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Death Comes to Pajiba

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (43)



KITH011410.jpg

Thanks to causaubon, who tipped me off that the Kids in the Hall’s new series “Death Comes to Town” (which I was following but had totally lost track of) premiered this week. If you’re a Canuck you can watch it here, but the rest of us are going to have to try youtube or Surf the Channel — and apparently a torrent is available via Pirate Bay. (CBC)

And let the wild internet speculation of who is to become the new Spiderman begin! So far we have Robert Pattinson and Michael Cera. (Agent Bedhead)

Holy crap! Michael C. Hall has reportedly been battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He is in remission now though, so there’s that. (Yeeeah!)

Bryan Cranston, who is awesome at every single thing he does, is joining the John Carter of Mars cast. (The Playlist)

You know that old copy of Jerry Maguire you having lying around on VHS? Don’t lie to me, I know it’s there. Well, here’s a productive way you can finally unburden yourself of it. (Cinematical)

In light of the tragedy caused by the earthquakes in Haiti, Angelina and Jolie and Brad Pitt have come to the rescue. And here’s how you can help, as well. (Litelysalted)

Here some great news if you have a Wii and a Netflix account: Those two things are coming together in the most natural pairing since peanut butter and jelly. (Atomic Popcorn)

Vitamin Water and Facebook have teamed to bring us the world’s first social networking-themed soft drink. (Impulsive Buy)

The marketing people behind The House of the Devil are continuing their awesome promotional campaign with personal ads looking for a babysitter. (Bloody Disgusting)

So this is why there are so many white people rooting for Conan. Yep, this website is apparently still around! (Stuff White People Like)

And while we’re at it, what do you think Conan O’Brien’s next job should be, in the event that NBC doesn’t put up with his shenanigans? (Holy Taco)

OK, full disclosure: I squeed a little bit when I saw this. (Unreality)

Matt LeBlanc, having poked his head out of obscurity like a prairie dog has revealed that … He’s OLD!!! Actually, he kind of looks like Bruce Campbell now. (Dlisted)

Apropos of nothing, here is Mila Kunis in Esquire. Because she’s perty, ya’ll. (Popoholic)

Christina Hendricks is doing a promotional stunt with Degree to let you pick out what dress she wears to the SAG awards. I thought this was a cool idea until I saw the dresses, and they’re all really boring. Yawn. (Warming Glow)

Ahhh, you know what? I give up. Here’s a cat doing something funny:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









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Comments

I already posted about a Cera Spidey, although *I* was being sarcastic.

Anyway, if they cast Pattinson it would be the most blatantly cheap attempt at grabbing a demographic since the last Tyler "production."

Is that where they are taking Spiderman? I, mean you cast this jack-off for only one thing, so he can remind everybody of Edward Cullen. Is he going to attach himself to Mary Jane's ceiling and broodingly stalk her?

What the fuck man!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 14, 2010 1:09 PM

My jaw DROPPED at the Unreality link. That is unbelievable.

Posted by: welldressed at January 14, 2010 1:11 PM

That cat video looked like a feline reenactment of the late night wars, with Stoopid Cat taking the part of Leno, and the cat at the end as Conan, who shows up late to get the news that "all the ice cream is gone and you are now fucked!" Except they changed hair color and chin size to protect the innocent.

Posted by: Odnon at January 14, 2010 1:18 PM

"Vitamin Water and Facebook have teamed to bring us the world’s first social networking-themed soft drink."

That's fucking stupid. Like drunk toddler stupid. What's next? 'Jiba Juice? I mean, how despera... HOLY SHITBALLS OF CHINCHILLA FISTING FURY, WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA! 'JIBA JUICE! HELL YES! Something to mix with whatever liquor I happen to be swilling that particular hour, whether it be vodka, vodka, rum, vodka or Listerine! See you later, cranberry juice - you've diddled with my urinary incontinence for the last time! Catch you on the flip side, Coca-Cola and Fresh Burst Listerine - there's a new drink in town!

Oh, the bevy of flavors... Flavors, flavors, flavors! What would 'Jiba Juice taste like? I'm guessing it's a refreshing splash of citrus with a frothy aftertaste of hope. Yes, hope. Here's mine:

'Jiba Juice - Skittimus Maxiquench Spritzer
- 1 (12oz) can of 'Jiba Juice
- 1 thing of Jameson
- 2 shakes of bourbon or something
- Raisins to taste

Directions: Pour everything into a chilled Arby's commemorative Christmas goblet. Mix with index finger. Enjoy while riffling through cousin's income tax information. Repeat until either authorities are called or you black out after pooping yourself while sobbing in the linen closet.

Smell that, Cap'n Rowles? That's the smoldering stink of a gigundo marketing opportunity - CATCH THE... uh. TASTE THE... Fuck it, we'll work out the tagline later - GET TO THE KITCHEN AND START MIXING!

Posted by: Skitz at January 14, 2010 1:25 PM

Skittiums - don't you think that 'Jiba Juice should involve apple juice in honor of Axl Rowles' part in the anniversary video last year?

Too bad I hate apple juice.

Posted by: tamatha at January 14, 2010 1:33 PM

and let the wild internet speculation of who is to become the new Spiderman begin! So far we have Robert Pattinson and Michael Cera.


Please let this be true. PLEEEEASE! Sparkly spider webs people! Unicorns! An even more emo Sparkleman!

Posted by: admin at January 14, 2010 1:50 PM

Whatever Christina wears, it's gonna showcase those giant cans of hers, and each dress looks primed to do that. They're not bad dresses, though.

Posted by: Brie at January 14, 2010 1:50 PM

Kids in the Hall! I'm metaphorically throwing my panties at those guys! Woohoo!

Posted by: lainiefig at January 14, 2010 1:54 PM

A. Skitz, I'm very sorry, but raisins suck. Please replace with jungle-juice soaked melon balls.

B. Admin, you have become far too attached to all things sparkly. I suggest you join IRLMSTA (I Really Love My Sparkle Tits Anonymous) immediately. Please get the help you need.

C. Christina's cans would indeed look fabulous in anything.

Posted by: Katers at January 14, 2010 1:58 PM

Skitz, would you and/or Wendell marry me? It's not that I want to tie you down (unless you're into that), it's more that I think the sex would be super freaky, and I'm not good at sharing.

I know, I know, it's not even a Leap Year, so I probably just doomed myself to a future of celibacy or some other awful fate. But I simply swoon at the thought of a debonair gent who can concoct cocktails out of the more exotic flavors of Listerine.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 14, 2010 2:18 PM

I love how the white cat shows up at the end of the video and is all 'Dude, WTF is WRONG with you?'
My brother and I used to make tinfoil helmets for our cat and watch her back up slowly all around the house trying to extract herself from the mask. 1 paw swipe or head shake wold have done it, but nooo,she would try to back out of it for 5 minutes. Funny as hell. She survived our hijinks and lived to be 19. She was a bit effed up though.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 2:29 PM

Is it merely coincidence that Skitz comes up with 'Jiba Juice the same day as menstrual cunnilingus is a recurring them? No, it is not. Get on it, Rowles. Or, more accurately, Mrs. Rowles.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 14, 2010 2:35 PM

IMO not one of those red dresses will properly showcase Christina Hendricks' glorious tits. Really people, we can do MUCH better than that. But #1 is my pick of that group. Plenty of skin at least.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 2:39 PM

I don't know about sparkly tits, but apparently there's now something to make your freshly waxed lady bits "disco ball shiny".

It's called "Vajazzled" (and oh how I wish to Buddha I made that one up).

Endorsed by Jennifer Love Hewitt, (the Quasimodo of ringing endorsements) you too can go through the sheer bliss of having the rug ripped out from under you, only to have Swarovski crystals pasted on your labia majora in any pattern your little heart desires (including a little heart if you so choose).

So guys, if the idea of a sparkly vampire eludes you, then just look at Liberace inspired glory of a crystal coos. Church choir and spotlight sold separately.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 14, 2010 2:40 PM

the same day as menstrual cunnilingus is a recurring them?

BLARGHHURLRALPHSICKEWBLARGOINSBLC

Well THAT'S just great...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at January 14, 2010 2:42 PM

Holy mother of god all this period shtick

PLEEEEASE *SOMEBODY* MAKE IT STOP!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 14, 2010 2:44 PM

"Holy mother of god all this period shtick

PLEEEEASE *SOMEBODY* MAKE IT STOP!!!"

cough* cough* That's what she said.

Posted by: Alex at January 14, 2010 2:50 PM

having the rug ripped out from under you, only to have Swarovski crystals pasted on your labia majora

BLARGHHURLRALPH WHY GOD WHY SICKEWBLARGOINSBLC

Damn it, not again...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at January 14, 2010 2:52 PM

Vajazzled?!?

Oh my god. I need that. I love sparkly things. But then I might become so enamoured with my own sparkly lady bits that I never leave the house again. My employers will understand, right?

Posted by: Pea at January 14, 2010 2:57 PM

"Skitz, would you and/or Wendell marry me? "

Tell you what Wednesday - let me successfully end the one I'm going through right now with minimal damages and/or scarring and we'll see what happens. Unless it has something to do with Flesh Cheetos or a three-way with Condouche, I'm pretty much open to anything...

Posted by: Skitz at January 14, 2010 3:02 PM

Oh sweet merciful fuck. Vagazzled? Really? Because skanky ho's need another reason to wave their labias around in public? No good can come of this. NO GOOD I say!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 3:04 PM

Vagazzled sounds like the end result of a Bedazzler mishap.

Posted by: jM at January 14, 2010 3:15 PM

I was going to say that raisins are disgusting, but, in light of the turn the thread has taken, I guess they're not so bad.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 14, 2010 3:34 PM

Just watch, JUST WATCH, Miley Cyrus will have her Vajazzled little crotch spread all over the tabloids any minute now. Because Sparkly shit is like crack for little girls.
And Admin.
Oh. No.
DO NOT let Sparkltits near this product.
There is NOT ENOUGH EYE BLEACH!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 3:37 PM

Tell you what Wednesday - let me successfully end the one I'm going through right now with minimal damages and/or scarring and we'll see what happens.

OK, just be sure you get to keep the Arby's glassware and your other precious heirlooms in the settlement agreement. My ex made sure he listed his golf clubs, but forgot about most everything else.

Which is why I'm now the proud possessor of dozens of 20-year-old programming books and a vintage collection of novelty gifts from Spencer's circa 1985. I told him he'd rue the day he crossed me.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 14, 2010 3:46 PM

Things to do before vacation:

- get this rash cleared up
- buy stock in Skitz' Own: Sweet Teabagged 'Jiba Juice
- Vagazzle Chest
- have a period to see what all the hooplah is about
- pack thong and Superasante's Special Skid Mark Cleaner
- Pejazzle junk until it looks like the Spirit Stick from Bring It On.
- Visit Cheerleader camp and ask who wants to hold said Spirit Stick
- Murder R-Patz' hair
- Profit

Posted by: admin at January 14, 2010 3:49 PM

Where's my "Pants on the Ground" link? I was totally waiting for it today.

Cuz you're lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!

Posted by: wsapnin at January 14, 2010 4:00 PM

Oh, don't tell me Admin's planning on getting Penazzled!

Or worse, Ballazzled.

Posted by: Katers at January 14, 2010 4:04 PM

Wangdazzled?

Posted by: Odnon at January 14, 2010 4:18 PM

Sprit Stick really says it all.
Admin: Just get a moose to kick you in the gut, and get all sad and stabby for a week. I will spot you the messy part. Then you MIGHT sort of get all the hoopla. If men had to have periods there would be a cure for them by now.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 4:38 PM

If men had to have periods there would be a cure for them by now.

There is. It's a special infection called Crotchfruitus Innyeruterus.

Posted by: admin at January 14, 2010 4:45 PM

Oh, don't tell me Admin's planning on getting Penazzled!

Or worse, Ballazzled.

Wangdazzled?

Admin? He's getting Prince Albedazzled.

Posted by: branded at January 14, 2010 4:53 PM

You're right, those dresses are boring, and here I was hoping that the internet would rise up and vote for her to wear a meat dress to the errr... what the hell is it for again? I got distracted by the thought of Christina Hendricks wearing a meat dress :(

(p.s. To those who hope a meat dress isn't real... you are out of luck. MEAT DRESS

Posted by: Temet Nosce at January 14, 2010 5:08 PM

Sparkletits: The Duggar method? Yeah, more recurring/remission than a cure. And EXPENSIVE!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 14, 2010 6:10 PM

I was kinda disappointed in Death Comes to Town. I hope it gets better.

Posted by: Lauren at January 14, 2010 6:25 PM

Ugh, poor Michael C. Hall. I was on IMDB yesterday and at first glance of the homepage all that I saw at first was his picture and 'Cancer... I damn near had a heart attack. Just glad he's in remission & can continue to be incredibly fucking badass at full capacity.

Posted by: Cruise at January 14, 2010 6:49 PM

Yes, the dresses are boring on the mannequins. But then she squeezes her busty physique into the clingy fabric, red hair cascading down her exposed shoulders, looking at you with those bedroom eyes...

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Doric at January 14, 2010 7:22 PM

It's Y'ALL, not ya'll. It's silly, but sweet lord it drives me bananas.

Posted by: taylor at January 14, 2010 10:16 PM

Age is not important. http://AgelessMeet.com/ gives you the chance to seek your like-minded soul mates. Try it and you won't be disappointed.

Posted by: Betty at January 14, 2010 10:30 PM

I dress, you dress,
we all meet for Meat Dress!

Posted by: Odnon at January 14, 2010 11:39 PM

DUDE, Betty, I am so with you on that.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 14, 2010 11:42 PM

Wow, Betty is one ambitious 'lil GILF Pimp ain't she?

Every. Single. Thread.

Now get me Rue McClanahan in a Meat Dress and a freshly Vajazzled honey pot hired by my wife as a test to my fidelity- THEN we'll talk.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 15, 2010 12:16 AM

Yes, it's true

Posted by: Lanny Pruneda at December 15, 2010 2:58 AM


















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