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Oh, Mike Huckabee, By Attacking Natalie Portman You're Making Me Accept Her As A Feminist Role Model. Don't Wanna.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (101)

portman-n-snl-2006-07.jpeg

Hey! My sister has a new baby! Hey! He’s really cute! Hey, in totally related news, I’m sort of punchy and tired. I can’t stop laughing at this. I may have lost my mind. (The High Definite)

You know who else has lost his mind, apparently? The mayor of Providence, RI who has terminated the contract of every single teacher in the city. Every. Single. One. EDUCATED RIOT! (NPR)

Would you riot in an educated fashion, my dear ones, if I were to defend hipsters to you? This article outlines 10 Great Contributions Hipsters Have Made To Society. I’m with them on the handcraft revolution but they lose me with “Men’s Pants That Fit.” Um, hipster lad, when I can see the outline of both your Charles and your Bukowskis, your jeans are too tight. (Flavorwire)

But are hipsters responsible for the Typophile Renaissance? If so, I thank them. Check out this boss Typographical Scrabble Set. Now I’m hungry for taco dip. Old School Pajiba Shout Out! (Design Taxi)

Please have a look at this gorgeous audio slideshow for the BBC series “Human Planet.” Seriously gorgeous. (BBC)

Also gorgeous? Miss Natalie Portman. And yet, I don’t like her. Listen, I don’t hate Natalie Portman and I don’t begrudge her that Oscar, I just don’t like her. I think she’s not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. However, I think we can all agree that Mike Huckabee is a total dillhole for criticizing her for having a baby out of wedlock. (Feministing)

As far as feminist role models go, I’d prefer the chicks over at The Mary Sue, a new website devoted to and run by female geeks. This article, in response to Patton Oswalt’s lament over how popular geek culture has become, examines how this popularity affects ladygeeks. (The Mary Sue)

The thing that bothers me about the mainstreaming of geek culture is the blatant money grabs made by film studios. Unnecessary reboots and 3-D rereleases? I’m looking at you, Lucas. (IGN)

There’s a difference, however, between celebrating something and bastardizing it. This impressively thorough book on the history of DC Comics is absolutely worth a look. And, hey, it’s half off! (Amazon)

Also on sale is the complete Blu-ray collection of the Die Hard films. Yes, even the really bad fourth one you like to pretend doesn’t exist. (Walmart)

Did you know that if you make an anagram of my name you get “In On An Arson Job?” I would totes be in on an arson job. Can I be the bag man? I don’t know what that means, but it always sounds like a nifty job. What’s a good anagram of your name, kittens? (Dean Jackson)

Miley Cyrus is hosting SNL tomorrow night with musical guests The Strokes. Guess how thrilled The Strokes are? Did you guess not thrilled at all? Good job. (NY Mag)

In other, “reactions I’m totally unsurprised by” news, the perpetually greasy Shia LaBeouf has declared his admiration and support for National Train Wreck, Charlie Sheen. Bear in mind that the source here is The National Enquirer, so take it with sackfuls of salt. (Celebitchy)

And I am including this video of Jimmy Fallon’s Charlie Sheen impression not because I relish talking about Sheen anymore, but because it makes me nostalgic for the days when I found SNL funny. Remember how people got on Fallon for breaking character during a sketch? We didn’t know how good we had it.

Hey kids, it’s a cute animal video! Okay, it’s also a creepy animal video. But it’s pretty great. And is that Tim Curry during the voiceover or am I being a total Britishist?

Joanna Robinson wants to know what it will take to get George Lucas to stop. Just stop. Send any ideas to godtopuswept@gmail.com or follow @quityourJRob









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Comments

Also on sale is the complete Blu-ray collection of the Die Hard films. Yes, even the really bad fourth one you like to pretend doesn’t exist.

But... but... it has The Olyphant. And Mary Elizabeth Winstead. And... and...

I'll show myself out.

In any event, that Lionel Ritchie thing is the greatest thing in the history of great things.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at March 4, 2011 1:17 PM

Republican politicians have got to be dumbest motherfuckers on the planet. And I'm including the cast of "Jersey Shore," Charlie Sheen, Gaddafi and those dumb bitches on all the teen pregnant shows in the calculation.

And I'm not a huge Natalie Portman fan, either, I just think that if you want to express disapproval of unwed pregnancy-having and how awful it is, a beautiful, multimillionaire movie star shouldn't be your Exhibit A.

But Huckabee has never been particularly smart. Why should he break the pattern now?

Posted by: Slash at March 4, 2011 1:18 PM

The high definite link is hilarious, thanks Joanna.

Anagram of my first and last name;

JEER AS IN DAY

Posted by: Jadine at March 4, 2011 1:21 PM

In 2007 Huckabee called Jamie Lynn Spears courageous for keeping her baby when she became pregnant at 16. So pregnant 16 year-old super awesome; but well educated, successful, and engaged 29 year old. Clearly society's demise.
Also, what was she supposed to do Huckabee, get an abortion? Nope, not so much. You wouldn't that right?
Fuck off.

Posted by: Nimue at March 4, 2011 1:23 PM

Before I read further into the hipster thing, I need to argue that hipsters did not invent, nor bring back, the beard. I have a full luxurious beard and have long before I heard the word hipster.

Ok, back to reading. Carry on.

Posted by: Paultera at March 4, 2011 1:24 PM

My Pajiba name (Mrs. Lysander Julien) anagrams to ME SNARLS INJUREDLY. It's like they know me. My real name got JOLLY CANCER CLEANS. How did they know that my cheerful cleaning lady was born in July?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 4, 2011 1:24 PM

I hate Natalie Portman with every fiber of my being. But.. god... damnit I would plow her.

Posted by: maka at March 4, 2011 1:25 PM

Aw hell. My anagram is AS HER BREASTS.

Why, why why does everything have to be about my boobs?

Posted by: meh at March 4, 2011 1:37 PM

I heard Iron & Wine once and I said "I can hear his beard".

No thank you, hipsters.

Posted by: Jay at March 4, 2011 1:41 PM

Going by my given name, as written on my birth certificate, I get NOW TIDIER YANKEE. I'm ok with this. :-)

Posted by: KatSings at March 4, 2011 1:42 PM

Because picking on single moms worked so well for Dan Quayle. Good job, Huckabee.

Posted by: Fracas at March 4, 2011 1:45 PM

Fuckabee is a vile ass. He actually this week also has the audacity to claim the President grew up in Kenya. AGAIN. He knows very well that Obama didn't grow up in Kenya but he's appealing to his right-wing thinly-veiled racist base.
That aside, I just went on an anagram jag a few weeks ago and came up with this for my name:

Do My Anal Taco

Thank you and good night!

Posted by: kidtiger at March 4, 2011 1:45 PM

I fart Huckabee.

Posted by: StoatCat at March 4, 2011 1:47 PM

{hyperventilating}

Want... font Scrabble set.... must.... have....

PS Huckabee should fuck off and die.

Posted by: MM at March 4, 2011 1:48 PM

Jiba moniker: PETTY ORANGE
Real name: SPILL NAIL POLISH

All good smells, my friends, all good smells.

kidtiger, whether true or false, that deserves a slow clap.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at March 4, 2011 1:55 PM

In Huckabee;s defense, he misspoke. He meant to say that she shouldn't have a child out of Indonesia. It was an honest mistake.

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 4, 2011 1:57 PM

Mrs. Julien, I also SNARL: Now Better Snarl.

Posted by: Brenton at March 4, 2011 1:57 PM

Gasp! I get DYKE SMART ACNE, and it's TRUE! If I were a women I'd be a brilliant teen lesbian.

Posted by: , at March 4, 2011 1:59 PM

If I include my middle name I get APPALLING SLIM HARLOTRIES

I put in my dad's, per my mother's request, and got OR AN ANGEL. Just for fun we added his middle name... which is Alan... yeah, you guessed it.

ANAL OR AN ANGEL

Posted by: Patty O'Green at March 4, 2011 2:02 PM

Thanks Patty, and it is true, no cheating. Though I got the name after going to this anagram generator I found off a friends website, I think it might be more comprehensive than the one posted:

http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

Do My Anal Taco wasn't listed but the separate words were. My sick brain did the rest.

Posted by: kidtiger at March 4, 2011 2:04 PM

I, sadly, had a long-term relationship with a man with the all-too-apt anagram ROMANTIC KILLER (what can I say? I was in way too deep before I anagrammed him. Now I know to do it for all perspective lovers. It'll be right up there with google-stalking) My own anagrams are less interesting.

Also, I'm not a huge fan of Natalie Portman either, but a) that is the most interesting picture I've seen of her and b) she probably is as smart as she thinks - the NY Times just this week had a piece on how she was an Intel competition in high school. This was *while* being a teenage movie star. (though the cynic in me wondered how much help she might have had)

Also, for even more rage at Huckabee, read this enlightening and all to depressing breakdown of his lies.
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/03/the-fictions-of-mike-huckabee/?ref=opinion

Posted by: Sara Tonin at March 4, 2011 2:05 PM

*I meant "do my anal taco" wasn't listed as a PHRASE, I put it together as the separate words on my own but it is absolutely an anagram of my name Amanda Cotylo*

A very proud moment

Posted by: kidtiger at March 4, 2011 2:07 PM

Seriously, fuck hipsters. MrFig's had a full beard for year and he's the farthest thing from a hipster that you could ever imagine.

I'd like to know what Mike Huckabee said about Bristol Palin's bastard baby.

I hate lists that separate items into pages. It's such an annoying, blatant way of getting pageviews.

Posted by: figgy at March 4, 2011 2:10 PM

Pajiba tag: New Amend (boring)
Real tag: Daze Injured VD (kind of awesome)

And Live and Let Die Hard (I know it isn't right, I just like that title better) was not terrible, especially since it was a 4th movie, normally a kiss of death. It had an awesome cast (save for the Mac guy).

Posted by: ed newman at March 4, 2011 2:11 PM

Hee. My anagram is "I AM A FAIR ROGUE".

Yes, yes I am.

Posted by: figgy at March 4, 2011 2:11 PM

Pajiba tag - A ELK ORGY

Yeah.

Posted by: Kargoyle at March 4, 2011 2:17 PM

Huckabee is full of santorum.

Posted by: Human Centipede - Segment Two at March 4, 2011 2:18 PM

I've had a full beard my entire adult life, which ought to kill the myth of the bearded hipster in its cradle.

Mrs. , has never seen me naked.

Posted by: , at March 4, 2011 2:18 PM

My real name: I AM THE CONQUERED BEGINNER
My Pajiba name: FOX MELLOW DAMNABLE LAD.
Not sure what to make of either one, but I am definitely a mellow damnable lad(y)

Posted by: BalladofMaxwellDemon at March 4, 2011 2:18 PM

Oh, I anagrammed my Pajiba name too, and ... well ... you know ...

Posted by: , at March 4, 2011 2:19 PM

Just found this on The Mary Sue (thank you for sharing, JoRo) and it made me happy:

Little known indie musician Justin Bieber recently conducted an interview with Rolling Stone, in which he said some things about abortion (against!) and love (for!). And now people are all up in arms over what this 16-year old boy said.

Um, up-in-arms-people? Have you completely forgotten how your brain worked when you were 16 years old? Do you not remember the days of carefree, inconsequential babble, your blissful ignorance concerning sex and relationships, the shocking and harrowing onset of The Pubes? Can’t we take these words with a grain of naive salt? Are you still too angry for all these questions?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at March 4, 2011 2:19 PM

I also have - LAKE ORGY, YAK OGLER, and GAY OR ELK

Posted by: Kargoyle at March 4, 2011 2:21 PM

What that Fallon clip/parody needs is:
Mussy-er hair
More smoking
Low rent 'goddesses' flitting around behind him
Sunken cheeks
and six times the manic eyed balls out NUTzO!


Bravo, none the less

Posted by: Ms MoMo at March 4, 2011 2:22 PM

Congratulations Auntie!

Posted by: Jennifer at March 4, 2011 2:22 PM

Pajiba name: mJ
Real name: A JAMMY FREAKINESS

Posted by: jM at March 4, 2011 2:24 PM

Real name anagram: DEVIL SLAG LEGEND

Pajiba name anagram: LOG ON PROUD

I'm Canadian, but I'm really getting concerned about all the budget cuts happening in the U.S. at the federal, state and local levels. It makes no sense to fire or layoff public employees just to make it look like you're doing something, especially during an economic recovery. Unemployed people tend not to pay taxes, and they tend not to have any discretionary cash to buy shit to keep the economy going. As an alternative, why not try forcing the multinational corporations to pay their share and throw a few shekels into the public coffers? Just a thought.

PS. THUMBCAT!

PPS. Fuck Mike Huckabee with an old boot.

Posted by: Groundloop at March 4, 2011 2:27 PM

I hate that kind of layout too, Figgy.

I put my stepmother's name in the anagraminator. I got: "Hell! Orgy orgy". I going to quit playing with that site at least until I can stop puking.

Posted by: Paultera at March 4, 2011 2:27 PM

The only anagram I could think of was "Jim Morrison."

Posted by: Mr. Mojo Risin at March 4, 2011 2:30 PM

Cats. . . with thumbs! Not sure who does the voiceover, but I for one am very interested in following the exploits of Bertram Thumbcat on the YouTube. If we're not vigilant, the damned thumbed cats will take over the world! Or at least drink all the milk. Bastards.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at March 4, 2011 2:31 PM

EAT PURENESS

Posted by: SUPERASENTE at March 4, 2011 2:32 PM

my anagram: an inane, rare PMS

Posted by: ann at March 4, 2011 2:41 PM

Ms. Robinson, I have suspected since you first took over PLove that I might be falling for you a little, but this confirms it:

...when I can see the outline of both your Charles and your Bukowskis...

YOU ARE MAGICAL, LET US GET GAY MARRIED.

(But seriously, you are probably my favorite Pajiba writer at the moment.)

Posted by: jess at March 4, 2011 2:47 PM

My anagram of my first and last name was kind of boring so I went back and did it again and included my middle name. The result;

JAILED, INSANE YEARS

Perfect.

Posted by: Jadine at March 4, 2011 2:50 PM

Natalie I think got a 1410 on the SAT (good, but so did I and i am poor and had no help whatsoever). She gets a lot of credit for being intelligent b/c she went to Harvard, but it's not like she got in b/c she was super smart. She got in b/c she got a decent SAT score and was super gorgeous and in starwars. Let's be realistic. I think we can call her educated and be correct, but I rarely hear smart things come out of her mouth. People rush to give her credit because she did make the effort to care about her education, and because it adds to their perfect little indy fantasies of her.

Posted by: stump at March 4, 2011 2:50 PM

Wow, my anagram is FEEBLE COW CAR. Sweeeet.

Posted by: b at March 4, 2011 2:58 PM

My anagram name: I IS SANE MAJOR.

Why, yes...yes I am.

Also, pretty impressed with Jimmy's Charlie Sheen impression. I concur with most of Ms. MoMo's suggestions but thought that he got the voice down pat.

Posted by: smijca at March 4, 2011 2:59 PM

BWeaves = SAVE WEB (Whoo-hoo, I'm a superhero)
real name = WIN NOBLE EARNEST
real name with middle name = OBSOLETE, SANER WINNER
Real name except using darling hubby's surname = FROZE STABBING BIN (I knew there was a reason I kept my maiden name.

I thought that was a photo of David Tennant with lipstick.

Posted by: BWeaves at March 4, 2011 3:00 PM

The name on my license gives me: AMORALLY TRUE PONCE

The name on my SS card gives me: I'M UNCOOL ARE

And a combination of the two gives me: I AM AN ACE OR POLLUTER

I think I'm all set if I ever develop multiple personality disorder.

Natalie Portman...I'm not a huge fan, mostly because of Star Wars, but I also know that's George Lucas' fault, so I try to forget it. But a number of things bother me about the Huckabee statement. As has already been pointed out, Natalie doesn't quite fit the single-mother mold Huckabee's indicating. Secondly, those single mothers don't all belong to the Immaculate Conception club, yet we hear nothing about Daddy taking responsibility. And lastly, while the percentage of children born out of wedlock is high, it is around a third, nowhere near a majority, and doesn't distinguish between people who may have a partner yet are unmarried.

The entire thing is so misleading, such a grab for attention, and straight out pandering. And there's little that irks me more than someone trying to win an elected office by pandering.

Not to mention, if these women are struggling, don't we WANT to keep the programs that help them with their struggle (the food and healthcare), or the programs (access to contraception or--oh no!--abortion) that will keep them from getting there?

Besides, Natalie Portman can do whatever the hell she wants, and has no one to answer to but herself.

/jumps off soapbox.

Posted by: leuce7 at March 4, 2011 3:02 PM

So we regularly get links making fun of hipsters (today's being a rare exception), but we also regularly get links to typography discussions/websites. Irony?

Admit it Joanna, either you ARE a hipster, or you want to bang one.

Posted by: JustBill at March 4, 2011 3:05 PM

Real Name: Not Halt Ant
What it should be: Halt! Not tan.

Pajiba Name: The Rank Baldy (Awesome!)

It can't handle my screen name, so I went with "TheLankyBard"

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 4, 2011 3:08 PM

Hasn't the word "hipster" pretty much become such an amalgam of random qualities, picked over and lumped together, that it's lost its meaning?

What I'm saying is, hipsters are hot dogs.

Posted by: branded aka BAD NERD at March 4, 2011 3:10 PM

My real name sounds like a handle anyway so I just kept it. Sadly, I am anagramed as: "Has Spunky Savior," which, ewwww.

Mr. Shonda got "Hell! I'm a majestical man." So there's that.

Posted by: Shonda at March 4, 2011 3:13 PM

My anagram is WANTCREDIT FORLINK ;-)

Posted by: mswas at March 4, 2011 3:16 PM

My anagram is WANTCREDIT FORLINK

You know how it is here.

Posted by: Jay at March 4, 2011 3:42 PM

MERIT YAWN or WHEEZY LAMEBRAIN TIT.

Posted by: Anon at March 4, 2011 3:44 PM

So we regularly get links making fun of hipsters (today's being a rare exception), but we also regularly get links to typography discussions/websites. Irony?

Admit it Joanna, either you ARE a hipster, or you want to bang one.

Posted by: JustBill at March 4, 2011 3:05 PM

I ADMIT NOTHING! Do you self-identify hipster by the way? If so, call me.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 4, 2011 3:44 PM

Congratulations to little CoveredinJuniorBees.

Welcome to this messed up world. We're glad you're here and will try to make it better.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 4, 2011 3:46 PM

I thought that was a photo of David Tennant with lipstick.

/confusing turgidty

Ever seen him as Davina? Pretty dang convincing... Can't look up YouTube from work, have fun searching.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at March 4, 2011 3:54 PM

ts eliot is an anagram for toilets.
Read it a book once.
Glad I finally get to share it somewhere

Posted by: Odnon at March 4, 2011 3:55 PM

My real full name = ILL-KEMPT, ARTY RANT.

So very apt. Too apt. I call shenanigans.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at March 4, 2011 4:13 PM

Pajiba Screen Name- Bad Horse 666
Anagram Pajiba Screen Name- Had Sober

Scathing Reviews - Grave in switches

For Bitchy People - Pleb of Hypocrite

Posted by: badhorse666 at March 4, 2011 4:15 PM

Real name anagram: RECTAL YARD

um... OK.

Posted by: Drake at March 4, 2011 4:19 PM

Re Huckleberry Hounds latest:

If you're a right wing Republican, you can never go wrong bashing Hollywood for contributing to the downfall of Amurica.

Bonus points if bashee is known for liberal politics.

Double bonus points if bashee is Jewish and from New York.

Triple bonus points if bashee went to Harvard.

Extra special bonus points if you can remind everyone that your rival for rightwing lust has a tramp for a daughter without mentioning her name!

Remember, this is the same yutz that earlier this week couldn't remember where the President grew up.

Leading characteristic of speaker--can't open mounth without changing feet.

Posted by: legaleagle at March 4, 2011 4:29 PM

PS--love the cats

Posted by: legaleagle at March 4, 2011 4:29 PM

The only thing worse than hipsters in your neighborhood is NOT having hipsters in your neighborhood. I live in a Deeply Southern state that is probably the most generic in the whole country in terms of fashion/alternative culture. I would gladly, gladly have you send all the hispters you don't want straight here. Or steampunkers, tweeds, punks, heshers, hell at this point I 'd even consider Juggalos.

Posted by: shake at March 4, 2011 4:39 PM

Holy schmoly!

My anagram is ULTRA MEGA MODERN. That's actually kind of cool! ??!?1! What's the world coming to? I'm the opposite of cool, and probably the opposite of ultra mega modern as well.

Posted by: MM at March 4, 2011 4:42 PM

HOLY CRAP!

I put in my middle name too and got:

UNAMUSED, GLOOMIER ALERT

Now THAT sounds like me.

Posted by: MM at March 4, 2011 4:45 PM

MrFig's name anagrams to "OH GOD! WARM CLOAK!" which I just find so perfectly fitting. Dude's like a walking furnace.

Posted by: figgy at March 4, 2011 4:46 PM

I ADMIT NOTHING! Do you self-identify hipster by the way? If so, call me.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 4, 2011 3:44 PM

I'm neither young enough, nor pretty enough, nor cool enough, nor skinny enough, nor bearded enough to be considered a hipster. I do enjoy some of the aesthetics though. Hard as it might be, try to keep your underpants on after that description.

Posted by: JustBill at March 4, 2011 4:57 PM

Oh, YEAH!! My anagram name is, "Fluent or Ramble." As an English major frequently accused of grammar nazism and high faluting mumbo jumbo vocab, this couldn't be more apt.

Posted by: noodlestein at March 4, 2011 4:59 PM

Real name anagram: MERRIMENTS TRIM IN AMAZE or IMMINENT AMAZER MERITS

Pajiba name anagram: THE BEE'S KNEES. seriously? it can't find an anagram for that? FAIL.

Posted by: the bees knees at March 4, 2011 5:01 PM

But... OH. MY.
Mr. Knees real name anagram?

LAZY, KINKY CAPTORS

Posted by: the bees knees at March 4, 2011 5:03 PM

JIG DIM EGO
Real Name:
CHERUB'S ILL JAM
or
JAIL HUMBLER CHEMICALS
Would it be fine if we locked Jimmy Fallon in a room with a fake security camera? Then he could continue his retarded monkey act and be fooled into thinking that someone was watching.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at March 4, 2011 5:03 PM

First one out of the box: Above Cracker. It's good to know where I stand.

Posted by: Reba at March 4, 2011 5:10 PM

My real-name anagram is Smack Smiley Mime. I can totally get behind that.

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at March 4, 2011 5:11 PM

my real name anagram (including middle name):

IN CLEVERISH ELEMENTS

I like it.


Both those videos had me in stitches too (although that cat thing is my worst nightmare, you just KNOW they're working on it).

Posted by: Even Stevens at March 4, 2011 5:16 PM

Robert Deniro's anagram is ERROR ON BIDET. Scene from the next Fockers film?

Posted by: Paultera at March 4, 2011 5:18 PM

Mine is NIMBLY YELL CORN. Which I can totally do.

Posted by: Codeman at March 4, 2011 5:19 PM

Ok. Since all the cool kids are doing it.
SHAME NARCOTIC
{which connects in to something. I'm sure of it}
Or if I go with the Pajiblet nickname:
MMS MOO
{cute. I do love me some milk}
Speaking of... Mr B THUMBCAT
Who's now my newest FB friend. mrrroooww

Posted by: Ms MoMo at March 4, 2011 5:33 PM

Ok. That hipster article made me real mad. Nirvana? Hipster? I mean, i guess the lead singer hated himself and sang about depressing shit, but he ACTUALLY HAD A DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, AND SPOKE FROM A PLACE OF HONESTY AND WASN'T PLAYING IT UP TO FUCK ANOREXIC CHICKS. (or was he?)

Maybe the all-caps was excessive. Grunge isn't hipster, i'm sorry. Grunge has testicles.

Also, I have a beard. I am not a hipster. I grow a beard because i shave my head because i am balding. If you shave your head, and your face and you are Irish, you will look like a cancer victim, what with the translucent skin and puffy jowl-ular region. Conversely, if you grow a beard and shave your head, you look like an awesome longshoreman. Erin go Bragh.

Iron and Wine got me so excited when I heard the name. I thought "Yes! A new Viking Metal band, wherein we shall, deep in our cups, roar in throaty voices about reaving, and pillaging, and mastering the seas and Ragnarok and Yggdrasil and Ratatosk and such."

Imagine my disappointment.

Posted by: Matty at March 4, 2011 6:48 PM

REPROBATE GRAY NERD

That is... scarily accurate.

Posted by: RobP at March 4, 2011 6:52 PM

IDEA MAN ROMEO

yep, yep. Don't all mob me at once.

Posted by: Ian at March 4, 2011 6:54 PM

Also, Matty, let's be friends. I had the very same reaction to Iron and Wine. I had my helmet and flagon polished and ready to go (sounds dirty, is not).

Posted by: Ian at March 4, 2011 6:57 PM

Uh, the mayor who fired the ENTIRE teaching force of Providence, RI?

What a DICK move. What he's going to do is hire back only the ones lowest on the pay scale, in other words, the newest. Actually they might try to recruit never taught before teachers, because they are the VERY cheapest, but good luck with that after this horrible bit of PR.

So they'll hire back the cheapest, as few as they can, overcrowd their classrooms and make education even worse in their city and state. WHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Wow. And I thought things were bad here. Our superintendent, I gotta give it to her, she saw this shit coming because Texas has been headed for a huge deficit for a while. She reorganized campuses and closed tiny schools and moved the teachers to other schools (no one lost jobs, but we saved enormous amounts of money by closing the dying campuses). She cut out a lot of dead wood at the administration building. A deputy superintendent left to run his own district and she absorbed his duties without a pay raise so as to save more money. When the HR head left, she had the head of finance absorb THAT job with no pay raise to save even more.

As a result, we won't even have a RIF (reduction in force) in a year when districts all around us are laying off teachers right and left. And we're the same size as those districts, too: mega. So yay for foresight and good financial planning. We're actually in the black by quite a bit and there's hardly a district in this entire area that can say that. I'm thankful.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at March 4, 2011 7:05 PM

Dang. I'm ONE LOUSY EGO. I don't need an inanimate (or is it?) object making personal comments about me.

Posted by: True_Blue at March 4, 2011 7:23 PM

Ian, you can be a member of my shield-wall any time. A-viking we shall go!

Posted by: Matty at March 4, 2011 7:34 PM

Posted by: Vi at March 4, 2011 7:44 PM

my anagram? stale just ageing. i am sad.

Posted by: liked her name, but now doesn't. at March 4, 2011 7:50 PM

So you don't like Natalie Portman, AND you didn't like the fourth Die Hard, AND you don't think SNL is funny?

Man, it's a good thing your sister had a baby. For that, you get a free day.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 4, 2011 8:04 PM

The best anagram of my full name is The harlot's brain cheeses.

Still awesome.

Posted by: MyySharona at March 4, 2011 9:14 PM

My anagram reads "Mauler Lore I" which, according to Mr. Kootenay Girl, is totally true because he's been known to say (as I'm going on and on about my latest indignity) "is this story going anywhere?".

And to be fair, even I'll stop in the middle of a conversation and say "Wait, what the hell am I talking about?"

I'll show myself out.

Posted by: kootenay girl at March 4, 2011 9:59 PM

The anagram for my full name (first, middle, last) is:

"Cleanly as a Weeny"

So, what do I win and where can I pick it up?

Posted by: Mental Case at March 4, 2011 11:39 PM

Holy cow, snapping cats!

Posted by: Denesteak at March 5, 2011 2:47 AM

I love my real-name anagram: OLD GIN PANSY. I feel like that's what my nieces and nephews will call me once I retire, and totally embrace a ruinous, alcohol-fueled decline into senility.

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at March 5, 2011 4:19 AM

My Pajiba name (Uda Bengt) anagram is: DUNG BEAT
I'm not sure what to do with that.
My real name sucks for anagrams.

Vi, that story made me want to vomit.

Posted by: Uda at March 5, 2011 5:51 AM

I AM DRAB SLOB is my name let's just say i'm glad it isn't SLOW INTRUDER.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 5, 2011 8:36 AM

I was about to accuse you of being 'Britishist', because I was convinced the voice wasn't deep enough for Tim Curry.

But a couple of official retail/marketing sites also report that he provides the narration - clearly illustrating why you get your name at the top of the page and I merely comment.

I do however, have a beard and am in no way a hipster. I've never been hip. Except for that one brief moment in the 80s when it was hip to be square. So I wasn't hip on purpose and I wasn't hip for very long.

Yours anagrammatically,

Biro Smugness

Posted by: Simon at March 5, 2011 5:44 PM

WERE TRIM REAL

Hmm. I shall try to puzzle out what that signifies.

Meanwhile, I shall take the time to vilify Governor-Reverend Hucklebuck (like the title? It's much more American than Prince-Bishop). Oy, Fucko! What about that little tramp Bristol Palin, you disgusting tiny-brained wiper of other peoples' bottoms.

And if we're talking about 'family values' vis-a-vis the Republicans, look no further than Newt Gingrich and Don Ridolfo Giuliani.

Oh, and Mikey? You play guitar like old people fuck - sloppily.

Posted by: The Wanderer at March 5, 2011 7:01 PM

Is...is that pic of Natalie meant to be her as Edward Cullen?

Because in that one picture she exudes more raw predatory sexuality than Robert Pattinson has managed in three movies.

Posted by: Shadowen at March 6, 2011 10:50 AM

John Wisniewski...

HIS JOKES WIN WIN

PissBoy fo sho.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 7, 2011 4:38 PM

My dad had a beard in the 70s, WAY before it was trendy, and WELL before he was "older". And he was never a hippie. (OK, maybe he was a little bit of a hippie. But definitely not the dirty kind.) Also, beards have been around as long as people have, so I'm pretty sure that's not really a "cultural contribution" they can lay claim to.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 8, 2011 12:11 PM