Pajiba Love 01/15/09

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | January 15, 2009 | Comments (45)

Steve Jobs is taking a leave of absence due to medical issues. Let’s wish him a speedy recovery because that iPod Nano which is actually a chip that injects into your skin ain’t gonna build itself. (HuffPo)

It sounds like Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz are finally and rightfully getting sick of each others stupid, annoying asses. (WIMB)

Hey, remember the evil scumbags who named their kid Adolf Hilter? Well little Adolf and his siblings have been removed by child services. Surprise! (EvilBeet)

Mickey Rourke, your time is up. Please to be making your way back to the has-been pile now. Thank you! (QuizLaw)

Check out this amazing behind-the-scenes footage from The Shining, shot by Stanley Kubrick’s daughter Vivian. (ASWOBA)

Here’s a six-pack of movies starring unknowns. I bet you guys could name a few others? And if you say Napoleon Dynamite I’ll punch you in the throat. (PW)

I’m kind of amazed, but PETA has actually managed to outstupid themselves once again. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

A Do-It-Yourself Jedi Kit? Finally. (atom)

I can’t even begin to understand this product. Why is this the ultimate sex underwear? Is it really that hard to pull your dick out of regular underwear? So many questions. Mildly unsafe for work. Thanks to Clee Shay! (ballbra)

I know how you guys hate Paris Hilton stories, but this is one about how she was humiliated and kicked out of a Golden Globes party, so I think it’s probably acceptable just this one time. (The Blemish)

Not that I watch or anything, but that new judge from “American Idol” sounds like a real C-U-Next Tuesday; to borrow a phrase I picked up in the comments last week. (Celebitchy)

Here are 20 celebrity lives in Flowchart Form. The one about that Mystery toolbag alone made me cough up my drink. Thanks to Figgy! (Cracked)

Awesome: Get your very own photoshop palette stickers to slap over ads with women who have been grossly over-photoshopped. It’s defacing public property and educational! (AgentBedhead)

Because you know I’m all about helping out my fellow Pajibans, is anyone out there involved with high school marching bands or know anyone who is? Also, a rare opportunity to see one of our eloquents in spandex. Do not miss! (Rusty’s Ventures)

I know, I know. Far be it from me to get emotionally manipulated by a local news human interest story. But it’s a dog and an elephant, people! And they’re best friends! I’ll just be over here in the corner now…

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Follow @pajiba

← The Best Movie Moustaches | Mover Review →

Comments

Steve Jobs has not had a direct hand in making ANY apple products since his return to apple. He is Marketing and PR only.

Posted by: Fsage at January 15, 2009 12:03 PM

At least he has an advantage many others don't, the financial security provided by the billions of dollars Apple Customers (read: suckazz) have spent on his overrated products.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2009 12:07 PM

I happened to catch the dog & elephant story on the early early early news the other morning when I was having a bout of insomnia. Sobbing at 4:30 in the morning after a night without sleep is not a way to start the workday. I looked like I had been punched in the face.

I need to look into scoring some Ambien.

Posted by: krix at January 15, 2009 12:13 PM

Is that BallBra for real? Out of all the men I've ever known, I can't think of anyone who's ever had trouble getting undressed for sex. Even the mere mention or possibility of sex leads to immediate stripping down to birthday suits.

Posted by: Melissa at January 15, 2009 12:18 PM

Hmmmm...not sure how hard it is to pull the junk out of the underwear, since I disposed of them garments a while back...Isn't the ultimate sex underwear no underwear at all? Or perhaps the jock, which at least leaves your tushy region open for the fun making.

I'll just stop myself right there.

Also, Rusty looks adorbs in her little marching band outfit. Awwwwww!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 15, 2009 12:18 PM

That elephant and it's doggy friend are adorable... right up until the elephant goes to rub the dog's tummy with it's foot and then it gets a little bit frightening. I mean, if the elephant sneezed... nevermind, it's cute.

And yeah, me in spandex. Woo!

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 15, 2009 12:19 PM

oh my god. i really should know better, but thank you for making me cry on my lunch break, Stacey. That was the sweetest story ever.

Posted by: lizzieborden at January 15, 2009 12:28 PM

The "BallBra" would be better if was call "Ballssiere"

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2009 12:32 PM

*if it was called

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2009 12:34 PM

I was in my high school's marching band and I played baritone a little, but I was first chair tuba. I was thinking of buying a tuba and playing it as a hobby.

Posted by: Pookie at January 15, 2009 12:40 PM

Marching band is why I don't have properly functioning knees. That said, those guard costumes are gorgeous. I might have to slip the contact information into the marching band director's mailbox at an appropriate time in the future. We're not exactly on speaking terms because he thinks I stole thousands of dollars worth of instruments during my senior year of high school (the short story: I didn't; the slightly longer version - the director mistakingly counted some of my personal equipment as school equipment and made a big fuss over it), but I am working with many of the guard members on the school musical and all I hear is complaints about losing points in competitions because their outfits are horrible.

Good luck with the business, Rusty.

Posted by: Robert at January 15, 2009 12:44 PM

What isn't common knowledge about PETA is their 2010 awareness campaign. They will erect a series of underwater billboards advising sharks and other predatory sea kittens that it is cruel to eat sea kittens. When a Great White sea kitten exits a coral reef they will throw buckets of blood and scream "Sea Kitten skin is murder!" Then they will be eaten and rejoice.

The year after, they intend to begin advertisments focused at Lions and how eating Wildekittens is unethical and cruel.

Posted by: admin at January 15, 2009 12:44 PM

Okay, the Ty Pennington flowchart had me laughing out loud at my desk.

Posted by: Snath at January 15, 2009 12:49 PM

I played saxophone in my high school marching band. I looked like like a grizzly bear trying to play a recorder.

That said, I can still get my toes up to the proper height. You can see the bottom of my feet when I march, for realz, yo!

Posted by: Snath at January 15, 2009 12:52 PM

I loved the Rush Limbaugh flowchart-"Throw twiler girl to Rancor, put on human suit." Ha!

Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2009 12:55 PM

That's "twilek," Julie. Way to piss off the Star Wars fans. Teehee!

Posted by: Snath at January 15, 2009 12:56 PM

Robert, we're very familiar with tempestuous band directors. You don't win a BOA regional without someone going apoplectic every other practice.

Snath, I marched a flute for one year and quit because I fucking hate marching. I can dance around a field swinging giant metal poles all day long, but I will be damned if I can keep in step while playing. It's like a short circuit in my brain. I salute you.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 15, 2009 12:59 PM

Hee! Don't judge me, I haven't seen them in years!

Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2009 1:01 PM

Or perhaps the jock, which at least leaves your tushy region open for the fun making.

I'll just stop myself right there.

Oh, Jeremy, DO go on!

Posted by: Drake at January 15, 2009 1:09 PM

I was a music major in college, my dream was to become a high school band director. When I lived in Miami I lived across the street from a high school, every football season when I heard the drummers playing I'd get a tear in my eye. I was in love with this clarinet player in high school, we would sit together on the bus ride to the football games and band competitions. Sometimes when we were at practice in the band room we would stare at each other, man I loved her so much.

Posted by: Pookie at January 15, 2009 1:13 PM

Bravo! Admin

I fucking hate Peta! If my evil plans of world domination ever come to fruition I'm going to breed them in tiny cages and make them into winter coats and floppy hats.

Posted by: Pants at January 15, 2009 1:13 PM

Someone in a comments section on Cute Overload brought up another sob-worthy elephant video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXKxgLvIS6Y

Retired circus elephant reunited with another elephant she hadn't seen in 25 years.

the billions of dollars Apple Customers (read: suckazz)

What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of everyone bitching about Vista.

Posted by: twig at January 15, 2009 1:14 PM

OK, that BallBra thing is an ass-backward version of what I was saying dudes need to wear for their version of Hooters (yesterday's PL).

Posted by: Cindy at January 15, 2009 1:19 PM

Fuck you, twig, that is not okay to show me while I'm at work.

An amazing video, though, thank you.

Posted by: Snath at January 15, 2009 1:21 PM

I don't know what the hell someone would bitch about with Vista, except for their hardware being too weak. Use a flash drive for ReadyBoost auxiliary RAM, people!

I've mentioned the iMacs here that the toddlers crash all day every day, right? Nothing's bulletproof in their hands.

Posted by: Jay at January 15, 2009 1:42 PM

Has anyone actually read some of the descriptions on the Ballbra site?
"This underwear is a man's dream come true. Something one dreams of, but is now a reality."
Gosh, that's poetic.
For the G-String model:(Extra comma theirs, not mine)
"The model for individuals seeking the extra looks and feelings, no other product can offer. Try the G-string and feel something not imaginable before."
If they were going for a site that sounded like it's run by Zoolander, I think they got it.

Posted by: Erin S at January 15, 2009 1:56 PM

why did the freaking reporter have to talk? "what's your excuse?" ewww. shut up. I want to see an elephant and dog hug dammit!

Posted by: soto at January 15, 2009 2:16 PM

Wow, that elephant story actually got to me. I don't know why they always say "Oh, the elephant doesn't know the dog isn't an elephant". To that I say Fuck. Maybe the fucking elephant just wants to hang out with a dog, why is that so weird? Gotta give the elephant a disorder so it can rub a puppy's belly? (Which was amazing to me)
Why can't they just accept that some elephants prefer a different lifestyle?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 15, 2009 2:16 PM

Drake: *Snicker* Awww, this old thing? Yeah, sadly my closet is devoid of the sexy. Actually, it's devoid of pretty much everything. I should probably consider going clothes shopping every once in a while.

Cindy: Hey, if there was a male equivalent of Hooters, I would gladly sign up. Assuming you don't make me wear those redonkulous fucking ballbra doo-hickies. Anything else is fair game.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 15, 2009 2:21 PM

Jeremy you have to wear something the equivalent of the low-cut, cleavage bearing t-shirt. It's only fair.

Posted by: Cindy at January 15, 2009 2:30 PM

Cindy: I see your low-cut, cleavage bearing t-shirts and raise you this and a pair of matching red converse all-stars. Do we have a deal?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 15, 2009 2:54 PM

I don't get all the hate for the New Idol judge. She's successful, not gratuitously mean to the retreads, coherent, smart, and can actually sing her foiiiiine ass OFF.

Miss Bikini Slutbucket got called out not because she was hot and "talented," but because she was blatantly busting a tedious Paris Hilton ooze, coasting thru doors on a skank-cycle powered by vapid whoredom and obliviousness.

Posted by: firedmyass at January 15, 2009 2:57 PM

But what would they call such a fine dining establishment Jeremy? Jimmy Junk's?

And lay off the ballbra, some of us don't use them for sex gaunch, but for support. You try walking around with these things. It's like trying to lug around a ten pound bag of potatos twixt your legs.

Posted by: admin at January 15, 2009 3:09 PM

I like it, I like it. Can we lower the waistband just a tad?

Posted by: Cindy at January 15, 2009 3:12 PM

I admit it. I watch American Idol. It gives me something to discuss with my students besides class. I also admit that I'm digging the new judge. I feel in love with her the moment she said, "Listen, bitch" (or something akin to that, but definitely ending in "bitch) to Bikini Slut.

Posted by: superEdna at January 15, 2009 3:30 PM

soto: exactly. Fucking stupid greeting-card platitudes when clearly that dog has a great ass.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at January 15, 2009 3:41 PM

You wouldn't have that problem, admin, if you just used a shopping cart at the grocery store like a normal person.

Posted by: Snath at January 15, 2009 3:45 PM

So, I'm sure this will be a topic for tomorrow, but I want to get a head start on it now.

I always thought the water evacuation procedures in airliners was ridiculous, as it seemed to me that the plane would sink pretty fucking quick. Today I was proved wrong.

P.S. if you have no idea what I'm talking about check the news, you horribly uninformed dick-asses.

Posted by: the_wakeful at January 15, 2009 6:33 PM

What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of everyone bitching about Vista.

Posted by: twig at January 15, 2009 1:14 PM

-------------------------------------------

Mmmmm, I don't think I like your tone. Not one bit, I hope this isn't gonna turn into a "situation"...hippie.

Only hippies and weirdos use Macs.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2009 6:45 PM

"Take a good look, America. Take a good look, World." That is so fucking corny.

Posted by: Lucas at January 15, 2009 6:47 PM

Slim, I call them the "coloured-pencil brigade" myself.

Posted by: lordhelmet at January 15, 2009 7:07 PM

Napoleon Dynamite.

Posted by: ben (thpbt) at January 15, 2009 8:09 PM

Oh my lord, I think i shed a tear. So effing cheesy!

Posted by: tallulahc at January 15, 2009 9:19 PM

"4. Some kind of joke that references the way a fish smells and includes another word for 'kitten.'"

Guy I used to work with would say "Only two things in the world smell like fish, and fish is one."

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 15, 2009 11:20 PM

Don't watch the video! The dog lives but the elephant dies!

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 16, 2009 12:00 AM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Comments