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Pajiba Love 02/03/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Good Things Really Do Happen To Good People!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | February 3, 2009 | Comments (36)

YES! YES! YES! YES! Joe Francis is back in jail, and he might be going away for a long ass time this time. (Celebitchy)

He’s Just not That Into You premiered last night, and the female stars celebrated by having a good old fashioned fug-off. (WIMB)

This guy is kind of like a supervillain with superpowers of incompetency. (QuizLaw)

Here’s a pretty hilarious site in which people basically just reveal horrifying moments. Kind of like those old Sassy columns where girls always got their period in front of boys they like, only more vulgar. Thanks, JP! (FMyLife)

Oh hey, Miley Cyrus did something incredibly racist. Why? Because she’s an ignorant redneck piece of shit. Is anyone really that surprised? (Yeeeah!)

If you could sit down with Obama and talk to him about anything, what would it be? If you’re Matt Lauer, the answer is Jessica Simpson Fat Watch. And that’s why he’s a host of the “Today” show and you’re not. Site NSFW! (DrunkenStepfather)

Here are some postcards with slightly more accurate depictions. (HolyTaco)

I think we already had a diversion or a mini-dirve about places you guys have effed outdoors or in public, but I know you’ll all have at it, anyway. Anyway here is a handy map for just such an endeavor, compliments of Millie! (OutdoorLoveMap)

I wish I liked Ramen noodles because I would be all about this. (SeriousEats)

Here is a hilarious conversation between Christopher Walken and Mickey Rourke about… Eye makeup? I shit you not. (ASWOBA)

Paper magazine did a cool spread of gay fashion of Harvey Milk’s day. (omg blog)

So everyone is pretty much disgusted over Michael Phelp’s apologizing for smoking pot. It’d be nice if he took it back like this. Thanks, Jaci! (TheAgitator)

Hey! Elizabeth Banks and that dude from “Best Week Ever” and the Sonics commercials did a PSA for Mercy Corps. And here it is!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I'm gonna ask, because maybe someone else will know, but who buys Girls Gone Wild? And why? I mean, if you want to see boobies there's this little thing called THE INTERNET that lets you see all the boobies you want! Mostly for free! Why would you waste your time with a DVD of sloppy drunk college girls who are generally cute but nothing exceptional flashing their tits for a tee shirt? And yeah, I get that there's "extra stuff" on the DVDs, but you can see THAT on the internet for free too.

I'm just bewildered as to how that man makes any money. Also his business practices are super shady and I'm not surprised that he got busted for tax evasion.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at February 3, 2009 1:15 PM

Mickey Rourke & Christopher Walken together = a match made in my kind of heaven.

Posted by: Cindy at February 3, 2009 1:17 PM

A friend sent me this video link, more fun ways people are employing that MS SoundStudio program. It is funny in a kind of ha ha ha - ow way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-BZfFakpzc&

Also, I share Genny's confusion about purchasing boobs when quality boobs are available for free.

Posted by: twig at February 3, 2009 1:21 PM

Curse you, bold tags.

Posted by: twig at February 3, 2009 1:23 PM

Genny - *sigh* umm, my dad. Especially if he can buy it on VHS. He doesn't really embrace technology.

Posted by: Lainey at February 3, 2009 1:31 PM

Too bad for Francis he's not up for a position in Obama's cabinet [rimshot]

Posted by: Eep at February 3, 2009 1:35 PM

I have considered your bewilderment GaR & twig and I can only come up with one answer:

po-dunk places without high-speed internet access.

But a least the prison population will finally get the Girls Gone Wild: Prison Bitch edition they've been waiting for.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 1:38 PM

Speaking of net-boob, me and that picture of Jennifer Connelly have a date in the most exclusive stall of the office bathroom.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 1:41 PM

Lainey, I'm so sorry that you know that. But I'm sure your dad isn't making up the bulk of Fancis's multi-million dollar empire.

admin might be onto it though. That is starting to make a little more sense to me.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at February 3, 2009 1:43 PM

'm just bewildered as to how that man makes any money. Also his business practices are super shady and I'm not surprised that he got busted for tax evasion.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at February 3, 2009 1:15 PM

---------------------------------------------

Protest too much..?

You must have one sordid past...

mmmmmmmm
*starts scanning GGW collection*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 3, 2009 1:43 PM

Please, Slim, don't insult my intelligence. If I were to show my tits on camera, it would be for a hell of a lot more than a shitty tee shirt that no self-respecting woman would wear. I've just heard stories of how the GGW parties go down, and it's barely this side of legal.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at February 3, 2009 1:49 PM

Huzzah! Both you listing FMyLife and this entry:

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she proceeded to do nothing, and went back to bed. FML

...started my morning off all nice like. Thanks, Stacey!

Posted by: JapJay (aka JP) at February 3, 2009 1:51 PM

...it would be for a hell of a lot more than a shitty tee shirt that no self-respecting woman would wear.

*patiently waits for further clarification*

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 2:05 PM

*me too*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 3, 2009 2:07 PM

If I were to show my tits on camera, it would be for a hell of a lot more than a shitty tee shirt that no self-respecting woman would wear

Um, GaR, you wouldn't be going to Pajibacon by chance, would you? Because I could totally bring some ripped-up jeans and a Banana Republic sweater to exchange for some titty-bearing, and it wouldn't have to be on camera. Or were you referring to cash money? Cuz they have them ATM thingies in Austin, I've heard.

Pajiba: Five years and counting of bizarre pseudo-sexual propositions to complete strangers. And you thought this was a movie review site ...

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at February 3, 2009 2:23 PM

/baring.

Dammit.

Although I'll bear those honeys if they're too heavy for you.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at February 3, 2009 2:24 PM

And you wonder why I don't post pictures of me in my Pajiba shirt. I know you dogs well enough.


And admin, you sure can stomach a lot more fashion hideousness than I can. Hell, she's wearing a bunch of studded bracelets on her feet. It goes beyond me hating sandals to being scared of blatant insanity.

See what happens when you marry English??? This pillaging of our women has to STOP! For the sake of everyone's eyes!!!

Posted by: Jay at February 3, 2009 2:34 PM

Why do all the gays have to be so pretty? It's like nature taunting me. "Look at this beautiful boy and his giant package... do you want him? *yoink* Too bad, he only likes other boys! (Nelson voice) Ha ha!" Damn you nature! P.S. I am old enough to have actually seen some of those *aherm* "fashions". They got it pretty spot on, except maybe for the first one who appears to be wearing spandex under his briefs there, and I feel like it's a little early for that. I could be wrong though. I mean, I was like, 7. The Mickey Mouse tank top guy though? I think I actually knew that guy. Or at least some one who dressed like him.

P.P.S. I think I might start a Build You Own Ramen franchise here. I'd make a killing with the college kids.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at February 3, 2009 2:34 PM

Gentlemen, I am not going to discuss these sorts of sordid affairs on the public message boards of Pajiba. It would be crass of me to say something like "$50 and up based on number of viewers, time of viewing, and other special considerations. No touching, no cameras."

I mean really, that's not the kind of people we are here.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at February 3, 2009 2:40 PM

But the legs Jay. THE LEGS!

Although I do share your hatred of sandals. Except when worn with the debonair black socks.

I've always maintained that, if they had had black socks back in the day, Jesus would have rocked the shit out of that look.

All those crucifixes in churches and hanging above the kitchen entry: black socks and sandals.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 2:52 PM

Godtopus, do I ever wish I was going to be a Pajibicon this year. I'd be really easy to spot, running around with my camcorder, spraying down Pajibettes with my trusty super soaker whilst tossing out Paji Gone Wild t-shirts with the x-rated Octopussy on the front...

Posted by: Xtreme at February 3, 2009 3:14 PM

Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken are...

Tom and Jerry

You heard it here first.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 3, 2009 3:19 PM

Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken are...

Tom and Jerry

OH. MY. GOD.

*starts hyperventilating*

"I got a fever, and the cure, is more cowbell."

Best SNL skit ever.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 3:27 PM

Understood. Not my kind of legs though.

Posted by: Jay at February 3, 2009 3:33 PM

x-rated Octopussy on the front

That's godtopussy to you, friend. Hey, wait a---

/realizes blasphemy

/struck down by tentacle-lightning from the heavens

/charred spot on floor smokes briefly

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at February 3, 2009 3:52 PM

Best SNL skit ever.

I have to put it in a tie with The Continental.

Posted by: Cindy at February 3, 2009 4:50 PM

Best SNL skit ever.

I have to put it in a tie with The Continental.

Posted by: Cindy at February 3, 2009 4:53 PM

Duly noted and agreed.

I never could resist champagne.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2009 4:54 PM

Oops. See what happens when entire house is infected with plague-like virus and one tries to return to posting?

Posted by: Cindy at February 3, 2009 4:55 PM

Especially when it is pronounced so provocatively by the suave gentleman...

Posted by: Cindy at February 3, 2009 4:58 PM

GENNY and whoever else wonders who buys Girls Gone Wild,

Well my Ex's Best Friend does. This GIRL, had the most extensive collection of those smut, shared with her husband. Being little on Bi side, the appeal of them to her was that girls are actually coming for real... Was the viewing night awkward? You bet!

On side note I found this quote of Stephen King on the Twilight author:
"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/stephen-king-on-twilight-author-stephenie-meyer-can-t-write-worth-a-darn/18406?nc

I respected King before, now my admiration is gone up to the level unimaginable. Love that straight talking asshole!

Posted by: yocean at February 3, 2009 8:11 PM

Genny you clearly have little idea of the high male desire for seeing someones tits in person. That's why there are so many propositions, or maybe you do, and I'm just wrong. Like you, I don't get Girls Gone Wild due to the sheer level of free stuff on the internet. Just head to an actual bar if you want that kind of stuff in my book.

The sexual tension in these posts is now enormous, who will cave first....

Posted by: George at February 3, 2009 8:55 PM

That tool Joe Francis asked for a bailout of the Adult Film Industry. How could they possibly need a bailout? As long as men have a right hand, they should do fine unless they do something incredibly stupid, I'm talking George Bush and Sarah Palin's bastard child stupid.

Posted by: George at February 3, 2009 9:09 PM

it was not Sassy that had the Traumarama column (in which readers told of their embarrassment in front of boys). you're thinking of Seventeen, which was for the dumb girls. Sassy was for the smart girls who listened to Fugazi and read the fashion spread to find out what dresses looked cute with combat boots. jesus.

do your homework.

Posted by: grenadine at February 3, 2009 10:18 PM

you're thinking of Seventeen

Actually, it was 'YM', wasn't it? I had subscriptions to YM and Sassy, but not Seventeen and it was in one of those for sure. I guess it could've been in more than one mag though.

wow, is that really how I just spent the last 45 seconds of my life?

Posted by: robotsoda at February 3, 2009 10:47 PM

Seventeen called their column "Traumarama" but they didn't invent the "Embarrassing Moments Letters" section, and Stacey didn't say "Traumarama" anyway.

Now, if she'd credited another magazine for having Cute Band Alert, then that'd be cause for reproach, most certainly.

Posted by: Jay at February 4, 2009 5:06 PM





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