free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 03/12/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love

Jenna Fischer will literally threaten to piss on your face if you make her angry. And that’s why we love her so damn much. (WIMB)

It’s a pretty slow news days today, as evidenced by this interview with a box of Kleenex — which is still more fascinating than Heidi Montag. (KSK)

Gahhh. Say hello to Owennifer. It was inevitable. (Yeeeah!)

The Rock as a bond villain? Eh. Why the hell not. (Agent Bedhead)

Ah, c’mon! Drunk children? That’s comedy gold, right there! Which is why I’m pretty sure a least half of the clips on CMT’s “Country Fried Videos” involve intoxicated toddlers. (QuizLaw)

Does this high def make me look gay? (Galley Slaves)

One again, I’m reminded why Pajiba commenters are the best damn commenters on the whole internet. Even when they give me shit. (College Humor)

Oooookay. So, apparently the gnome from Amelie has taken flight and is now stalking Argentinian teens. Hey, I’d be pissed about the “Travelocity” bullshit, too. (DListed)

Here’s a list of Cameos That Just About Ruined the Movie. Although obviously it’s not a complete list, as it doesn’t include everything Travolta has ever appeared in, in any capacity. (Cracked)

Doug Benson on the current landscape of theatrical and DVD releases, after the jump. Editor’s note: Even if you hate Doug Benson, this clip is totally worth it for the Dutch Boy comment alone. My promise to you.

Pajiba Love | March 12, 2008 | Comments (24)


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Comments

I guess this is the appropriate place to note that seeing Tina smiling at me makes me rather happy. Thanks!

Posted by: Jay at March 12, 2008 3:56 PM

The Rock as a Bond villian? Sounds deliciously tempting.

Posted by: Brie at March 12, 2008 3:58 PM

Shem Bitterman??? Jesus, what a horrible name. No wonder he's so painfully constipated.

Posted by: OhRosieMyGirl at March 12, 2008 4:00 PM

A good old fashioned who-gives-a-shit! Classic.

Posted by: Eddie at March 12, 2008 4:29 PM

Just so everyone knows, I am 110% behind the Rock as a Bond villain. That is two different kinds of devilishly tempting men in one movie. Yum.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at March 12, 2008 4:31 PM

I'm still waiting for the Rock to blow me away with the awesomicity I know he has inside, and if that means giving him the role of a James Bond villain than so be it. The idea of him sharing the screen with Daniel Craig makes my heart all aflutter.

Posted by: Julie at March 12, 2008 4:36 PM

THEN>. English major? Former writing center tutor? ME?! Noooo...

Posted by: Julie at March 12, 2008 4:37 PM

I also throw my full support behind The Rock as a Bond villain. My full, physical support. On The Rock.

Posted by: Daphne at March 12, 2008 5:43 PM

I can see The Rock as a Bond henchman. He'd be the new Ironjaw...but he could keep his stage name! It's a win/win!

I'd let Jenna Fischer do whatever she wanted to me. I just thought everybody should know that.

It's a good thing that I got annoyed by that internet funeral thing 20 seconds in, right? Right? No way!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 12, 2008 6:30 PM

As if I wasn't already madly in love with Jenna Fischer.

Posted by: Mimi at March 12, 2008 6:39 PM

Ok I think we can safely add Jenna Fischer to my list of Serious Girl Crushes, along with Eva Mendes and Amy Winehouse (shut UP, she's actually VERY PRETTY, ok?).

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at March 12, 2008 7:44 PM

Would it be too bitchy, re Oweniffer, to pray for a murder-suicide pact? Or if you want a G-rated version: the two Hollywood people who most need to retire from showbiz, get married, raise Yorkies, and just go away.

Posted by: Matt at March 12, 2008 8:48 PM

So I watched the Doug Benson video and I it was ok (good call friend-o on the Dutch Boy line). Two questions:
1. Who is he
2. Why should I hate him?

Posted by: Brian at March 12, 2008 9:53 PM

Jenna Fischer should be careful. There are a lot of people who would antagonize her just so they could be that close to her body, including myself It is a true compliment to her charms that she makes watersports so attractive.

Then again, Pajiba runs with a pretty freaky crowd.....

Rock as a Bond villain? Someone would have to sell their soul to make that suck.

Posted by: Vermillion at March 12, 2008 10:46 PM

I too heart Jenna Fischer!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: hideNsneek at March 13, 2008 1:24 AM

I wholeheartedly support the Rock's bid to be a Bond villain.

Great Bond villains are cut from the same deliciously gaudy cloth as great wrestling villains, and the Rock was one of the greatest wrestling villains of all time.

Not only would it be a great showcase of his charisma, it would finally get him into a decent movie. A twofer!

Posted by: Aloysius Stitches at March 13, 2008 2:06 AM

Julie: Writing Center tutoring is for yes. Except when I forget basic grammatical rules in front of my pupils.

As for the College Humor video - I think I still prefer the business meeting one on the same topic. But I'm just susceptible to College Humor humor.

http:// www.collegehumor.com/ video:1771556

Posted by: Claire at March 13, 2008 3:06 AM

Dammit Shadows, you beat me to it -- obviously, the best reason for The Rock to be a Bond villain is that he can use his own name. That way he stays happy, VInce McMahon stays happy, everyone's happy!

Oh wait, I forgot ... Ian Fleming would also spin over in his fuckin' grave! I mean, really, I like The Rock as much as the next guy, but wasn't it bad enough that Dick Van Dyke starred in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. What did Fleming ever do to deserve this?

Posted by: A Bowl of Stupid at March 13, 2008 4:04 AM

Dwayne Johnson is only eligible as a Bond villain if he is defeated in the end by a papercut. Or, if they want to hold up the sweet irony, a scissorkick.

Posted by: Adere at March 13, 2008 5:54 AM

"Ok I think we can safely add Jenna Fischer to my list of Serious Girl Crushes, along with Eva Mendes"

Why would Eva Mendes be on a girlcrush list?

Posted by: samantha t at March 13, 2008 6:45 AM

Quick utterly non link related topic:

Anastasia Beaverhausen: You're not, by any chance, my friend Maria are you? Because seriously: your inflection and girlcrush list matches hers exactly and she likes to tell random men that her name is Anastasia Beaverhausen whenever we go out for cocktails. The similarities are spooky, and kind of awesome.

Anyway!

I don't think it would be safe to have both The Rock and Daniel Craig on screen at the same time. The universal moistening of underwear combined with every man present experiencing the crushing realisation that they are never going to be that hot, ever, would create a rip in the fabric of space/time and I really don't want to end up in a parallel universe where we wear clothing fashioned from cheese and it's always Tuesday.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 13, 2008 7:01 AM

I'm disappointed in the bad cameos list. They go on and on about M. Night, but no mention of Quentin Tarrantino's MANY masturbatory efforts to inject himself into every single one of his movies? I'm sorry, but he damn near RUINED Pulp Fiction for me. His delivery, his lack of presence, everything about the guy pulled me completely out of of the narrative.

Posted by: cmoody at March 13, 2008 11:40 AM

I'm disappointed in the bad cameos list. They go on and on about M. Night, but no mention of Quentin Tarrantino's MANY masturbatory efforts to inject himself into every single one of his movies? I'm sorry, but he damn near RUINED Pulp Fiction for me. His delivery, his lack of presence, everything about the guy pulled me completely out of of the narrative.

Posted by: cmoody at March 13, 2008 11:41 AM

samantha: Eva Mendes is on my girl crush list because I have a girl crush on her. I'm almost worried this is some sort of trick question. There's nothing more to it than that.

Alex the Odd: Nope, my real name is ____________. But your friend Maria sounds like serious fun. As do you!

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at March 13, 2008 3:10 PM