Pajiba Love 01/29/10

"Everybody Hurts"

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (40)

Jay Leno started his “image rehabilitation tour” on yesterday’s Oprah, but Jimmy Kimmel was decidedly unimpressed. Don’t miss out on the hilarious “Jay Leno on Oprah” montage at the bottom. (Seriously? OMG!)

We’ll have the review of When in Rome up later today, I believe — but you probably don’t need to read it to know that Kristen Bell’s career has been rather, *ahem*, unimpressive lately. So here are seven better roles for Kristen Bell. (Cinematical)

A review of Heidi Montag’s album finds it a “decline of Western civilization.” Or well, it would be anyway if it actually managed to sell more than 600 and some copies. (FourFour)

Wth Miramax having kicked the bucket, here are the 10 best films of the Miramax era. (The Playlist)

I didn’t think it was possible, but Tila Tequila has gone from your garden variety looney tunes to “pants-shittingly insane.” (Litelysalted)

Because she’s a washed-up celebrity and all the washed-up celebrities are getting them these days, Shannen Doherty wants a reality show. (Celebitchy)

STOP THE PRESSES! CBS might be running a commercial for a gay dating website during the Superbowl this year. Now heterosexual men all across the midwest will have to worry about catching the gay while watching football. (Warming Glow)

No no no no wait. STOP THE PRESSES for real this time! Two words: 3-D porn. (Film Drunk)

“Snooki” from “Jersey Shore” thinks herself to be above Jerry Springer. It’s OK, Jerry, really: 14:53 … 14:54 … 14:55 … (Agent Bedhead)

You know how Lindsay Lohan got herself a part in Robert Rodriguez’s film Machete? Well this makes sense: She’s got all of 10 minutes of screen time and appears topless or nude in some way for just about all of it. (Celebslam)

Here’s a quiz based entirely on your knowledge of Moe Szylack from “The Simpsons.” It’s harder than you’d think. (mental floss)

Finally, Hitler is as disappointed with the iPad as the rest of the world seems to be:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

11/12 on the the Syzlak test. I know Moe.

Posted by: welldressed at January 29, 2010 1:11 PM

That's funny, I was gonna say the same thing. That mOe quiz was a piece o cake.

Posted by: Some Guy at January 29, 2010 1:12 PM

If I'd wanted an ebook reader, I'd have bought a kindle...too right.

Posted by: laredo at January 29, 2010 1:22 PM

Why do actors think they can sing? Why do singers think they can act?

The occupational hazards of having no one around brave enough to laugh at you and slap your stupid face.

Posted by: , at January 29, 2010 1:24 PM

Oh, come on. There is already gay in football. All that ass slapping? The white spandex? Don't even get me started on the snap.

Look, if it gets you off, what the fuck ever, but let's call a spade kinda gay.

Posted by: SavageCats at January 29, 2010 1:28 PM

Apart from the fact that Kristen Bell is just a hyped-up bimbo hack, her career has morphed into Brittany Murphy's. Literally, she's doing the girlfriend gigs that Murphy stopped getting when she lost her damned mind.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 29, 2010 1:33 PM

Why do actors think they can sing? Why do singers think they can act?

Why does Heidi Montag think she can do either?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at January 29, 2010 1:37 PM

I did not know that Moe was a surgeon but I apparently know Moe pretty well too.

Jimmy Kimmel is really funny. I have no idea why I never watch his show. Also, Miramax was a lot better than I remembered. I liked all of the movies they had in that list.

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 1:39 PM

Heidi Montag doesn't realize that she's interesting to watch as a sideshow freak at this point but that's about it.

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 1:41 PM

Right, so CBS plans on airing some crazypants anti-abortion ad, but they're still wavering on the gay thing. I hate everyone today.

Posted by: MM at January 29, 2010 1:51 PM

Couple quick things:

3D Porn - That's been around for a while so far. Dominic Ford bitches, what WHA?!

Gay Superbowl commercial - Actually, they still haven't okay'd that officially. They did, however, okay an ad from Focus on the Family about the evils of being pro-choice.

Finally, 10/12 on the Moe test. Booya!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 29, 2010 1:52 PM

Shit! I got 8/12 on the Moe quiz and I was totally guessing on most of them. I am no Moe expert to be sure.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 29, 2010 2:09 PM

I knew an Alcoholic Alaskan Commercial Fisherman who was a Surgeon in the off season, so I assumed Moe was a shoe in.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 29, 2010 2:10 PM

Please tell me you fucked that guy LindsEy. I bet he looked like the guy on the Brawny Paper Towels package. In a movie of his life he'd be played by Jon Hamm with a beard.

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 2:20 PM

LWaE: I got 8/12 too! Both happy and disappointed. I had no idea about the silent barflies questions. But now I know there is a wealth of Simpsons quizzes on that site so I will have something to do at work tomorrow.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 29, 2010 2:26 PM

Everyone and their dog has been reposting that Hitler iPad clip. Unfortunately it loses whatever funny it once possessed if you understand German. (IMO)

Posted by: koj at January 29, 2010 2:29 PM

Becks, I did NOT fuck that guy. {shocking I know} I was in rehab with him though. He looked like this:

http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/fishfingers.jpg

Only less well dressed or groomed. He was one hell of a character though. Liked to walk around the men's housing nekkid. Like Richard from Survivor. I believe he relapsed after rehab and died.
Arrrgh, beware the rum mateys! She is as cruel a mistress as the sea!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 29, 2010 2:52 PM

Unfortunately it loses whatever funny it once possessed if you understand German. (IMO)

I don't think that's going to be a problem for the vast majority of people that view it.

The bigger problem with that video is that the text just isn't that funny. Check out the Hitler video on the Leno/Conan debacle for a much better example.

Posted by: Cassidy at January 29, 2010 2:57 PM

Ha! I can't decide if I find him more or less hot now.

For the record, no one is as well dressed as the Highliner Fishsticks man.

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 2:58 PM

Anyone who has not clicked through to view the Kimmel videos should do so now. That shit is funny.

Posted by: Jerce at January 29, 2010 3:02 PM

OMG Becks! A perfect match! Except for the whole well groomed thing.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 29, 2010 3:07 PM

10/12. My father would be disappointed in me.

Lindsey wae, My repsect level for you just went from here ------

to here ------ because of that "OMG" (ironic or not)

Posted by: esme at January 29, 2010 4:11 PM

Jay Leno: I hereby nominate you for the first every lifetime achievement award for the "most duplicitous, shady, whiny, backbiting, show-stealing mealymouthed mediocre deucebag in Hollywood". Pick up your turdpie statute at the Johnny Carson's gravesite.

Posted by: Juiceinla at January 29, 2010 4:27 PM

I like Jimmy Kimmel but I wouldn't say I am a huge fan. But that clip of him talking about Leno going on Oprah is sweet.

Posted by: EricD at January 29, 2010 4:34 PM

Lately? The only good thing she's ever done is Veronica Mars. Just accept that she's turned out to be nothing but a shorter, less toxic version of Katherine Heigl.

12/12 on Moe. I love Moe.

Posted by: figgy at January 29, 2010 4:47 PM

I love that Leno's attempt at damage control made him look like an even bigger stooge. And the musical montage was awesome. His schtick always seemed phoney. But this was perfect -- probably what Letterman meant when he said that's the Leno he knows from 35 years ago. Even though he didn't, you could practically hear him "talking about himself in the third person" -- inter-galactic symbol for douchebag.

And, my god: "I live on the money I make as a stand-up comedian"?!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!? Dude, I don't know what keeps you alive, but it ain't proceeds from stand-up comedy. I'm thinking either the souls of orphan children ... or maybe whatever the hordes of mites living on that Matterhorn chin deliver unto that lie-spewing gob of yours.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at January 29, 2010 5:29 PM

For the record, no one is as well dressed as the Highliner Fishsticks man. --becks

...ahem.

Posted by: welldressed at January 29, 2010 5:29 PM

I would like to take a moment to say a few words, Italy despite the fact that I've been leaving on you ass for basically all of my life, we have a very bad relationship, we dont like each others, we never did, I cant ever get laid here and I cant stand the fact that you were never truly reformed from fascism, that you keep voting a tanned dwarf who was put on power by corrupted politicians and mafia money (btw dear supreme court, this what you fucking get if you allow any kind of founding, without limits to political campaign, GOOD JOB!!!) and we can go on with the list but really let's leave it there... what I wanna say is that today, TODAY i'm proud of you Italy, so proud I have patriotic tears in my eyes, please don't let me down, please deliver 3D porn! Io credo in te!
"Fratelli d'Italia l'italia sè desta dell'elmo di scipio sè cinta la testa dove la vittoria le porga la chimoa che schiava di roma iddio la creò...."
3D PORN!! what has you country ever done for you?

Posted by: rio at January 29, 2010 6:11 PM

Oh shit, sorry.

In my defense I thought you were the Highliner Fishsticks man.

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 6:12 PM

That's alright becks, it's a common misconception. And I do look amazing in military apparel. I wonder if it's too early in the season to start rockin' a captain's hat...

What am I thinking? Of course not.

Posted by: welldressed at January 29, 2010 6:30 PM

Right, so CBS plans on airing some crazypants anti-abortion ad, but they're still wavering on the gay thing. I hate everyone today.

Funny how it's only pro-choice if you choose abortion? Shouldn't there be some other option if there is actually a choice?

And for the record, there was already a gay ad in the superbowl. Everyone has already forgotten that Snickers commercial?

Posted by: EricD at January 29, 2010 9:01 PM

A) Have an abortion
B) Have a baby

Seems like two choices to me.

Am I missing something or are you?

Posted by: becks at January 29, 2010 9:30 PM

I love you Becks. It takes skill to say so much without saying any of it.

Posted by: superasente at January 29, 2010 10:09 PM

Ha! Esme, if THAT is why you have lost respect for me, that ain't so bad.
I can appreciate a well placed OMG. I have nothing to prove.
I draw the line at 'LOL' though. That is gay. And not in the good way.
You know, with the Buttsekks.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 29, 2010 11:44 PM

Funny how it's only pro-choice if you choose abortion? Shouldn't there be some other option if there is actually a choice?

Was this some weird, misguided attempt at humor or are you really, really stupid?

Posted by: Alex at January 30, 2010 12:01 AM

pro-lifers tend to cast pro-choicers as pro-abortion(ers).

perhaps, that's what he meant?

Posted by: stopthemadness at January 30, 2010 1:28 AM

What the fuck is this world coming to when every time you fuck up you’ve got to go sit on a couch and confess your sins to buda winfrey?

Posted by: Orrin Hatch at January 30, 2010 3:05 AM

Orrin, it's because Oprah is the Goddess. If you cannot get forgiveness from her on her show there is no hope for you in Hollywood. All her sheep will do just what she tells them to so sinners must go and repent so that she can be benevolent and tell people it's all better now.

Posted by: trixie at January 30, 2010 3:32 AM

http://www.wealthyseeker.com/guest?tid=wealthyseeker, It's where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with:)

Posted by: gloriakerry at January 30, 2010 6:56 AM

12/12 on the Moe test!! Now figgy and I must duel to see who will reign supreme!!

BTW, welldressed, I am certain that you are better dressed than the fish sticks guy.

Posted by: Jelinas at February 1, 2010 2:56 AM

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"Everybody Hurts"

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