Pajiba Love 01/28/09

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | January 28, 2009 | Comments (38)

Notorious animal retardivists PETA came up with the most obscene ad they could think of to run during the Super Bowl and then acted totally surprised and insulted when NBC refused to air it. Sigh. (Yeeeah!)

The Jonas Brothers have been nominated for the worst band of the year. Really? I don’t think “Worst Band of All Time” would be pushing it. (WIMB)

For a good time, you could probably call this chick. I bet she’d not only give you one, but probably leave something nice and itchy behind as well. (QuizLaw)

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!! The starting line-up for Puppy Bowl 2009 has been announced! Have you caught Puppy Bowl fever yet?! (Jezebel)

Woo! Here’s a gratuitous plug to win an Elvis Costello/Sundance Channel prize pack. You know you want it. (AgentBedhead)

Sad news: John Updike has passed away at the age of 76. (ASWOBA)

More sad news: Kim Manners, acclaimed TV sci-fi director of shows such as “X-Files” and “Supernatural,” has died of lung cancer at age 59. (EOnline)

Saddest news of all? It turns out that Hugh Hefner’s new twin girlfriends may not have long to live. I know I’ll be saying a prayer for them. (Celebslam)

Oooooh… Nerd alert! Nerd alert! Still promo shots of Eliza Dushku from the premiere episode of “Dollhouse” are online! (Popoholic)

Here’s one I haven’t seen before: A list of 10 ironic deaths. (NotesOnBarNapkins)

Is Joaquin Phoenix pulling an Andy Kaufman stunt with this whole rap career thing of his? Either way, no one gets the joke, so he gets an F minus from me. (Celebitchy)

Avril Lavigne’s new line for Kohl’s looks like active wear for a 12-year-old special needs hooker. (DListed)

I saw some show on like UPN or the CW or something one time about redneck weddings. And from what I saw, this honestly does not look that far off. (CakeWrecks)

What’s your favorite burger topping? Mine is hot buttery dick innuendo. (Thanks to FourFour!)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

The big problem with the 'worst band ever' is that it's building up the myth that the Fucktard Brothers are an actual 'band'. Or 'human. Or 'real' in any fucking way whatsoever.

Posted by: figgy at January 28, 2009 1:17 PM

PETA makes me want to take up eating steak every night. And going to the butcher up the road and requesting that they start beating the cows before slaughter to tenderize my steak while it's still on the bone. In fact, I might ask to visit the farms where the beef was being raised to lend my own hand to the tenderizing. Might even start keeping my own cows to make sure they're being abused to my liking.

Cause I don't want people to think I'm some sick vegetable fucker. That's just wrong.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 1:17 PM

Also, I really wish I could find it in me to snark on Hef's new whores. But I can't, because all they make me feel is SAD. Just...damn I feel so sad for them. Having to pretend like you're fucking a corpse while you strut around in your plastic body with your twin sister is just...oh man it's so depressing. Specially the part where we're supposed to think they have a great life. Stupid, stupid wastes of space.

Posted by: figgy at January 28, 2009 1:21 PM

I have come to the conclusion that sometime in my lifetime scientists are going to discover that plants do, in fact, have feelings and feel pain. This will cause the spontaneous mass suicide of the PETA people and the world will be a happier and smarter place.

Either that or they will start the don't eat anything campaign.

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 1:21 PM

P.S. I would like one of those hot, salty, exploding pleasure burgers.

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 1:23 PM

Either that or they will start the don't eat anything campaign.

Awesome. Their new slogan can be "Gnaw on Pen Caps: They Never Had a Soul."

PUPPYBOWL!!! Did you hear that they're having a streaker this year?! I could drop dead from the cute.

Posted by: Julie at January 28, 2009 1:25 PM

Admin, I'd help you out but I just don't roll that way.

Posted by: I Love Beets at January 28, 2009 1:34 PM

Genny: One thing I never got about PETA: By strolling out naked women every time someone wears fur, isn't that kind of INCREASING the demand for fur? Seriously, wouldn't men look at stuff like this and think "Hmmmm...everytime I eat steak, PETA has makes another ad with naked chicks...WAITER! GIEV ME YOUR BIGGEST SLICE OF VEAL!"

That being said, the stupidity of PETA makes me wanna throw on some leather and fuck a real human being instead of a pumpkin.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 28, 2009 1:35 PM

Awesome. Their new slogan can be "Gnaw on Pen Caps: They Never Had a Soul."

That would be perfect Julie. Unfortunately when applying PETA logic to your slogan we run into an issue. Many plastics are derived from petroleum and petroleum by-products. As petroleum is made from decayed biological matter i.e. plants and animals the pen cap may have had a soul at one time.

What about metal? Are we allowed to eat metal?

Metal: it's what's for dinner.

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 1:36 PM

Guys, the "banned by NBC/the NFL/whatever" thing is just a ploy at this point. Go Daddy started this years ago. That way, they get the press involved with the Superbowl without having to pay for the time, then show it practically for free on the internet. I wonder if they even actually show it to whoever is in charge of censoring the Superbowl anymore.

Posted by: Eep at January 28, 2009 1:40 PM

Stacey, when the photos came out of his coming out party/debut performance, I said that I hoped it is on a Kaufman level, because then I could still give him some credit.

I mean, it's entertaining either way, but I want him and Casey to be funny rather than DE-RANGED.

"1 Keen/Sundance Bag
1 Pair of Speakers
1 T-Shirt
1 Notebook
1 Sigg-Sundance Thermos"

FUCK YOU, ELVIS!
FUCK YOU FOR NOT RESCHEDULING YOUR TORNADO-ED OUT SHOW WHEN YOU FINALLY PUT OUT ANOTHER ALBUM THAT I WANTED TO SHOW UP FOR, BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY OPENING FOR THE POLICE FOR THE NEXT FOUR FUCKING MONTHS! AND FUCK YOU FOR THIS GHASTLY, GHASTLY SWAG!

Posted by: Jay at January 28, 2009 1:41 PM

Save a cow. Eat a vegan.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 28, 2009 1:42 PM

Fuck that. Eat both

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 1:43 PM

Is Joaquin Phoenix pulling an Andy Kaufman stunt with this whole rap career thing of his? Either way, no one gets the joke, so he gets an F minus from me.

Are you kidding? I think it's HILARIOUS, whether or not it's intentional.

Also, I vastly prefer my college's PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) to any group renaming fish "sea kittins."

Posted by: Sabrina at January 28, 2009 1:48 PM

I quit eating steak entirely. Wanna know why? Matthew McConaughey. He fucking ruined steak for me. I could give a shit about the fat, I could care less about chunks of meat surfing through my veins, I don't mind my sweat having the faintest aroma of tenderloin... But McConaughey destroyed all that when he took over Sam Elliot's role as the "Beef - It's What's For Dinner" voice.

Here are a few other ideas for you, Mr. McConaughey:

- Be the voice of SADIA (Shifaced And Driving Is Awesome).
- Support Terrorism via twangy ballad.
- Do the intro for Sean Hannity's show.
- Jump off an overpass into a dump truck full of rusty syringes.
- Put on a goddam shirt for once.

Posted by: Skitz at January 28, 2009 1:48 PM

he took over Sam Elliot's role as the "Beef - It's What's For Dinner" voice.

He did?!

OH that's...that's just...........can you arrange to have Rockford go beat his ass?

Posted by: Jay at January 28, 2009 1:54 PM

PETA's new anti-vegetable eating campaign:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRWjxdvArPE

Don't eat vegetables: Cause you just never really know.

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 2:05 PM

Dear PETA,

Please shut the fuck up. You have a decent ideology, at least the animal rights part of it anyway. However. When you behave like like a group of drunken, borderline retarded frat boys, no one will ever take you seriously. All you are doing is making animal rights something ridiculous. Not to mention that it also makes people question how mentally unstable a vegetarian diet could possibly leave them. So please, for the sake of those animals you claim to support the rights of, shut the fuck up.

Thanks,
People who do not appreciate animal rights being associated with vegetable masturbation

Posted by: Blonde Savant at January 28, 2009 2:07 PM

i had the best baby seal jerky the other day.....

Posted by: dylanj at January 28, 2009 2:15 PM

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Oh no, that's just ice cream.

Posted by: Sabrina at January 28, 2009 2:24 PM

Geeeeeez

So many right-wing PETA haters here, what you fuckers do on weekends? Barbecue puppies?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 28, 2009 2:26 PM

Avril Lavigne's new line for Kohl's looks like active wear for a 12-year-old special needs hooker.

You sound as if you're surprised by this...

Posted by: Mike R. at January 28, 2009 2:32 PM

Slim, if you're trying to get yourself an invitation, you're shit out of luck.

However, I'll give you a call when we have our yearly Land Fish Roast sometime this summer. Can't go wrong with Land Fish!

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 2:32 PM

Only sea puppies, Slim.

Posted by: Sabrina at January 28, 2009 2:34 PM

So many right-wing PETA haters here, what you fuckers do on weekends? Barbecue puppies?

The problem with PETA is that they are freaky dinky extremist and have damaged their basic cause far more than they've helped it. I'm all for animal rights, because you should generally respect anything. Don't cram the animals into some horror show out of Dante's Inferno, don't pump them so full of antibiotics that the air turns green around them, don't skin them alive for their fur.

I think that most progressive movements for the last century have all been based on the simple implications of "dude, don't be a douche." Blacks shouldn't be able to vote. Dude, don't be a douche. Women shouldn't be able to vote. Dude, don't be a douche. Gays shouldn't be able to marry. Dude, don't be a douche. Torturing animals makes steaks ten cents cheaper. Dude, don't be a douche.

PETA wraps right around the other edge though with shit like "meat is murder". You know what PETA? Don't be a douche.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 28, 2009 2:35 PM

Barbecued? Nasty.
Skinless, broiled puppies...now that's healthy eatin'.

Posted by: Spender at January 28, 2009 2:36 PM

PETA also targets children with propaganda, which is no cooler when they do it than when Joe Camel or Bible Camp do it.

Posted by: Eep at January 28, 2009 2:38 PM

I'm thinking that most of the peta chicks are slim and hot. So why they aren't out fuckin' is lost on me.

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 2:48 PM

Barbecued? Nasty.
Skinless, broiled puppies...now that's healthy eatin'.

Around Thanksgiving time, it's pupkinny. It's a cuteness turducken: a bunny inside a kitten inside a puppy.

(and that's the first time I've ever made myself retch while typing)

Posted by: branded at January 28, 2009 2:52 PM

Pookie that's because they're all staying inside with their pumpkins...fuckin'.

That's another thing! Of all the vegetables to get sexy with, a goddamn PUMPKIN?!? I mean, if it was a dude, that's one thing. Remember that stupid guy who got arrested for pumpkin fuckin'? But for chicks, you'd think they'd go for something a little more phallic...

Posted by: Blonde Savant at January 28, 2009 2:53 PM

I nominate stipe for comment of the day.

I will second the call! PETA? Don't be a douche.

Posted by: Snath at January 28, 2009 3:02 PM

Ugh Avril Lavigne needs to go away, and on behalf of Canada, we're sorry.

Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at January 28, 2009 3:39 PM

Sorry Joaquin, but Pee-Wee Herman is the only person who can pull an "I meant to do that" with any believability.

Posted by: spazmodeas at January 28, 2009 3:47 PM

I agree with Eep in regards to the PETA ad campaigns. Sure, it's great fun to mock all the outrageous things they come up with but the point is that you are aware of them and the goal/s of the organization. And this, I believe, is the real goal of the craziness. The more attention, media coverage (remember, there is no bad publicity) and conversations the more aware people become of an issue. Like it or not, they're successful in raising awareness to the point that when a real point can be made, such as California's proposition on humane caging of animals, people are more likely to support it simply because is seems reasonable to support it and douchbaggy not to.

Posted by: Iwantsprinkles at January 28, 2009 4:24 PM

Slim, my weekend menu is vegan. Vegan shank is the main dish with a side of potatoes.

One other highlight of a world without PETA: A lower incidence of STDs due to the removal of Pam Anderson and other assorted plastic model type people.

Posted by: Melody at January 28, 2009 7:39 PM

I agree that skinning animals to make a fur coat (unless you are an eskimo) is not cool. Eating more vegetables and less meat would be good for my health.

But to send that message by throwing paint on people and getting Pamela Anderson nekkid? NO.

The problem is that PETA has lost sight of their stated goal. They are a bunch of media whores, willing to use sex to get media coverage for PETA, the organization.

P.S. Sex with a pumpkin? Ouch. What, they couldn't find a cucumber? Or carrot...or ear of corn...or a zucchini...there's the old standby, a banana...

Posted by: True_Blue at January 28, 2009 9:20 PM

I ate Chinese today.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 28, 2009 11:16 PM

RIP, John Updike and Kim Manners....

Posted by: Tarn at January 29, 2009 12:20 PM

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