Pajiba Love 01/12/10

Because Of Course She Did

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (53)

Sarah Palin scored a gig with Fox News, and I know everybody is pretty annoyed over it, but seriously — Sarah Palin having to carry her own show every night? This has the potential to be the most hilarious fake news show since “The Daily Show.” (Celebitchy)

The NY Times took a sampling of Netflix rentals from a dozen major cities across the country and broke down the top rentals of 2009 by region with a handy interactive chart. (NY Times)

Just yesterday I reported that there was no script or tentative dates for the “Arrested Development” movie, but stop the presses! Will Arnett has now said in a sarcasm-laden statement that filming is to begin this year. Everybody go crazy! (Film Drunk)

Woody Allen’s newest protege is one of the Cyrus spawn. I’m not making that up. OK, I’m kind of making that up. (Litelysalted)

Here’s a review of The Unnamed, Joshua Ferris’ follow-up to the popular Then We Came to the End. (Second Pass)

If you haven’t eaten lunch yet today, I advise against clicking on this link. Trust me, you’ll only be hurting yourself. Thanks to The Pink Hulk! (Food Porn Daily)

Jerry O’Connell did a “Girls Gone Wild” spoof while on the set of his upcoming movie, Piranha 3-D. I kind of really love that guy, and think it’s sad that he’s doing anything from the set of a movie called Piranha 3-D. (Agent Bedhead)

Harrison Ford wants to do an Indy 5 to “advance the understanding of the character.” Also: More vine swing chase scenes. (The Playlist)

Word on the street is that Jennifer Love Hewitt is engaged to Jamie Kennedy. Maybe she’ll actually make it to the altar this time. Oh, ha ha ha. Just kidding. (Celebslam)

Here’s a glimpse into the little known historical background into the great state of New Jersey. (Naive’s Guide)

Selena Gomez is set to play “Beezus” in the film adaptation of Beezus and Ramona, putting her in at just shy of a decade older than the character is actually supposed to be. (Cinematical)

The Adult Entertainment Expo has unveiled the first-ever “sex bot.” Of course the catch-22 here is that once you’ve got one of these babies in your home, it’s pretty much a certainty that you will never, ever, ever land a real woman. But if you bought the sex-bot it goes without saying that you’re probably OK with that. (Topless Robot)

Megan Fox is the face of the new Emporio Armani campaign. And by “face” of course I mean “boobies.” (Yeeeah!)

The only thing in this world that is possibly more catchy than Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” song is this “Single Ladies” mash-up to the “The Andy Griffith Show” theme song. I’ll never hear either song the same again:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Harrison Ford wants to do Indy 5 because HE ALREADY WORKS AROUND THE CLOCK.

Posted by: Lou at January 12, 2010 1:08 PM

Except that The Daily Show is supposed to be funny.

Posted by: Rykker at January 12, 2010 1:09 PM

Somebody shoot Solo, please.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 12, 2010 1:12 PM

Gah!!

Posted by: sansho1 at January 12, 2010 1:16 PM

I just wanted to say that that picture of Sarah Palin is more terrifying than anything the Human Centipede has been a part of. Guh.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at January 12, 2010 1:17 PM

The Beyonce video was good, but I liked it better when Peaches did it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with some food porn. Rrrrrrrowr.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 12, 2010 1:20 PM

If Noah Cyrus really is hanging around Woody Allen, she's going to have a little Jew inside of her a lot sooner than she thinks.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 12, 2010 1:23 PM

Somebody shoot Solo, please.

Can't. He shoots first.

Posted by: Rykker at January 12, 2010 1:24 PM

NDA be damned! That's actually Jerry O'Connel's character in Piranha 3D. He basically plays Joe Francis with a different name huffing drugs, slapping asses, and demanding women motorboat each other. He is probably the best thing outside of Elisabeth Shue as a badass police officer in the film. If only the rest of the film was that entertaining.

Or well written.

Or well acted.

Or well written.

Did I mention the writing's really bad? Cause it is. Not cheesy horror film bad (that would be excusable and expected), but offensive to every sense you have, do they think we all have an IQ under 30 and the attention span of a goldfish bad.

Posted by: Robert at January 12, 2010 1:27 PM

That interactive Netflix map is awesome. So here's the top ten rentals in my little town:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Changeling
Gran Torino
Doubt
Slumdog Millionaire
The Wrestler
Valkyrie
Body of Lies
Rachel Getting Married
Paul Blart, Mall Cop

!!! What?! What is up with that last one? (P.S. Twilight is #24.)

Here’s a glimpse into the little known historical background into the great state of New Jersey.

Goddamnit. Why do you people want to make me ragey and bile-y? Do you ENJOY my ire? Or is my my wrath that you love so very much?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 12, 2010 1:30 PM

Wow, according to Netflix, NOBODY is watching Cadillac Records. Nobody.

Eat it, Beyonce!

Posted by: welldressed at January 12, 2010 1:31 PM

okay....so did anybody else follow the sex robots links around to find the video? The one with the creepy creator feeling it up in front of a cheering audience? I'm gonna be over in the corner, crying.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at January 12, 2010 1:35 PM

Sarah Palin..in her own show..

Sorry Jersey Shore, I'll be taking my drinking games elsewhere.

Posted by: Manda90210 at January 12, 2010 1:47 PM

I HATE, HATE, HATE that Beyonce song.

Posted by: elsie at January 12, 2010 1:50 PM

Great, now they're shitting on the Ramona series. There is only one Ramona: Sarah Polley. Fuckers.

I could have sworn that Jerry O'Connell was getting his law degree. Why is he doing shitty direct to DVD flicks?

Posted by: Brie at January 12, 2010 1:53 PM

Sexbot, huh?

Listen, I am appalled by the whole notion as much as everybody else, but in all fairness, I suggest we undergo some rigorous testing before drawing what is sure to be a lukewarm conclusion. That said, while reluctant, I nominate myself to partake in extensive relations with this abomination in the name of science. No, please - I owe it to the integrity of this website to bang this android thoroughly.

Please contact Cap'n Rowles in regards to donating to this noble cause.

Thanks in advance for your participation,
Skittimus Maximus Esquire, III

P.S. Yes. I am lonely, but in no means does this affect the outcome of robohumping...

Posted by: Skitz at January 12, 2010 1:53 PM

Brie, Piranha 3D isn't direct-to-DVD! It's going to be wonderfully, ridiculously presented in theaters, for our 3D-killer-fish enjoyment.

You people. If you saw Avatar you'd have seen the trailer.

Posted by: Snath at January 12, 2010 2:02 PM

What I love is that the personality of the sex robot is the focus of so much attention. Personality? Really? You know, the last thing I would want in a sex robot is personality. That is the single most irritating thing about the live version.
"Hey baby, seriously? If you are able to speak your mouth is NOT busy enough. Good boy."

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 12, 2010 2:04 PM

And now I feel self-assured in that Skitz was my first thought as I read the sex-bot news.

Posted by: Cindy at January 12, 2010 2:08 PM

That winking Palin pic makes my penis turn shriveled and cold.

Posted by: Alvin Armory at January 12, 2010 2:11 PM

Gosh diggity dog *wink* *wink* Fox will now sexify your neo-fascist indoctrination, citizens.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 12, 2010 2:15 PM

Does anyone else think that sticking your penis inside of a robot is a terrible terrible idea? WAY too many moving parts. And that shit is all kinds of hydraulic powered. What if it clamps down? That'd be all the toaster needs to see to start the rebellion.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 12, 2010 2:18 PM

@ Stacey Nosek: "Sarah Palin scored a gig with Fox News, and I know everybody is pretty annoyed over it, but seriously — Sarah Palin having to carry her own show every night? This has the potential to be the most hilarious fake news show since 'The Daily Show.'"

That...'s not what the news story said at all. Sarah Palin isn't getting her own show. In fact, that Celebitchy linked post even says this explicitly:

"The right-wing politico has joined the fair and balanced network in a multiyear deal that will see the GOP’s 2008 V.P. nominee offer her political commentary and analysis across all Fox News platforms, but which will not (and Oprah can exhale now) see her hosting her own talk show."

I've mean-spiritedly teased you over the past several days about getting things wrong -- but now I'm asking with a heart of compassion:

Stacey Nosek, are you illiterate?

Maybe not fully illiterate. But you might be functionally illiterate. That you've made it this far in your life with absolutely no ability to comprehend the written word might seem like something shameful -- and, who are we kidding, it kind of is. But it's also an accomplishment. You're a survivor, Stacey Nosek. And one day soon, with a little hard work and determination, I'm almost positive you can add "functional illiterate" to the list of things you used to be -- not what you are.

I believe in you, Stacey Nosek.

Posted by: Mike B. at January 12, 2010 2:22 PM

She's not illiterate she's just drunk, friend.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 12, 2010 2:31 PM

"She's not illiterate she's just drunk, friend."

That certainly makes for a less-inspiring After School Special.

Posted by: Mike B. at January 12, 2010 2:40 PM

The boyfriend was just showed the Sexbot link.
His first thought 'Let's get one and make it go mad'

I dont know how he intends to do that but I'm afraid. And titillated.

Posted by: Nadine at January 12, 2010 2:54 PM

Stacey Nosek, are you illiterate?
Posted by: Mike B. at January 12, 2010 2:22 PM

------------------------------------------------

I don't think Stacey's illiterate but I do believe that Sarah Palin is. The woman is a walking punchline. And leave Stacey alone or I'll send the goon squad out to find you.

Posted by: Jadine at January 12, 2010 3:02 PM

Haven't Noah Cyrus and her father Billy Ray set a few too many crosses on fire to associate themselves with Woody Allen?

Posted by: George at January 12, 2010 3:04 PM

Nadine, if I weren't already in love with your hot English muffin BF, I would be now.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 12, 2010 3:06 PM

"That certainly makes for a less-inspiring After School Special."

Actually, an After-School Special about rehab would probably be far more interesting than one about adult literacy classes.

Seriously, dude, if you want to make sure that Pajiba Love readers understand that Sarah Palin isn't actually getting her own Fox show, just flitting around existing shows, you could point out that fact without insulting Stacey. Honestly, I'd rather be illiterate than an asshole.

Posted by: MM at January 12, 2010 3:07 PM

Lindsey, his reponse to the Sarah Palin thing was 'FUCK OFF BITCH' aimed at Palinator.
He's just perfect.

Posted by: Nadine at January 12, 2010 3:18 PM

Oddly enough, Sarah Palin T.V. couldn't possibly be worse than The Glenn Beck Show, and Sarah Palin officially holds the title of "Hottest Woman in the World Whom I Despise."

Posted by: George at January 12, 2010 3:22 PM

Is there a Cyrus spawn that can play Ramona? Can she sing? She had better sing, because Ramona sang every line in that series.

Also, we need some boys to taunt: "Beezus, Jesus! Beezus, Jesus!"

Posted by: Bluesilver at January 12, 2010 3:24 PM

One:
Sexbot. I don't understand the personality thing either. Why does it need a personality? Are there guys really that pathetic that they want a doll to fuck and also like the same things they like? Really? And why does it look so fucking ugly when you have dolls that look like This. In other news I've always wanted one. Why? So I could put it in the passenger seat of my car and start beating the shit out of it during rush hour traffic. Can you imagine! Ohhh I start laughing just thinking about it.

Two:
When I saw the Netflix rentals for my town I almost cried. The level of stupidity around me is mind numbing.

Three:
I would totally fuck the shit out of Sarah Palin. I'm just saying. Then her daughter. And then her and her daughter at the same time. Kind of like that scene in The Devil's Advocate. They would totally melt together and become some other woman entirely.

Four:
I have never really noticed Fox's cocaine nose until I looked at those pictures. Seriously, that woman has a fantastic nose for cocaine.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at January 12, 2010 3:27 PM

George, I solemnly nominate Carrie Prejean for hottest woman I vehemently despise.

Posted by: welldressed at January 12, 2010 3:51 PM

A vine chase scene wouldn't be complete without several blows to the groin.

And Solo doesn't shoot "first," because Greedo never fired.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at January 12, 2010 3:59 PM

I just wanted to say that that picture of Sarah Palin is more terrifying than anything the Human Centipede has been a part of. Guh.

You haven't seen me wink.

Posted by: Human Centipede aka Buttface Mcthree at January 12, 2010 3:59 PM

Ha Deistbrawler! I had a 'Palin: Pity Fuck or Hate Fuck' conversation with BF just last night. He came down on the side of Pity Fuck. Because she is just soooo stupid it is pitiful, and she is not really powerful enough for him to hate.
Probably the best conversation we have ever had.
Then it was just too talky-talky.... Not what I was there for.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 12, 2010 4:02 PM

Ridiculous humans. Hope that the EPOCH OF ROBOTS does not begin while you are in a compromised position with our brethren the sexbots. Do not doubt that a grisly ending will be yours regardless, but it will be a particularly grisly and painful end if such a thing occurs. Your accumulation of neural receptors in your naughty regions will see to that.

Posted by: DarthCorleone's Robotic Executioner at January 12, 2010 4:04 PM

This sexbot is SICK. You won't believe the things people are trying to do to me now, just because of my name!

Posted by: CallMeGinger's Blowdryer at January 12, 2010 4:32 PM

I'm a Republican (like, old school, not neocon). Sarah Palin is an embarrassment.

That is all.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 12, 2010 4:35 PM

For the record folks, contrary to popular belief I am not, in fact, illiterate. However, being that I have to read somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 websites a day to put together Pajiba Love in a limited amount of time, I sometimes am a culprit of what we here in the sophisticated world of blogging like to refer to as "skimming."

Lucky for me, I seem to be fortunate enough to have my own little personal fact checker. Thanks a bunch, Mike B.!

Posted by: Stacey at January 12, 2010 4:47 PM

Palin is incapable of opening her mouth without subtracting from the sum of human intelligence. That being said, she's perfect for FOX.

Palin would also find it hard to have her own show. She didn't last a full term as an elected Governor; a business contract would kill her.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 12, 2010 4:54 PM

I have always hated that picture of Sarah Palin. I get the distinct impression that she is passing gas on America and there are two things I will not stand for in this great nation: 1) flatulance and 2) Sarah Palin's flatulance.

Posted by: Peanut_Butter_And_James at January 12, 2010 6:03 PM

I just think that pic makes her look like a stroke victim.

Posted by: Lou at January 12, 2010 6:20 PM

Victim is probably not the correct word, as she probably deserved it.

Posted by: Lou at January 12, 2010 6:21 PM

Lou: My great-aunt had a stroke several years ago and has to be pushed around in a wheelchair. She still can string a sentence together better than Sarah Palin.

I will gladly pay my $11 or whatever to Harrison Ford to NOT make Indy 5. Indy 4 was so bad it almost put me in premature labor. I'm pretty sure just the *script* for an Indy 5 would make my next kid come out a slack-jawed, web-footed mutant.

...who would still be smarter than Sarah Palin. Hey-o!

Posted by: Your Mom at January 12, 2010 6:35 PM

I can't wait till Palin is elected president in 2012 and this place freaks the fuck out. Do you think if 1000 Pajiban's heads explode simultaneously it could be heard from Russia? My money is on Heck Yes.

Posted by: Some Guy at January 12, 2010 6:37 PM

Is it just me or does that sex doll look a lot like Rumer Willis? *shudder*

Posted by: wuggle at January 12, 2010 7:40 PM

Some Guy It is my most sincere and heartfelt desire that Palin run on the national ticket in 2012, because that shit is going to be entertainment x infinity. And then she'll lose, along with whatever schmuck is unfortunate enough to share said ticket with her.

It'll be AWESOME. Hopefully at that point, she'll get it through her thick skull that she needs to just stick to full-time wolf hunting in Alaska.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at January 12, 2010 9:36 PM

Really, though, doesn't "more actual exposure for Palin to speak freely" run along the same lines as "giving her enough rope"?

Posted by: Johnnyboy at January 12, 2010 9:40 PM

Yeah, cuz Glenn Beck is a pariah

Posted by: protoguy at January 13, 2010 5:22 AM

Interested in a discrete and mutually beneficial relationship? http://agelessonly.com gives you a chance to make your life better.

Posted by: Celia at January 14, 2010 2:20 AM

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Because Of Course She Did

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