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Pajiba Love

Hey ‘Jibans! I’d like to start out today by giving some love to our brilliant friend Chez, who just got a gig over at the Huffington Post. Let’s all wish him a hearty congratulations! (Deus Ex Malcontent)

I haven’t heard about this many people getting violently ill at a movie since that scene in The Goonies when Chunk talks about puking over the balcony. (WIMB)

Energy drinks come in 32-ounces now? And just what the hell good is all that “energy” going to do me if I have to run and go pee every five minutes? (The Impulsive Buy)

It’s feminist v. feminist! My only quandary here is do we want mud or jello? (Jezebel) and (Feministing)

No! Charlize Theron is not kinda dumb! I don’t care if she knows the difference between Istanbul and Budapest — I still love her so take it back! (IDLYITW)

I told you guys that the fracking Miley Cyrus is going down like a SCUD missile! (Crazy Days and Nights)

The Shat needs to work on his red carpet manners. (Agent Bedhead)

If you can muddle through this whole thing to the end, I think what it eventually translates to is something like, “Scientologists are still fucking crazy.” (The Blemish)

This might be the best photoshop tutorial I’ve ever watched in my life, after the jump.

Pajiba Love | January 21, 2008 | Comments (41)







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Comments

It should be common knowledge that Shatner gets to do WHAT. EVER. he wants.
He's Captain Kirk, bitches.

As for the little Cyrus ...SKANK, and I use the term voluntarily and willfully. What the hell is going on with the Disney crew? It's undeniably apparent that someone over there is on a mission to corrupt and sexually objectify all these kids.
That shit has got to stop and I find myself not caring how at this point.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 21, 2008 4:27 PM

Cloverhurl? I thought it was Blair Wretch. But seriously, mr.wsapnin & I hosted a huge xmas/housewarming happy hour and about 90% of our guests got terrible sick 2-3 days later on Christmas Eve & Christmas. So we just call it the BabyJesusflu.

Posted by: wsapnin at January 21, 2008 4:34 PM

I just want to say that my prediction of Ms. Cyrus being the next Jamie Spears is coming closer and closer to fruition...what do I get if I win?

I had heard about the cloverfield phenomenon, actually. My brother told me he couldn't finish the movie....he had to leave in the middle of it to reorient himself. And we are a roller-coaster loving family. I think I'm gonna wait on it for DVD release...that shaky camera thing starts getting annoying after the first few movies that just throw it in there as a gimmicky "real-time" filming process.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 21, 2008 4:36 PM

Does he have other tutorials?

Posted by: Brian at January 21, 2008 4:46 PM

"mud or jello"?

ick. what happened to pajiba?

Posted by: a.b. at January 21, 2008 4:54 PM

Can I just say I am NOT a fan of the "Asian girls for fun and massage" banner ad on this site? Not OK.

Posted by: CDell at January 21, 2008 4:59 PM

yeaaa...that too.

Posted by: a.b. at January 21, 2008 5:01 PM

a.b., I agree, clearly they left off the option for KY...teehee!

Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 21, 2008 5:16 PM

So...if I read that correctly Scientology is just an organized game of I Spy with My Little Eye? For this, people pay millions?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 21, 2008 5:30 PM

I guess I shall avoid Cloverfield until it is released on DVD. I got nasty sick when I went to see Blair Witch. This might kill me.

Posted by: superEdna at January 21, 2008 5:42 PM

It's feminist v. feminist! My only quandary here is do we want mud or jello?

Chocolate syrup?

Posted by: Brian at January 21, 2008 5:43 PM

Holy crap, The Impulsive Buy made fun of the mall by my house! I knew it was pretty crappy, but not that it actually became a term to describe a certain level of crappiness.

The Scientologist stuff freaked me and my husband out. It was almost a deadness inside that grew as I continued to read it out loud to him, and then the horror to think of all the people that believe this stuff to be 100% true. I used to think that anyone could start a religion, but there's no way I could ever write anything as mind numbing as that without multiple types of brain chemical altering drugs.

Posted by: Stacy at January 21, 2008 5:53 PM

Oh good, that little cunt cyrus's time is almost up.


Class 4 level 8 p62 asswipe Ethan Matthew Hunt.

Posted by: Pookie at January 21, 2008 5:53 PM

Nah, the real money is on Cocoa Butter.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 21, 2008 5:55 PM

"It's feminist v. feminist! My only quandary here is do we want mud or jello?"

there's ALWAYS room for jello!

Posted by: bionic bunny at January 21, 2008 6:08 PM

Didn't Charlize Theron also make a comment recently about how she'd love to have children but only if someone else carried them to term since she could never imagine doing that much harm to her body?

Get out now Stuart Townsend, I'll be here to help you through if you need a torrid rebound affair (bring your Priscilla, Queen of the Dead outfit).

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 21, 2008 6:39 PM

Reallt quickly:

Chez: I will not congratulate the bastard. He already writes better than me. I will not destroy my self-esteem wall to build up his ego tower.

Cloverfield: When did people get so damn WEAK?!?!! Get some Dramamine and shut the hell up! Your retching is ruining it for the rest of up whose inner ear and spatial senses actually function properly!

Feminist v. Feminist: Target? That is the best they could do? They needed to come up in HERE this weekend to see some real feminist blog war. Get that weak shit outta here! Also, everyone knows the proper female wrestling medium is marmalade. I mean, why else is it called "Lady Marmalade", huh?

Miley Cyrus: Wow, you guys are real prudes. Seriously. Taking a few innocuous pictures and making them into Exhibit A in the Downfall of Civilization. And BarbadoSlim is leading the charge? Really? And I thought I was the conservative one. Sheesh. Wake me up when she starts skeetin' babies out while downing a fifth of Jack.

Charlize Theron: Considering it is fucking Charlize Theron, I can excuse the little mix-up. Besides how many Americans would know she made a mistake without looking it up? Exactly?

Sucjk at Photoshop: I am so bookmarking this stuff. I really want to learn Photoshop.

I think my bitchiness is back.....

Posted by: Vermillion at January 21, 2008 6:57 PM

Yeh..so I tried to read the Scientology thing but the lost me with the gorillas and amusement parks. Are they religious symbols or inducements to join - like giving candy to children to get them into the van?

Posted by: Brian at January 21, 2008 7:17 PM

Cynical enough to say that that Photoshop tutorial clip was most likely an elaborate acting audition. I mean really, as soon as the wife comes downstairs bitching at him and he covers up his 'crime' ... and then posts the whole thing on Youtube without editing out the interruption?? Come on!

Posted by: Matt at January 21, 2008 7:37 PM

If you thought part 1 of that Photoshop tutorial was good, watch part 3.

"Fat, deceitful meatstick." Awesome.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 21, 2008 7:39 PM

I distinguish mixing up Budapest and Istanbul (yes, idiotic, but not unthinkably so) with mixing them up when you've VISITED the damn cities.

Posted by: Samantha T at January 21, 2008 8:20 PM

Hm.. rumors going around that Dane Cook did that tutorial. What do you say now, Pajiba?

Posted by: Shii at January 21, 2008 8:31 PM

I say that I am a sucker for graphic design humor. And if it's deceptively fed to me at the hands of Dane Cook, then... Well played, Mr. Cook. I don't like it, but well played.

Posted by: Stacey at January 21, 2008 8:40 PM

I distinguish mixing up Budapest and Istanbul (yes, idiotic, but not unthinkably so) with mixing them up when you've VISITED the damn cities.

I mixed up Montreal and Toronto once, despite visiting both. Still don't see it. Now, if she had lived in at least one of those cities for a substantial amount of time, then I can see the big deal. But she didn't and it was a temporary slip up which I do believe she tried to rectify.

Crap, my bitchiness is gone again, isn't it?

Hm.. rumors going around that Dane Cook did that tutorial. What do you say now, Pajiba?

1) Haven't heard said rumors ourselves aside from you.

2) Rumors are just statements passed around as fact when they have no credible evidence of truth.

and...

3) He stole before, why wouldn't he steal again?

...nah, the bitchiness is back.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 21, 2008 8:46 PM

It's feminist v. feminist! My only quandary here is do we want mud or jello?

Mud or jello? How about we forget about Stripes and go with Requiem for a Dream for some Jennifer Connelly double ended action instead. Because it was a much better movie, not for any prurient reason.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at January 21, 2008 8:49 PM

That Scientology thing was creepy. But it was also such a frustratingly obvious pile of shite, that I start feeling angry inside. I just want to knock all their stupid heads together, especially their Queen, who doesn't even seem to realise what a Nazi he has become.

And, HEY! I like Miley Cyrus!

I love the new Pajiba banner at the top, guys!
I met Kyra Schon, that face on the Night Of The Living Dead poster. She signed a NOTLD t-shirt for me, that she had designed herself! Very cool. I obviously can never wear it though, in case the washing machine eats it.

Posted by: Loob at January 21, 2008 9:14 PM

If you're going to have girl-on-girl wrestling, it should be chocolate pudding: Looks like mud, sticks better than Jello, and is tasty for the bystanders who get splattered.

At least that's how we did it in high school, way back in the sticks.

Posted by: lunabelle at January 21, 2008 9:19 PM

The Feministing/Jezebel cross-references can't possibly end well if it goes any further.

Speaking from personal blogging experience: if you go beyond acknowledging that you don't agree with another site's comments (especially sarcastic, nasty, blind hatred brought on by a too-cool mentality against your site), you're going to lose. The posts in reference to references to your own work can and will be used against you. On the plus side, if you earn money through adsense and other pay-per-click sites, you can start rapidly increasing your online earnings with the "OMG look how stupid that fat fuck Robert is lOLlolcoaster" links.

I just hope this doesn't turn into a huge Internet Feud. Then no one wins.

Posted by: Robert at January 21, 2008 9:27 PM

On noes! Miley Cyrus had pictures of herself taken in a swimsuit and with friends. CLEARLY, in those G rated photos that every single other red blooded teenager takes she's going down the path of a skank.

Overstate much?

Posted by: mb at January 21, 2008 10:20 PM

Aww, my love for Jezebel knows no bounds. Seriously: the comments sections on two of their articles have done more towards fixing my weird intimacy/shame issues than anything else I can think of. It's nice to know you're normal :)

Anyways, the weirdnesses of my psyche aside... As far as the Miley Cyrus photos go: she's a fourteen year old girl who has been made very aware of her own hotness, can you really blame her for taking vanity photos? Hell, I have photo albums full of self absorbed arty shots that my friends and I took at that age (of course that was almost ten years ago (I never thought I'd say this but: god, now I feel old) and we weren't the product of hours spent with a personal trainer so none of ours were bikini shots).

Posted by: Alex the Odd at January 22, 2008 4:48 AM

Hey, you see vanity shots, I see pictures meant to entice Asian business men. I think it's obvious who's thinking right here.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 22, 2008 5:24 AM

Barbado, you are with friends now.

Did an Asian businessman entice you?

It isn't your fault.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 22, 2008 6:53 AM

I for one felt uncomfortable looking at those pics. How old is she again?

Posted by: Brian at January 22, 2008 9:32 AM

Wait, so, according to Scientologists, A.D. stands for "After Dianetics"? For real?

Posted by: Kolby at January 22, 2008 11:00 AM

As far as $cientology goes, Hubbard once made the statement "If you ever want to become a millionaire, start your own religion". Shortly after that, he started $cientology.

So yeah. It is all one big ol' scam with extra crazy.

Posted by: Melody at January 22, 2008 11:15 AM

ATO, wait until 14 is nearly 20 years ago. I almost can't remember being that age anymore. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the photos of Miley Cyrus, if they had remained as personal property only. Having them posted across the interwebs is where it becomes weird. Are there young teenage girls who really have bodies like that? I certainly wasn't one of them, and if I was I may have taken similar pictures of myself. But then again, with the way things are in our culture, I probably would have still seen myself as fat.

Jezebel rules! I'm becoming less enamored with Feministing and its legions of early 20-something, womyn's studies 101 students. I remember having enough free time in my life to be concerned over inconsequential issues. That was also when I got to spend a lot of time in bars. Good times.

Posted by: katy at January 22, 2008 12:02 PM

Bah, I'm early twentysomething and I'm having to force myself to care about even the consequential issues. It's a lot of effort plus: caring cuts into my drinking time.

Not that I'm doing any drinking at the moment. Stupid January. Stupid detox. Stupid bank balance.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at January 22, 2008 12:06 PM

Totally off the topic, but since you're all here... Did I hallucinate that episode of No Reservations where Tony does a stunt scene in a Uwe Boll film? I mean, it was pretty late last night when I saw it, and it *was* my fourth glass of wine or so, but I still don't think I could have invented such a thing. The hell? Did Tony just get startstruck or what? The introduction (Tony's voiceover) was all "Uwe Boll, acclaimed direct of such hit movies as BloodRayne" etc.

How am I supposed to reconcile this with my love of Tony Bourdain? help.

Posted by: AM at January 22, 2008 12:54 PM

Starstruck. Damn hangoverrrr.

Posted by: AM at January 22, 2008 12:56 PM

Vermillion: Yeah, I was enticed, did some films, wasted money on skin tight pants, I was young dammit, I didn't KNOW ANY BETTER!

AM: Knowing Bourdain he was probably being sarcastic about the whole thing. (he better)
I'll watch that shit when I get home on DVR.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 22, 2008 1:58 PM

Feministing is quickly catching up to PETA on my list of Top Overreactionary groups of people.

Of course one is a website and one is an actual organization. Still the same feeling of rabid mobs ready to strike at any hint (real or imagined) of what they think is offensive comes from both.

Of course neither is anywhere near Southern Baptists on the list.

Posted by: Andrew831 at January 22, 2008 3:05 PM


















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