Hey everyone! Who wants to watch Gene Simmons having sex? Anyone? Anyone? Well, the offer stands if anyone changes their mind. (IDLYITW)
Let’s try this again. Who wants to think about John McCain having sex? Anyone? Any- Oh hell, I give up. (Deus Ex Malcontent)
If you’re easily offended (or if you have sensitive eyes), do not click here. (WIMB)
If you’re a white Utah Senator, what’s more racist than saying an African-American baby is a “dark, ugly thing”? How about invoking the phrase “lynch mob,” and applying it to your lily-white ass? (QuizLaw)
With the Oscars fast approaching, take a gander back at the most bizarre Oscar controversies of all time. (Atom Films)
What makes for Oscar-worthy editing? Here’s the video explanation. (Slate)
I totally missed this one yesterday, as some folks pointed out — so here are 20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God. Yeah! Who are dogs supposed to pray to?! (Cracked)
Oh wow. Films based on board games? This is what it's come to, Hollywood?
On a semi-related note, once my friend and I got really drunk and tried to play this board game based on Cheers. Yeah. Most complicated board game ever.
Posted by: Gudrun at February 21, 2008 3:37 PM
If you think entire films can't be based on board games, clearly you're just not thinking "outside the box."
But, but Clue! "I hated her so much it...the..flames...FLAMES, on the side of my face, heaving, breathless...heaving breaths..."
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 3:40 PM
Everytime I click on the Atom Films link it takes me back to the racist turd senator story. Is it only me having this problem?
Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 21, 2008 3:47 PM
I don't think it's better. I keep getting taken to QuizLaw.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at February 21, 2008 3:59 PM
OF COURSE I clicked on the link, I didn't think I could be easily offended. Dammit, Perez Hilton. I used to think Hello Kitty was sortakindamaybe cute, now it is forever ruined for me and all I will see in my poor mind's eye is all those hideous teeth in that bloated face.... argh.
Posted by: nancy at February 21, 2008 4:04 PM
Is it just me, or does Perez look like the bloated corpse of a drowned Oompa Loompa? It can't be just me.
Also, that recap of Real World/Road Rules Challenge? SO totally proof that CT and TK are the same person.
Also, that recap of Real World/Road Rules Challenge? SO totally proof that CT and TK are the same person.
Kolby, now YOU better watch yourself...TK is currently armed and will probably be thirsty for more blood after his battle with Vermillion.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 4:31 PM
The Lynch link is a must see! Classic stuff.
Posted by: jay at February 21, 2008 4:33 PM
Is this a good time to make a joke about wanting George Clooney in MY crawlspace?
Posted by: Miss_E at February 21, 2008 4:34 PM
Don't worry about me, Jules. I'm not afraid to hit a man.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 4:39 PM
Hee! Don't forget to tie your hair back, I'm thinking TK is a hair-puller.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 4:43 PM
TK is currently armed and will probably be thirsty for more blood after his battle with Vermillion
Oh, so now you don't think I could beat him?
That's it, you are on notice!
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 4:47 PM
TK is currently armed and will probably be thirsty for more blood after his battle with Vermillion
Oh, so now you don't think I could beat him?
That's it, you are on notice!
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 4:48 PM
Good hair pulling or bad hair pulling?
I couldn't resist.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 4:50 PM
I am now in desperate need of an Ultimate Pajiban Champion match. It can be held in my kitchen. I'll provide the wine and taco dip, Vermillion and TK can bring whichever stabby implements they desire.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 4:56 PM
Testimints...hehe. Having a minty fresh mouth for the lord never sounded so messed up.
When I heard that The Bourne Ultimatum was nominated for editing, I was baffled. It's a good film, but the editing was the worst thing about it. It's all way too frenetic; a lot of the time it was difficult to keep up with what was going on because there were editing cuts every 1.5 seconds. I'm sure it was a lot of hard work, but I don't think it resulted in a better film.
Oh, and I love the religious products. I once gave some Atonemints as a gag gift. How could I resist? I gave the same friend a dashboard Jesus. I guess the difference there is that the products aren't meant to be marketed to the devout.
Posted by: Lannie at February 21, 2008 5:05 PM
Miss E Too late! He's already in my crawlspace, wrestling with Matt Damon ;)
PS: Dustin, the coolest shot glasses I ever saw, were at a Chinese restaurant in France. They served us some hot rice wine that had a naked lady in the bottom, the trick was you could only see her if the shot glass was full! I was a mind-fucked little francophile when I saw that.
Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at February 21, 2008 5:15 PM
YAY! Let's have a Scrabble Orgy! See? Board games can be so much more. And TK is bringing a "sword". *giggles*. And Julie "taco dip". Hee! Yea I'm 12, what of it?
I think a Scrabble porn movie is possible. I'm so very sorry about my obsession. I blame Julie and Alex (the Odd).
Posted by: joker at February 21, 2008 5:54 PM
My friend brought something back from a trip of his that was not on the 20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God list, but should have been. Worse yet, he got it in Seattle, where I now live.
Angel Snot.
Yes, Angel Snot.
Here's some copy: On the front, "The gift of precious bodily fluids from Heaven's Messengers". On the back, "Although no one knows what the soul looks like, we can offer the life-giving breath of angels, Angel Snot™. This beautiful pearlescent substance is a solid manifestation of the miraculous power of angels. ...You will never be alone as long as you keep a little bit of Angel Snot™ with you."
It's in an egg shaped container, which I have not opened for fear, but I am assured by the package the the goop inside can be played with and smells like Jasmine.
Let me reiterate here, it is white goop that is "precious bodily fluids" from angels.(!!!!)
Posted by: Stacy at February 21, 2008 6:08 PM
Joker: Hee! I think we should convince Dustin to change the site's tagline to Pajiba: Spaces Still Available for the Scrabble Sex Orgy
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 6:33 PM
TK: I may be wee, but I'm wicked feisty.
Jules: Is it insane or just completely awesome that I've been thinking of tasty finger foods to bring to the battle/orgy?
What does one bring to an orgy, aside from taco dip? (damn you Joker!! The hallowed name of taco dip will always be sullied because of you.)
Definitely crudités , I'm sure one of the sickos on this site will find an interesting use for a carrot stick.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 7:27 PM
re "Clue": WORD.
Madeline Kahn and Tim Curry are pretty much amazing.
"Even if you WERE right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus TWO plus one plus one."
"Okay, fine. One plus two plus one... SHUT UP!"
Posted by: blerg at February 21, 2008 7:42 PM
Dang, I missed the Clue reference up there! One of my favorite rainy-day movies. SO many quotable lines!
"...and monkeys brains, while popular in Cantonese cooking, are not often to be found in Washington, D.C."
But we are missing something (Yes we, I am not missing out on an orgy, Scrabble or not). Something colorful. Inly. ...Tattoos! But where are we going to find someone with a lot of tattoos and little shame?
This is not helping the morality posting in the previous comments section you know.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 8:42 PM
So, I'm not sure how the Nun Chuck didn't make it onto that list:
I kind of want to get that for my grandma now, because she almost became a nun, and another one of my cousins got her "Nun Bowling", which she loved. I don't know if flinging tiny plastic nuns around the room is more or less blasphemous that knocking down little nun pins with a mini "hellfire" bowling ball.
I'll bring spanikopita to the orgy. Not typical orgy fare, mind you, but I make some awesome spanikopita and will use any excuse to bust out that recipe.
Posted by: Genny at February 21, 2008 8:45 PM
On the Clue love...to make a long story short - too late! Love that silly movie.
I can't decide if I want the Jesus on a motorcycle or the dog nativity more!
Posted by: trixie at February 21, 2008 9:28 PM
My biker dad is SO getting the Jesus-on-a-Harley action figure on Father's day.
Posted by: ShinyKate at February 21, 2008 10:14 PM
Oh, and I have tattoos. And very little shame in the right company. ;-)
Posted by: ShinyKate at February 21, 2008 10:17 PM
I have tattoos, and almost no shame in any company. Actually, I would think a lot of us would have at least one tattoo. My sister has three, and she's nearly ten years younger than I am. Even my brother's uptight wife has one, and she doesn't even believe in alcohol. Like, on principle.
I think V is waiting for his honey. Where is Alex?
and while we're on the topic, has any one seen pasadenamike?
I'm a scairt that b-slim might have him all tied up in his basement...
Posted by: general rhubarb at February 22, 2008 1:20 AM
Gah! I get it. See, a trip to Circular Logic led to a cartoon lightbulb popping on over my head.
Ahem. Very good, then. Er...carry on! *blushing, exits stage left*
Posted by: ShinyKate at February 22, 2008 2:46 AM
Julie, there's very little I can't sully. You guys realise that all this talk of the Tattooed Brit means we'll have drunk ourselves to death before she shows up, right? Or do we actually have to mention her "name" to drink?
Even my brother's uptight wife has one, and she doesn't even believe in alcohol. Like, on principle.
Posted by: Sarina at February 21, 2008 11:34 PM
What do you mean, she doesn't believe in alcohol? How...why...I don't get it. It's like saying I don't believe in oxygen. Weird.
No tattoos here...carry on. Just a very dirty mind. Never heard of shame.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:59 AM
Tattoos. No shame. Did someone call me?
Sorry, I was out back kicking puppies and attempting to genetically modify myself a Gremlin. I'm here now. What did I miss? Something about an orgy?
Aces!
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 22, 2008 4:46 AM
Puppy abuse hurts my heart. Bad Alex, bad, bad!
What's it like for our UK & Australian (& everywhere else in between, I suppose) to either get to the conversation too late or too early all the time?
As far as tattoos, I only have one, and it needs to be touched up rather desperately. I could never compete with ATO or Boo.
It's damned annoying. If I actually want to be in on any of the decent discussions (that aren't on trade round ups) I have to actually switch on my computer when I get in from work and that is not how I roll. Alas, I must settle for reading through reams of comments, giggling wildly to myself and then hijacking the threads with my Norwegian partner in crime.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 22, 2008 7:51 AM
Word. Where are the other Europeans around here? Do they actually *gasp* work at work?! Shocking!
Uhm...this is going to sound like a strange request, but can you bring the Gremlin to the Orgy? I have a couple of ideas. No you don't want to know.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 8:55 AM
Damnit, I forgot to add "friends" after UK & Australian....that's what I get for Pajiba'ing at 7:45 am.
speaking of product placement, i know you guys can't control the ads on the homepage, but "asian girls for love and marriage"?
Posted by: celery at February 22, 2008 9:31 AM
celery... What do you have against Asian girls?
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 10:03 AM
Stacey: There's a site called Poo Nurse in which people ask for advice but also exchange comments on, well, yes...their poo. There's a really long thread on floaters by way of example.
What? Don't look at me that way. I work in a medical-related field. I had a legitimate reason to be on that site.
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 22, 2008 10:52 AM
Joker: Bring the Gremlin. We'll figure out something for him to..."do."
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 11:53 AM
What do you mean, she doesn't believe in alcohol? How...why...I don't get it. It's like saying I don't believe in oxygen. Weird.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:59 AM
Dude, you don't gotta tell me. It's beyond weird. She won't eat chicken marsala because of the wine sauce. She won't use Listerine because there's alcohol in it. It doesn't matter to her if the alcohol is burned off in cooking or if it's in a product you're not even supposed to swallow. She just...doesn't believe in it. It's crazy. It's seriously like a phobia or something. My poor, suffering brother can't even have beer in his own house. Although, I suppose we all have our weirdness, really. I don't believe in coffee. I even hate the smell.
I still maintain, however, that there is something deeply wrong with not believing in alcohol. That shit ain't normal. I suspect she is not of this earth.
My poor, suffering brother can't even have beer in his own house.
Oh man...that makes the drunken baby Jesus cry. And she's not a recovering alcoholic or anything? That would make more sense, although some people really are just complete teetotalers. Which if that's what they believe in that's fine, but...pass me another shot of SoCo and lime please. I need to loosen up before the Scrabble/Gremlin orgy.
I don't believe in lunch meat. It makes my soul die. I am actually afraid of it, if someone waves ham or thinly sliced turkey in my face I freak the fuck out.
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 12:40 PM
So, Sarina, does she use alcohol as a disinfectant, since it's applied externally?
Posted by: rlr260 at February 22, 2008 1:23 PM
No, she's not a recovering alcoholic. She's never tasted a drop of it in her life. I keep meaning to ask her if she believes in rubbing alcohol, like as a disinfectant, but I always forget.
I don't mind lunchmeat, but I effing can't stand oatmeal. The texture is insane, and it looks like baby spit-up. I like it in when it's in solid form, like oatmeal cookies or bread or something, just not when it's gushy and vomitous. This is the same reason I've never eaten cottage cheese. From how the taste has been described to me, I imagine I would like it, but I just cannot get over the way it looks like tiny tot puke.
Well, I don't believe in people who don't believe in alcohol. That is just wrong.
I'm also a tea person, Sarina, but it's more because I'm caffeine intolerant. I like coffee...it's the following stomach cramps/acid reflux I mind.
Julie... you're so awesomely twisted, I think I'm developing a girl crush on you. Scrabble/Gremlin sex aside, you're afraid of lunch meat?! Seriously?
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 1:27 PM
it looks like baby spit-up
Oh, great. Well, I used to like oatmeal and cottage cheese.
Posted by: Lannie at February 22, 2008 1:44 PM
You motherfuckers are crazy. Oatmeal? Lunch meat? Who can criticize a ham sandwich? There ain't no food on this earth that I won't at least try, and while I don't care for olives, I'll still eat them. And that's the extent of my food prejudices.
Joker: I hate it. Loathe it. Wish I could send all thinly sliced meat and ham and pickles (god, I even hate to type those words) to the depths of hell where they could be eaten only by Hitler and Captain Kangaroo.
I can't just dislike a food, I can't be near it. In college, they had a lovely Valentines Day spread where they had both turkey and ham carving stations...I couldn't eat the turkey because they were carving it with the same knife as the ham. And I can't eat turkey if it has ham molecules on it.*
*Yes I am insane. And yes, my friends have been making fun of me for this quirk for years and years.
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:00 PM
You know what I don't like about lunch meat? The shiny, silvery, slick stuff that appears right around the expiration date. Guh-ross.
Joker - I drink tea for the same reason. Caffeine just doesn't agree with me.
HEEE. TK, the funny thing is I'm an adventurous eater. Just two weeks ago I went out to dinner for my best friend's birthday and had the "Bugs and Daffy" special...rabbit and foie gras. And it was voluptuous. My mother can only shake her head and ask how I can crave raw fish but shudder at the sight of a hoagie.
There is no method to my madness.
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:04 PM
I'm with TK on this one, I just love food. I'm not a big fan of garlic, and growing up in a garlic-obsessed family, it wasn't fun, but I can live with it. The only thing I don't really like is junk food. I didn't eat junk food until I was 15, so it's part of it.
Julie, if I were one of your friends, I'd make it my life mission to eat ham in front of you EVERY DAY! I'd even have a ham + turkey sandwich just because. I'm kind of evil.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:05 PM
Oh, great. Well, I used to like oatmeal and cottage cheese.
Posted by: Lannie at February 22, 2008 1:44 PM
-----------------------------------------------
Oops. Uhh...you're welcome?
TK, I will also try just about anything once, but if I don't like it I'm sure as hell not eating it again. I actually can't think of many foods I won't eat because of the taste, but I have texture issues. I don't like rubbery skooshy things like squid and cooked mushrooms. I like raw mushrooms, though. I suspect the texture of squid would not improve if left raw.
You know what I don't like about lunch meat? The shiny, silvery, slick stuff that appears right around the expiration date. Guh-ross.
Oh sweet tap-dancing Jesus, I may never sleep again.
And yet I'm still starving...I'm getting take-out Thai food tonight.
Joker-believe me, that's what my friends do, because they're evil evil bastards. My last roommate (and good friend) has entertained herself multiple times while imagining my personal hell. It always involved the consuming of nothing but lunchmeat, a room made entirely of hotdogs (I hate them too), Enrique Iglesias' "Hero" playing on an infinate loop, and having only the company of Ann Coulter.
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:12 PM
Shit, Julie, if I were one of your friends you'd wake up with ham under your pillow.
You know what I don't like about lunch meat? The shiny, silvery, slick stuff that appears right around the expiration date. Guh-ross. Eat it faster, Kolby. Problem solved.
Oof. I just got back from lunch, where I ate what can only be called an obscene amount of Indian food. It was yummy, but I kinda want to die a little.
Next time I pick up cold cuts at the grocery store, TK, and four days later the mystery slime appears, I will be certain to send them to the suburban wilds of Massachusetts instead of into the trash. That's how much I love you.
An obscene amount of Indian food? Now I feel bad for Mrs. TK.
I think it's all the talk of lunch meat getting to you, Julie. Take a deep breath and think of a beautiful sky and a nice white sandy beach. There's a table on the beach set with chilled white wine, sushi, exotic fruits and...
...lots and lots of HAM! Heehee...I'm sorry I just couldn't resist. I really tried to appeal to my better nature, it just doesn't exist.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:28 PM
Take a deep breath and think of a beautiful sky and a nice white sandy beach. There's a table on the beach set with chilled white wine, sushi, exotic fruits
Now see, I was all set to crown you my internet girlfriend and to you had to go and ruin it with ham. You cut me to the core, Joker.
:sorrowfully unpacks suntan lotion and Scrabble board:
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:33 PM
Scrabble!! Has this thread finally come full circle?
Posted by: Kolby at February 22, 2008 2:36 PM
Look, I'm the youngest of 6 kids, I'm programmed to be a nasty little shit.
Oh you just had to bring Scrabble into this! What's wrong with you? That's all you think about! Scrabble, scrabble, scrabble. Perv.
*Takes her book and goes to sit on the other side of the beach*
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:39 PM
Hee hee hee. I love this thread.
*throws a taco-dip covered Gremlin at Joker
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:42 PM
*Takes her book and goes to sit on the other side of the beach*
Wow, I feel like an asshole. I totally didn't realize until this moment that joker is a girl. Doh!
I've only ever played Scrabble once in my entire life, and it was with my then-boyfriend and his parents. The very mention of Scrabble-sex disturbs me to the core of my being. Maybe I could cure it by playing Scrabble with non-parental people?
Wow, I feel like an asshole. I totally didn't realize until this moment that joker is a girl. Doh!
Posted by: TK at February 22, 2008 2:47 PM
Good grief! Really?
*throws a taco-dip covered Gremlin at Joker
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 2:42 PM
Oh no, you didn't! That's it. It's on! *Throws a marshmallow scrabble tile wrapped in ham at Julie*
Sarina, you can play with us, but I'm afraid what we have in mind might not be Scrabble as such. See...there are giant matress-y tiles and a giant board...and gremlins...and taco dip (*giggle*)...I think tattoos are also involved. I'm afraid the jump from parental scrabble to this might be harmful to your health. I'd recommend a sane game of Naked Scrabble first, just as a warm up.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 2:56 PM
You know what's wrong with these posts? You read the headline, you know you shouldn't click, you do anyway and the next thing you know - old, fat KISS Porn. Oww, my eyes are still burning
Posted by: Brian at February 22, 2008 3:05 PM
Ha ha ha! Joker, you are my new favorite human.
Awww, Brian Brian Brian...come join the Scrabble/Gremlin/Taco Dip orgy, you'll feel alll better.
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 3:09 PM
Eee-yew. Yeah, I know all about the Tempur-Pedic Scrabble Gizmo orgy thing. I meant perhaps I should play a normal style game of fully clothed old school Scrabble, you know, to override the memories of ex-almost-in-laws Scrabble, before I were to dive right into PervScrabble.
Ugh. I think I gotta go vomit. Y'all are gonna turn me into some kind of sad, frigid board game Puritan! Actually, I'm not really that concerned. I'm willing to bet copious amounts of alcohol will cure what ails me.
Oh, Sarina, just let yourself be carried on the waves of insanity, perversion and geekyness. You'll like it...trust me. And yes, alcohol helps. And a considerable amount of acid. Julie has some.
Julie... I'm glad the girl-crush is mutual, it will make the Scrabble orgy much easier.
I'm really sleep deprived, just so you know. So anything I say cannot be used against me.
Posted by: joker at February 22, 2008 3:22 PM
I'm glad the girl-crush is mutual, it will make the Scrabble orgy much easier.
So will the plushiness of Gizmo and 18 bottles of wine.
:re-reads thread:
...what have I turned into?
Posted by: Julie at February 22, 2008 3:26 PM
Thanks to my Pajiba addiction, I've managed to stretch the twenty minutes it should take for me to write a memo on superdelegates into about 3 hours.
Oh wow. Films based on board games? This is what it's come to, Hollywood?
On a semi-related note, once my friend and I got really drunk and tried to play this board game based on Cheers. Yeah. Most complicated board game ever.