Pajiba Love 02/02/10

OH HAI ... CAN I HAZ SHADOW NOW?

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (78)

So I guess it’s Groundhog Day today, right? Yeah, well, spoiler alert: That stupid oversized nutsack of a rodent saw his shadow so I guess that’s supposed to mean it’s going to be cold for a while longer. (DListed)

John Williams continues his 100 favorite movies countdown with 90 through 86. (ASWOBA)

Ugh. Johnny Depp is the latest celebrity to voice incredulous disbelief that people think Roman Polanski deserves to be locked away. (Celebitchy)

Hayden Panettiere is dating some boxer that’s nine and a half foot tall, but I’m assuming they haven’t consummated the relationship yet given the fact that she’s not split completely in half. Seriously: OW. (Celebslam)

Here’s the most frightening thing I’ve heard in quite some time: “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki is shopping around nude photos and video of herself. (Litelysalted)

For fans of Charlotte Gainsbourg: Audiosuede reviews her new album, “IRM.” (Audiosuede)

The infamous Westboro Baptist Church showed at Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters to protest, uh, “something” last week, but ended up being outnumbered by snarky counter protesters. Hee. Thanks to Austin Asking for Trouble! (Laughing Squid)

Good news! Miley Cyrus’ inexplicably already skanky at 10-years-old sister is going to start her own clothing line! So your daughters can dress like her! Isn’t that fantastic? (Yeeeah!)

ZOMG! Did anyone else know that Michael Ian Black was writing a childrens book? (Screen Junkies)

Celebrities lucky enough to attend the Grammy awards Sunday night got a little something extra special in the gift bags this year. (Agent Bedhead)

To anyone who tries to tell you our current healthcare system isn’t a gigantic failure — here is a woman offering herself up for marriage in exchange for health insurance. (Zelda Lily)

Here are ten television characters you should technically hate but still love to root for. (Unreality)

And keeping within spirit of the holiday, here are all the “Ned” scenes from Groundhog Day. (Via Unlikely Words)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Publisher’s Note: Neither LOLCAts or LOLHogs Will Be Tolerated! Henceforth, every instance of it I see will be met with the following.

(Hat Tip: Sparkletits)

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Comments

And yet the Winter Olympics site is . . . well, it's warm, folks. Vancouver is the pee cloud in the pool of Canada. Apologies for all the tourists who show up in Gortex onesies.

Posted by: Lauren at February 2, 2010 1:07 PM

Lolhogs, Stacey? Lolhog picture and headline? Dustin, you know what you have to do.

Posted by: Sparkletits at February 2, 2010 1:11 PM

Oh my God Stacey, thank you thank you THANK YOU. Oh my God, I haven't laughed this hard at the WBC for a loooooooooong while. Oh gosh, those signs are just fucking INSANELY funny. The "Silly Hats Only" one cracked me right the fuck up. And I mean really, TWITTER? They're protesting TWITTER? When did the WBC turn into Tila Tequila?

Also, I don't care if he's 9'6, I would hit that HARD.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at February 2, 2010 1:15 PM

Ha! Take that Snuggie. :)

Posted by: Julie at February 2, 2010 1:25 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Taste the rainbow, bitches!

Also, I'm going to find that guy holding the "sporks are evil" sign and cut the fucker. Rusty sporks are part of a well rounded murderous arsenal.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2010 1:26 PM

The war has begun.

Posted by: Human Centipede at February 2, 2010 1:27 PM

Hey Johnny! If you're so confident that Polanski isn't a pedophile, why don't you leave your kids with him for a long weekend in Switzerland?

Yeah, that's what I thought Fuckhead.

Posted by: Kballs at February 2, 2010 1:30 PM

I regret posting this in pajiba love, but the new mobile site is abysmal. I bought the iPhone with it's "desktop browsing experience" and unlimited data plan, so having to endure a text-and-ad only site is intolerable. I've endured the roadblock ads with minor annoyance, but I understand their purpose.

We need an mobile site opt-out front, center, and perminant on the main page of this mobile abomination.

Yes, I see the links to view each post in full HTML at the bottom after the simplified version loads, but loading each page twice saves me not time nor bandwidth.

Sorry to interrupt otherwise topical comments.

Posted by: Enochroot at February 2, 2010 1:31 PM

mfff brff frff mrrfff

Posted by: Human Centipede - Segment Two at February 2, 2010 1:32 PM

Team Centipede, y'all.
It's ON.

Posted by: Spender at February 2, 2010 1:33 PM

Publisher’s Note: LOLCAts Nor LOLHogs Will Not Be Tolerated! Henceforth, every instance of it I see will be met with the following.

Stopping LOLspeak is just an anus away.

*"The More You Know" star flies across the screen*

Posted by: branded at February 2, 2010 1:34 PM

I'm sorry, if you guys really want to freak out over WBC, please view this cover of Lady Gaga's Poker Face done by Megan Phelps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEgxBOtAOIM

I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT.

Posted by: buttercup at February 2, 2010 1:35 PM

Is that a Na'vi Centipede? The color on my work computer is awful but there's a definite blue tinge. Either way: Hork!

Posted by: vikky. at February 2, 2010 1:36 PM

I bought the iPhone with it's "desktop browsing experience" and unlimited data plan, so having to endure a text-and-ad only site is intolerable. I've endured the roadblock ads with minor annoyance, but I understand their purpose.

We need an mobile site opt-out front, center, and perminant on the main page of this mobile abomination.

How does the mobile site for http://whitewhine.tumblr.com compare?

Posted by: branded at February 2, 2010 1:37 PM

mfff brff frff mrrfff
Posted by: Human Centipede - Segment Two at February 2, 2010 1:32 PM

DYING.

Posted by: Julie at February 2, 2010 1:37 PM

Damnit! I just spent the last five hours creating a mobile site, specifically w/out the roadblock ads and the slow loading images because of a complaints that the site loads too slowly on mobile phones. And now, you actually want all the HTML?

*kicks can*

I just figured out the mobile thing -- give me some time to figure out how to add an opt out.

*hangs head*

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at February 2, 2010 1:38 PM

I bought the iPhone

That's on you, man.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2010 1:40 PM

I never had anything against Hayden Panettiere before, but now I fucking hate the bitch. Seriously, do you guys know how difficult it is for a tall gal to find a tall dude? I'm naturally 5'9", over 6' with my heels, which are hot and sexy and I will not stop wearing them so don't even go there. And here are these little, short, fucking petite bitches who sneak in and steal all the tall guys. Ava Long(ha!)goria something and now this little fucking Hayden bitch?! I will not have it. I will not tolerate it! Tall girls of the world unite!!

Posted by: Scully at February 2, 2010 1:41 PM

You've got a good point. I'm not tall, but I don't want to tower over anybody either. I like compatibility. I'm a little taller than most women, and that works out great. I don't know why tall guys want peanuts. Just fucks the logistics right up.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2010 1:44 PM

If the Academy Award nominations taught us anything today, it's that 10 Best Picture nominees guarantees The Human Centipede will be an up for the big prize in 2011. If the Academy can embrace ass to ass and gay shepherds long enough for a nomination, they can embrace mouth to ass.

Posted by: Robert at February 2, 2010 1:46 PM

I WAS PROMISED DONUTS.

I laughed hard at that, but otherwise, this Pajiba Love is bringing out the rage. Asshats with nothing better to do but spread hate, yet another actor insisting that Polanski is really an OK guy despite raping a child (he has a wife and kids now! That should totally absolve him of all previous crimes no matter how heinous!), and to top it off, a picture of the Human Centipede. Dudes. Not fair.

And to think, this day started off with so much promise when the fucktard tailgating me in a white-out (there's a SEMI in front of me, am I supposed to drive through him?) spun out into the ditch. I laughed all the way into work while he had to wait for a tow truck. But six more weeks of this kinda blows.

Posted by: DeadBessie at February 2, 2010 1:49 PM

Here’s the most frightening thing I’ve heard in quite some time: “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki is shopping around nude photos and video of herself. (Litelysalted)

I'm no fan of remakes... and I certainly wouldn't care to see this hobgoblin attain the genuine celebrity status she craves... but... she'd be perfect for the Hollywood version of "Human Centipede", no?

Posted by: Lubeg at February 2, 2010 1:51 PM

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at February 2, 2010 1:38 PM

Hey Dustin, my opinion may very well be an outlier here; don't spend your time on a single complaint. After all, I may very well be an asshole. I'm noticing lots of sites using these mobile-designed versions recently-- I think Twitter did some kind of mobile overhaul a week or two ago. I suppose this was a tipping-point situation where I was displeased to see pajiba trending the same way.

How does the mobile site for http://whitewhine.tumblr.com compare?
Posted by: branded at February 2, 2010 1:37 PM

fwiw, looks ok, but I've never seen that particular site on a desktop so I have no baseline for comparison.

Posted by: Enochroot at February 2, 2010 1:53 PM

I don't know, Jay. I have a thing for guys that require a forklift in order to make out with. Mostly because at that height they have to keep up their game in order to make the climb worth it. If my sex doesn't look like gameplay from Shadow of the Colossus, it ain't worth it.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at February 2, 2010 1:53 PM

I wouldn't poke the bear that is the LOLCATZ crowd. They are legion, they breed like the fuzzy bunnies and kittehs they adore so much, and they will BURY YOU! You know deep down inside they all just want to watch the world BURN MOTHERFUCKERS!!! OH NOES!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at February 2, 2010 1:53 PM

Ugh. Johnny Depp is the latest celebrity to voice incredulous disbelief that people think Roman Polanski deserves to be locked away.
NOOOOOOOOOO!

And he has little daughters, too! NOOOOOOOOO!

Posted by: Jerce at February 2, 2010 1:56 PM

I love this picture more than lunch itself today:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubin110/4313654518/

Posted by: Jerce at February 2, 2010 1:57 PM

Ugh. I've never been a huge Johnny Depp fan but I always thought that he was at least a nice person. I don't understand how people can continue defending Roman Polanski, especially someone like Depp who has a daughter and you would think would be extra-concerned about assaults against young women.

Posted by: Claire at February 2, 2010 1:58 PM

Hey, Scully. 6-foot-1. Holla atcha boy.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 2, 2010 2:04 PM

Steve Jobs doesn't care about white people, Mr. branded.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2010 2:08 PM

I'm risking the wrath of the IT gods, just to post this, since I can't seem to figure out how to post on my iphone now with the mobile version.

Dustin, I don't want to rag on you too hard because I do believe that you are really trying to do right by this site and the many posters, but seriously, if I can't surreptitiously browse Pajiba throughout the day on my iphone, then I can't keep up with this site anymore. Unfortunately, I have actual responsibilities when I get home in the evenings that prevent me from spending a huge amount of time on the internet. And, as it is right now, I can't make heads or tails what is on the site with the mobile edition. Please, if you can, put it back the way it was, or at least give us an option to opt out of the mobile edition.

Thanks a bunch.

PS. I really do love this site and read it every day.

Posted by: elsie at February 2, 2010 2:09 PM

I don't feel like I should hate House. I do hate just about everyone who works with him, though. for being ethically challenged, spineless drama queens.

Posted by: figgy at February 2, 2010 2:11 PM

WBC protested outside of my office building here in San Francisco the same day. I didn't even notice them. Fail.

Posted by: JapJay at February 2, 2010 2:11 PM

And I hate Quagmire. Hate him. HATE. His schtick is painfully unfunny and I wish he'd be erased from existence.

Posted by: figgy at February 2, 2010 2:12 PM

...every idiot who goes about with winter weather complaints on his lips should be boiled with his own light beer and buried with a flip flop through his heart. -Excerpt from Laredo's Groundhog Day Carol

Posted by: laredo at February 2, 2010 2:19 PM

Tracer 6-foot-1 sounds hot! It's on.

Posted by: Scully at February 2, 2010 2:21 PM

The mobile site is a work in progress, people! Earlier today the comments weren't showing up, but Dusin modified the code so now we can see comments. In another couple hours we'll probably be able to make comments from our phones as well as read the comments. Give it a day or so, please. I'm sure I speak for more than just myself when I give Dustin huge kudos for the mobile site. An opt-out link is a great idea for those who want the desktop site, but the mobile site should stay.

As for Johnny Depp... I'm not going to boycott him or anything but I just lost all enthusiasm to see any movie he makes in the future. I wonder if he'd ever trust his own daughters with Polanski. At the least Depp is a hypocrite; at worst, his parental judgement is questionable.

Posted by: stardust at February 2, 2010 2:26 PM

You know that Charlotte Gainsbourg CD is pretty good. She'll never be her father, but the inclusion of Beck was a great idea. It's a good sound.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 2, 2010 2:26 PM

1. Human Centipede forever.

2. Those WBC counter-protest photos are the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

Clearly I'm going to hell. See you all there, my Pajiba friends!

Posted by: MM at February 2, 2010 2:32 PM

In another couple hours we'll probably be able to make comments from our phones as well as read the comments. Give it a day or so, please.

Wait, what happens in a day or so? Pajiba begins to learn at a geometric rate? It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. EST, Feb 4th? In a panic, we try to pull the plug?

Definitely big credit to Dustin for trying to work out the kinks!

Posted by: branded at February 2, 2010 2:38 PM

Julie take what? What'd I do?

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at February 2, 2010 2:39 PM

Yay for tall girls! I'm also 5'9" and get angry when that happens. But like I said to my former 5ft (whore) roommate - you can't buy height, so suck it shorty!

Posted by: smasherstein at February 2, 2010 2:40 PM

And yet, all you tall girls ignore us poor wee lads. Hypocrisy indeed.

(Heh, I said wee)

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2010 2:43 PM

Ha! Snuggie, I thought it was you that was taunting Dustin with the LOLcats yesterday. Now I forget who it really was.

Posted by: Julie at February 2, 2010 2:48 PM

Branded, I TOLD you that was top secret!

*red laser dot appears on branded's forehead*

Posted by: stardust at February 2, 2010 2:54 PM

It was Tamatha, Julie. It was also her idea to post Ass To Mouth Marathon in retaliation.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2010 2:57 PM

What's the bet the "too graphic to describe" Snooki pic involves pickles?

Posted by: Fiona at February 2, 2010 3:02 PM

Hahahahaha! In the article about Depp's defense of Polanski, the author suggests that Depp should read the little girls statements about what Polanski did to her. The link leads to Wikipedia!?

I might go change it right now so she's saying, "Roman Polanski is a really nice man who never touched me."

Wikipedia: Information for people who don't care about credibility.

Posted by: superasente at February 2, 2010 3:02 PM

"mfff brff frff mrrfff"
Posted by: Human Centipede - Segment Two at February 2, 2010 1:32 PM

If this doesn't win, I quit.

p.s. if the Westboro Baptists come to your town, immediately organize a gay make-out party. Don't go Folsom Street Fair and get arrested for letting the local biker daddies have their way with your boyfriend on a leash, but you certainly can't get busted for playing a little "hide the tongue in my mouth".

Posted by: D-Day at February 2, 2010 3:06 PM

Snooki is a perfect addition to the Human Centipede. I've seen what she does with that pickle.

Posted by: krix at February 2, 2010 3:06 PM

GODTOPUSDAMNIT!!!! I was not taunting Dustin with lolcats! I was letting him know that I respected his hatred of them by not posting any to his FB page. I did, however, MAKE THE HUGE MISTAKE of explaining that part of that respect stemmed from a fear of him posting the-image-that-shall-not-be-named on my page as retaliation.

So now, I've just been subjected to that fucking Human Centipede, FOR NO GOOD REASON. And my hatred of Dustin begins.

Posted by: tamatha at February 2, 2010 3:09 PM

Oh, Johnny. Really? I was a fan.

Posted by: Eyvi at February 2, 2010 3:09 PM

@ figgy: Oh please, someone kill off Foreman! I can never figure out whether the boredom or my need to bang my head against the wall whenever he's on screen will kill me first.

Posted by: Fiona at February 2, 2010 3:09 PM

Son of a! That's it, I'm protesting!

GOD HATES HUMAN CENTIPEDES!

IT WAS ADAM AND EVE NOT SHIT THAT MAKES ME HEAVE!

And now, I want donuts.

Posted by: Katers at February 2, 2010 3:19 PM

Woo-hoo for tall girls!!! 5'10 here and yes, I loves my heels. I too, shake my head at the tall dude/short girl phenomenon. There truly is no justice in this world.

Posted by: Megan at February 2, 2010 3:27 PM

I am a completely straight woman, but I will make out like the Queen of All Lesbians with an appropriately hot chick in public JUST to fuck with the Phelps assholes. Has to be a hot chick though. No uggos. I have my standards.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at February 2, 2010 3:55 PM

@Megan

Marry me my tall goddess :)

I mean c'mon, how many girls can say they're with an elegant eloquence winner?

(I'm milking this for all it's worth and I don't care!)

Tall women are certainly a weakness.

Posted by: D-Day at February 2, 2010 4:09 PM

I'm only 5' 1" maybe 2" but I do like the big, tall men. Be nice to me tall girls. Although I would venture to say I'm a tad older than a lot of you so I'm probably dealing with guys that are a little to old for some of you ladies.

Posted by: Jadine at February 2, 2010 4:11 PM

And I fucking hate wearing heels, they hurt my feet and legs.

Posted by: Jadine at February 2, 2010 4:13 PM

Oh, it's so cute to see Hayden Panettiere on the red carpet with her father. That's real love.

...I'm sorry, he's her what?!?!

WHORE!!!

Posted by: welldressed at February 2, 2010 4:50 PM

I can has neekapz? And moar kittehs sewn to mah kitteh rainbowhole (I poopz rainbowz)?

Posted by: Lolcat Centipede at February 2, 2010 5:10 PM

Maaaaaaaaaaaan. I love the snow but damn it I am SO over being cold. KILL THE GROUNDHOG!

Posted by: Nadine at February 2, 2010 5:22 PM

D-Day - where have you been all my life??!! I'm yours, darling...how long will it take you to get to Washington??? ;)

Posted by: Megan at February 2, 2010 5:42 PM

But superasente! Where else would I have learned the valuable fact that Bruce Springsteen is a 79-year-old former Nazi sympathizer?

I can has neekapz? And moar kittehs sewn to mah kitteh rainbowhole (I poopz rainbowz)?
Posted by: Lolcat Centipede at February 2, 2010 5:10 PM

If this doesn't win, *I* quit.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at February 2, 2010 5:51 PM

I want to know what the hell Wladimir Klitschko is doing doing with Hayden Panetiere. He holds the unified WBA title (with his equally or more awesome brother) and he has a Ph.D! The hell?

Posted by: Laura at February 2, 2010 7:10 PM

Can they open the windows at Twitter HQ? I only ask since they had a medieval gang of narrow-minded God-bothering bigots clustered below, they could have emptied chamberpots over their heads.

A nice medieval riposte that the WBCers would have felt quite comfortable with.

Posted by: The Wanderer at February 2, 2010 7:40 PM

I LOVE how people are reacting to the Westboro Idiots. Love it! It's one of the most effective approaches ever. Laugh! Make fun of them! Take what they do, turn it around, make it absurd but in the other direction and end up getting more attention for the counter-protest than for the protest. It's the thing they hate the most (because really, when you get down to it, what they are protesting is that somebody didn't get enough attention when he was a wee lad).

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at February 2, 2010 7:58 PM

Is there somewhere I can get a schedule of WBC's scheduled protests? I REALLY want to show up with an absurd sign. They make me feel like Jesus must have felt with the moneychangers in the temple - I want to toss their shit around and chase them away.

Posted by: stardust at February 2, 2010 8:20 PM

you know, I'm just now realizing that that has to be a typo- that boxer dude can't possibly be 9'6". I'd give you 6'9", but he'd be literally 5 feet taller than her. Or, if you prefer, literally double her height.

Also, unable to walk upright, let alone box.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at February 2, 2010 8:21 PM

According to his official website, he's 6'5".

Aaaaand that may have been some of this "exaggeration for comical effect" that I've heard of, yes? Sorry. It's my ESL acting up again.

I'll just be sitting over here, not talking.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at February 2, 2010 8:25 PM

She's like 5'1"! That Bitch! She, like all short girls, should be obligated to date all those guys who are under 5'6". I'm only 5'8"! NOT THAT TALL! But how difficult is it to find a guy taller than I am who also possesses the ability to not look like a total dweeb ALL THE TIME? More difficult than you'd expect.

Tall Pajibans, call me.
(wink)

Posted by: esme at February 2, 2010 10:08 PM

Much in the same way that it's not illegal to ask a man out if you're a lady, the internet will not break if you date someone shorter. Or, here's an idea: maybe the tall guys don't particularly care for women who spend their days calling other women 'whores' or 'bitches' or rail on about the lack of justice over...over what, exactly?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at February 2, 2010 10:53 PM

I am 5'7". I married a super hot guy who is 5'5". I always dated guys six foot and taller, the taller the better, but I couldn't resist the mister. It was impossible.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at February 2, 2010 11:09 PM

*Grabs keys*

To the Mk. 2! Engage!

*Vrooooooooooooom*

RRRRRRAMMING SPEEEEEEED!!

How long before the Pajiba Inter-Commenter Dating Game? It can ONLY end well folks!

Posted by: D-Day, last seen hauling ass down I-95 South at February 3, 2010 2:50 AM

where is the tallgirls website spambot when you need it?
the amazons want snu-snu

with love
small girl dating sixfooter

Posted by: yolandesa at February 3, 2010 4:49 AM

I don't know why tall guys want peanuts.

I dunno either, but once you start eating them, you can't stop...

Posted by: tarn at February 3, 2010 10:00 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilk08Yt4huo

For any wand'ring passersby.

(p.s. no one was for the Pajiba Inter-Commenter Dating Game? Skill with the ladies can only root out the weak and helpless!)

Posted by: D-Day at February 3, 2010 10:13 PM

yet another actor insisting that Polanski is really an OK guy despite raping a child (he has a wife and kids now!

Posted by: How to Get Him To Propose at August 16, 2010 6:41 AM

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