One thing you can never accuse Christopher Walken of is not being a good sport — a fact he proves over, and over, and over again. (Agent Bedhead)
Have you heard? Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman have a ton of adoration and respect for each other. And oh, they’re like super good friends, too. You know, the kind who occasionally make out with each other? That’s it. (WIMB)
Omigosh!! I love expensive sandwiches and medium sized dogs, too!! It’s like this website knows me. Thanks to Katy for the tip! (StuffWhitePeopleLike)
Reader Allison sent in this link to help out a friend in need. And you know, I can’t say no to a fairy tale! (Operation G.U.M.P.)
So what, we can’t be intellectual and enjoy the occasional snifter of celebrity gossip? To that, I say: Good day, sir! (QuizLaw)
Kirstie Alley’s merciless reign of Jenny Craig commercial terror has finally, thankfully come to an end. (Yeeeah!)
Here’s a list of eight crazy theme parks, all of which sound infinitely more interesting than Great Adventure. (mental floss)
Oh, big fucker shocker: J Lo acts like a big honkin’ diva about giving birth just like she does every other single damn little thing. (The Blemish)
Mr. Salty forced me to stay up on Saturday night to watch the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and while I’m overall not a fan of basketball whatsoever, I have to admit some of these were pretty damn hilarious. The best clips, after the jump.
How Kirstie Alley managed to remain a weightloss spokesperson while looking as if she was stuffing whole pigs and swilling down lard shakes down her cakehole was puzzling to me.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 18, 2008 3:37 PM
In the words of Clay Davis "shiiiiiiiiiit", I'd fuck Padme also if I had the chance.
Posted by: Pookie at February 18, 2008 3:45 PM
And oh, they're like super good friends, too. You know, the kind who occasionally make out with each other?"
Unsubstantiated rumors. We demand proof in the way of videos. The pics aren't telling enough.
I have to agree, Barbado. Alley always made me feel uncomfortable as the spokeswoman. Now Valerie Bertinelli...that's a woman who can sell me a shit sandwich and I'll happily munch on it while being allowed to gaze at her. Rawr.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 18, 2008 3:48 PM
Okay, at the risk of sounding like a dick (and I will): your friends seem nice and all, and having just had a baby arrive three months earlier than planned and facing employment uncertainty in the coming months, I can understand their plight. But begging on the internet? Really? COME ON!
If I'm being insensitive and people really are willing to give money to perfect strangers over the internet, then drop me a line so that I, to can offer you a chance to give to someone in need. The new baby needs an wide screen, HD TV pronto!
Posted by: Armando at February 18, 2008 3:52 PM
Oh, and Christopher Walken is the man. The end.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 18, 2008 3:53 PM
Shadows: Agreed on Walken and agreed on Bertinelli, 'cept on the shit sandwich, I'm NEVER doing that.....again.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 18, 2008 4:02 PM
Litely: Has there been a background check on this plea for help? I don't want to be a horrible person, but how do I know this isn't a scam? I already own two oil wells in Nigeria and a tin mine in Burkina Faso and apparently I won the Euro Millions lottery last weekend so you can see why I might be a little skeptical.
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 18, 2008 4:07 PM
"oil wells in Nigeria and a tin mine in Burkina Faso ..."
Pfffffft, amateur, you should've invested ALL your money on Iraqi dinars. The offers were, literally, being sent via e-mail. I got on that shit real quick, suckers.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 18, 2008 4:12 PM
I've been on Jenny Craig for a while now (works for me!) and I am sooooo glad to not see giant posters of her in the center every week. (Though they did put a damper on any chocolate cravings I may have had.) Valerie is adorable and much easier to relate to.... My daughter's roomie works at In-and-Out, says he has seen Kirstie drive through there several times. now that's one place that is NOT Jenny-approved, I can guarantee it.
Posted by: nancy at February 18, 2008 4:15 PM
Sucks to be you two. A grieving widow in South Africa is depositing ten million dollars (American) into my bank account even as we speak. What she doesn't know is that her lawyer* is also depositing ten million dollars...I so conned them!
*I assume it's her lawyer. They all know each other over there, right?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 18, 2008 4:16 PM
let's hear it for eugenics anti-disgenics!
(it's Misanthropy Monday out where i live)
Posted by: causaubon at February 18, 2008 4:20 PM
Ah c'mon guys, cut me some slack! It was sent to me by a reputable commenter, and you know I'd do the same for any of y'all. Plus, it looks like the donation is via paypal only, so no one is asking for your personal info.
I must also agree with Mr. Darkaron's assertions. Video, or at least really clear audio from phone taps, or maybe some sort of textual correspndence that can be verified. Still, lack of proof won't stop me from enjoying the thought.
I really feel that there are only two reasons Jenny craig bothered with Alley. 1) Oprah (aka the true Xenu) was going to destroy them if they didn't, and 2) they wanted to make Bertinelli feel sorry enough for them to agree to front their program. Worked like a charm.
Now I am thinking of Valerie Bertinelli showing Natalie and Scarlett a few tricks. Mmmm....this is the best Pajiba Love ever!
Posted by: Vermillion at February 18, 2008 4:27 PM
Love the link to the "stuff white people like" website. Arts degree? check, double check actually (double arts major therefore doubly unemployable!). Deep desire for a Kitchenaid standing mixer (ideally in yellow or red)? check. Multiple weekly stops by Whole Foods/Trader Joes? Check. I'm so predictable, it has kind of made me sad.
Posted by: ami at February 18, 2008 4:32 PM
The "stuff white people love" website is sooo funny! I love the part about the Toyota Prius:
"Some white people decide to pull the ultimate move. Prius, Apple Sticker on the back, iPod rocking, and Democratic Candidate bumper sticker. Unstoppable!"
Posted by: Erin at February 18, 2008 4:48 PM
Litely:
Believe me, I'm not knocking your kind heart. It's very sweet of you to try to help. I just wanted to know if there had been any background check on the veracity of the story. My mother just was horribly ripped off by a "gutter installer" and it's made me very cynical.
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 18, 2008 4:55 PM
The picture of the Ocean Dome sitting right next to the ocean made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: Lannie at February 18, 2008 5:21 PM
I liked Kirstie Alley OK in "Cheers," but then she went right into annoying and batshit crazy. Haven't cared about her since. And I'm still scarred from seeing her on Oprah in that two-piece swimsuit after she "lost" all that weight.
J-Lo can just get over herself. Big ass, small talent, great self-promoter. Big deal.
Sorry. Not even those clips can make me care about basketball.
Posted by: rlr260 at February 18, 2008 6:12 PM
The "Stuff White People Love" only gets better if you go to a private University AND live in an area that's currently undergoing suburban influx. Watching the hicks in my town try and figure out the Panera is almost as funny as watching the hives break out when you tell the suburban encroachers that there's no recycling pick up, you have to drive it out to the special area of the dump your own damn self.
Also, Mos Def is great, but I'm a Pharrell girl. He's just that much hotter.
Posted by: Genny at February 18, 2008 7:01 PM
I'm only partly white but, I've gotta admit, I like my kitchen like I like my cars: shiny and with as much useless, pretentious crap as possible.
It's a status thing *wink*
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 18, 2008 7:08 PM
Like Slim, I'm only partly white, but I'd kill a stranger for pricey cold cuts on fresh-baked artisan bread.
Posted by: Kolby at February 18, 2008 9:43 PM
OMG!!! I just realize i am white!!!
Need to talk to my mother...
Posted by: NDR at February 18, 2008 10:13 PM
What if J Lo's baby comes out with a zombie ass and looks like J Lo, has anyone thought of that??? I'm pretty sure that would make her baby the Antichrist, and that is something I think is worth getting worked up about. If you knew you were giving birth to Satan in human forn, wouldn't you want some pampering?
Posted by: CarpePancakes! at February 18, 2008 10:15 PM
Now I'm confused. My official 'ethnic makeup' is 1/2 white, 3/8 black, 1/8 native american. But according to the things I like, I'm really only 35.8% white. What's going on? Is it because part of the white side is Irish? Should I be reading David Sedaris?
Posted by: Kris at February 19, 2008 1:37 AM
My BIL just asked me if I wanted to build my own kayak at the local wooden boat school.
Posted by: demondoll at February 19, 2008 1:47 AM
After reading that StuffWhitePeopleLike blog I felt very, very lame. :(
Posted by: Adere at February 19, 2008 3:48 AM
I knew I wasn't all that white! Not a fan of kitchen gadgets, "The Humpty Dance", Whole Foods, sushi, or vintage clothing. The website really should be "Stuff White, Well-to-Do, Coastal Residents Like."
The J. Lo thing, if true, is fucking heinous. It's my understanding that most NYC metro hospitals are stuffed to the gills with patients. Why on earth is there a room 1. set aside weeks in advance for her (not the case with the general population) 2. untouchable until her arrival? Honey, we're all equal when it comes to childbirth. I hope this whole thing is exaggerated.
Posted by: samantha t at February 19, 2008 6:56 AM
As for the SJ/NP friendship: do I *really* have to be subjected to another Charlie's Angel-style lovefest? I can't take it. Really. Can't actresses just work together and leave it at that?
Posted by: samantha t at February 19, 2008 7:03 AM
I would like to hear just one actress call another a total bitch or something. Where's Bette Davis when you need her?
According to that website I'm 40% white. This isn't a shock, since I've been called a "coconut" more than once. Geez...even people I've never met don't think I'm "black enough".
Posted by: joker at February 19, 2008 7:19 AM
Absolutely Joker, Samantha. You really wouln't catch me gushing about my co-workers (well except for one because she is literally the most awesome person on the planet and no I don't have to say that just because she's currently writing me a character reference and may very well be reading this right now). I don't get why Hollywood types must all insist that everyone they've ever worked with it the best person on the planet, like, ever.
Which is why Kathleen Turner continues to be awesome.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 19, 2008 8:21 AM
Kris:
Didn't you know? The Irish have long considered themselves the Blacks of Europe so that part of you counts against Whiteness.
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 19, 2008 9:47 AM
I thought that too, Paddydog, but then the math still doesn't work out. Is there a StuffIrishPeopleLike website?
Posted by: Kris at February 19, 2008 11:06 AM
Kris:
Is there a "stuffIrishpeoplelike" web site?
Yes, its called www.guinness.com
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 19, 2008 11:20 AM
Loved the StuffWhitePeopleLike web site! So funny, and for me, so much was true. Luckily, I don't have any delusions about my paleness. There's a reason I buy that ridiculously expensive Neutrogena 70 SPF sunscreen...
How Kirstie Alley managed to remain a weightloss spokesperson while looking as if she was stuffing whole pigs and swilling down lard shakes down her cakehole was puzzling to me.