Pajiba Love 03/05/09

Marissa Cooper Is Coming to “Melrose Place”!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | March 5, 2009 | Comments (33)

What the headline says. Oh God, how I loved that show. And oh God, how this version is going to blow unholy chunks of vomit. (WIMB)

I dunno. it’s hard to say. Do you think Rush Limbaugh has actual influence? Maybe not in Washington, but to the idiots who he panders to who are going out and voting, he does. (QuizLaw)

Oh. My. God. I want — no — I need one of these magic dance hats for when I go to 80’s dance parties in Philly. Thanks, replica! (Yo!BloggaBlogga)

James Franco scored a book deal, exclamation point! From what I understand the guy is pretty damn intelligent so this could be a good fit for him. (Celebitchy)

Vanilla Ice is formally apologizing for “Ice, Ice Baby.” Yeah, I’m sorry too that you stole a song riff and became a rich and famous celebrity and aren’t living in a trailer working at a gas station like you so deserve. Site NSFW! (DrunkenStepfather)

When you’re Guy Ritchie, every day of your life is a party! Kind of like people who are exonerated from prison after being wrongly convicted. (Celebslam)

Here’s what your groceries say about you. Awww, but I actually like veggie dogs. (HolyTaco)

Our own Sarah was over at Yeeeah! yesterday, blabbing on like a crazy person again about how much she loves Lily Allen. OK … I think she’s cute, too, I admit it. (Yeeeah!)

Here’s a list of food people literally will die for. And I’m not talking about Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, although if your cholesterol is high enough, that might work both ways. (atom)

I am totally coveting Kristen Bell’s fabulous dress, here. Will someone buy it for me? Pleeeease? (Popoholic)

Here’s a bunch of cakes “for the ladies.” (And some of you guys out there, too!) True story: For my 21st birthday, a friend surprised with with a sexually suggestive cake that had a well-placed Twinkee covered in flesh-colored icing. And yes I had to bite the Twinkee off. And yes there is photographic evidence, and no you’re not seeing it. (CakeWrecks)

The casualties of alcohol. Not entirely safe for work. (YBNBY)

Ha! Remember when Keanu Reeves was in that band Dogstar? Yeah, what a jerk. (ScreenJunkies)

My roommate sent this clip to me, and then my boyfriend said it wasn’t real because he’s a stinkin’ jerk who has to rain all over my parade. Anyway, real or not, I think it’s funny so here it is:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Follow @pajiba

← Androgyny and Music | Eloquent Eloquence 03/05/09 →

Comments

OMG I WANT THAT HAT!

If I ever have kids, "YO GABBA GABBA" will be watched 24/7 because holy hell that show is insane. And yes, I have watched that show without kids present in the room.

It had me at "My name is Nathaniel! I like to dance!" and the kid dancing on the Soup. It was beautiful.

Posted by: fig_gabba_gabba at March 5, 2009 1:09 PM

Could somebody explain by Mischa Barton is dressed up as Boy George in that photograph?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 5, 2009 1:11 PM

I don't have kids so I don't really know what "Yo Gabba Gabba" is about.

But I want that fuckin' hat.

Posted by: Jerce at March 5, 2009 1:15 PM

We'll need two...

Posted by: Skitz at March 5, 2009 1:19 PM

Yo Gabba Gabba is insanely awesome. "There's a party in my tummy! So yummy! So yummy!"

Posted by: jM at March 5, 2009 1:25 PM

RE: the Cake Wrecks link...

True story: before becoming the illustrious divorce attorney I am today, I once used my overpriced Masters in Clinical Psychology to run a Psychiatric Practice. One of our patients brought a birthday cake of in the shape of a male torso, with a giant cock made out of frosting, complete with veination and frosting short and curlies.

Long story short, it was delicious. The cake, not the cock.

The cock lives on in my freezer, years later, wrapped carefully in plastic wrap, for special drunken occasions when my ex likes to pull it out and chase our company around with it.

We live in Alabama. There isn't much else to do for fun.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 5, 2009 1:25 PM

Oh fuck. That twitching, chopped up octopus just made me hurf. Holy shit.
I was going to relay that Monkey McGee is quite fond of singing songs from Yo Gabba Gabba. Her favorite is to sing "there's a party in my tummy" damn near every time she eats something. Then I saw the zombie octopus dish. That would be a real party in your tummy. A twitching, heinous, vomit-inducing party in your tummy. (So yummy! So yummy!)

Posted by: Dangle McGee at March 5, 2009 1:31 PM

Heh. Sweeeeeeet. Now even more people can endure my tirades about Lily Allen's adorableness. I will convert you all eventually!

...but seriously, dudes. There is a ducky outfit. A DUCKY OUTFIT! It is the cutest goddamn thing you'll see today which does not involve actual, fuzzy baby animals. Click on the link. Click it! Do it now!

Posted by: Sarina at March 5, 2009 1:37 PM

Godtopusdamn sexist cakes! What is it with you women? Do you know what it's like to try to live up to that ripply muscled standard? Why do you have to constantly crush our egos with the consumption of such ludicrously unattainable cake imagery. I hope you all....actually....those are disturbingly accurate.

Posted by: admin at March 5, 2009 1:39 PM

Am I the only one who gets Katy Perry and Lily Allen confused?

Posted by: TK at March 5, 2009 1:39 PM

The "Magic Dance" hat does not, in fact, play "Magic Dance". I am highly displeased.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at March 5, 2009 1:41 PM

Hey ~~Giggles~~ Sarina, I can't clicky the linky. My stupid work blocks that site. Stupid Websense. Is it worth getting fired for? Is it? IS IT????

Posted by: Lainey at March 5, 2009 1:42 PM

HAAAA, TK is evil.

Oh and figgy, my co-worker and I use that Nathaniel thing when we don't have an answer for something. If the answer is "I don't know", you can bet money one of us will exclaim, "My name is Nathaniel. I like to dance."

My office isn't very professional sometimes...

Posted by: Lainey at March 5, 2009 1:45 PM

Is it worth getting fired for? Is it? IS IT????

...yes. Yes it is.

But because I love you soooooooo much, I will email you the ducky picture. You might be rendered insensate by the cuteness and will therefore be useless for the rest of the day and get fired anyway, but... we all have to make sacrifices, my lovely.

Posted by: Sarina at March 5, 2009 1:46 PM

TK, B vs. DD.

RE: The Casualties of Alcohol,

If you are willing to take the time to shave a happy face and colour eyes and a tongue on your friends hairy ass (especially that close to the taint), you need to seriously reconsider your life ambitions.

Posted by: admin at March 5, 2009 1:49 PM

Awww, Sarina darling, you really are the best! And that Ducky Suit? Made of pure win.

The Pink Hulk: HAAHAHAHA! I need to see your penis...CAKE! Penis cake!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 5, 2009 1:51 PM

And yes there is photographic evidence, and no you're not seeing it.

You can't go around saying stuff like that, then just yank it away! That kind of debauchery is what the internet is for! Ask Julie!

And now that it is stuck in my head, I must inflict it on you all as well:

"HEEEEEEAAARRRRTTTT-BEAT! I'm looking for a HEEEEEEAAARRRRTTTT-BEAT!"

Posted by: Vermillion at March 5, 2009 1:56 PM

Oh Jeremy, you know one day you're gonna get to see my penis...cake...penis cake in person. You are my Pajiboyfriend, after all.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 5, 2009 1:59 PM

WHY ISN'T ANYONE COMMENTING ON MARISSA COOPER AND MELROSE PLACE???????

I actually sort of love the idea, as long as her time on the show is short, filled with everyone hating her/sending her to a psych ward/trying to kill her, and ended by a successful murder/celebration party.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 5, 2009 2:08 PM

Seriously, sometimes it's like reading a foreign language. I don't know the difference between Perry and Allen, and who the jumping jacked fuck is Marissa Cooper?

Who are all of you people?

How did I get here?

Why am I covered in blood?

Posted by: TK at March 5, 2009 2:31 PM

Dear TK,

The difference between Katy Perry and Lily Allen is that Katy Perry is a talentless, manufactured asswad poseur, whereas Lily Allen is 100% Certified Genuine Crazypants and also pretty much the most adorable thing ever.

No one really gives a shit who Marissa Cooper is, but if it's really bugging you that badly, the answer is Mischa Barton. Now aren't you sorry that you asked?

And every goddamn time someone says, "How did I get here?" I get that motherfucking Talking Heads song wedged into my brain. THANKS A LOT, JACKHOLE.

As for where the blood came from, I can't really help you there. I got my own problems, dude.

Love and Salt Will Get the Blood Stains Out,
Sarina

Posted by: Sarina at March 5, 2009 2:58 PM

My God! What have I done?

Ah, Sarina. Your answers sort of make sense. I guess I'm just destined to be confused by pop culture.

Same as it ever was.

Posted by: TK at March 5, 2009 3:11 PM

Sarina...do you live in the Twin Cities? I seem to remember that from some comments thread.

MY COMPLETELY NON-STALKER REASON FOR ASKING: Did you know that Lily Allen is going to be at First Ave in April?

Posted by: MN_Jen at March 5, 2009 3:20 PM

I do indeed live in the Twin Cities. I heard she was coming to First Ave (Morgagod told me) but I didn't know when. I'm not usually a concert-goer (I haven't been to a concert that didn't involve the band of a boyfriend or a boyfriend's friend and/or roommate in, like, ten years at least) but I think I might actually have to go. Lily Allen is just so cute and crazy that she fills me with delight.

Posted by: Sarina at March 5, 2009 3:38 PM

I really knew better. But no, I had to check out the list of terrible celebrity bands. I knew Eddie Murphy would be there and I knew I'd get "Boogie in Your Butt" stuck in my head. In case ya'll never heard it I'd like to share the pain in my head...

"Say, put a tree in your butt
Put a bumblebee in your butt
Put a clock in your butt
Put a big rock in your butt
Say, put some fleas in your butt
Say, start to sneeze in your butt
Say, put a tin can in your butt
Put a little tiny man in your butt
Say, put a light in your butt
Say, make it right in your butt
Say, put a TV in your butt
Say, put me in your butt"

You're welcome.

Posted by: Sharopa at March 5, 2009 3:41 PM

Am I the only one who thinks that DJ Lance would fit right in with Deee-Lite?

And yes, now I did just get Groove is in the Heart stuck in my head.

And it's good that I have no disposable income, otherwise I would be far too tempted to buy me one o' them hats.

Posted by: tamatha at March 5, 2009 3:55 PM

eeeeeehhhhh...

in yer butt, butt
daboogey in yer butt

Posted by: dude at March 5, 2009 4:09 PM

What kind of backwards sheltered asshole doesn't know that song, Sharopa? I lean a little towards "Enough Is Enough", but both are classics.

Posted by: Jay at March 5, 2009 6:00 PM

*raises hand*

Posted by: admin at March 5, 2009 9:48 PM

Jay, I thought that there might be younger Pajibites who, fortunately for them, weren't assaulted with that song almost every night for months, on repeat, by the frat boys next door at about 2:30 a.m. after the bars closed. I think you can imagine some of the disturbing dream imagery that results from falling asleep with that in the background.

So, yeah, there's a little part of me that's been permanently warped.

Posted by: Sharopa at March 5, 2009 10:08 PM

No one can convince me that there's nothing homoerotic about frats after that...and the drunken wrestling...and the paddle spanking...and...and...and

Posted by: Sharopa at March 5, 2009 10:15 PM

Love him very much. Lots of my online friends on mixedmate dotcom love him too. You can share your ideas with them if you want. It is a servious interracial dating service.

Posted by: evan at March 5, 2009 10:50 PM

This evan fellow shares his beloved like trustfund junkies share tormented memeories of Cisco Adler's unnaturally dangly scrotum? Jeeeeeezzzzzz.....

Y'all are totally late on the DJ Lance Train. Any show where Leslie and the Ly's dazzle with the glitter hands and Mark Mothersbaugh draws potatobugs riding skateboards is #1 in our rotation.

Try it, you'll like it!

Posted by: Stacy D at March 7, 2009 11:47 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Comments