holmesNYmarathon.jpg

Pajiba Love

We’ve got a lot of news out of the Cruise camp today. First up, conspiracy theories as to whether or not Katie Holmes actually ran the NY marathon. (Celebitchy)

Because even Pete Doherty knows that nipples chafe. (Yeeeah!)

Additionally, the church of Scientology is threatening Gawker, making us actually take sides with the internet’s most autocratic blog empire. (Gawker)

If “American Idol” employed some of these suggestions to improve ratings, hell might freeze over just long enough for me to tune in. (WIMB)

Note to self: Bump Crumb up in Netflix queue. And while I have you, don’t forget to pay the phone bill. (ASWOBA)

Anyone want to wager a guess what embarrassing medical condition Gwyneth Paltrow was hospitalized for? Uncontrollable diarrhea? (IDLYITW)

Or maybe she just heard they were giving away free rectal exams. (QuizLaw)

Rich, I am all for you giving it a bath or dressing it up in costumes — but you lost me here, buddy. (FourFour)

Quiztime! How many babies can you eat? (CollegeHumor)

An explanation to everyone who was wondering why the new “Knight Rider’s” K.I.T.T. is going to be some pussy mustang. Uhhh, I’m still not sold. (SciFiWire)

I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone compared Hillary to Tracie Flick — after the jump. (H/T to QuizLaw!)

Pajiba Love | January 17, 2008 | Comments (29)


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Comments

Hillary=Tracy Flick. Wow. Really wow. Scary wow.

Katie Holmes and the NYC marathon: I have been saying the SAME DAMN things since I first found out she "ran" the race. First off, who runs 26.2 miles in a freaking yoga outfit? I'm probably only slightly more booby than she is and I wouldn't take a leisurely jog around the neighborhood without my trusty tit-squishing sports bra.

Second, in all those shots of her at the finish line, she looks like she barely broke a sweat. Now I generally run 10K and shorter races, but even on a chilly day, my face is at least flushed after a race. After a marathon, I'd probably look like attack of the fucking killer tomatoes.

Her running smacked of publicity stunt, much like all those reports of CrazyTommyBoy's supposed good Samaritan acts that popped up every now and again in the 90's.

Posted by: Alabamapink at January 17, 2008 3:47 PM

I'm with you Pink. Because with the papparazzi hounding them at every corner, when did she train? On a treadmill? Please. No one trains for the NYM on a fucking treadmill.

The rectal exam image is now burned into my brain for eternity. Howsabout a little warning next time?

btw, I can eat 2 babies. Pass the salsa!

Posted by: wsapnin at January 17, 2008 3:54 PM

Um, re Gwynneth, might it have something to do with the fact that her extreme version of the macrobiotic diet and her shunning of all things dairy for 10 years means she hasn't had any protein in her body since she hit puberty? Cheese, sweetheart, cheese! Would it kill you to eat some cheese?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 17, 2008 4:02 PM

Mmmm... cheese. I loves me some cheese.

And do we really care what kind of car is used for Knight Rider? Putting aside the fact that it will most likely disappoint, regardless of Doug Liman's involvement... it's a car. As long as it's black, has the red Cylon thingie, and jumps and shit, frankly, I'm down. Plus, that Shelby is a thing of beauty.

Posted by: TK at January 17, 2008 4:05 PM

Oh, watch Crumb right away. It's fucking amazing.

Posted by: Kt at January 17, 2008 4:22 PM

I completely buy the Katie-Holmes-bullshitted-running-the-marathon story. I thought at first that she must've just trotted through the whole damn thing what with the absence of a sportsbra and a completely ridiculous outfit, but now it's coming together.

Also, I know serious runners who train for months for the marathon. Sounds like Katie decided not so far in advance and scarcely trained.

Posted by: Samantha T at January 17, 2008 4:27 PM

What was K.I.T.T originally? A Firebird? A Trans Am? I guess I'm with TK, it doesn't really matter, as long as the engine rumbles enough to get me excited.

The entire relationship of Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise has been one giant photo opportunity.

Posted by: Kolby at January 17, 2008 4:31 PM

Only 2 babies? That seems like a low estimate. I'm the only person I know that doesn't get the whole cannibalism taboo.
And I definitely raised an eyebrow when Katie ran a marathon without a bra. I only jog around my neighbourhood and I would never do it without a sports bra. And I agree with Alabamapink: even during cold Canadian winters, I sweat and get gross on a relatively low-impact jog, so how can she look so chill? Does not compute.

Posted by: Lannie at January 17, 2008 4:35 PM

After I was surprised by the rectal exam picture, I did my part and surprised Mr. McGee with it too. Muahahahaha! But, yes. A warning would be nice next time a giant ass with a hand shoved in it is going to pop up on my screen.

Katie Kate totally fudged that marathon. Boobies floppin' in the wind for a run that long would not give their owner any reason to smile when she crossed the finish line.

Posted by: Dangle McGee at January 17, 2008 5:28 PM

Three babies.

What?

Don't look at me like that.

Posted by: TK at January 17, 2008 6:14 PM

Another affirmative on "Crumb". It is fascinating and sad. I've seen Maxine on the streets here in
SF a few times (although not in the past couple
of years) and was always pleased that at least
he was still alive.

Posted by: Drake at January 17, 2008 6:32 PM

I can't believe you haven't seen Crumb yet. Shame on you.

Posted by: jk at January 17, 2008 6:40 PM

"You can barely even see them nipples."

"See? And these guys are really looking!"

As with all calculated marketing ploys connected with Tom Cruise, this one is imploding in comic fashion. She looks more like she's running through a meadow in a Massengill commercial than finishing a marathon, especially with that my-brains-have-been-sucked-out-through-my-earhole quasi-smile.

BUT -- and everyone I know has a big one -- don't forget that the real Katie is at the side of Xenu. Her replacement robot could easily run 26 miles without sweating, vacant smile and hard rubber perma-nipples firmly in place.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 17, 2008 7:04 PM

I'm the only person I know that doesn't get the whole cannibalism taboo.

Mmmmm-kay

[surreptitiously scooches away]

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 17, 2008 7:08 PM

Mmmmmmm, 4. 4 soft, delicious baby biscuits.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 17, 2008 7:12 PM

Heh. Sorry, socalledonlycousins, I guess I should have supplemented that with a point that I don't understand the taboo when associated with situations like the Andes survivors (not, say... Hannibal Lecter).
Also, I think that many reality shows could benefit from dropping the eliminated contestants into a pit of alligators. I'd like to see anyone argue that Johnny Fairplay deserved anything else.

Posted by: Lannie at January 17, 2008 7:26 PM

Don't much care for the fate of the Gawker/Defamer crew. I Hope they meet their ends at the hand of Sciento hit squads.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 17, 2008 7:54 PM

Katie Holmes "had" a baby under the weirdest circumstances imaginable* and the birth certificate was signed by a nurse days later and people are getting this uptight about them faking a marathon after they successfully faked an entire pregnancy. I wonder if they even used her eggs or just got some clam that looked like her to be the surrogate. I also wonder what photo ready silicone prosthetic pregnancy bellies, skin tone matched but without stretch marks, go for.

*Except for Angelina Jolie, of course

Posted by: OscarTamerz at January 17, 2008 9:01 PM

I've done my share of running, in full makeup no less, and I've been saying 'yeah right' since the start. She's not flushed, barely sweating, no makeup is running, and she would be clutching her chest and wincing in pain around the 3rd mile at the latest... if she hadn't already broken her ankle tripping on those pants. No fucking way.

Posted by: Kris at January 17, 2008 10:46 PM

I agree with everyone about Katie not running no damn marathon. I did cross country in high school (I sucked, but still did it) and there is no way she could have looked the way she did after 26.2 miles. And then wore heels later that night. I call bullshit on this one.
And no matter if your girls are big or small you got to strap those suckers back or you will be in a world of hurt.
If you can fake a baby, you can fake a marathon.

Crumb is riveting, comical, disturbing, and sad. Once you see it, it will stay with you. Still haunts me a little to this day - especially Charles.

Tom obviously is bat shit insane the video just offers up yet more proof. But why, why, is his prophet a sci-fi writer. And now he's got Will Smith, too. Damn.

Posted by: jen310 at January 18, 2008 12:12 AM

What? No TransCamaro for new millennium KITT.
They could not find one and fix it up? Punk ass bitches.

Posted by: jen310 at January 18, 2008 12:28 AM

I saw this on Gawker the other day and thought it was some kind of joke, but now I want some Congressional hearings. Like all the other WOMEN here (and it's questionable that "Katie Holmes" is one) it comes down to one thing -- the lack of bra. FORGET IT. NO freakin' way she could do that wearing one of those camisole things with the elastic band that I wear around the house.

Posted by: RLS-1 at January 18, 2008 10:15 AM

I am just loving all the cries of bullshit from you ladies. Personally, I've got a fairly decent sized rack, and I can't walk down the stairs in my house without a bra. Shenanigans!

Posted by: Stacey at January 18, 2008 10:55 AM

RLS-1: Yes, let's get those Congressioanl hearings going! Because I'm an enormous nerd, I was trying to think if there was any tort liability for the lie/exaggeration (absolutely not, but indulge me Dustin, PaddyDog, et al.!). I'm thinking they were unjustly enriched.

Posted by: Samantha T at January 18, 2008 11:05 AM

I was a volunteer on the course at the NYC Marathon for nearly 7 hours this year, standing in the same spot (just before the 24 mile marker). I was standing in front of the police cordon, and had an excellent view of the race.

I saw about 35,000 people run past me, and I was still able to pick out all the "celebrities" (top runners such as Radcliffe and Lel, plus Lance Armstrong, costumed runners, etc.).

I did NOT see Katie Holmes, nor did I hear anything about her "running" the race until I got to the finish line area for cleanup later.

Consider me VERY skeptical.

Posted by: Scott at January 18, 2008 11:19 AM

Personally, I've got a fairly decent sized rack, and I can't walk down the stairs in my house without a bra. Shenanigans!

I'm afraid we're going to need in-person confirmation of such claims from now on. Pajiba-Cats . . . HOOOOOooooooo!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 18, 2008 11:32 AM

Fuck congressional hearings! It looks like we've got the manpower to debunk this bullshittery right here in our comments section!

Socalled -- How about I smash 'em up against the screen, and if you squint real hard, you just might see something?

Posted by: Stacey at January 18, 2008 1:32 PM

Wow, is that Stacey Stacey? Now I've gone and pajiba'ed myself.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 18, 2008 2:00 PM

Aha! It's me, alright. I forgot to blue myself the first time.

Yes, I'm in rare form today.

Posted by: Stacey at January 18, 2008 2:13 PM





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