Pajiba Love 01/19/10

Puppies Tuesday!

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (70)

For many of you, today is the first day back to work after a holiday weekend. So, you could do something productive … Or, you could watch puppies, live on the internet. I don’t have to tell you which way I’d go on this one. (UStream)

Breaking! Chris “Cap’n Kirk” Pine and Olivia “?” Munn have split up. In related news, those two were going out. I didn’t know. (Yeeeah!)

Former Pajiba critic John Williams, who enjoys taking on gigantic projects purely for his own enjoyment, is compiling a list of his 100 favorite films. Here is 100 through 96. (ASWOBA)

Neil Gaiman and singer Amanda Palmer are engaged, and now they’re rubbing their adorable goddamn happiness in all of our faces. (Agent Bedhead)

With the success of Avatar, George Lucas now wants to re-release 3-D versions of Star Wars. I’ll leave you nerds to bitch about this one. (Film Drunk)

Did I report this before? I can’t remember. At any rate, Neil Patrick Harris is going to guest star in the sweeps week episode of “Glee” that’s being directed by Joss Whedon. (Litelysalted)

The latest vehicle that Tim Burton is rumored to be tailoring for Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp is a movie about “Maleficent” from Sleeping Beauty. (Cinematical)

Michael Bay has revealed that his plans for Transformers 3 are to involve less explosions and robots. So Shia and Megan will have to carry the movie solely with their acting skills? Sounds awesome. (The Playlist)

Ricky Gervais, who was ah-freaking-mahzing on the Globes the other night, is talking about showing up on the American “Office” for a one-episode engagement. (THR)

Mischa Barton is going to be guest starring on an upcoming episode of “Law & Order: SVU” as a defense lawyer. Just kidding, prostitute. (Celebslam)

Topless Robot compiled a list of their top ten “Fan Fiction Fridays” of 2009, and the result, which includes Pokemon sex, is horrifying. Thanks? To Figgy. (Topless Robot)

Heidi Montag went on “Good Morning America” to talk about her latest round of plastic surgery, and sorry guys for linking this but I’m honestly so so freaked out and fascinated with her at this point. She’s twenty-three for God’s sake. (Celebitchy)

I’ve never watched “The Big Bang Theory,” but going by this clip with the laugh track removed, I assume it’s a show about a couple of super creepy sexual deviants:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Follow @pajiba

← "Human Target" Review | MacGruber Trailer →

Comments

Oh that's nothing to credit/blame Cameron for, 3D Star Wars has been on the drawing board for years, and I've been waiting, dammit.

I think it was Nadine who said yesterday that "Avatar" will eventually be regarded as blah-ly as "Titanic" is today, so I can look forward to a future when I can not give a shit in peace.

Palmer was rubbing everything else in our faces after the Golden Globes. Jeepers.

A Tim Burton Maleficent movie? Hell YES.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 1:12 PM

Neil Patrick Harris is going to guest star in the sweeps week episode of “Glee” that’s being directed by Joss Whedon.

What fabulous, fabulous news!

Posted by: tamatha at January 19, 2010 1:16 PM

Neil Patrick Harris is going to guest star in the sweeps week episode of “Glee” that’s being directed by Joss Whedon.

To the life boats! We're going to drown in a flood of nerd-drool.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 19, 2010 1:31 PM

Johnny Depp, I love you and certainly wouldn't turn you away in bed. But give it a rest with Burton. Try something different for a change.

I wasn't that impressed with Gervais, but I think they watered him down.

Posted by: Brie at January 19, 2010 1:33 PM

We're going to drown in a flood of nerd-drool.

Jesus, tell me about it.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 1:33 PM

As I was saying to Jay earlier...I really don't know what to think of this. I like Tim Burton (usually), and him doing another Disney movie is pretty interesting...especially if he does it from the villain's point of view. On the other hand, he has a tendency to overstimulate and underplot. Plus, it's Tim Burton.

Still, it is Tim Burton. I will watch, and wait, and pine.

Oh, and NPH news coupled with Glee news? Squeee

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 19, 2010 1:33 PM

Puppies nursing. Sweet!

In related news, I have totally lost all respect for Neil Gaiman after seeing photos of him watching his fiancee changing clothes and half nekkid ON THE RED CARPET! WTF?

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2010/01/golden_globes_amandapalmer.html#more

Posted by: BWeaves at January 19, 2010 1:34 PM

Re: Heidi Montag.

Her album is titled Superficial, she says that the message she is sending to young girls is that beauty is on the inside, yet she had 10 plastic surgeries! She is so fucking infuriating! I feel like I am taking crazy pills!!!

I wonder if I punched her in that new tiny nose of hers, it would just go straight through her brain?? One can only hope right?

Sorry, someone put my Nutella in the fridge (the fridge!) and I couldn't have my Nutella and toast this morning. It says it on the side of the package. DO NOT REFRIGERATE!

Posted by: ashes at January 19, 2010 1:34 PM

(How's that for nerd drool?)

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 19, 2010 1:36 PM

I clicked on that fanfic link. I am fairly certain I will be fired, possibly arrested.

Posted by: Nimue at January 19, 2010 1:38 PM

Still, it's kind of amusing to imagine the voice of Neil Gaiman yelping "lookit them titties! Hooooo-WEE!"

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 1:39 PM

ashes:

My commiseration. Where I come from there's a law that people who put Nutella in fridges must sit in the public stocks for three days and be pummelled with frozen jars of the stuff.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2010 1:44 PM

With the success of Avatar, George Lucas now wants to rerelease 3-D versions of Star Wars.

Of course he fucking does. That man will use ANY opportunity to milk more money out of his franchise. He can and will do anything he wants with them, including releasing the entire franchise acted out by puppets in a few years. You just watch.

The latest vehicle that Tim Burton is rumored to be tailoring for Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH. ENOUGH ALREADY DAMMIT. ENOUGH! CAST SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY YOU fUCK. They're like those annoying kids in high school who ALWAYS got cast as the leads in the plays and it's just so completely obnoxious. Ooh let me guess, Johnny Depp will do a funny voice, wear a funny hat and wear creepy makeup! HA! HOW DROLL AND ORIGINAL! Helena Bonham Carter will fail to act in a funny or quirky way though she will try very hard while hiding under bad hair and tons of makeup! HOW DROLL AND ORIGINAL.

Seriously, fuck the lot of them. I am so fucking sick of that trio.

And yeah...beware the fan-fiction link. Seriously. It's bad. Very, very disturbing. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Posted by: figgy at January 19, 2010 1:44 PM

“I’m in a different industry,” she said, “and I have to do things that are going to make me happy at the end of the day.”

WHAT INDUSTRY? YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB YOU FUCKTARD BARBIE WANNABE. AND YOU LOOK LIKE A HORSE WITH GIANT BOOBS. THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE OR HEALTHY.

AAAAAARGH. Everything's pissing me off today. I'm gonna go punch a tree right now.

Posted by: figgy at January 19, 2010 1:46 PM

Musta hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 1:47 PM

Maleficent is the only Disney villain to ever give me nightmares. It might have been the age I was when I first saw Sleeping Beauty, but damn she is scary. I hope that Tim Burton keeps her that way and doesn't turn her into a romantic heroine or comedy act. She turned into a dragon forchrissakes.

Posted by: Jennifer at January 19, 2010 1:47 PM

Ooh! puppies!

Posted by: figgy at January 19, 2010 1:48 PM

To the life boats! We're going to drown in a flood of nerd-drool.

Where are the squeeproof earmuffs? Forget the goggles, man. They do nothing!

Posted by: branded at January 19, 2010 1:52 PM

I can't believe that I'm the only one whose had it up to here :mimes above this abnormally large brain: with Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox, right?

Please tell me, we can boycott these films and not have to listen to our less intelligent douchebag friends who insist we should watch it with our brains turned off, right?

Are we doomed to another summer where shitty mecha-robots carry more emotion than their flesh and blood counterparts?

Fuck me, I hate humans.

Posted by: bignick at January 19, 2010 1:55 PM

That slashfic thing?

You should be arrested for linking to it. The compilers should be arrested for compiling it. The authors should be--no, not arrested; the authors should be sterilized, and then shot, and then burned to fine ash, and then shot again.

Somebody needs to pay, is what I'm saying.

Posted by: Jerce at January 19, 2010 1:56 PM

I...clicked on the fanfiction link. And out of a morbid, masochistic curiousity, I read the pokeman story.

If you'll excuse me...I need to go take a lysol and bleach bath with a good hour, hour and a half flaying with steel wool.

[huddles in fetal position and rocks back and forth, sobbing softly]

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 19, 2010 2:01 PM

For many of you, today is the first day back to work after a holiday weekend.

Heh, heh, heeeeehhhhh!

If we're all heading to the life boats, where is the band that'll go down with the ship? I hear Nickleback's available.

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2010 2:01 PM

I absolutely adore that photo NPH took of himself at the awards. Hilarious, and proof that you can keep yourself entertained during even the most tedious of functions.

I'm not clicking on that Montag link because my head will explode in sheer rage. I know next to nothing about this person but I still hate her. Why would anyone be getting that much plastic surgery at that age? Hell, at any age. Goddammit, people, boobs will droop and saddlebags will develop and wrinkles will emerge, and the sooner we all accept that and age collectively as we're meant to, the happier we'll be.

I've been keeping up with the Fan Fiction Fridays for a while now. Yes, it's terrible, terrible stuff, but I...just can't...look...away...

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 19, 2010 2:02 PM

I can't believe that I'm the only one whose had it up to here :mimes above this abnormally large brain: with Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox, right?

No, just look through the archives here.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 2:03 PM

The NPH/Whedon/Glee news is going to make my teenage daughter ridiculously happy today, and quite possibly, into tomorrow.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 19, 2010 2:06 PM

And I won't be able to block it on Facebook like Mafia Wars.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 2:08 PM

Like I wish I could hide all the Doctor Who nonsense along with farmville...

Posted by: figgy at January 19, 2010 2:10 PM

Heh heh heh. Just wait til the spring.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 2:13 PM

I just read through the FFF thing that figgy sent in.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

Holy mother of GOD that wasn't funny. That was awful. That was the most vile, contemptible thing I've ever read. I will never be able to close my eyes without seeing negative imprints of those stories replaying over and over again. figgy you horrible, horrible person, why would you send that in? Just...God, holy fuck, my stomach is actually twisting itself right now. SOMEONE GOT STABBED IN THE PEE HOLE. AND SOMEONE ELSE HAD THEIR BRAINS EATEN WHILE THEY WERE STILL CONSCIOUS. AND PEOPLE FIND THIS AROUSING.

...Hey, look! Puppies! *Squee* Puppies make everything better.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 19, 2010 2:14 PM

NPH + Glee = mess

I happened to see that interview with Heidi Montag in the break room this morning, and holy crap she is stupid. My two favorite parts were when she wouldn't sing (not without her precious machines to drown it out and auto-tune) and this gem:
"Well, an addict would have gotten, like, 10 surgeries at once."
"But you DID get 10 surgeries at once?!"

I will not click on that Fan Fiction link, because if it can reduce these sick bitches into bleached fetal positions, I simply won't try. Worst Fan Fic I ever stumbled across was some NC-17 dreck about Neville Longbottom. ::shudder::

I love all things The Big Bang Theory, AND I cannot see this video at work - now the suspense will torture me all day!

Oh hey, since you're here PaddyDog, sorry for assuming you were a dude the other day. My bad. I'm sure your girl-bits are glorious and worthy of notice.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at January 19, 2010 2:16 PM

*Puppies!*

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 19, 2010 2:16 PM

Neil Patrick Harris is going to guest star in the sweeps week episode of “Glee” that’s being directed by Joss Whedon.

EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE

(pant pant pant)

EEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEEEEeEEEEeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEeeeE!

(must... breathe...)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 19, 2010 2:30 PM

Patty O'Green:

No worries. It continues to amuse me that so many people think I am a guy on Pajiba. I may start using a pink font instead of the roided-up chin hair font just to stop confusing people.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2010 2:33 PM

Triple D? So they'll be changing the name of her show to "The Mountains"?

Posted by: , at January 19, 2010 2:38 PM

I should've warned you to not read the quotes. I didn't read the quotes. The descriptions were horrible enough.

Posted by: figgy at January 19, 2010 2:38 PM

Since I'm very vocal on FB about my desire for a Puppeh, and I assume everyone here is on my FB because the world revolves around me, right?
Well in allthose cases I'm just gonna take the puppeh video as a direct gift to me, so thanks, and also,
PUPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH

Posted by: Nadine at January 19, 2010 2:40 PM

We're going to drown in a flood of nerd-drool.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhalwiughxlkuhvluaerhglkudhvisueaklsduhvalkejnrailwuegvvfesvri

gaaaaaaaak gaaaaaaaaak
glub glub glub
bubble bubble
schloop!
ripple....ripple....

Posted by: ms. esme at January 19, 2010 2:55 PM

ms.esme that is a GROSS way to die.

Posted by: Nadine at January 19, 2010 3:03 PM

Mmmm Nerd drool.
Geek gleek.
Dork dribble.
Gamer gush.
Dweeb drizzle.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 19, 2010 3:10 PM

I didn't click on the fanfic link. I learned that lesson a LONG time ago, and I can't afford more electro-shock right now.

As for NPH + Glee, well, NPH is my secret boyfriend, and very likely one of my true regrets on my deathbed is that I never got to snog with him. And I love Glee. And Joss. Too much awesomeness in one place could be dangerous.

Posted by: Drake at January 19, 2010 3:17 PM

LINDSEY!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!DROOL IS GROSS!

Posted by: Nadine at January 19, 2010 3:18 PM

OMG I finally to around to looking in on the puppies. I want to snurfle their wee puppeh bellehs!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 19, 2010 3:24 PM

eeeeeeeeeeeeee puppeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh * i am this close to losing the ability to type coherently* puppel smuffle weeeeee puppeh puppeeehhh

Posted by: Nadine at January 19, 2010 3:29 PM

You lost it several posts ago.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 19, 2010 3:48 PM

Those fanfics? Meh. Anyone who ever used to lurk on GodawfulFanfiction.net (I was bored) has read much, much worse than that. Power Ranger rape and torture, Harry Potter skullfucking, Olsen Twin necrophilia, all with extra added incest. There are a lot of sick people out there.

And one of Neil Gaiman's daughters has tweeted thusly of the Globes: "I've told dad if he is ever nominated for an Oscar, I get to be his plus one. I will not take my clothes off on the red carpet." Wise words.

I love the man's work and I'm glad he and Ms Palmer are happy, but from the minute he tweeted about watching her in her dressing room trying on bras, and then posted picture evidence (at her request) I'm just trying not to look, frankly.

Posted by: Lenore at January 19, 2010 3:49 PM

In related news, I have totally lost all respect for Neil Gaiman after seeing photos of him watching his fiancee changing clothes and half nekkid ON THE RED CARPET! WTF?

WTF? is right and even worse is that instead of having a "yeah, my fiance is insane but hot so what are you gonna do?" face on instead Neil is all "see how adorable myyoungenoughtobemydaughter fiance is?" face on.
Jesus...

No I'm not bitter, why do you ask?

Gonna go look at puppies now.

Posted by: Jules at January 19, 2010 3:53 PM

Ehhhh, I always get a self-conscious "look at me workin it!" vibe off of her, which is, in turn, un-titillating.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 3:55 PM

The Egyptian Chola eyebrows are also distracting.

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2010 4:00 PM

If we're all heading to the life boats, where is the band that'll go down with the ship? I hear Nickleback's available.

Dammit admin, we all know if there is going to be a Canadian band going down with any ship near Disney it's going to be Stephen Page and The Bare Naked Ladies. And we all know what'll be going down.

Posted by: Xtreme at January 19, 2010 4:11 PM

Blergh. The NPH almost makes up for the fanfic post. Almost. I clicked on it thinking it was going to be badly written fanfic, which is hilarious, not fanfic written by bad people, which makes me nauseated in my soul.

More importantly, PaddyDog is a GIRL?

Posted by: marya at January 19, 2010 4:21 PM

Neil Patrick Harris? Joss Whedon? Glee? My brain just exploded from the awesomeness of that combo.

And can someone please put George Lucas out of my misery? Seriously. There was nothing wrong with the first 3 Star Wars, and then he had to go and change them and it ruined them. 3-D cannot end well.

Posted by: Jeni at January 19, 2010 4:41 PM

The Egyptian Chola eyebrows are also distracting.

RIGHT?! How the hell has that gone unnoticed all this time? I mean, what the fuck, woman?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 19, 2010 4:47 PM

NPH-Whedon-Glee is shameless pandering to the fanbase. It might be an interesting episode but those super-pairings are usually a letdown after all the hype.

And the Burton-Bonham Carter-Depp Maleficent project is an even more shameless and uninspired pairing with even slimmer odds of being any good. Christ you guys, you are blessed with the ability to pick your own projects and make big budget movies in accordance with your vision and yet you are choosing to spend all your time doing the same shit with the same clique over and over again. It's gone well beyond the "random Burton/Depp project generator" jokes and it's getting just ridiculous.

Posted by: Yossarian at January 19, 2010 4:57 PM

There is a reason they call her Amanda Fucking Palmer. She's naked-ish a lot. Gaiman must surely have known what he was getting into there. By the way: I saw her perform in LA in July and she answers questions from the audience between songs. Somebody asked her what her favorite "body part" on Neil was, and she tried to be coy at first and say she liked his smile, but the audience totally goaded her into saying "his cock." I'm not sure who that was more awkward for...those of us in the audience who were Gaiman fans or Gaiman himself. I think he kinda hid after that.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at January 19, 2010 4:59 PM

HOLY SHIT HER EYEBROWS WHAT IN THE NAME OF GODTOPUS HAPPENED TO HER EYEBROWS?!

Posted by: Nadine at January 19, 2010 5:00 PM

More importantly, PaddyDog is a GIRL?

Correction, marya, PaddyDog is a WOMAN. No wang-dangle to speak of, only aesthetically-pleasing soft spots.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at January 19, 2010 5:35 PM

George Lucas putting Star Wars in 3D? Heidi Montag getting all that work done? Tim Burton's new Depp/Carter vehicle? All of this news -- all of it -- is why we need Pajiba. It is like an asylum for sane people who need to be kept safe from a world full of lunatics.

Scathing reviews for bitchy people -- read: "It's okay to get pissed at this because you're normal."

Posted by: superasente at January 19, 2010 5:50 PM

Clicking on the fanfic link? Not so bad. Clicking on the links on that page to the top 3 stories? Horrifically, unbelievably, completely stupid. I am a glutton for punishment. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go punch a puppy.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 19, 2010 7:31 PM

Um, so I was afraid of the FFF, and then curiosity got the better of me.

In related news, I have an announcement: From now on, I would like everyone to please refer to my ladybits as my velocigina.

Thank you.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 19, 2010 8:02 PM

Maleficent was awesome. Please let it not suck.

Posted by: Lucas at January 19, 2010 10:44 PM

The saddest/most cruelly ironic thing about this whole plastic surgery situation is that before she went off and carved up her face, we were all, 'she's so ugly/I don't find her attractive'. Now, most the responses seem to be 'But she was so pretty beforehand!'

It doesn't seem to have changed people's perspective of her intelligence or personality, though. Nice to know that reality 'stars' can change their face and fill their tits with silicon, but most of Pajiba will still think they're a waste of oxygen.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at January 19, 2010 11:38 PM

Velocigina!

(damn you, Beaverpuppet, for getting the jump on me there!)

I read every damn thing. I clicked the links. I am...very strong.

I am the maker of sparkletits, and nothing can harm me now.

Posted by: replica at January 20, 2010 1:33 AM

Apart from her hair, Heidi Montag looks exactly like Lady Penelope from Thunderbirds now.

This is not a compliment, Lady P was a puppet.

Posted by: msanthropist at January 20, 2010 5:58 AM

Rep, did you actually read that whole #1 one? I started it, and then it made me feel bad. Like the kind of bad you feel when you see a squirrel on the side of the road, and you think he's gonna run out, and he doesn't, but then at the last second, so there's no possible way you can stop or swerve or do anything, he does.

I didn't finish that one. I bow to you for having the stomach for it, Lady. That is impressive.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 20, 2010 8:47 AM

The pokemon one is the only one I finished. I cried myself to sleep last night.

Velocigina. When, ever, is there a need to create a word like this?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 20, 2010 9:00 AM

A velocigina would be a good thing to have in a speedfucking contest, wouldn't it?

Posted by: , at January 20, 2010 10:27 AM

Ever feel that you would easily see yourself fitting into his / her life despite the age difference? http://AgelessOnly.com is a good place.

Posted by: Rose at January 21, 2010 1:29 AM

Hi, Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.

Posted by: watch jersey shore season 2 episode 2 at February 13, 2011 8:47 AM

Hi! Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!

Posted by: download vampire diaries at February 28, 2011 6:52 PM

Hi! Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this website needs much more consideration. I’ll probably be again to read much more, thanks for that info.

Posted by: hellcats season 1 episode 6 full episode at February 28, 2011 10:02 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Puppies Tuesday!

Comments