Pajiba

OK, I don't understand... Is Bianca then posting in character when she comes here to argue with us? Is she a fictional entity? Is the author of Steve the Penguin someone else, who is writing an ode to her? Is she writing about herself and using a pseudonym? Is it some form of dissociated personality disorder?

I'm sorry, all my remaining neurons were used up trying to process the George W/Jesus throw pillow... help a girl out here.

The only thing that would have made that video better would have been one of the guys beating down The King. Creepy, creepy King.

Milo Venti-what's-his-name is hooking up with Hayden Panty-what's-her-face? Nice. As long as she stays away from Gosling. That's all I'm saying.

And, yes, Celine Dion is just that entertaining. I don't think she can get through anything without being all...Celine. There's not even a word for how she is. Just...Celine.

The Kathy Griffin bit about meeting Celine D. is hysterical. She also said that Celine is lovely, lovely, lovely to her fans.

Is this Ladies Only up in here? Let me join the party:

em, as with Sam T, I do believe we were separated at birth. I'm so in agreement with giving the King a beatdown. Who's that peeping in my window.....POW! nobody now.

However, I am not violent. The Burger King just pisses me off.

Normally, I don't really care about age difference, but would it be cute for a 30 year old woman to date an 18 year boy? I think not. Milo dating Hayden? Is that worse than when it was revealed that Wilmer was dating Lindsay? Seriously, what do a 30 year old and 18 year old talk about?

AtO: I am as puzzled as you on the whole Bianca Reagan meta-reality thing. But does this mean I should strike while the internet alias semi-autobiography market is hot and finally finish "Not Without My Mascara! The AlabamaPink Story"? 2008 may be my year...

Also, what's with dating the geezers, gal? Heh, heh.

In other news, the Burger King commercials make me giggle.

And hey, I think I just noticed the new for '08 Pajiba masthead. Nice. As with the previous incarnations, there is still one movie I have to shrug and shake my head over (ahem*Clerks*ahem).

First, ATO, you get a pass for being among the awesome Pajibites (although I must take a moment to giggle at Alabamapink's geezer remark). Second, I'm pretty sure you've been this side of legal for a number of years.

They've just gone public with their relationship, so I'm assuming they have been on the DL for a minute. Which means they were probably dating when she wasn't technically legal. Which....what the hell? Milo is supposed to be the shit now, hitting his stride and all that, and he can't hook up with a 20-something at least?

I tend to date older guys as well - I always have. As much as I would like to believe that, at 18, I was a fully matured adult and knew what the hell I was doing, I wasn't. And while there maybe 18 year olds who are, they are the exception, not the rule. I believe there is a threshold where an age difference doesn't matter, but 18 and 30 ain't it, no matter if it's man or woman, and it never will be.

*steps off soap box, and going to eat some Nestle chocolate chip cookies to return to zen-like, post-holiday state*

Thirty and eighteen is always creepy. *Always*.

Speaking of which, weren't Celine and Renee about a zillion years apart, too?

You guys are cruel:

Coming soon! Fox's new reality show, "Who Wants to be an Author'macator?"

I thought you were going to feed my need to fame whore with something I had a shot at. Instead it was an article on crappy on-demand publishing sites.

Thanks a lot, Pajiba. Way to crush my dreams.

And I did mean Burger King, not Burger Kind. It's not some bizarre euphemism I have. D'oh!

Slow down ladies. I am trying to get all this down....Ok, so let me get this straight. I should shoot for a cougar until I am thirty, after which I start flirting with age-of-consent laws?

Don't judge me, I am not getting any snoo-snoo from any 20-something women for DAMN sur. So I might as well figure out what demographic to peddle my wares for. It doesn't help hearing that ATO was getting her Mrs. Tingle taught by some young gun. Why must you challenge our love?

Thanks a lot for linking that publishing post. Now I know I can simply publish my own stuff instead of bowing and scraping at Schuster or Ballantine. All I know is, when I DO publish (oh, and it is coming) I better see some folks buying it, and I don't mean just blood relatives, either. My fragile ego just could not take anything else.

The rule for age gap is half the older person's age plus seven. So he shouldn't be dating below 22. I hardly know who they are except that she had a fit over some dolphins a while back and that she's in a show.

I love the burger king's creepiness and think that the Quaker oat quaker is a cheep imitation. I prefer mascots with a lingering threat of bizarre sexual violation, and the Grimice. Nothing can defeat the Grimice.

My rule of thumb for May-December relationships is that you divide your age in half, then add 7. That's the lowest acceptable age for you to date.

It's always seemed pretty reasonable to me, considering it skews for a larger gap as you age, but nothing ridiculous.

Am I disgusting for being a little aroused by the age gap?

I am, aren't I.

I'll add that when I was 18 I would've found a 30-year-old man (even a cutie) repellent. 30 seemed about 65 to me, at the time.

I think it doesn't sit right in our guts because we remember how we were when we were eighteen and how we were at twenty-one (some of us even remember how we were at thirty). Even those of us who thought ourselves very mature at eighteen (and didn't we all?) know that we were much different three years later. At eighteen, I could not have handled the fourteen year gap between my partner and I. At twenty-one, however, I was (we were) able to make it work (for the past thirty years). Yeah, I am the world's oldest living (and still semi-mobile) Pajib[i]an.

As for the Burger Creep, despite my confessed attraction to older men (see supra) I would join the other Pajibites in a beat-down; however, I get the feeling that he would like it. Therefore, I will not participate in giving the Burger King a "happy ending". That does not (and never did) come with the base rate.

Seriously, what do a 30 year old and 18 year old talk about?
Daphne

My mum always buys these magazines where everyone's life is like a soap opera. Drama! Thrills! One of my favourite stories was about a 38 year old woman who got together with a 17 year old boy, her daughter's best friend. She kept saying that the boy was so mature for his age, but the first thing he said to her was, "Will you push me on the swings?". Hmmm, very mature. Then, she asked out the young boy over the internet, dumped her husband, and the boy moved in the same day.

Honestly, if that was a man, it would be all mid-life crisis this, pervert that, but with her, it was fine.

Keeping with the creepy vibe, one of the teachers at my school has just been arrested for having sex with students. Too bad for him that the internet exists. The school tried to keep it on the down low, but within minutes of his arrest, kids were talking about it on myspace.

Anyways, back to the celebrities. I wouldn't turn down Milo Ventimiglia...I might make him get rid of the emo fringe, but I wouldn't completely turn him down.

Ok, no one has anything unpleasant to say about Bianca's typically unironic and absolutely unself-aware dissertations about how awesome, funny, and politically aware she is? In her own words, the book is:

about Bianca Reagan Erin-Dempsey, the young, snarky pop culture enthusiast whom we all have come to love.

Having read her pseudo-intellectual, ersatz feminist screeds, having tried to even agree with her less nonsensical statements, and finally having thrown up my hands in despair at this double-agent of "feminism," I can only say:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE HATE US! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STEVE, SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR PENGUIN BRETHREN!

Also: "self-published" = "no one else can stand to read my crap" (Amazon doesn't actually stock the book, they only take orders and pass them on.) But perhaps the Amazon description of the book and of Bianca say it best:

Ten years ago, Bianca was a TV-obsessed girl growing up on the island of St. Thomas. Now she's living her Hollywood dream as an executive assistant at Shake the television network for women. She loves her job and her quirky bunch of LA friends. But she's feeling queasy about going home for her high school reunion. Will Bianca's judgmental classmates, who never understood her back then, be impressed by her new life? Especially since she might be the only person at the party alone. What if she really is the dork everyone said she was in high school, who still can't get a boyfriend?

About the Author
MAHLENA-RAE JOHNSON grew up on the mean beaches of St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. During her senior year of high school, she was named Most Likely to Kidnap a Backstreet Boy. After graduating from the School of Film and Television at Loyola Marymount University, Mahlena decided to stay in Los Angeles to crawl up the ranks of the entertainment industry. When she isn't gorging herself on reruns of Murder, She Wrote, or wondering when Daria is finally coming to DVD, she is working on Hot Penguin Action, the first sequel to Steve the Penguin. She is also writing a spin-off series about Bianca's 13-year-old multiracial Mormon niece, Sage Dempsey.
You can read more of Mahlena's witty musings on pop culture and politics at SteveThePenguin.com.

"multiracial Mormon niece Sage Dempsey"? "Witty musings"? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am a fast food hobbiest (whatever the hell that means) and I can tell you no amount of allowable rat poop, chicken beak, and other disgusting sounding stuff keeps from craving a Baconator at 2 in the morning.

Not that I'm saying it's a good thing, just that I haven't found many people who've heard all the bad stuff about Fast Food who stopped eating Taco Bell.

I missed the whole Bianca escapade, but based on said items written about her I can vividly imagine her past angry participation on this site. Buh bye!

Andrew831 - Count me as one of the ones who realized that Taco Bell is utterly disgusting (at the ripe young age of 19 and in my stoner years, no less) and haven't eaten it since. It feels much better on this side. Really.