An update to yesterday’s impending cultural apocalypse warning. Yep, the end is nigh, people. Nigh!! (WIMB)
Post-pregnancy boobs are absolutely the must-have accessory of the season! (Popoholic) and (IDLYITW)
Tetris shelving and Mega Man quilts? Me wantee all of this stuff! (mental floss)
If a guy tried to pick me up by telling me that “my eyes are the same color as his Porsche.” I’d probably say, “That’s funny, because your dick is most likely the size of my pinky finger.” Oh, snap! (Jezebel)
Yep, it’s all fun and games until people start drinking themselves to the death! (QuizLaw)
A chart that figures out how long it’s been since you’ve done laundry as indicated by what you’re wearing, even though it is clearly written for a guy and not necessarily one with a day job. (College Humor)
Am I missing something here? Why does anyone think they look good with lip collagen? Who really thinks this improves anything? Seriously, help! (cityrag)
Many women are very well suited for pregnancy, and carry themselves with a radiant, motherly glow. And then there’s Jennifer Lopez… (Yeeeah!) Annnd Melissa Joan Hart. (Evil Beet)
Both with Romney bowing out and him finally getting his own music video, everything is coming up Huckabee, after the jump!
With all the unmitigated snark directed at the women of Hollywood over the past few years regarding collagen lip injections, you would think that BY NOW, most of 'em would wise up enough to realize that it's not a good look on ANYBODY, regardless of age or circumstance.
Even without all the snark, you would think common sense would dictate that the procedure makes one look like ass. Then again, I guess there's never been a whole lot of common sense in the entertainment industry.
I realize that youthful good looks are highly prized in Hollywood, but I would say, "ladies, either age gracefully, or get out of the business", no matter how unfortunate and unfair that sounds. Besides, collagened lips don't actually make one look youthful.
Say, didn't New York enact a ban on Happy Hour a few years ago? Dustin?
And any time I see someone touching Katie & Tom, or, you know, located within 50 feet of them, I fear for that person's life.
Posted by: Kolby at February 7, 2008 4:13 PM
Is it just me, or is Brittany Murphy starting to look awfully similar to Carol Channing??
Posted by: hbomb at February 7, 2008 4:36 PM
Oh my God, Melissa Joan Hart. Are we sure she's gestating a human baby?
And Brittany Murphy's lips are absolutely awful. Melanie Griffith-awful. Lisa Rinna-awful. I'm looking at the cover of my Clueless DVD and weeping.
Posted by: Lannie at February 7, 2008 4:42 PM
Hey, be nice to the pregnant ladies. Believe me, it's no picnic to watch yourself blow up like a whale in the ass, thighs, arms, and chin, and then have it all highlighted once you have the baby and don't have the big belly to deflect attention away from the rest of your body. Famous women must enjoy their time pregnant since it's the only time they're allowed to eat like a normal person. And I find it funny that Jennifer Lopez only managed to look like a real pregnant woman by being pregnant with twins.
Lip injections are so weird! That is one phenomenon I don't understand at all.
Posted by: katy at February 7, 2008 4:49 PM
Britanny has endearing, desperate, quality that I find very attractive in women.
Also, I heard she does anal.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 7, 2008 4:50 PM
It warms the heart, Slim, to learn of your high standards.
Posted by: Kolby at February 7, 2008 4:55 PM
the procedure makes one look like ass
Literally and figuratively . . . a sideways face-ass. [Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub]
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 7, 2008 4:59 PM
Christ, "Clarissa Devours It All" is more like it.
Funny, I didn't see Melissa listed on the Cloverfield credits...
.....BAM!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 7, 2008 5:02 PM
Aaaaannnd Question: Is Bai Ling the father?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 7, 2008 5:02 PM
Hey, I'm with Slim, if they put out, I'll find a place in my heart for 'em...
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 7, 2008 5:04 PM
All right...Damn, Melissa Joan Hart is huge! She's going to be hating life in a few months.
Posted by: katy at February 7, 2008 5:07 PM
She does know that being that close to Bai Ling will enable her to catch something, right?
Posted by: Melody at February 7, 2008 5:23 PM
Why do all these pregnant women think heels are a good idea? You're already round, and your feet will be swollen to twice their size by the end of the day if you wear flats... it seems like the kind of torture to put a hormonal woman over the edge.
If I were famous and incubating a something, I would wear sneakers to every event I had to go to in the third trimester. Maybe even sweats.
Posted by: artificialsweet at February 7, 2008 5:27 PM
Oh for Pete's sake Pajiba...
I am all for making celebrities look like dweebs....but now you are picking on PREGNANT WOMEN for gaining weight? You do realize that PREGNANT WOMEN GAIN WEIGHT? Like, a lot of it. And they get puffy, and they don't look so great. BECAUSE THE'YRE PREGNANT. God forbid that they put the health of their child above some media driven body image that's impossible to maintain.
I love you guys, but this is the kind of crap I expect from the gutter-dwelling scum suckers at Gawker or the like.
Posted by: vaguelyamish at February 7, 2008 5:32 PM
But vaguely, MJH ate Bai Ling's little brother. Her 25-year-old, 235-pound little brother.
For serious man, I agree that women shouldn't be mocked for gaining weight when they're pregnant (duh), but if MJH isn't careful she's going to scrape the upper Sierra right off of North America. (That's a glacier joke, people! How many of those do you get every day?)
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 7, 2008 5:41 PM
A glacier joke? Did we turn high-brow all of a sudden?
Seriously, though...I actually snorted when I read your comment, socalled. That was awesome.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 7, 2008 5:46 PM
I have no problem with pregnant women, hell my wife was that 4 times over and believe me, she was still attractive as hell, her hormones helped a bit too! Sometimes I (and I'm sure a few others)like to poke fun and ridicule everyone else. I guarantee that were I married to MJH, I would have a hard time keeping my hands off of her. Besides I ain't the greatest in shape either (well round is a shape, right?), so let me have and eat my hypocritical cake, alright?
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 7, 2008 5:48 PM
I say anything that kills drunken college guys is A-OK in my book!
Oh, and I guess Clarissa is trading in posing for STUFF magazine for NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, eh?
Posted by: Case at February 7, 2008 5:53 PM
socalled, only once in an ice age I imagine.
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 7, 2008 5:54 PM
(That's a glacier joke, people! How many of those do you get every day?)
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 7, 2008 5:41 PM
-----------------------------------------------
You sir, are a visionary.
Went hydrological on our asses.
*HI FIVE*
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 7, 2008 5:54 PM
Re MJH: I'm less concerned about her weight and more intruiged by the shape of that "baby bump". The baby looks like it's lying sideways in a position that cannot be healthy for delivery purposes. Baby bumps are usually vaguely ovoid but that looks like the world's largest fanny pack. It cannot be comfortable.
Posted by: PaddyDog at February 7, 2008 7:20 PM
A normal pregnancy entails a weight gain of 25 pounds, less for munchkin sized Hollyweirdos. Hart has easily gained twice that and probably more. Having to lay off the coke and Marlboro diet that keeps most of them slim and trim also adds to the weight equation. She just looks terrible too.
Posted by: OscarTamerz at February 7, 2008 9:09 PM
I hate to insult a pregnant woman, but MJH is huge. At first I thought it was the top she was wearing, but no, she's just really full. I remember she got this way during her last pregnancy, too. Some women remain really small (Angelina Jolie comes to mind) and some women gain a lot. It depends.
Posted by: Brie at February 7, 2008 10:01 PM
Well, they certainly used the worst picture of Melissa Joan Hart they could find from that night. She's definately very pregnant, and you tend to show more with your second pregnancy.
Shorter women get the shaft when it comes to pregnancy weight gain. Putting on 25 lbs when you're 5'2" porks you out a lot more than if you're 5'8".
After the last weight check I had before I delivered, my OB looked at me and said, "Good thing you're tall."
True that.
Posted by: Alabamapink at February 7, 2008 11:33 PM
It's not witty or clever to pick on pregnant women. It's just being an asshole.
Collagen lips and Tom Cruise however, AMEN.
Posted by: nnaysayer at February 7, 2008 11:52 PM
With my first I gained 60 pounds (yes, oh yes) and the second I gained 25 pounds only. For someone roundly accused of anorexic tendencies (I know, cry me a river, it's hard to be skinny) I freaking LOVED turning into a penguin. It's just something about having some jelly to roll...there's the hotness right thurr.
Also, being a short, flatchested albino sucked - I finally got my boobies guys! With my second, most people didn't believe I was pregnant until I brought my little howler out to visit.
And I must say - I never in all my life looked so good as I did pregnant. Now if they could bottle fake-pregnant 'glow'...I'd sell whatever it took, my friends. Ass fat injected into your head just doesn't cut it, hot wise.
Posted by: Rebeccah at February 8, 2008 2:53 AM
Wow. Picking on pregnant women for gaining too much. Sorry, that's low as shit. As for "average" weight gains, looking great/terrible, whatever, let's all remember that the goal is a healthy baby and sound parenting.
As for the men commenting on how terrible these women look, I sentence you to nine-months of weight gain, swollen ankles, and sleepless nights followed immediately by pushing a watermelon out of your asshole.
Posted by: samantha t at February 8, 2008 6:31 AM
Wait. Hold up.
OK, in all seriousness, re: pregnant women. I'm gonna need a ruling here, folks. Where exactly is the line? Pregnant women? Fat people? Skinny people? Ugly people? What about people with buck teeth? Or bald? Old people? Because we pretty much make fun of everyone around here. And if you have ever participated in making fun of a particular person, especially if it's based on their appearance in ANY WAY...
I'm sorry, but outrage like this feels awfully arbitrary. No one is making fun of ALL pregnant women, or disrespecting their mothers. It's simply a joke. And it's not really fair to hold the rest of us up to your standards of what's offensive, particularly if there is a group that you're willing to make fun of.
That sort of thing works fine in your real world social circle. But around here, where for the most part, we really don't know each other, to hold someone accountable for a simple joke doesn't strike me as terribly genuine.
I meant no offense to pregnant women in general, and I think y'all know that ('Bama! I would never! You know that, right?). So before the PC brute squad gets too out of hand, let's just agree: it's gotta be all or nothing, folks.
And you're never gonna get the nothing around here.
Normally I'd agree with you TK, I enjoy the relentless mockery of everything that Pajiba promises, and Lord knows I don't buy into the whole "treating pregnant women with kid gloves as if they're infirm or something when the majority of them have chosen to get knocked up and honestly I don't expect special treatment because of things I've willingly inflicted on myself so I don't see why they should get it either" mentality (also: who doesn't appreciate a good glacier joke?)
But something about these comments just left a nasty taste in my mouth. I can't explain why, specifically but it runs something like this: I have massive issues with the whole "body image" debate and a culture of comments like these (not the specific comments, mind you) just encourages unhealthy behaviours in women who are either carrying children or who have just given birth (and are therefore in a physiologically and psychologically weakened state) in order to conform back to society's ideal. It piles on even more pressure and promotes disordered eating.
Poking fun at people is all well and good but it makes me flinch to see comments on a place such as Pajiba, where I consider the average poster to be smarter than most of the people out there, that are reminiscent of those ideas that fuel what is, in my opinion, a massive social problem.
This isn't a knee jerk reaction to a violation of the sanctity of a woman's right to bear children (or some other such bollocks) or an attempt at political correctness (because, well - this is me talking) just an attempt at explaining my slightly kill-joyish response upon reading the thread.
In summary: mocking someone's bad clothing choices = cool
Mocking a pregnant woman for natural weight gain = not cool
Right, back to the regularly scheduled bitching: seriously, why the hell does anyone still think that collagen is a good idea?
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 8, 2008 8:48 AM
OK, Alex, fair enough. But I must ask the inevitable question - what about people who are simply overweight? Because that's come up here as comedic material, and no one was up in arms. So are pregnant women exempt simply because their weight is made of a baby, and not Twinkies? Or a glandular problem?
I understand that you've got issues with the body image debate, and I accept that. But I still don't think it's fair to impose your own personal line in the sand on everyone else. Either making fun of peoples' appearance is fair game... or it's not.
Seriously... you don't think people who get collagen injections have body image issues? Of course they do, that's why they do it. They're insecure as fuck, and feel either society or the industry's pressure on them to look a certain way. But since it's not manifesting itself as anorexia or some other more mainstream and sympathetic disorder, it's OK to make fun of it? No. I can't agree with that. It all ties in together, hence my accusation of arbitrariness.
It has to be all or nothing. If we're going to have a hullabaloo every time someone makes fun of a physical characteristic that is personal to one of us, things are going to get out of hand in a hurry.
You make a good point TK, and I can see how my mockery of cosmetic surgery might come off as hypocritical but as far as I'm concerned it all comes down to personal choice. They've chosen to have their lips pumped full of synthetic material and paid for the privilege. I view it exactly the same way that I view having my tattoos: I went through a long, unnecessary, purely cosmetic and painful procedure with no health benefits whatsoever to have something done to myself that about 80% of the world thinks is ugly, insane and/or utterly tacky. Do I mind them commenting on it in a negative light - hell no, I was aware of this going in. Different people have different views on what looks good and that's how I see plastic surgery. I personally think it looks awful, but obviously these people don't (hence the going out in public and not suing whoever did it to them) so in my mind that gives me free license to remark on it.
Whether that's right or wrong it's the line that I draw in my head and it's one that I generally stick to.
I'm not fond of making fun of people who are simply overweight either and I've argued against the use of fat suits as a comedic device in movies etc. but I usually don't speak out about it or stay out of the discussion. I'm not trying to impose my views on anyone, or saying that you should refrain from being your hilarious self and holding forth on whatever topic comes to mind but you made some points about the outrage seeming arbitrary so I thought I'd step in and attempt to explain, as someone who found the comments a little distasteful but hadn't yet voiced her opinion, what the thought process behind it was.
I'm not trying to censor you, or even suggest that it should be a possibility, I agree absolutely that people should be able to say whatever they like in the kingdom of the interwebs (although you've got to admit - you know people are going to object to some subjects), I was just trying to explain the way my mind works (on one of the rare occasions it isn't atrophying from lack of use)
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 8, 2008 9:26 AM
Ah. Now I get it, Alex. And my apologies for jumping on you about it. Your point wasn't that I shouldn't make fun, it was simply explaining why it's distasteful to you.
And that I can respect.
I absolutely understand why you find it distasteful, and in all honesty, I feel the same way about certain appearance-based jokes. I don't know if I agree with your rationale about choice versus natural appearance, but that's OK. We don't have to agree on everything.
I guess all we've really established is that we both have lines, and that we're free to a) make fun of those within our lines, and b) speak out when we feel someone has crossed it.
I'm cool with that. So, let's shake hands and go have breakfast, OK?
Sniff....this is why I love Pajiba....you guys....I love you guys....group hug!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 8, 2008 9:49 AM
Wow.... if this were Fark, there would be a zillion posters jumping on the "fatty" thread. Every woman who has ever given birth would be demanding that men be forced to simulate the experience and see how THEY like it, thank you very much.
But y'all are civil and actually DISCUSS your differences, and then go off and have breakfast after. So cool. I do love this site.
happy friday, everybody.
Posted by: nancy at February 8, 2008 10:42 AM
As for the men commenting on how terrible these women look, I sentence you to nine-months of weight gain, swollen ankles, and sleepless nights followed immediately by pushing a watermelon out of your asshole.
That pretty much sums it up for me in the nine months since I turned 40.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 8, 2008 10:57 AM
"I'm cool with that. So, let's shake hands and go have breakfast, OK?"
Absolutely! Can we get waffles?
In other news: My boss finally left for the day: wheeeeee! It's the weekend!
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 8, 2008 11:38 AM
Fascinating! Is that what happens when you turn 40, you push a watermelon out of your ass? I guess labor and delivery will have prepared me for another real life application after all.
Posted by: katy at February 8, 2008 1:05 PM
Well, more like a cantaloupe, but when you add it all up, the cumulative effect must be similar.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 8, 2008 1:13 PM
The writers' strike is almost over? Any chance we can vote on which ones should stay on strike?
Posted by: LouRob at February 8, 2008 1:18 PM
Melissa Joan Hart's always been a little porky, but J.Lo seems to have morphed into pre-Nutrisystem (or whatever crappy weight loss system she's been shilling these days) Valerie Bertinelli.
Brittany Murphy looks LUDICROUS with those lips. And dear old Firecrotch should sue whoever did hers, they're noticeably lopsided.
With all the unmitigated snark directed at the women of Hollywood over the past few years regarding collagen lip injections, you would think that BY NOW, most of 'em would wise up enough to realize that it's not a good look on ANYBODY, regardless of age or circumstance.
Even without all the snark, you would think common sense would dictate that the procedure makes one look like ass. Then again, I guess there's never been a whole lot of common sense in the entertainment industry.
I realize that youthful good looks are highly prized in Hollywood, but I would say, "ladies, either age gracefully, or get out of the business", no matter how unfortunate and unfair that sounds. Besides, collagened lips don't actually make one look youthful.
Reality is a thin-lipped bitch.