Thanks to everyone who participated in the impromptu contest yesterday to give a name to She Whom We Do Not Speak. We’re unveiling the results on Webster’s in correlation with The Hottie and the Nottie being voted worst film of all time. And, the winner is… (WIMB)
And speaking of — it looks like pretty soon we’re going to have our first ever “He of Whom We Do Not Speak.” Sweet! (Evil Beet)
7-Eleven releases a limited edition “Slurpuccino.” Ooh, uh, take that Fartbucks. (The Impulsive Buy)
Seriously though, maybe it’s besides the point, but who the hell names their twin boys “Edward” and “Edwin?” With that kind of sorry effort, you may as well just go with Frick and Frack. (QuizLaw)
Best Week Ever takes the initiative to good fight in saving the much beloved “Friday Night Lights.” (BestWeekEver)
Will Ferrell slaps his shtick all over Heidi Klum. I hope Seal kicks his ass. (The Blemish)
After taking your sweetheart to a romantic dinner at Applebees — here are 14 Valentine’s Gifts guaranteed not to get you laid. (Cracked)
Hey everybody! Pat O’Brien is back in rehab. Yep, we couldn’t think of a better punchline than that, either. (Deus Ex Malcontent)
Oooh!! I totally missed the premiere of “Flavor of Love 3.” Anyone out there catch it? Anyone? Anyone? *crickets chirp* Ahh, the hell with you guys! (DListed)
Sigh. Nicolas Cage, will you just shut the hell up already, you big fucking crybaby? (Celebitchy)
I don’t fully understand what’s going on in this clip, but it kind of makes me never want to have sex again. Check it, after the jump.
Ha! Llism, Napalm Vagina was brilliant. Crustabelle McSatansShart is still my favorite.
That Cracked article is hysterical (Adopt a Penguin? Seriously?), but I'm sorry I wouldn't sleep with a guy who WASN'T wearing a cock sock.
Posted by: Julie at February 12, 2008 3:39 PM
Awww...I was rooting for Crustabelle, too. That's okay, Napalm Vagina is still pretty good.
The cock sock looks scary. Then again, most of those products do...
NV's brother's name is Barron?!?! I...can't even begin to say how fucking pretentious that is...oh, yeah, he's an up and comer. Before you know it, he'll have his own sextape a la Screech.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 3:43 PM
Ok, I REFUSE to watch a clip that may or may not make me never want to have sex again.
I refuse!!!!!
Yeah, I'm still a fan of Crustybelle McSatanShart, but Napalm Vagina is pretty damn good.
I think you'll find that silencing Nicholas Cage won't bring back your god-damn honey.
Posted by: CopRock at February 12, 2008 3:57 PM
My new nick nickname for her is going to be NapVag. That just sounds so dirty. Like Scrabble sex.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 3:58 PM
Scrabble Sex is going to be the title of my memoir.
Posted by: Julie at February 12, 2008 4:02 PM
And each chapter should be a scrabble tile. I'd read it.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 4:02 PM
It seems a little early to be crowning The Hottie And The Nottie the worst movie ever. I'm certain it's absolutely, embarrasingly terrible, but the thing only made $27,000 in the entire country over the weekend.
Think about that total for a second: $27,000. At a conservative six dollars per ticket, that would mean that only 4500 people in the entire country saw the movie. On 111 screens, that is about 40 viewers per theater. Spread out over three days, that means on average THREE PEOPLE were at each showing.
And I'm supposed to believe that all 1460 votes on the IMDB are from people who actually saw the movie? One-third of the audience logged into the IMDB and registered their discontent? I'm skeptical.
Posted by: Darth Corleone at February 12, 2008 4:03 PM
"Embarrassingly," rather.
Posted by: Darth Corleone at February 12, 2008 4:04 PM
Darth, maybe we can crown it the most uninteresting movie ever?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 4:06 PM
Slurpuccino. Gross. Not everything needs to be made into a Slurpee.
Why is Nick Cage reaching out to his kiddie fans? That just reeks of pedophilia.
Posted by: Brie at February 12, 2008 4:08 PM
Napalm Vagina? Classic. Now to find a way to work it into my everyday conversations. "You want to repeal the estate tax? Do you honestly want Napalm Vagina to have more money to spend???"
Posted by: jeem at February 12, 2008 4:10 PM
Barron Hilton looks like he's going to grow up just like the frat boys at UMiami who would try and impress me with what kind of car they drove/what clothes they were wearing. Typical conversation:
"So, I was taking my BMW Z3 [technically my dad's but he let me bring it to school so it's practically mine] out to go shopping for some Cavalli, when this bitch threw her coffee out the window and stained my best polo shirt!! Can you believe that?!?"
Best way to deal with this is to hold a hand about two inches above their heads and say "you have to be this tall to ride my ride" walk away and laugh as they spend the rest of their evening pouting and shit talking you to their friends. However, I'm betting that will never happen to young Mr.Hilton there. Pity, does them a world of good.
Posted by: Genny at February 12, 2008 4:14 PM
Hee...and the cover will be random Scrabble letters that spell out dirty words.
Posted by: Julie at February 12, 2008 4:19 PM
Fuck me running! I won? I won?? I'm all verklempt. You like me . . . you really like me!
I'd like to thank the Academy, and Ms. Napalm Vagina herself, without whom we would have no one wretched enough, vacuous enough, festeringly rancid enough in all the ulcerated, perforated bowels of Hollywood to warrant the reception of such a dubious honor.
Cheers!
Posted by: llism at February 12, 2008 4:21 PM
Now that's an acceptance speech. Here, here!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 4:23 PM
I think an adopt-a-penguin gift would get you laid if your girlfriend were an animal rights type. I'm not exactly hypothesizing here.
Posted by: Lannie at February 12, 2008 4:31 PM
Actually....not to generalize or anything...but adopt-a-[insert animal] do tend to make animal rights girls hot under the collar. From personal experience. Only certain ones. Fine, maybe it was just my last girlfriend..it worked, damnit.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 4:34 PM
Yeah, as I said, I'm not hypothesizing. I'm a vegetarian, and when I saw that on the list, my reaction was something like, "Pfft. I'm pretty sure that would work on me." And who doesn't know where the Falkland Islands are? There was a war over them. Someone should inform the staff over at Cracked.
Posted by: Lannie at February 12, 2008 4:38 PM
That's true Lannie...if someone were to adopt me say, a baby tiger, my pants would magically disappear.
Posted by: Julie at February 12, 2008 4:40 PM
"Slurpuccino. Gross. Not everything needs to be made into a Slurpee."
I don't understand how anyone can feel this way.
Obviously, you don't truly appreciate the wonder, the magic... nay, the GLORY of the Slurpee.
At first I thought the Nic Cage story had something to do with how he and Ms. Turner look very similar. Cause, wow. They really look similar and that is creepy. As is Cage's assertion of his army of child fans. Ewww.
Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 12, 2008 5:36 PM
Does this mean a TK Superbowl Bean dish Slurpee is in the offing?
I'm getting the fear.
Posted by: Gib at February 12, 2008 5:40 PM
Bets on how long it takes for hordes of new commentors to flood the site with their disgust at the usage of Napalm Vagina? I mean, there HAS to be a handful of crybabies out there who'll undoubtedly take offense the choice.
About the Fuck You clip:
It's a clip from the 80's with Dutch comedian Wim de Bie who is imitating a member of our Royal Family. And the Dutch subtitles don't quite match what he is singing.
It's funny, trust me.
Posted by: AlwaysConfused at February 12, 2008 6:34 PM
WHY was the BFG singing a song about wanting to fuck me? And by "little door," was that just scansion or did he mean...?
And Litely, I got your back. The premiere of "Flavor of Love 3" was most excellent. There was instant drama (just add lubricant) when Shy (named so for the irony) wasted no time in going to Flav and telling him that the other girls weren't there for him; there were names spelled in ways that went past phonetic and circled back to incomprehensible; the editors used that "Vertigo" spiral to great effect to show how much Flav hates having his face touched; there are some jacked-up twins named "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" who had to share a clock; a girl named "Tik" with the BIGGEST ASS EVER; a girl named "Shoretee" who is, as you may have guessed, short, but she's also possibly the victim of fetal-alcohol syndrome, seeing as how she's retarded and has a heinous underbite; Flav wore many different types of glasses and promised that this season is going to be more classy and wild than ever before. A dichotomy? Perhaps, but VH1 always manages to pull it off.
Posted by: Geetch at February 12, 2008 6:42 PM
Kolby, I already addressed that problem...NapVag fan's don't know how to use computers. Or conduct searches. Or tie their shoes.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 12, 2008 7:21 PM
How much do y'all wanna bet that Piano Man got his girlfriend Q-Pig for Valentine's Day?
Posted by: Kris at February 12, 2008 7:21 PM
You guys like the name Napalm Vagina? Come on! Now no one can truthfully say, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
Posted by: Jamila at February 12, 2008 7:29 PM
I'm just saying, because Crusty McNapVag does NOT smell like victory.
Posted by: Jamila at February 12, 2008 7:34 PM
On a completely unrelated note: when I hear the words frick and frack I get an image in my head of some weird cross between Sara Chalke (from scrubs) and Katee Sackhoff (from BSG). Simultaneously Alluring and horrifying. Just thought you should know...
Posted by: the_wakeful at February 12, 2008 7:47 PM
Napalm Vagina? wtf? and then calling it "brilliant"?
it's actually pretty lame. not just having the contest in the first place but that you're actually getting excited by the selection of Napalm Vagina as the best one? a fucking remedial level 14 year-old could've come up with something better, something wittier. seriously.
and since when is this site so into contests to give dumb names to celebrities? isn't that something Perez does?
and no, i'm not some noob to this site. i don't comment often but have been coming here fairly religiously for close to two years now and i gotta admit - and sorry for sounding all preachy and high-and-mighty, but in this case i'm afraid it's unavoidable - this is a new low for us.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 7:57 PM
In all fairness to Pajiba, it was WIMB that decided there needed to be a contest. It started on Pajiba as just a random comment thread, but really the only one to blame is Stacy.
Posted by: the_wakeful at February 12, 2008 8:01 PM
That piana-playin' man sho gots big ears. The Navy should use him instead of sonar of those Cali beaches Bush wants to pollute with dolphin-damaging sound waves.
Posted by: Matt at February 12, 2008 8:02 PM
oh, and one more thing...
and right off the top, my apologies for sounding cranky or bitchy - it's late, i'm tired and my pizza's taking for-fucking-ever to get here - but...
Kolby, you can go fuck yourself. where the fuck do you get off bullying new commenters to this site? what gives you the right to belittle any commenter to this site if they want to take an objection on principle to the N.V. name? what if B.Slim decided that he was offended by the name? i'm willing to bet you'd be pretty quick to agree with him and/or defend his right to be offended and to voice his offence. a quick search (admittedly not completely thourough so i could be wrong) shows that i have been posting here slightly longer than you have and therefore am not one of the "hordes of new commentors", but even if i was, i don't see how you would have the right to deride me and label me "crybaby" on, not just an open forum, but a forum that encourages and takes pride (even lauds) intelligent discourse amongst it's commenters. truth be told, i don't find Napalm Vagina so much offensive as i find it dumb, assinine and fairly childish. but i sure as hell wouldn't dare deny someone the right to voice their opinion on in this forum, noobie or not.
fuck you.
asshole.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 8:29 PM
the_wakeful- i am aware of that, however, seeing as how both Stacey and Dustin are involved both here and there (the whole Pajiba-WIMB-QuizLaw-etc net does sometimes veer into insetuous-self-congratulatory-reach-around territory) pretty much makes your point moot.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 8:39 PM
You have no idea what I meant by that, do you, causaubon?
Either way, I can't stop laughing.
Posted by: Kolby at February 12, 2008 8:42 PM
no, Kolby, i'm fairly confident that i do have a pretty good idea of exactly what you meant by that.
either way, you come off looking like a dick.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 8:47 PM
And I hope your pizza was worth the wait. And the crankiness.
Posted by: Kolby at February 12, 2008 8:52 PM
Whoo. Okay. Here's 'bama's brief interlude in the hair-pulling and name-calling.
The Slurpuccino thing cracks me up because just this weekend I was jabbing at my girlfriend for her addiction to the frosty coffee beverages at Starfucks. I told her without the whipped cream ('cause yeah, she's on a DIET) they were just glorified Slurpees.
Aw hell, I so hafta buy her one now.
Now back to the eyeball scratching already in progress...
Posted by: Alabamapink at February 12, 2008 8:54 PM
Causabon, I've noticed that indeed, you don't comment often - but when you do, it's frequently only to either complain, or berate either the readers or the staff, usually in the most obnoxious manner possible. Bravo. Your claims of "intelligent discourse" ring awfully hollow when you tell someone to go fuck themself, call them an asshole, and equate the staff with "a fucking remedial level 14 year-old".
And that's pretty courageous of you, tearing into Kolby despite the fact that you didn't even really get her joke. I'm curious to see whether you'll apologize to her, or simply launch into a tirade against me next.
I'm sorry if what some people consider funny doesn't coincide with your sensitive, personal feelings. It happens to me all the time. The difference is: I don't explode into a fury and start judging people and calling them names. I simply either ignore it, or go somewhere else.
So be careful who you refer to as "us". I, for one, have no interest in being grouped with a rude, pretentious, condescending malcontent like yourself.
Really? Still? I'm a dick? And an asshole? AND I should fuck myself?
So, you've read the thread I referenced and you don't get the humor?
Oh, and, in case you wanted to mix up your bag of insults, I'm a girl. So, you know, you might want to switch from dick to cunt or something more gender appropriate.
Posted by: Kolby at February 12, 2008 8:56 PM
Guh, I fucking hate this shit. causabon, dude, and Kolby, please please please, neutral corners. I can't make you, obviously, but I can shame you. There's few enough loyal regular commenters who can spell and not shit themselves, without the two of you clawing at each other. Bwuh.
I think she's referring to the shitstorm from 27 Dresses, and it wouldn't surprise me to see some of those folks getting their knickers in a knot over Napalm Vagina . . . except that most of those commenters were the ones who only show up to bitch about movie reviews where they already know they're going to be offended. They generally can't be bothered to engage on Pajiba Love, since there are fewer opportunities to castigate someone. Not all mind you, but many, and that is fucking annoying.
causabon, check in more often, dude; it's a fun fuck-'em circle, and you're needed here.
Congrats llism(I have no idea what that handle means), so shall she be known, the crusty pile of steaming McSharts, except that I will still tend to call her Pestilence, since that's her name in Satan's army.
Now, for the fun part. I almost screamed in horror when I clicked into WIMB and saw that photo of Matthew Perry's father -- why is Nic Cage suing Matthew Perry's father again? Does anyone else remember the surreality of her being fucking H-O-T hot in Body Heat. WTF?
Re the song -- first, awesome-O; second, my favorite part is that he says "fick," as in "I'll fick you in the morning, I'll fick you in the night." Are we sure that's not some other word for something else? German for "to steal the toothpaste of another and sell it to a Frenchman in exchange for not invading"?
One more thing: TOOTIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 12, 2008 9:13 PM
TK, I am no stranger to the Slurpee magic. Many a summer, I have blissfully indulged in the strawberry-melon goodness, sometimes with a touch of Pina Colada. Oh, yes. Magic indeed.
But a Slurpuccino...even the word sounds bad. And it looks like a dump in a cup.
Posted by: Brie at February 12, 2008 9:33 PM
if you really want to TK, i can give you the url's that link to comment threads i have participated in on Pajiba over the past 18-20 months (you can do it yourself, too- just do a search of my name in Pajiba). i remember each one of them (as i said before, and you concurred, i don't post often), there are only about 30 of them. the only time that i have ever gotten into a spat with anyone was with socalled about the cultural influence of the Lord of the Rings books. it was one of the first times that i had gathered the gumption to post. i dared besmirch LOTR and, admittedly, did make fun of socalled for defending it. he handed me my ass. lesson learned.
i do admit i was one of the Skank Cancer complainers. you got me.
but other than that, i can't think of any other time when i have "berate[d] either the readers or the staff, usually in the most obnoxious manner possible". i'd be more than happy to send you all of my posts so that you can see this for yourself.
not to toot my own horn, but Beckyloo even once thanked me for my "thoughtful and informative comment" to her article about Bill Maher.
yes, i admit i used inappropriate language in my attack on Kolby but in my defense her comment regarding noobies complaining and getting offended really got my goat. really. i apologise for the language, it was out of line and Kolby didn't deserve it. but i do not apologise for my intent. at best, the comment is a failed attempt at parody, at worst it can be construed as bullying.
and as for me being a "rude, pretentious, condescending malcontent", show me someone that posts here that doesn't fit at least one of those descriptions. that why we come here - to be rude, show our (individual or collective) superiority, derride others for their shortcomings and in general be fairly ornery (or snarky, or bitchy) about most things. but, and again i will refer you to all of my other posts, i truly do not believe that (with the exception of the posts i mentioned above) i have been even remotely any of these things.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 9:34 PM
Hey, there's no shame in being nicknamed Tootie when you're 2 years old. It's actually short for Tootis Magootis, and may have been somehow derived from my first name. Go ahead, TK, run with it.
Oh, and causaubon started it.
I kid, I kid. I got nothin' BUT love for all y'all.
the only time that i have ever gotten into a spat with anyone was with socalled about the cultural influence of the Lord of the Rings books. it was one of the first times that i had gathered the gumption to post. i dared besmirch LOTR and, admittedly, did make fun of socalled for defending it. he handed me my ass. lesson learned.
Yeeeewwww, you're ror$chach! Get thee behind me, Satan! Got to hand it to you, that was one of the few times, I've given a fartknocker fuck about anything narsty someone said to me on a comment thread.
Okay. [/knocks heads together, kicks bottoms, stops to ponder where he got the authority to do so, even virtually.] Please go back to insulting people worthy of hatred, like . . .
NAPALM VAGINA!
Oh, and one more thing: TOOTIEEEEEEEEE!
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 12, 2008 9:41 PM
I've noticed a bit of unpleasantness lately too, that has taken the fun out of things. When I witness or experience an unsolicited attack, I do tend to move on. There's more than enough things to read, and plenty of non-jerks around to talk to.
I always thought Pajiba readers were above that kind of waste of brain wattage, but occasionally one will seem to be spoiling for a fight, even when they don't even know you. I'm not referring to you guys currently discussing this.
One rocket scientist hung shit on me and also agreed with me, on the same point. Not sure how they reasoned that in their mind.
Anyway, I don't like that kind of mindless snark, and this place is fantastic fun when people are actually focusing on the brilliant articles from the staff.
Peace out, word to yer mother. I may very well be Joe Hollywood.
Posted by: Loob at February 12, 2008 9:51 PM
to be fair, Kolby, in my chauvanistic vanity, i did assume you were a dude. sorry. i got nailed for thinking A the Odd and PaddyDog were dudes, too.
i would totally suck at The Crying Game.
but i do feel that all of those words are gender neutral.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 9:56 PM
Paddy!?!?! Who fellated the entirety of Sinn Fein?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[/leaves, rather quickly for a man with a cane]
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 12, 2008 10:01 PM
yeah socalled, that was me. although in my defense, i was pretty stoned at the time and hadn't really thought my argument through before launching in to you, and when you came back at me, because of my lack of a coherent argument, it kinda killed my buzz and took all interest in the fight out of me.
i would like a second go at it, though. if you'll give me a second chance sometime.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 10:04 PM
Hey--don't blame me. I was just joining in on the discussion, because really, what better way to while away the hours at work than to make up names for the waste of DNA that is P-Hilt? And I thought there were many better ones than Napalm Vagina, but I'm certainly not going to complain about unexpected accolades. In fact, in retrospect, I should have gone for Napalm Pussy, so it would have had the lure of alliteration.
The handle llism reveals what grammar geek I am: It's an abbreviation for parallelism, a concept I had trouble with when I first started as an undergrad and hence frequently saw as a comment on my papers. It stuck, though, and I in turn used it when I started teaching.
So there you go. Uninteresting, boring, and dare I say dull. Golly . . . I feel all naked now, and there wasn't even a penguin involved.
Posted by: llism at February 12, 2008 10:11 PM
If you folks don't be nice to each other, I'm gonna be forced to break out the Mormon ads. And nobody wants the Mormon ads, do they?
FYI: Causaubon is, indeed, a semi-old-timer; he's been around since the Third-Date Guide. His was M*A*S*H -- I've always said that "Suicide is Painful" is the best way to start a date, brother. And Kolby -- glad to see you're blogging now -- you've been added to the blogroll. -- DR
I would be highly interested to discuss what single work of art -- not one artist's work, but one piece -- from the 20th Century had a more widespread cultural influence than LotR -- for serious, as ridiculous as that might sound at first blush, I thought about it pretty hard after our brief encounter and could not come up with anything else. It's all rank speculation, of course, but I was just looking at the collective influence of Spielberg, Lucas, et al. right on down the line to people like Joss Whedon, and thinking how much they were influenced by that one work -- how our collective culture was changed by the the myriad nerds who played D&D, which, I'm sorry, is basically plagiarized wholesale from LotR. Those nerds then turned around and generated thousands and thousands of cultural works deeply rooted in what they learned from Tolkien.
Not just fantasy and sci-fi, but the acceptance of "thinking different" as a basic intellectual right; not to mention the idea of adventure as Bible-level literature, not just an intriguing but poorly written fairy tale. Beyond books and film, every role-play game, every fantasy or sci-fi video game -- there's a thread from each and every one of those back to LotR.
Asimov's whole body of work may have had more influence, but that's like, I dunna, 40 books?
Okay, I have to go make the missus's dinner. Latahs!
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 12, 2008 10:17 PM
OK.
1) You're right.. in fact, I did a little searching of my own, and I was incorrect in my labeling you as only commenting to complain, so I rescind that one.
2) You are also correct in that we are frequently rude, pretentious and obnoxious. However, for the most part, that vitriol is usually directed at the movies we're deriding. You chose to focus it at the site and it's readers, and that was the source of my ire. It's one thing to take offense at something, truly another to lash out so nastily at those who found it funny.
BUT, all of that aside, I'm willing to accept that it struck a nerve with you, that your response towards Tootie was reflective of catching you on a bad day, and move on. Because, to be fair, I myself am guilty of falsely accusing you of past indiscretions that never happened, so who am I to judge?
Basically, this is my excessively verbose and long-winded way of saying - can we shake hands, call it a day, and move on? Because it's late, and I'm tired, and I kinda want to be in bed watching the Westminster Kennel Club show.
cool. and i'm actually serious about that. i'm honestly not being sarcastic, ironic or bitchy. i honestly feel like i've been accepted.
thank you.
seriously.
of course now i also feel like a total (feel free to insert gender specific/non-specific/appropriate/non-appropriate derogatory term here. Kolby, that honour would be yours) that comments of mine have forced Dustin to get involved in this thread.
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 10:25 PM
psst. Dustin? i think it was Suicide is Painless, not painful. but you're right- it totally rocks.
[sticks out hand to TK]
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 10:31 PM
It's all good in the Pajiba hood, causaubon. Slap hands! Slap hands!
I think I'm offically overtired. Thanks to TK, I'm now thoroughly engrossed in the damn dog show, waiting to see if a beagle is about to make history.
Posted by: Kolby at February 12, 2008 10:32 PM
It's all good in the Pajiba hood, causaubon. Slap hands! Slap hands!
I think I'm offically overtired. Thanks to TK, I'm now thoroughly engrossed in the damn dog show, waiting to see if a beagle is about to make history.
I've got to say, one of my favorite parts of reading this site is watching the Eloquents duke it out verbally. Like, really tear a strip off of each other, and then make up and then everything is all rainbows and sunshine and puppies again. Or at least until someone else takes a comment the wrong way.
Thanks TK, Kolby and Causaubon. This mini-feud made my day!
Posted by: KatyBelle at February 12, 2008 10:36 PM
Hey, the online headlines are stating that the WRITERS' STRIKE IS OVER.
And that video made my vajajay shrink - in time for Valentine's! Thanks!
Posted by: mfg at February 12, 2008 10:40 PM
You know, I really love how they darken the Garden and announce the dogs one at a time during the Best in Show competition. It's like a Knicks game or something.
Posted by: Kolby at February 12, 2008 10:45 PM
Is nobody else seriously disturbed by the ears in that video?
Posted by: Jenilane at February 12, 2008 10:58 PM
ok, i'm am totally running with this Eloquents thing.
we could have a logo that has puppies sliding down a rainbow.
and we could have a secret handshake - you clasp right hands closer to one person and complete a high arcing motion (the rainbow) toward the other person while doing jazz hands with the left hand (the sun).
and we could have silly titles like Grand Wizard Poo-Bah McSmartypants Correct-Spelling Guy Dude and wear silly hats. i love silly hats! even Don Hertzfeldt thinks that they're better than non-silly hats. even so far as to be willing to use violence to prove his point.
this is awesome! i'm so excited!
Posted by: causaubon at February 12, 2008 10:58 PM
I'm all for silly hats and tshirts (can mine be pink?). However, since the likelihood of any of us meeting in real-life is SO small, that makes secret handshakes kinda useless.
This is SO much more fun than my developmental psych homework!
Posted by: KatyBelle at February 12, 2008 11:07 PM
If they're going to do the darkened-stadium, dramatic announcer thing for a dog show, then they should go all out and start a dunk competition.
Posted by: Kris at February 12, 2008 11:07 PM
I kinda want to be in bed watching the Westminster Kennel Club show.
Hah! We have dog agility trials on Tivo, and dog agility is sooooooo much better than the dog show. Though we watch both.
Yeah, that's right, I go to bed before 11. Anyone got a problem with that?
Yeah, I do. That's not nearly early enough.
that video made my vajajay shrink - in time for Valentine's!
I get the sense that you're not actually grateful, that you're being facetious. But I think your boyfriend will be quite happy with that. Not that your hoo-hoo wasn't seriously tight before. Okay, leaving.
I finished the soo-chef work on the missus's dinner, but now I have to go prepare for the absolute fucking beating I'm going to get from Paddy.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 12, 2008 11:10 PM
Causaubon: YES, YES, YES!! And I shall be "The Queen of France". DANCE! EVERYBODY DANCE!
Posted by: Lammergeier13 at February 12, 2008 11:35 PM
Re Edward/Edwin twins:My mom worked with a woman who named her twin daughters Christy and Chrissy.
And now I've got that video music stuck in my head, especially that boogie-woogie backbeat.
Posted by: rlr260 at February 12, 2008 11:50 PM
It's like Pajiba Love has magical disagreement solving powers. C'mon everyone group hug.
Except TK of course, I'm still not speaking to him.
In other news: The personalised magazine cover in the Cracked article made me choke on my coffee. It would also lead to a restraining order from yours truly.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 13, 2008 5:37 AM
Alex, you are [thisclose] to getting a spanking, young lady.
Kolby - that friggin' beagle was cute as hell, wasn't he?
Personally, I'm a cat lover. Dogs are just too needy, and smelly, and loud.
That being said....beagles are just too cute.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 13, 2008 11:03 AM
Behold the power of Napalm Vagina, aka Agent Orange. But then watch the counterbalance that is Pajiba Love! The world is safe once again. Kolby and Causaubon have reconciled. Although to say that I wasn't slightly entertained, would be lying and I don't like to lie...much.
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 13, 2008 11:15 AM
If you folks don't be nice to each other, I'm gonna be forced to break out the Mormon ads. And nobody wants the Mormon ads, do they?
But I love the Mormon ads! So clean-cut! So ironic!
FYI: Causaubon is, indeed, a semi-old-timer; he's been around since the Third-Date Guide.
Hmph. I've been around longer than that.
Posted by: Jerce at February 13, 2008 11:25 AM
"Hmph. I've been around longer than that."
I... woah, I haven't, not as a commenter anyways. I'm pretty sure this makes me an irritating little upstart or something of that ilk.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 13, 2008 11:28 AM
I'm pretty sure this makes me an irritating little upstart or something of that ilk.
Well, that joke pretty much told itself.
Dakaron - I've got cats too (I actually have seven pets all told. The price one pays for marrying a vet). They're cute and all, but I'll take the hounds over them any day. Cats just feel like they'd eat you in your sleep, if you cross 'em.
I've been around since October of '05, although I honestly can't remember when I first started posting. Coincidentally, October of '05 is when I started working in government. Actually, that may not be a coincidence at all.
I have two dogs & one cat. The cat, Stella, is a major pain in the ass. She likes to wake me up in the morning by batting me in the face and howling.
Posted by: Kolby at February 13, 2008 11:39 AM
Aww. I'm jealous; you guys have real pets. All I had were fish.
TK, cats may kill you in your sleep, but they're very majestic creatures. Not to mention extremely clean. Dogs crap everywhere and eat whatever's on the ground. I've taken care of a beagle (adorable) but she tried to eat everything she sniffed.
Posted by: Brie at February 13, 2008 11:56 AM
I always get the impression my cat feels she owns me. Until she wants something, then she'll keep meowing at me until she gets what she wants.
I mean...I already got rid of my girlfriend...I don't need another relationship exactly like the one I already have.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 13, 2008 12:01 PM
Kee-rist. Sous chef. Because I'm not an idiot, at least about spelling.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 13, 2008 1:18 PM
My, that was quite the fun argument to read, most entertaining! I'm glad everything got worked out in the end though.
We all have bad days, and can get bent out of shape over things. I know I'm guilty of that, and that I've gotten in a snit here not because of anything anyone really did wrong, but just because I was in an onnery mood. If I've ever offended anyone, or just been a dick towards anyone here, I apologize (well, except for Spork, he had it coming to him).
I have had many pets over the years. The usual dogs and cats, and not so usual pets like opossums, a raccoon, a Blue Jay, and various other critters. I currently have a cat, or it has me, I should say. She sleeps at the foot of my bed all day, and meows at me in annoyance whenever I get in bed to go to sleep. I can see why the ancient Egyptians worshiped cats, because cats certainly behave as if they are gods, and we are merely their servants.
Posted by: CptCrckpot at February 14, 2008 5:35 AM
Ha! Llism, Napalm Vagina was brilliant. Crustabelle McSatansShart is still my favorite.
That Cracked article is hysterical (Adopt a Penguin? Seriously?), but I'm sorry I wouldn't sleep with a guy who WASN'T wearing a cock sock.