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New Photospread Proves Christina Aguilera Doesn't Have To Look Like A Melty-Faced Paint Monster

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (39)



christina-aguilera-w-magazine-july-2011-03.jpeg

Oh, my fabulous Firies and lovely Ludos. Are you in the LA area? Do you love opulent parties full of breathtaking costumes and fantastic performances? Well hie thee hence to buy tickets to the Labyrinth Ball. On of our beloved Pajibans helps organize this great event which, let’s see, how can I best describe it to you? Well, imagine that this bicycle were being peddled by a buxom lady…with fairy wings. Or, better yet, check out the website. (Labyrinth)

If you can’t make it to Labyrinth Ball this year, my ogling Hoggles, you can still take a gander at these buxom ladies. It’s the Best of Latex Cosplay. The Catwoman puts the ho in ho-hum, but sexy Mario I did NOT expect. (Unreality)

We all know I have been ruined by the rack of one Christina Hendricks. The reason I’m including this post, however, is to state, once again, that this is not an overweight woman. The rack is under wraps and she’s in fighting trim in a blazer, jeans, adorable glasses and, well, okay, ridiculously wind-blown hair. (Evil Beet)

The OTHER Christina, the melty-faced one, has done a stripped-down photospread for W. Oh, sure, Aguilera still has a pound of make-up on her face and she’s likely been photoshopped to hell, but isn’t it nice to see that she might maybe actually have pores? (Celebitchy)

Speaking of stripped-down (I know, I’m sorry), Rep. Anthony Weiner will be resigning from office because of this rid*culous scandal. How is it that we, as a culture, are somehow MORE puritanical than we were in the Clinton-era? Don’t we have better things to worry about? Color me appalled. (NPR)

Colour me appalled by the hockey riots in Vancouver last night. Slate has a good write-up of the night’s violent events, but I choose to remember it this way. (Gawker)

Speaking of sports, the cast of “The League” is ready to riot in regards to the NFL lockout. I love this show. (Warming Glow)

“The League” proves that, yes, even geeks like sports. In fact, what DON’T geeks like? Here’s an extensive diagram of “geek culture” which demonstrates that, at this point, the word “geek” is rather meaningless. To me it seems to mean “person who likes something/anything a lot.” (Nerd Approved)

Like, hey, Harry Potter geeks, wanna work yourself into a lather? Check out this countdown to JK Rowling’s new website where she promises to announce “something.” I hope she has nothing new to announce and just writes “LOL! JK!” (WSJ)

My favorite English ginger (who isn’t named Weasley), Prince Harry, will be returning to Afganistan to serve as an Apache pilot. I know we’re not supposed to like the Royals, but that’s fairly admirable, no? Not the WAR but the-nevermind, go ahead, hate him all you like. (The Guardian)

Speaking of airborne violence, check out this Great White Shark snatching his prey out of the sky. Take THAT, octopi. (National Geographic)

Ah, but nothing beats this predatory lioness trying to snack on a toddler. She keeps trying, bless her. Thanks, jM!

If that’s not enough to inspire fear in your wee, toddly ones, try this recording of Werner Herzog reading “Go The F*ck To Sleep.” I know Samuel L. Jackson is getting all the attention, but I think Herzog’s delivery is delightfully creepy.

Joanna Robinson is grateful the San Jose hockey team isn’t very good. After that National Geographic link, the thought of a Shark riot terrifies her.









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Comments

The best caption I saw applied to that Vancouver picture (Gawker) was: "At least someone from Vancouver can score on the road"

Posted by: Yossarian at June 16, 2011 1:21 PM

If I find an error on that geek diagram do I win the crown of Geek King? (Jabba is a Hutt, not a hut.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 16, 2011 1:24 PM

Maybe it was a mash-up of Jabba and Pizza. That makes it doubly geeky.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 16, 2011 1:26 PM

I have to throw this out there. The Weiner thing....it's not so much that we are more prudes. Supposedly the Dems don't want to step and defend him b/c he has no allies. Allegedly he has taken public credit for bills (specifically Healthcare and the Firefighther Bill) that his colleagues have taken years behind the scenes to craft. Supposedly his public persona actually almost hurt the firefighter bill b/c the ONE republican he publicly lambasted was actually the ally of the behind the scenes Dems. Anyway the long and the short of it seems to be that his co-worker don't like him and don't want to stand up for him. So yeah, don't piss your colleagues off.

http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2011/06/13/weiner_selective_outrage

P.S. I actually have no stake in this, but would like to keep a loud-mouthed liberal around.

Posted by: Nimue at June 16, 2011 1:32 PM

That might be the most active I have ever seen any zoo animal at an enclosure boundary, much less the usually lounging lion.

Those shark photos are awesome.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 16, 2011 1:32 PM

I still don't get the whole "We won/We lost! So let's riot!" mindset. When the Saints won the Super Bowl, we partied. We drank and toasted and cheered and cried.

Something tells me that deep underneath all that "nice folk" facade, there beats a heart of darkest darkness in every Canadian. Good thing they're not armed.

Posted by: Fredo at June 16, 2011 1:33 PM

Maybe it was a mash-up of Jabba and Pizza.

In that case, they could just replace it with "Dom DeLuise".

Posted by: branded at June 16, 2011 1:35 PM

Yeah, I mistakenly thought that was a Newmar/Meriwether Catwoman for a moment (it was the belt) before realizing it was Black Widow and agree the Pfeiffer Catwoman is dull.

Nice Tifa though.

Posted by: Jay at June 16, 2011 1:37 PM

Yossarian >> Nice.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 16, 2011 1:40 PM

Thank you so much for that link Nimue, I knew Weiner's arrogant and abrasive nature had alientated Republicans, but I hadn't considered that it left him friendless in the Dem party as well. It's such a fucking shame, because he was loud-mouthed for so many causes I believe in.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at June 16, 2011 1:41 PM

Wow, Aguilera looks like a different person in those photos. She looks so fresh and so clean.

And now I have Outkast stuck in my head.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 16, 2011 1:53 PM

I just imagine the lion saying "This buffet has the WORST sneeze guard EVER!!"

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 16, 2011 1:53 PM

That might be the most active I have ever seen any zoo animal at an enclosure boundary, much less the usually lounging lion.

@DarthCorleone: I know, right? That kid must be giving off a wicked powerful "delicious morsel" odor.

Posted by: MM at June 16, 2011 1:56 PM

Have you ever heard my rendition of "Genie In A Bottle" as sung by Stuart Staples?

The lion is just communicating with a powerful young wizard in touch with the natural universe. The kid's gonna cast the ol' Glass Begone spell and hilarity will ensue.

Yes, DO laugh! Laugh right in their piggish faces!

Posted by: Jay at June 16, 2011 1:58 PM

(Tifa's not wearing latex though. That's just lazy on their part.)

Posted by: Jay at June 16, 2011 2:06 PM

Oooh, is Rowling's big announcement akin to her cowardly outing of Dumbledore after the series was finished? Seriously? Either put it in the books or GTFO.

All I can think during that lion video is, "Great. Another starved zoo animal. Way to go, dickheads." Then I imagine it actually getting ahold of the child and I've become a delightful mix of Amused and Terrified. I might help that I imagine it gnawing gently on the toddler's head, not flinging it around violently as people scream in terror.

Posted by: Kballs at June 16, 2011 2:25 PM

Damn, branded beat me to it. Pizza the Hutt, indeed, sir.

@Kbalss: That video fascinated me. All I could think was, I'll bet homo sapiens neanderthalensis wished he had invented glass partitions.

Posted by: RobP at June 16, 2011 2:38 PM

How does it not bother you that your representatives in congress, when caught in a trivial matter, opt to lie their way out of it rather than fess up?

Weinergate happened because he went in front of the American people and claimed hackers posted photos. He lied to us. It doesn't matter what it's about, he's a liar and can't be trusted.

Most never figured out that's what Clinton/Lewinsky was about, too.

Posted by: Some Guy at June 16, 2011 2:50 PM

Some Guy, they all lie, all the time, ALL THE TIME. I guess the real crime is getting caught.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at June 16, 2011 2:53 PM

But the Sharks ARE pretty good. They went to the Finals (or maybe just the semi-finals) a couple years ago. In any case, they're better than the Avs have been in over a decade.

Posted by: the_wakeful at June 16, 2011 2:54 PM

It doesn't matter which hockey team won or lost. Some assholes just want an excuse to riot.

The problem with Weiner is that he lied, not that he did something stupid. If you get caught, fess up, apoligize and move on. But don't lie, get caught with worse stuff, lie some more, get caught with even worse stuff, lather, rinse, repeat. It makes me not want to trust him with anything. I really feel bad for his wife, being a newlywed, pregnant, and Muslim. I can just imagine what her family is telling her now.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 16, 2011 3:16 PM

apologize. Can't speel today.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 16, 2011 3:17 PM

I've also done "Put It Down" by The Dream in that style.

Posted by: Jay at June 16, 2011 3:17 PM

Even if he had told the truth he would have been crucified and I don't think the punishment fits the crime.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at June 16, 2011 3:21 PM

See??? I told you guys!! Don't Go In The WATER! Gott Damn sharks with their pointy teeth and their dead black eyes ghhhaaaaahh. My husband surfs and dives every weekend and my kids splash around on their boogie boards like two little hors d ouvres on cocktail plates. I need to move to a landlocked state.

Posted by: klingonfree at June 16, 2011 3:24 PM

That lion video is strangely adorable.

The lion wants to chew on the baby's head SO much, you almost feel bad for her.

I said "almost." I'm not a monster. I'd gladly feed her Donald Trump's head, though, so maybe I kinda am.

Posted by: Slash at June 16, 2011 3:27 PM

Honey badger don't care, honey badger don't give a shit.

Posted by: MRod at June 16, 2011 3:28 PM

So, National Geographic says a predatory weiner scares even sharks out of the water?

I'm never swimming in the interweb again, that's for sure.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 16, 2011 3:36 PM

... or am I confused again?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 16, 2011 3:37 PM

Gott Damn sharks with their pointy teeth and their dead black eyes ghhhaaaaahh.

Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'...

http://vimeo.com/14054518

Posted by: branded at June 16, 2011 3:40 PM

I agree with the above comment. EVERYONE is a geek about something. EVERYONE. Sports scores, soap opera plotlines, presidential backgrounds, legal minutiae, recipes...aaaaand comic books and Star Trek trivia.

But yeah, everyone's got something that flips their nerd bone. Everyone.

Posted by: Green Lantern at June 16, 2011 5:30 PM

I dunno, I think young lioness just wanted to play, she didn't seem particularly predatory, just seemed like she wanted to toss toddler around like a ball.

Something about Prince Harry makes we want to have several beers with him. He seems like a hoot.

Aragula is almost pretty without the spackle.

Poor little seal....sniffle...

and last but not least. What the hell is wrong with the Canadians? Maybe they need a war to unpent their aggressions.
Congratulations Boston for winning the cup, and acting like fans instead of hooligans.

What's the best sports city in the country? That's right.. BOSTON!!!!

7 Championships, 4 Sports, 10 years.

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 16, 2011 7:47 PM

Vancouver doesn't need a reason to immolate other people's cars, what you saw there was called 'Wednesday'. Is it stupid? Yes, but aren't you stupid, too? Likely, who isn't? Disgraced Cyber-Boink? End Of Days The Stroke Enthusiast? That slag on Fashion Police (I know, I'll specify) who doesn't know where her hypothetical babies don't come from? What, she's going to add bulk in her relentless campaign of George Hamilton-izing herself to act as a substitute for weight? That's also not how plumbing works. A third trimester Audrey Hepburn, okay, whatever you want, baby. As for the incident last night, who's to say this didn't begin with an over-stressed male prostitute who had to shake the sillies out, Witness Protection Program refugees who were in need of larger and more entertaining diversion than Snakes on a Plane that could actually sustain intrest for long enough for safe passage from or to some possible or maybe an errant kayak who needed his message to be heard. His message was this: You can't pay the rent with mountains, Jared.

So how much cocaine, Photoshop and Slimby did it take to shrink Aguilera down to 1998? Enough at least to forge enough self-victimizing and delusion needed to actually give an interview like this.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at June 16, 2011 9:32 PM

Also, kindly don't judge all Canadians sport hooligans. Didn't you all force Donald Trump on us: the mogul who can't stop going bankrupt, or Katy Perry: Well, if I marry a comedian, I absorb an ability to make people laugh by osmosis? Ooh, a retainer, glasses and Band-Aid on the knee--can she DO that? So, I guess the question is: Where's my Alaska?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at June 16, 2011 9:41 PM

Octopuses. The plural of octopus is octopuses.

Posted by: the cloven viscount at June 17, 2011 1:45 AM

Jo "Mama,"

I love you 'n at, but:

What the fuck are you talking about?

Posted by: , at June 17, 2011 1:54 AM

Yep. Whut?

It's subliminal advertising* but I think cocaine may have had something to do with that post :p


*i.e. I only think that because she mentioned cocaine.

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