First of all, thanks so much for the outpouring of well wishing after my dog emergency yesterday. My otherwise healthy 7-year-old Australian Shepherd had two scary, unexplained seizures on Monday night and although she’s in better spirits, I’m still waiting to hear back for test results. But I know it would warm the cockles of her doggie heart to have so many people pulling for her. Now, onto the links:
In even more depressing news than doggie illnesses, Perez Hilton has joined the, ahem, literary community. (WIMB)
And that’s why you don’t try to bang your girlfriend on the ski lift. (QuizLaw)
I’ve never taken it upon myself to actually listen to Lily Allen’s music, but I think I love her regardless. What can I say? She’s a woman after my own heart. (Agent Bedhead)
Brad Pitt is trying to backpedal and say that he totally didn’t leave Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. C’mon man, no one believes you, just let it drop already. (Celebitchy)
Here is the most hilarious example of unfortunate advertising of the day. (YBNBY)
I admit: Not a “Doctor Who” fan. But apparently Snath is, and he thinks many of you will enjoy this list of reasons why Doctor Who is a terrible time lord. (ToplessRobot)
America’s most harmless couple has birthed another baby. (The Blemish)
Revisit (or just plain visit) The War Room — which, luckily for Chelsea Clinton, managed to capture her ugly duckling phrase for all of posterity. (ASWOBA)
Remember back in the olden days when censorship was all the rage? Well here are ten moments in music censorship history. (mental floss)
It’s official! Pomegranate has jumped the shark. (TIB)
Apparently the brand new must-have accessory for the urban male is — wait for it — mantyhose! That just can’t be good for the ol’ sperm count. (Bowl Of Stupid)
YESSS! Sanjaya is back! I care for no other reason than I hope Joel McHale brings back the floating head Sanjaya graphic on “The Soup,” at least for one limited-time engagement. (Evil Beet)
Oh hey, look! Here’s a link from Sofia. Really, Sofia? (LouisvilleFreeFace)
What do you guys think about Victoria Beckham? I was always indifferent to her until she started rocking a pixie cut, and now I think she’s a bombshell. (Popoholic)
Today’s clip is Indian Thriller, which comes compliments of the Boozehound. So you can blame/thank him for this:
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Am I the only who thinks the free face guy is a sex offender, and probably has several arrest warrents against him?
And Ed Sullivan is kind of a gigantic bag of ass.
Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 7, 2009 12:28 PM
Oh Posh, I'd love to Bend You Like Beckham. Or see the home video made with you and the guy from Sofia's link.
Why was Sofia looking for that link, one wonders?
Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 12:28 PM
Whenever I read or hear the word "pomegranate" I'm immediately reminded of Romeo & Juliet.
"It was the nightingale, and not the lark,
That pier'd the fearful hollow of thine ear;
Nightly she sings on yond pomegranate tree.
Believe me, love, it was the nightingale."
OK, now we can talk about free oral sex. WOO-HOO! It's Special Valley time, bioootches! Gobble-gobble!
I'm with Jeremy - that cat reeks of sex offender. And although I didn't read the rest of the info, I would certainly hope the ladies would have their own rules & regulations:
- Shave the perv 'stache and wash that greasy ass hair.
- No small talk before, during, or after. I'm doing you a favor, remember?
- When I'm done, you're done. There will be no further shenanigans.
- I will mail you a brief review of your skills. There will be no return address.
- You have to vacuum my house prior.
Posted by: Skitz at January 7, 2009 12:37 PM
Hee hee. It's been a terrible week Sofía, can you set it up so that someone goes down on me? I want an orgasm without any effort.
Posted by: Julie at January 7, 2009 12:39 PM
So what have I learned from Pajiba today?
Snath knows fuck-all about Doctor Who.
A couple of entries were quite funny and I was willing to overlook the many inconsistencies in his theory, but then I came to this:
"The Doctor only travels with ladies who are young, thin and pretty."
Two words: Catherine. Tate.
Young? Nope
Thin? Hell No.
Pretty? Fuck No.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 7, 2009 12:47 PM
That Perez Hilton book will be in bargain bins of all book stores in two months, tops.
Posted by: Marcela at January 7, 2009 12:48 PM
I don't mean to brag or anything, but my man looks EXACTLY like Joel McHale. To the point we can't go to Starbucks anymore because so many people "recognize" him.
That's totally not why I'm with him though. Totally.
Posted by: Clee Shay at January 7, 2009 12:50 PM
All I am saying is that Doctor Who is THE BEST Time Lord.
Fuck that list, Snath.
Posted by: Courtie at January 7, 2009 12:51 PM
Ooh, the ming-mong content certainly went up on the Doctor comments since yesterday. I'm just baffled that someone said "he DOES use the sonic screwdriver all the time!". There's a difference between "can't take a joke" and "can't get a joke".
I've often got Lance in my car for little snacks at work. Ooh-er!
Lily Allen is only a qualified sort of attractive?! What, "she's goofy lookin and fat but she's got spunk!"? Is that the reasoning in those comments? I once again call upon Steve "Wilson" Coogan: You're just fucking wrong.
While I do like the aforementioned haircut, the Beckham pictures give a bad name to the word "cleavage", and are a little bizarre as the engineering is usually geared towards pressing them together. "Lift and separate" has a bit less charm, I think. Plus those pictures are just fakey-lookin' ugly. Are the hosannas there the same guys calling Lily Allen "fat but charming"?
Ladies I need some advice. How do I coordinate my Mantyhose with with my skirt or outfit? Do I match the shoes, the shirt, some other accessory? I only ask because some dude laughed at me on the weekend at the club. I can only assume it was because I made a fashion faux pas.
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 12:58 PM
Lily Allen is only a qualified sort of attractive?! What, "she's goofy lookin and fat but she's got spunk!"? Is that the reasoning in those comments? I once again call upon Steve "Wilson" Coogan: You're just fucking wrong.
Catherine Tate is a vicious blight on the otherwise perfection of the Tenannt tenancy in the Doctor's role. Someone needs to explain to Catherine Tate about subtlety in a role and someone desperately needs to tell the BBC to stop showing her incredibly unfunny "comedy" show. How can someone coast for so long on one good line????
Also, what male companions???
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 7, 2009 1:04 PM
Admin, you have to match it to your ascot. Or your dickey.
Posted by: Julie at January 7, 2009 1:04 PM
Ah, Jay. You know me so well. I will not rest until the taint of Tate is gone forever.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 7, 2009 1:06 PM
The Posh headline is hilarious -- as if Posh dropping cleavage is news! Having said that, she looks good for a skinny bitch.
Is it just me or is Brad Pitt no longer handsome. Anyone? Anyone?
And a side note to Julie: I know it takes more effort, but I'd sit on that face as opposed to having it go down on you. That way you don't have to look at any part of it (the face, that is) while you get your proverbial rocks off. Oh, and make sure he washes his face FIRST.
Posted by: jimbob at January 7, 2009 1:07 PM
Oh I was really referring to Bedhead and "raincoaster", not you.
Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at January 7, 2009 1:08 PM
New Years' resolutions: do "Indian Thriller" workout, then cool off with Pomegranate shake. Never, ever go to Louisville.
Posted by: Captain Tuttle at January 7, 2009 1:10 PM
First, Catherine Tate isn't some skinny twig, but the woman is still hot. She was also the best damned companion in the new Doctor Who. Much smarter and less googley eyed than Rose, and she didn't get annoying and useless like Martha did.
Second, The Doctor is not the worst Time Lord ever. I would point you towards "Doctor Whom" as the worst Time Lord, simply because he was an insufferable prick. (Everytime you'd say "Doctor", he'd say "Doctor Whom?" and chuckle to himself in a corner. Asshole.)
Third, the Perez Hilton book isn't a sign of the apocalypse...it's a sign that publishers are now trying to cater to new demographics. You know, people who can't read, mutants, and "nonexistant markets that are nonexistant due to the fact that the entities that would populate them do not exist". (A good example of that last one is "people who can identify with Perez Hilton".)
Nevertheless, I believe I shall read his book because I'm a literary masocist and I can't wait to laugh at his stupid face. (This is the exact same reason I'm reading a Danielle Steel book, and plan to read the Twilight series.)
I believe Sofia was simply clueing us in on what will be the theme of the next Paheeba takeover.
Hey now, I already said then, and during the Christmas movie plot party, that my tongue does not do indentured servitude (and besides, you don't get a lot of enthusiasm from your employees like that either), so in the words of Mr. Takagi, you're just going to have to shoot me.
[...]that cat reeks of sex offender.Skitz, when first I read this, I was like, "What cat? I don't remember an item about a cat, what is he talking about? ... Ohhhhhhhhh."
Well, so much for more meaningful posts. Cunnilingus, whoo!
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 7, 2009 1:16 PM
Mike just made really embarrassing laughing sounds come out of me.
Lily Allen is only a qualified sort of attractive?! What, "she's goofy lookin and fat but she's got spunk!"?
I have to come to Lily's defense here. Fat? No, just a little "big boned". Retarded? No,
just "differently abl-ed". Full of Spunk? Okay, probably. Depends on preference there. I think the real key to her popularity right now has very little to do with talent - unless you consider binge drinking, public nudity and general whoreish behavior a "talent". And I do.
As for the Cat Tate Hate, I'm not sure what to say. Large breasted red heads are my favourite thing on the whole damned planet, but I really prefer non-butterface types.
Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 1:23 PM
That dude on the skilift was actually with his son...so let's hope he wasn't attempting to bang. Apparently, the chair wasn't pushed down all the way and he feel through--getting depants-ed in the process. Poor dude.
Posted by: VeinsRHiways at January 7, 2009 1:25 PM
*fell
Posted by: VeinsRHiways at January 7, 2009 1:26 PM
Indian thriller! Awesome, that is an old fave of mine, indian Superman is worth looking for too!
Posted by: Alli at January 7, 2009 1:29 PM
Just don't rent "The Indian Godfather". I hear they turned the tollbooth scene into a gigantic dance off, and the ending has been replaced by vigorous handshakes and sparkling rainbows. People always have to mess with the classics.
How has no one made a cockles joke yet? For shame.
Posted by: branded at January 7, 2009 1:33 PM
Actually I've never seen an episode in my life, but I know roughly half of Pajibaland is a Whovian, so I thought I'd throw down.
Posted by: Snath at January 7, 2009 1:35 PM
I also consider fantastic songwriting and vocal ability a "talent". LISTEN TO LILY.
Posted by: tdehr at January 7, 2009 1:36 PM
Admin, you have to match it to your ascot. Or your dickey.
I knew it! I was trying to match them to my manpursebag.
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 1:38 PM
To the guys wearing Mantyhose: shave your legs first. Not only does leg hair looking fucking weird smushed, it will start feeling strange and uncomfortable. Ask any chick that has said to herself "No time to shave, but I've got a pair of black tights."
Or just don't wear them in the first fucking place. I always thought guys were lucky for escaping the bitch and a half that is pantyhose. Next they're going to try and claim cramps, too.
I think this was my favorite part of that free face site:
What I go by: George, Vampire Lord, or God
Well, naturally!
Posted by: Gabs at January 7, 2009 1:40 PM
Next they're going to try and claim cramps, too.
Posted by: Sharon at January 7, 2009 1:39 PM
Ooh, ooh, I call childbirth!
I'm not willing to relinquish peeing standing up, though, so how is this gonna work? Caesarean? Not a chance.
Never mind.
Posted by: Che Grovera at January 7, 2009 1:47 PM
I wish Brad Pitt,Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston would just STFU. And Brad needs to shave. He is not aging well.
If any man is crazy enough to try to wear pantyhose, he's welcome to them. Guys talk about how useless the tie is. Well, pantyhose are to women what the tie is to men. The only guy that looked good in pantyhose was Joe Namath in his "Broadway Joe" days. He appeared in a hosiery commercial wearing pantyhose. The intent was to say that if these hose could make Joe look good, just think what they could do for women. Actually, he did look good. The whole ad was kind of tongue-in-cheek and fun. (And yes, I am old.)
I was thinking of moving to Louisville, until I took a second look at that guy's face. He does look kinda creepy to me. I wonder, though, how many requests he gets.
Posted by: rlr260 at January 7, 2009 2:00 PM
Side note: If you haven't been paying attention, Jon Stewart is having Rachel Maddow on as a guest on TDS tonight.
That sound you hear is a rare preemptive Pajibagasm that doesn't involve Fillion, Reynolds or Statham.
Posted by: branded at January 7, 2009 2:06 PM
After yesterday's Pajiba-Love, childbirth didn't sound so bad, Che. You might be on to something.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 7, 2009 2:08 PM
That Perez Hilton book will be in bargain bins of all book stores in two months, tops.
And Perez Hilton will be in the bathroom of a bargain bookstore at 2:00 a.m., bottoms.
Posted by: firedmyass at January 7, 2009 2:14 PM
Is it just me, or was the creepiest part about the louisville guy's website the animated tongues? They were so wiggly and floppy and licking-y. Eeecchhkkkk tongues freak me out so much and now i want to cry and puke.
I want everybody to know that I was just over at the pajiba music column and as usual I left a comment. Out of the blue TK attacks me for using the word "Homo" and suggested that I don't use that work again. Now I'm being censored, what the fuck is it of his business what the fuck I say?
Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 3:14 PM
If you liked Indian Thriller, search for Benny Lava on YouTube...you can thank me later.
Posted by: Smokin at January 7, 2009 3:30 PM
Love Lily Allen. Love Posh. Always have. But I also have yet to allow myself to know who Perez Hilton is...
Posted by: VeinsRHiways at January 7, 2009 3:43 PM
Hey Sofia, for the next Paheeba Day can you make the men wear mantyhose while they perform oral sex? Also, I have some light experience wielding a paddle.
Posted by: Cindy at January 7, 2009 3:44 PM
That's it! That's IT!
*throws off his hat and apron and stomps out of the kitchen*
Don't whine, Pookie. That's so gayeffeminate muliebral. Damned political correctness...
Posted by: Che Grovera at January 7, 2009 4:33 PM
Did anyone else click through to the "Free Face" application? Gee-ROSS.
Do you like any of these other things used on you or done while you are receiving oral? Just the tongue, thanks Tongue and Hands Pop Rocks Finger Placement Alka-Seltzer Ice Cubes Altoids Electricity
WTF? Is there a secret pop-rocks-oral-sex fetish that I was previously unaware of? And ELECTRICITY?? Oh. Em. Gee. NO. Electricity and the kitty don't mix.
Posted by: Lizzie (greeneyed fem) at January 7, 2009 4:41 PM
I don't whine Che, I'm just saying that this guy comes on here and break my balls cause I had the temerity to use the word homo. Listen Che I break bread with everybody, I don't exclude nobody just because they might use a harsh word or two. Pajiba is filled with people saying all kinds of insane shit. And another thing Che, your name screams look at me I need the attention. Che you've got to pick a side, either you're with management or labor.
Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 4:47 PM
Oh my god, Lizzie that is horrifying. I couldn't get past the waggling tongues on either side of his picture to scroll through the rest of the site.
But seriously, ELECTRICITY? Isn't that, quite literally, considered torture?
That was my thought, too, eat my shorts! I don't wanna judge any folks who might be into that, in a low-voltage, BDSM-kinda way, but the thought makes my private parts try to climb even further into my body.
Posted by: Lizzie (greeneyed fem) at January 7, 2009 5:01 PM
Isn't that, quite literally, considered torture?
Only if it's not consensual, I suppose. But it's not just this guy's idea, it's its own genre, if you will.
But Pookie, what side would one choose if one had no idea which side anyone was on? I'm guessing that you're pro-labour (yes, that's how we spell shit in Canada). And TK is management? Fuck, I'm more confused than I was to begin with.
Oh well, back to the electricity. Torture? Well, technically, yes. But no different than nipple clamps, is it? Well maybe a little. Maybe he's the kind of guy who shoots for the stars and settles for the moon. Like "how about I use some electricity? No? How about I get the Astroglide then?"
Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 5:09 PM
Paddydog is right. Catherine Tate must be stopped. She is unmitigated shite. Tennant is marvellous but I couldn't watch because Tate is so fucking horrible, unfunny, wooden and moronic.
Posted by: Catag at January 7, 2009 5:09 PM
I don't know about you, but electricity down there makes my bush reach for the heavens.
S'Ok. Some people just aren't smart enough for Doctor Who. We should feel sorry for them.
Posted by: Lindsey at January 7, 2009 5:17 PM
I don't whine Che, I'm just saying that this guy comes on here and break my balls cause I had the temerity to use the word homo. Listen Che I break bread with everybody, I don't exclude nobody just because they might use a harsh word or two. Pajiba is filled with people saying all kinds of insane shit. And another thing Che, your name screams look at me I need the attention. Che you've got to pick a side, either you're with management or labor.
Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 4:47 PM
Oh dear. I thought it might be amusing to try to turn that joke back in on itself. It was definitely a stretch, and I guess all I did was sprain something in the process. Quelle dommage.
And yes, all, I am kicking myself for taking the bait.
Posted by: Che Grovera at January 7, 2009 5:26 PM
Seriously Sofia??? Electricity? Is there some kind of secret you'd like to share? Are we talking about the kind of zap you get from sticking your tongue on a 9V? Or bring in the car battery and jumper cables?
Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 5:31 PM
Hey, archaic/obscure vocabulary humor wins points from me, man.
Orange you glad que de ahora en adelante sólo echaré la talla en español? Siiii! FRIJOLES Y FAJITAS DE LA VIRGEN MARÍA!
I have no idea what you just said, but I bet it was really hot!
So hot that I need a cold shower.
Yep, just me, a car battery and a pair of jumper cables.
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 6:37 PM
Sofia: casate conmigo.
Ay, mi madre!
Posted by: figgy at January 7, 2009 6:45 PM
I find the dancing tongue gifs entrancing.
And not in a good way. I suddenly found myself sobbing into my can of Diet Coke.
Because you know what? We just gave that guy more web traffic than ever in his life and oh god he'll think we like him and ohmygod he's gonna come over to our houses and look all creepy and AAAAAAAAAAARGH where's there nearest sharpened stake?
Posted by: figgy at January 7, 2009 6:48 PM
I must admit I love Posh's new pixie cut. The fact that I am able to admit this to myself demonstrates my growth as a person, right? Cause normally I couldn't give two shits about the woman.
Posted by: greer at January 7, 2009 6:56 PM
Don't worry greer, I myself after seeing a hot and sexy women demonstrate my growth.
Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 7:03 PM
*woman* I'm sorry I'm laughing so hard I spelled it wrong.
Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 7:04 PM
Ah, Indian Thriller. I tell you, sometimes my heritage is fucking hysterical.
Posted by: TK at January 7, 2009 8:02 PM
lily allen is not "fat" or "big-boned," shes a very cute girl and her music really isn't bad.
So far I have a Bostonian of South African and Indian descent. Yes TK, I am watching you.
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 11:30 PM
If you factor in the "necromancer" variable it should all add up.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 7, 2009 11:47 PM
Someone up there (Smokin?) said to watch the Benny Lava video on youtube. Go, do it now. A friend made me watch it a couple summers ago and we still, when deep in the doldrums, can crack each other up by suddenly saying "The ninja made a movement."
It's worth it.
Am I the only who thinks the free face guy is a sex offender, and probably has several arrest warrents against him?
And Ed Sullivan is kind of a gigantic bag of ass.