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Friends Don't Let Friends Drink And Blog

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (22)



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Consider this my public service announcement: Never blog while drunk. Unless you’re Allie Brosh, in which case it’s hilarious. Or unless you’re writing Pajiba Love. What? There’s a mini-fridge in our living room and it had Bailey’s in it and I’m dead inside but I can stop whenever I want but not right now because I FUCKING NEED THIS YOU BASTARDS. (Hyperbole And A Half)

Here are 9 Mel Gibson cameos that people might actually want to see. You know what? Yes to the Smurfs cameo. I don’t know why, but something about Mel as Gargamel (See? He’s even got ‘mel’ in his name!) seems right. Also, he’d probably scream at Smurfette for getting in the Smurf tub before giving him Smurf-job. (Screen Junkies)

Alright, today’s quiz is all about banned books, so on top of scoring a decent amount on this quiz, award yourself a bonus point for each of the books here that you’ve actually read. Because reading is fun-da-mental! (Litely Salted)

Thanks to TK, here’s a list of the best French horror/extreme films of the decade. Am I the only one who’s ever seen Haute Tension in the original French? Because it’s pretty epic. One of the benefits of being from Quebec, I suppose. (One Metal)

The Randy Moss story, the rolling round-the-clock coverage, the stakeouts. “It feels like Lady Di just got killed. In football.” (Ugly Fours)

Alright, here’s an interview with the totally adorable Kate Nash who, to be honest with you, I’m kinda in love with. Seriously, if you’ve never heard Foundation, then you are missing the fuck out. (popbytes)

Here are the ten best movies about dreaming, and before you ask, yes, Inception is on the list. Oh, and there are a couple other spoilers on this list too, so be warned all who enter; You’re about to find out which of the good movies you’ve never seen were actually just a dream. (Unreality)

Oh hoo-fucking-rah. You know all those people that adamantly oppose gay marriage? Well as it turns out none of them actually have a valid excuse for it, other than “The bible says so”, which is funny because the one place in the Bible they gleaned that from is (A) actually talking about bisexual males (also not a sin), (B) also says that eating shellfish and clothing of mixed fabrics are punishable by death, and (C) absolutely nowhere in the new testament does it say that Jesus hated the gays. (Zelda Lily)

Okay everyone, it’s time to play “No seriously Heidi Klum, what in the fuckedy fuck are you wearing?” No, seriously, what the fuck is this shit? She looks like she just got dunked in purple Kool-Aid. Still, it could be worse: She could have been dressed by Gretchen Jones. NEVER FORGET. (Yeeeah!)

Because fuck all of you that’s why, Playboy is celebrating the 25th anniversary of Back To The Future by dressing their bunnies up in attire inspired by Marty and Doc Brown and doing a photoshoot. Incredible; they’ve managed to simultaneously beat a dead horse and rape your childhood at the same time. Now that’s service! (The Flickcast)

And now, just to instill a bit of fear into you, here’s Shaq in drag singing a Beyonce song. While this is perfectly SFW, I must warn you: It’s probably not safe for your soul. In fact, this is probably going to turn out to be the new Ring. (Evil Beet)

Just because I can, and also because this will probably deflate his ego ever-so-slightly, Kanye West’s dick pics that he, of course, sent out to a girl he wanted to bang, got leaked onto the internet. Hey Brett Favre, is this Super Mario Bros.? Because you just got 1-upped! (IHeartChaos)

You know what? I’m just going to present this without comment: Josef Fritzl, the man who trapped his own daughter in his dungeon basement for 24 years and used her as his personal sex-slave, said in an interview that Two And A Half Men is his favourite show because it always makes him laugh. Draw your own conclusions from this. (Gawker)

*Claps hands excitedly* Yay! The cute, hunky Australian guy who made the Surprise Party video is back! The best part about his videos is that you can watch them with the sound on or off, and they’re still good!

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.









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Comments

Am I the only one who’s ever seen Haute Tension in the original French? Because it’s pretty epic.

Oh, did seeing it in French make the ending not crappy? That is pretty epic.

Posted by: Lauren at November 2, 2010 12:26 PM

Thanks to TK, here’s a list of the best French horror/extreme films of the decade. Am I the only one who’s ever seen Haute Tension in the original French?

"Thanks to TK, my Netflix list is now several movies longer." Fixed.

And one of them is Haute Tension. Because I have not seen it. But I've wanted to. If only I were French or French Canadian!

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 2, 2010 12:53 PM

re: Biblical justifications for opposing gay marriage.

...but then these same people overlook the biblical condemnation of usury... mainly because they don't know what usury means.

Posted by: litmus0001 at November 2, 2010 1:01 PM

I prefer to consult the Oracle at Delphi for my justifications for opposing gay marriage.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 2, 2010 1:11 PM

A list about dreaming and no Paprika or even Perfect Blue?

Posted by: twig at November 2, 2010 1:19 PM

Ummm...don't talk about Playboy like that. Hugh Hefner is old, but he is a marksman with no equal.

Posted by: superasente at November 2, 2010 1:26 PM

absolutely nowhere in the new testament does it say that Jesus hated the gays.

Because Jesus doesn't hate anyone. Jesus = love.
The More You Know!

That is not a comment on his followers, by the by. We humans fuck up a lot.
I Bet You Knew That Already!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at November 2, 2010 1:39 PM

re: Biblical justifications for opposing gay marriage.

...but then these same people overlook the biblical condemnation of usury... mainly because they don't know what usury means.

Posted by: litmus0001 at November 2, 2010 1:01 PM
-----------------------------------------
I prefer to consult the Oracle at Delphi for my justifications for opposing gay marriage.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 2, 2010 1:11 PM
-----------------------------------

I prefer to just bang whatever strikes my fancy at any particular moment and then justify it with rambling incoherence about how it's my god given right as a sparkly wood nymph to deposit my seed into anything possessing or remotely resembling a hole for the betterment of nature and the textile industry.

Posted by: admin at November 2, 2010 1:43 PM

I prefer to just bang whatever strikes my fancy at any particular moment and then justify it with rambling incoherence about how it's my god given right as a sparkly wood nymph to deposit my seed into anything possessing or remotely resembling a hole for the betterment of nature and the textile industry.

Fuckin' Canadians.

No pun intended.

Posted by: TK at November 2, 2010 1:53 PM

Leave Heidi Klum alone. She can wear anything or nothing and it's all right with me.

Nothing is preferred, however.

Posted by: , at November 2, 2010 1:56 PM

*actually looks at Heidi photo, thinks What. The. Fuck.*

Um, OK, I take that previous comment back, except the "nothing is preferrable" part.
---
Also, while I'm at it, did I somehow miss it or was there no EE yesterday? Was figgy in sugarshock from Halloween or were we just not funny enough for you again? One week it's "I couldn't find 10 so here's nine" and now it's "I couldn't find ONE, so here's none."

You better be sick or dead in there ...

Posted by: , at November 2, 2010 2:00 PM

Uh, does Haute Tension come in a non-original-French flavor? I'm confused. I guess I saw the original French. With subtitles.

It wasn't the second coming, but it had plenty of gore without quite going over the top of my limit (haven't seen Martyrs, I think that would be over my limit). Yeah, I can see how people would say "plot holes you can drive a truck through, blah blah", but hey, at least it was far more interesting than your average slasher flick.

Posted by: MM at November 2, 2010 2:06 PM

Ummmm, I don't think there are any actual *dreams* in Requiem for a Dream. There are a couple of hallucinations, but I don't think those really count as dreams in the more literal sense, as with EVERY OTHER MOVIE in the list. It's one of my all-time favorites, but I don't think it belongs on that list.

Also, now that I think about it, it's been a long time since I've seen Brazil, but were there any actual dreams in there, either? I mean, not the figurative "hopes and dreams" kind, the actual kind where you are sleeping? I don't think you can mix those kinds of dreams when you're talking about something like this.

I am dissatisfied with that list. Harrumph.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 2, 2010 2:16 PM

I've seen Martyrs. Every now and then, I think about reviewing it. But I won't, because that would mean I'd have to watch it again.

And that's not a road you travel down more than once.

Posted by: TK at November 2, 2010 2:22 PM

Jesus, Jeremy. What is the problem with a sweet-ass costume? What is the problem with going full out on Halloween instead of just wearing a sexy maid/nurse/bee/etc? There's just no winning with you...

Posted by: Marcela at November 2, 2010 2:27 PM

Beav, I think they are referring to the [SPOILER!]
end sequence in Brazil - the "rescue" that is actually all in the hero's miiiind.

Posted by: Odnon. at November 2, 2010 2:33 PM

Jesus, Jeremy. There's just no winning with you...

Sure there is. If you're a naked Australian Youtube exhibitionist guy.

Posted by: Rykker at November 2, 2010 2:37 PM

That French cinema list is excellent. Inside is repulsive to the point that I initially gave it a horrendous, scorched earth review, which I then revised because that was the point. It's totally the Napoleon Dynamite of pre-natal horror films. Nothing worth exploring on screen happens and that's what makes it brilliant, albeit brilliant with gallons and gallons of blood and really upsetting subject matter. It's a rare film that makes me feel like my stomach has ripped open and is leaking toxins all throughout my body. That's one of them.

Posted by: Robert at November 2, 2010 3:30 PM

Disappointed in the dream films list that it doesn't include the previously mentioned "Paprika" or the underrated but still good "Dreamscape" (starring a very young Dennis Quaid - you know, the sane one):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreamscape_(film)

Posted by: luthien26 at November 2, 2010 3:48 PM

Speaking of dream films, am I the only one who remembers Until the End of the World (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101458/)? I thought the concept and execution of the "dream camera" was quite good.

Posted by: steve at November 2, 2010 4:50 PM

Heidi Klum had the awesomest of all the celebrity Halloween costumes, and don't you freaking forget it. It takes some work for her to make her husband look like a dwarf like that.

Posted by: Jerry at November 2, 2010 10:29 PM

Wa-hey, OneMetal got linked from Pajiba! I'm the music editor over at that site - I'm thrilled to see Pajibans checking us out and enjoying our content! Thanks to TK for recommending us, Jeremy for adding the link and everyone that's gone to read our stuff.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at November 4, 2010 10:33 AM