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Oh, Timothy Olyphant, If I Were Running The World You'd Be Able To Buy And Sell The Likes Of Ashton Kutcher

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | October 18, 2012 | Comments ()


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Did I crop that header photo in a strange and discomforting way? Or did I crop it to maximize the amount of time you get to spend with Timothy Olyphant's piercing gaze? You decide. More on Tim later.

If you aren't British or an American with questionable morals, then you haven't watched Season 3 of "Downton Abbey" yet. But, just FYI, there's a whole lot of prison plot. It's not exactly "Oz"-type material, but still. So you might want to brush up on these great prison slang terms. I plan to work "Wolf Tickets" into my conversation today. Just to give the impression that I'm, like, "hard." (Mental Floss)

I ain't hard, of course. I'm all soft and sweet and girl-like. And, as you well know, girls are exempt from ordinary, human bodily functions. To wit this facebook post...
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...and this magnificent response.

"Newsweek" has announced their plans to end their print run and focus entirely on a digital edition. Crap, where will I get hit-bait-y covers now? Oh, "Time" is still in print? We're good then. (Gothamist)

Check out this kickass librarian tattoo. No typos here. Also? I'd like to marry this woman (Cheezburger)
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Oh, wait, no, I want to marry this woman. Someone knows how to do Halloween right. (Boing Boing)

Uh, where the black women at? (Paste)
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Speaking of white washing, check out Kirsten Dunst and Viggo Mortenson in crisp, light costumes on-set of a new film based in a Patricia Highsmith novel. (T&L)

Get excited, costume nerds, last time we saw a great adaptation of a Highsmith novel it was period costume porn galore. Er, like this. This is a good example, right?
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Speaking of costuming, can you identify all these famous movie shirts? Sure you can. (Fibers)

Oh man, this poor sap got nabbed for a DUI after attending a superhero-themed wedding. I'm sure the mugshot could be worse, but I'm having trouble thinking how. (BioTV)

Dustin scoffs at the "Forbes" list of highest paid (TV?) actors, and creates his own MUCH better list instead. Me? I'd give Tim Olyphant every penny in my account just for the way he leans. Dustin, however, based his list on talent. Go figure. (WG)
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Some splodey minded photographer took several portraits of objects he done blowed up. It looks pretty great. But why are so many of those things filled with jam? (Laughing Squid)

Bierce_Ambrose, one of our token, ah, non-liberals, sent me this great XKCD comic on electoral precedence. Totally safe for all parties to enjoy. (XKCD)

And Twitter has blocked a Neo-Nazi group in Germany, effectively flexing their newly (newishly) declared plan to restrict with discretion. Totally okay because everyone hates Nazis? Or then end of the free-loving Twitter era? (TechCrunch)

Speaking of ze Germans, Tommy, check out this particular teutonic brain trust.

And, finally, I've not seen it elsewhere on the site so, for your enjoyment, Joel McHale and The Dean (aka Jim Rash's leg) dance the tango. Is very Mr. And Mrs. Smith, no?



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • BierceAmbrose

    Awwww, you are so sweet to me, JR. Just because of what you said, I'm thinking that maybe I should change my avatar...

    http://www.southparkstudios.co...

  • Steve Baker

    I am totally with you on Timothy.
    http://thinkingaboot.blogspot....

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I kinda feel like free sites get to block whoever they want, and don't really have to provide much justification. Is that crazy?

  • PuraPuma

    Timothy. Yum.

  • dizzylucy

    Sweet Moses, give a girl warning before you post an Olyphant photo like that so early in the day.

  • no one

    Dean Pelton is exactly as awesome as Senor Chang isn't.

  • bellaluna30

    Oh, Timothy Olyphant, if I were running the world, I would be fucking the taste out your mouth on the regular. TRUST ME! That face! That swagger! That ass! Who could fault me?

  • Quatermain

    RE: That dude's Wolverine mugshot...at least he's not going to lockup dressed as Wonder Woman, hey?
    Also, I'm not willing to pay 30$ for a 'Manifest Destiny' t-shirt, but I would pay 30$ for a t-shirt that said 'Token Non-Liberal' on it. That'd be funny.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Then have I got a theater festival for you....
    http://www.forearmedproduction...

  • Bittermary

    Man, Jude Law in that film... mmmmmmmm. I thought he looked like some 40s film star caught in the light of a master cinematographer. Now...not so much. But we all age, don't we?

  • Three_nineteen

    Wait until Chevy Chase finds out no one gives a shit that Pierce isn't in the poster.

  • $27019454

    Every now and then I think to myself, what's it all for, and who the fuck cares, and maybe I'll just eat brownies and die, and then I see that there is a new VIGGO movie coming out and he looks fucking stunning and I feel like I could make it for another day.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Rawr to you too Jude Law.

  • BobbFrapples

    The ice video made me feel smarter than another human being while at the same time dropped my I.Q. by a few points. Hurrah!

  • damnitjanet

    Jesus holy fappin' godtopussy.....THANK YOU for the Olyphant and Law porn. May day needed that SO MUCH.

    Bodyform? They don't sell crap in the US do they? Cause they are my favorite brand of anything ever now.

  • catagisreading

    I would be happy to add the contents of my bank account to the get Olyphant to lean fund. It's a cause, that in this season of political discontent, we can all get behind.

  • alannaofdoom

    Behind, next to, over, under...

  • bellaluna30

    On, on top of, any position you can think of...

  • marya

    I think I just got blocked! Was it the "vodka-soaked tampon" comment?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Louis's face in that screencap from Fox News never fails to amuse. It's absolutely the most appropriate face for the byline.

  • MGMcD

    That is a gazillion-dollar lean. If I were in charge of paying Timothy Olyphant, I would pay him in sexual favors and he'd be the highest paid actor by a damn sight.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Also I opened the white women link in a new tab, without knowing what it was. I just confirmed to my office that I'm far from working. But laughter.

  • lowercase_ryan

    If I'm ever sent to the store for tampons I will be making an executive decision and purchasing Bodyform because whoever made that response deserves all of the support and acclaim and ribbons.

    *I'm not actually dumb enough to deviate from the brand named in my instructions.

  • googergieger

    If I'm ever sent to the store for tampons, then my future boyfriend sent me for the worst tasting popsicles I've ever had in my life again.

  • lowercase_ryan

    oh pleeeease explain

  • googergieger
  • lowercase_ryan

    lmao thanks

  • marya

    I've never heard of Bodyform. Is it a British brand? Those British! Even their feminine hygiene products are witty and urbane. I gotta get me some of those. I wonder if the British-ness seeps out of them and in to your bloodstream, like a vodka-soaked tampon of class.

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