video of the dog is beyond hilarious.

Posted by: Kolby at March 14, 2008 3:56 PM

I'd like to take this time to thank Maggie Gyllenhaal for continuing to look like a real person and not a plastic Hollywood construct. Thank you.

And I'd like to thank Maggie for continuing to look drop dead gorgeous as a real person and not like a plastic blow-up doll. Thank you

(And also for last night, you were great, Maggie...seriously, call me)

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 14, 2008 3:58 PM

:gasps:

You had Maggie Gyllenhaal over and you didn't invite me?

:sniffles:

Posted by: Julie at March 14, 2008 3:59 PM

BALE! GYLLENHAAL! BALENHAAL! GYLLENALE!

Ahem. Sorry, too much gorgeousness/talent in one photo for me to handle right now.

I love the Steve-O post. When I heard about him being 'suicidal', I thought to myself, "How could they tell?"

I'd also like a heavy metal dog. Please? My dog's more adult contemporary these days, and I can't really keep playing Air Supply around the house.

Posted by: em at March 14, 2008 4:07 PM

Julie...I tried to call, really I did...it was just a one-time thing...I promise to bring you next time...I swear I was thinking of you the whole time (except when I was thinking of her)...she started it.

Is it just me...or is Hillary's class and dignity not worth even $40 bucks?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 14, 2008 4:13 PM

I couldn't watch the video with the dog dying either. My dog is the sweetest little thing and I can't imagine anyone being cruel enough to throw an innocent puppy over a cliff.

Anyway, Maggie Gyllenhall: talented, yes. beautiful, no. She looks like she has Down's Syndrome.

Posted by: NotBlonde at March 14, 2008 4:20 PM

All I can say about the metal dog is: YOU are a madman. I wanna party with you, cowboy.

Posted by: Jay at March 14, 2008 4:28 PM

Wait.

Did I miss a meeting or something?

Isn't St. Patty's day tomorrow?

I have no liquids with me at work. No!

Posted by: Riles at March 14, 2008 4:55 PM

Bale looks like he forgot to use sunscreen on his face and neck.

Posted by: Case at March 14, 2008 5:24 PM

Case: I noticed that, too. It looks like a bad case of radiation burn.

He still does panty-magic to me, though.

Posted by: Mella at March 14, 2008 5:32 PM

I forgot all about St. Paddy's day. Since I hate beer, I'm substituting that for green clover shaped jello shots.

Christian does look really red. And I hate to say this, but Emile Hirsch has a really cheesy grin in that last pic. Sorry, but he looks like the "slow" kid in class.

Not to go off topic, but all you Christian Bale-nuts have seen Metroland, right? He's nearly full frontal, and let's just say he's got the goods, and they are mighty pleasing to look at.

Posted by: Brie at March 14, 2008 5:36 PM

Forget Maggie Gyllyenhall, I've already downloaded that photo and photo-shopped my head onto her neck. Christian and I look fabulous together.
Back off ATO: I know you brushed bodies once, but now he's mine.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 14, 2008 5:58 PM

St. Patrick's Day is on March 17... the same as every year! I've never really bothered to celebrate it. The term "plastic paddy" comes to mind. Then again, green beer does sound kind of fun.

Posted by: Lannie at March 14, 2008 6:51 PM

Fort 40k and some change I expect some freaky ass action, including, yet not limited to, bestiality, midgetry.... and me pooing on her at some point.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 14, 2008 7:06 PM

Ah, shit. The 17th? Really?

Posted by: Stacey at March 14, 2008 7:23 PM

God, I hate St. Patrick's Day. Try being a high school teacher and not wearing green that day. You go around warning people if they even THINK about pinching you, they will regret it. It's not a fun way to spend the day.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at March 14, 2008 7:43 PM

Hey, I just figured "holiday weekend" and didn't worry about it being early. Enjoy yourself whenever.

And I hadn't said it before but....*I'm* the one who writes weird posts?

Posted by: Jay at March 14, 2008 7:44 PM

Alright, I looked it up. St. Paddy's is usually on the 17th each year. But, I found that there is some holy holiday on Monday, so the Catholic church moved it to tomorrow (3/15) this year.

Uh, Guinness? I'll see you bright and early tomorrow.

Posted by: Riles at March 14, 2008 7:55 PM

But isn't St. Patrick's Day a religious holiday for the Irish?
Who do you think you are, Catholic Church?
... oh, wait.

Posted by: Lannie at March 14, 2008 8:10 PM

It was moved because next week is Holy Week. The whole week preceding Easter is kind of the Catholic Church equivalent of Jewish high holidays. I think the last time it was moved because of a conflict with Holy Week was sometime during WWII.

Posted by: Sarina at March 14, 2008 8:32 PM

There's many sad things that happen everday. For the most part, I remain ignorant to a lot of things so I can go about retaining my sanity. Hence, I couldn't bring myself to watch that dog video. My father was a mailman in Detroit for over thirty years and he saw many dogs that had definitely been abused. My beloved childhood dog, a sheltie, was rescued from some cultlike group that had burned his stomach. Abusing other animals demonstrates a real lack of respect for life. We use animal lives for medical purposes, food, testing, human aid, etc. etc. everday. I'll avoid my bleeding heart speel, but I must say I appreciate how eloquently Dan was able to synthesize what this video means and properly acknowledge the context that is the larger war. I agree with one of the people that commented on his site; it definitley feels like the American media makes war footage more palatable.

Posted by: Mik at March 14, 2008 9:02 PM

The only thing I can say about Lori Gottlieb's Atlantic article is I hope she does settle because I couldn't imagine a worse punishment than being in a loveless, marriage of convenience. Alternatively I hope that whoever she dates reads that article and realizes that someone who gives that kind of advice truly has no heart and no soul and drops her for a human.

As for Maggie Gyllenhaal, I have to side with what the video store clerk in Dodge Ball implied and say getting caught watching her in a movie is more embarrassing than getting caught watching anal porn.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at March 14, 2008 9:53 PM

Going back and reading the comment I left about "Mr. Right", maybe I should have had that last drink. I'm getting a little incoherently rambly...
Much love for Maggie and Christian. Especially Christian. He makes a wonderful Batman.
I pretty much died laughing when I went to Ebay. I almost made a bid too....but it's to $42 now and I'm not sure the disgarded aspects of someones character are worth $42. "Disgarded aspects of someones character" reminds me of Anansi Boys.

Posted by: Kay at March 15, 2008 9:39 PM

P.S.: Screw St. Patricks day! I get pinched if I forget to wear green and everyone is hung over on my birthday. Imagine this as a child:
Me: It's my birthday mom/dad!
Mom/Dad: Ughh......shut the blinds, turn off the tv and go entertain yourself for a few hours. Zzzzz........

But even I have to admit that the green beer is pretty neat.

Posted by: Kay at March 15, 2008 9:42 PM

I read about that Scarlett auction. My understanding of the fine print was that you don't even get a "date" out of it. You just get the red-carpet treatment with a guest of your choosing and then the two of you are allowed to mingle with Scarlett on the red carpet with no guarantees of the duration of that. Of course, for forty thousand dollars maybe she'll be generous with her time.

Posted by: Darth Corleone at March 16, 2008 2:51 AM

I just pulled out 'Stick Figure' for comparison's sake. What the hell happened to Lori Gottlieb? Even with an eating disorder, she had more self assurance and sheer balls when she was 12 than she does now.

Posted by: Kris at March 16, 2008 1:59 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Pajiba Love

Comments