Pajiba

Today in the KSK Fantasy Football/Sex Advice mailbag: The elusive quest for the buttsex! Don't miss it!

I think you mean "every week in the KSK...", that column makes me seriously reconsider my heterosexual preferences.

And congratulations to Sofía!

Puh-LEEZE, Billy Mays - I've had a portable toilet for years - my friggin' britches. I gotta dook on a dime? No sweat, my britches are lined and double-stitched bitches. You read that right - DOUBLE STITCHED. Waiting in line at JC Pennys and the Tinkle Fairy's tap-dancing on my bladder? 'Tis no thing, chicken wing - my drawers are equipped to handle over two gallons of liquid (regardless of what factory they're delivered from). You want a pair? You know you do. Send me a che... actually, just post your bank account number and password (if applicable) on this here thread, and gimme two weeks to cobble up some porta-pants!

I've had a bloody beer before, but there's no way on Gods green earth I'd chug one of them Clamato cans. No. Way.

Jeremy how are dragons furry?

My personal favourite was actually Marra's "Bush and Jesus give each other the gay eye embroidered throwpillow", that thing seriously made me choke on my sandwich.

*Stacey. Oops.

My favorites were:
- Mermice, by Marra.
- Gang-rape car, by Pants
- Patrick Swayze centaur tattoo, by Blonde Savant (I couldn't stop laughing)
- Preggers dress, by jM
And many others. I dug all of them, really.

Did you know that in the same interview, she claims that Tina Fey "exploited" her? The woman is a laugh a minute.
At least we can now prove that she wasn't mis-understood when she couldn't name one paper that she reads since if she did actually read any news publication she would know that the gloves came off as soon as Ms. Kennedy announced she was interested.
Incidentally, she may be doing Kennedy a huge favour here because (despite the fact that I don't think she's an appropriate candidate) nothing will make people rally to Kennedy's support more than the chance to stick it to Palin.

Budweiser + Clamato = pretty damn refreshing, actually. I mean, it's not like Bud has much flavor anyway, so it's kind of like a mildly fizzy Bloody Mary.

It's worth noting that I was face-down, ass-up drunk when I tried one.

I'm surprised you never saw Cake Bride, Sofia. I never really understood the thinking behind "I want people to stab me with a knife and eat me". Ah well, a well deserved win indeed, Sofia. Apparently, Stacey CAN resist the Turk. *Sadness*

Oh, and Skitz, you have made me laugh again. Hard. Actually, I laughed so hard, I may need a pair of your special pants.

so it's kind of like a mildly fizzy Bloody Mary.

Guh. I didn't realize that projectile vomiting could sneak up on me that fast. I have to go change my clothes now.

I'm adding this incident to your list, TK.

Budweiser plffffffffffft.

High school beer. While you're at it, give up your drivers license, write tortured poetry about the sadness of your soul, and hide in the bathroom to molest the Sears catalog.

Don't go down that road, son. Be a man, drink real beer.

It figures, I'm also right in guessing that THAT is your natural state on all days that are not named Tuesday..

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 9, 2009 12:38 PM

----------------------

Christ, you're predictable. I basically gave you that one.

I think the tackypalooza entry that shocked me the most was jM's Homer Simpson twat tattoo.

It haunts my dreams, Julie. But that lion penis table wins because I could totally see myself buying it.

If anyone hates themselves and wants to see, click the link.

Also, who would want to pound Homer's face (except Frank Grimes)?

My MIL's neighbor was drinking that Clamato shit on New Year's Eve. My FIL (who is Mexican...trust me, it's important) brought a few cans of it over to try and get rid of it, because he hated it.

So this neighbor is not really that smart about some things. She seems very intelligent in some ways, but I don't think she has much common sense.
I noticed that whatever it was she was drinking was bright pink and looked like ass, so I asked her what it was. She proudly held up the can like it was some kind of prize, and I literally recoiled when I saw it. This is then how the conversation went:

Her: "What?"
Me: "Do you know what you're drinking?"
Her: "Beer and Clamato! It's like a fancy beer."
Me: "Why would anyone think dehydrated clams go with beer?"
Her: "WHAT?? Clams?!"
Me: "Clamato is tomato juice mixed with dehydrated clam powder, or something."
Her: *immediately runs to the kitchen and throws up in the sink* "I thought it was some kind of fancy Mexican word!" *to my FIL* "You tricked me! You said it was good!"
Him: *laughing uncontrollably*

The best part is once she got over the shock, she realized she enjoyed it after all and kept drinking it.

The Homer tattoo at least has an element of humor to it. The demon twat tattoo I found seems to send the message "I never want anyone touching my genitals ever again" which seems... ill advised.

The overwhelming availability of Bud or other similar poor quality beers at college parties has a lot to do with my decision to become a liquor drinker. I enjoy tasting my alcohol, thank you.

So unless she has it redone on a regular basis, it will start to look very strange. Well, stranger than it already does...

I don't think that anyone would "redo" her after seeing that, other than her tattoo artist.

I don't think that anyone would "redo" her after seeing that

Yeah, granted, it's literally STUNNING, and I do applaud the creativity and ingenuity, and everything around and under the tattoo looks rather nice, but Homer and I are just NOT gonna get face to face.

Admin: you just blew my mind!

Think of the possibilities:

HorseMato: squeezed horse testicles.
CatMato: squeezed CAT testicles.

...well you know where I'm going with this..

Now wait a minute, there is a link up there with Butt Sex in the title, and I'm the only one who thinks that's worthy of a few words? I feel badly for the guy who wants butt sex with his wife, but the catch is the only way she'll do it is if he has a threesome with her and her ugly, fat friend. The horror! Doesn't anyone want to help the poor guy with this dilemma?

And am I the only one that finds it a litle disturbing that Jake Gyllenhall's neck is the same width as his head? He looks like Beaker on The Muppets.

..well you know where I'm going with this..

Pookmato?

I stumbled across the Bud Light and Clamato at the old 7 11 when buying beer for the weekly poker game. I bought one and conditioned that whoever lost first had to drink it. My brother lost, took two sips and got quite green around the gills. Out of solidarity, I had a sip....and it was quite rancid and I poured it out. It is an abomination.

Also reminds me of the old Richard Jeni line. Clamato? Who drinks tomato juice and says "hmmm, needs fish"?

Goodness, I'm so glad no one has mixed up the Clamato fiasco with the butt-sex three some fiasco.

Oops. Guess that mental image might be over the top.

I really was thinking Genny had this one, only because she made the bold choice of using tacky things From Her Own House. That gives them so much more credibility.

AHAHAHA I knew the table would win because holy GOD I can't believe that thing EXISTS.

It's just so...so...BIG and REAL. AUGH.

Congrats, Sofi, you are our Queen.

I want to print that Recently Deflowered thing. It's beautiful.

I agree with Genny, the difference between the two doesn't merit such consternation.

I agree completely. If she wants some action in the chocolate halo, just apply the Canadian Crippler for about 45 seconds.

I'm shocked at the lack of reaction to the "Recently Deflowered Girl."
Now, here's my slightly more accurate interpretation of "Deflowerment by a Fraternity Boy."
You attend a large get together at the fraternity house, and one particular young man catches your eye. After partaking in a large quantity of alcohol from a glass boot, he sidles up to you and invites you to his room. After deflowerment,he mentions he had no idea his roommate was present the entire time.
You (charmingly) say, "It would be quite hard to notice anything when you are very much unconsious after half a dozen minutes."

It's best to wake up as early as possible on these mornings, so as to escape notice of others when you go back to your own quarters.
Miss H.P.

Indeed, one time in college we got a call to come rescue someone from a frat party. We picked her up and stole some of their beer, but it was crappy beer and I felt off for hours. Damn cheap sleazy fools!

really, it doesn't taste ANYTHING like clams at all!

BULLSHIT!

I've eaten rancid cooze that hasn't tasted as fishy.