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NBC Finally Realizes It's Made a Huge Mistake

By Daniel Carlson | Pajiba Love | February 18, 2013 | Comments ()


up-all-night-1.jpg

Just for you people, I actually had to have the "But I'm Googling these pictures of Kate Upton for work! I swear!" discussion. This is Pajiba Love.

"Up All Night" has somehow survived 17 reboots, but it looks like it might finally be dead. (Warming Glow)

I had no idea that some people have been bagging on Kate Upton and calling her overweight. I just do not understand the tangled knot of pathology that leads people to look at a healthy and attractive person and say "ugh fats next lol." Just: why? What's the point of saying anything like that about anybody? This shit gets in people's heads as kids and starts to-- whatever. Internet, you can do better. (Celebitchy)

Seriously, this is what she looks like:

SI-2013-Kate-Upton-01.jpg

Japan has a giant chocolate statue of John McClane. To paraphrase Lisa Simpson: "I know those words, but that sentence makes no sense." (Unreality)

Talk to your kids about Twitter parody accounts. It's not too late to save the next generation. (BuzzFeed FWD)

NBC is making a show about Hannibal Lecter. You are free here to write your own joke about (a) how NBC is eating itself alive or (b) how the only way anyone would watch "Hannibal" would be if they were held captive in a well below Ted Levine's house. Submit your joke in the comments. Winner gets to bathe in the glow of a job well done. (Warming Glow)

Bungie, the company behind Halo, is planning a game called Destiny that looks like it might actually break new ground in what to expect from modern games. (Polygon)

Maker's Mark was about to cut down on the booze per bottle thanks to supply shortages, but they relented in the face of the furor of an America that just wants a drink at the end of the day, dammit, I know it's Thursday but you don't understand what it's like there. (USA Today and Facebook)

Darth Vader: absentee dad, mouth-breather, and terrible military strategist. (Wired)

A look at the weird but fascinating world of competitive Tetris, which (in addition to being something that actually exists) is built upon the foregone conclusion that winning is impossible. (Chris Higgins)

If you feel like getting nostalgic -- and Google Analytics tells us you probably do -- check out this round-up of YouTube's most dated clips. It reminds me of this supercut where people really like reminding each other that it's the '90s. (Vulture)

Herb Vogel built a world-class art collection and never made more than $23k a year. I'm really starting to wonder if I should be spending so much money on video games. (I'm just kidding; I regret nothing.) (Mental Floss)

With two shows about Sherlock Holmes currently going, maybe it's time we turned to real-life historical figures for our next great detective show. (io9)

This video of Sen. Elizabeth Warren setting fire to Wall Street lawyers made the rounds last week, and with good reason. It's amazing to see someone throwing some heat in Washington just by asking common-sense questions. (Upworthy)

Single in NYC? Bookmark this. You're welcome. (Gothamist)

Have you ever watched a movie specifically because you found out the spoiler/twist and just had to see the craziness for yourself? (Criticwire)

Bucket of sloths? Bucket of sloths:

BUCKET OF SLOTHS from Lucy Cooke on Vimeo.

And finally, because no Presidents' Day is complete without revisiting this:


Biz Break: Khal Drogo Will Team Up With Star-Lord And X-Men Gets Its Villain | B*tch Ranking "Downton Abbey": Remember How Last Season Ended?


Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • BlackRabbit

    Making a TV series about Lecter makes about as much sense as riding an elephant over the Andes. No idea how they're gonna keep up the suspense on this show.

    And Kate Upton something something boobs fatty.

  • John W

    I wish I was as overweight as Kate Upton.

  • John W

    The wall street folks who tried to block Warren's appointment to the consumer protection agency have got to be kicking themselves in the ass non stop.

    Instead of being appointed to a powerless position she is now in position to take their lunch money.

    It's like the criminals voting to make Batman the police Commissioner of Gotham City and then afterwards going, "...wait, what?".

  • googergieger

    I don't know who Kate Upton girl, she's been living in her Upton world is. But as to why people call her fat? I don't know. They probably think she's fat. Much in the same way that when you say someone looks a certain way that is either positive or negative, you do so because you think it. As far as what I think of her going on that pic? I think I'm looking at her through a fish eye lens, that keep the face normal, make the boobs gigantic, and the rest exactly like what seeing something through a fish eye lens would look like.

    Anyways, Halo Troopers was pretty fun the first time. Kind of meh after it. Don't think Bungie has anything, "revolutionary" up their sleeve. Nothing about their games has ever said anything other than fluff.

  • Slash

    Jesus, the reason Upton looks "fat" in the picture at the top is because the "swimsuit" she's (kind of) wearing is 6 fucking sizes too small. I mean, if they're going to strap something on her that looks like pasties and a triangle barely big enough to cover the vajayjay of a 5-year-old, why don't they just have her nude and be done with it? It would at least be honest. Seriously, when the majority of your breast tissue is not covered (I'd say the ratio above is about 40/60), it's no longer a swimsuit. It's bondage wear. NTTAWWT, but still.

  • Julia

    Up All Night was terrible, but I will miss seeing that baby. Because she has to be one of the top 10 cutest babies ever. Look at that face!

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    The Kate Upton thing...I just (sigh) fuck it, I just can't. Are Michael Bay and Brett Ratner teaming up like America's least like-able buddy cop movie to "write" these articles? It's surreal to me that Upton is "voluptuous" or in some remote corner of the universe "fat"- so that makes Christina Hendricks what exactly? Both women seem to have a sizable following (ha, fat joke there) and yet somebody's out there with nerve to imply that they're not Grade-A Prime ogling meat. I don't even want to touch the recent assessments of Lena Dunham's "real" body.

    This is the stuff that helps fuck kids up (boys and girls) and we all let this happen on our watch. Of course I realize this is a tiny ignominy, but it's the banality of the evil that's so troubling: it's not that we reduce these women to objects, it's that we reduce them to failings. They're not even worthy of being our objects. It's twice as shitty and revolting precisely because it is so trivial -- there is absolutely nothing at stake, no ideology to be defended, nothing to gain. I dunno guys, some days I just see these things and I feel so sad.

  • Skyler Durden

    I read that sentence as "Chocolate statue of John McCain." I'm kind of disappointed now,

  • Just me or does Destiny sound like OASIS from Ready Player One?

  • Not really. From what I can tell from the little that's been revealed it's more along the line of Planetside 2 or Dust 514.

  • logan

    And Jesus Harold let it go "Up all Night" sucked.

  • logan

    If Kate Upton is a fatty call me a Chubby-Chaser then.

  • Sherry

    That Wired article both cheered me up and then depressed me because I don't get to write such awesomeballs stuff. Sigh.

  • Kballs

    TV shows are the poor man's movies, so Dr. Lecter's tastes will need to be adjusted accordingly:

    "A Nielsen researcher once tried to assess me. I ate his gall bladder with some baked beans and nice Zinfandel."

  • QueeferSutherland

    Kate Upton? Thought that was Lena Dunham.

    /slinks out of thread

  • You know, I usually despise that 'you're just jealous!' argument when people are badtalking celebrities, but I think it's the only rational explanation in this case. The only reason anyone would ever call Kate Upton 'fat' is to make themselves feel better. Because if I call this chick fat (and thus, dismiss her, because what worse thing could you think of to call anyone, right?) then that'll show them that I'm not jealous of this girl and all the attention she's getting.

    If you're a certain kind of woman*, you can just dismiss it as saying that men have terrible taste and that's why they're ignoring you, and if you're certain kind of man* you can pat yourself on the head for your discerning taste and how demanding you are because you will like nothing but perfection.

    *An insecure asshole.

  • Steph

    Yeah, isn't there this sort of weird backlash every time a woman who isn't ultra skinny becomes popular for whatever reason? There definitely was for Christina Hendricks and Jennifer Lawrence. Not only is it gross, but there's a 100% chance that these people are more attractive than every single person complaining.

  • danielwcarlson

    What I'm hearing you all say is that my monthly gig at the helm of Pajiba Love should have a check-in with Upton. I am willing to make that sacrifice.

  • I wholeheartedly support this decision. Also, hello new laptop wallpaper.

  • Kballs

    May as well make your Google search a favorite. I'm sure the missus will appreciate your dedication.

  • Kballs

    They gave Kate mannequin skin. Too creepy.

    You know what would've been sexy as fuck? Showing the goosebumps and other physical manifestations of hanging out in a string bikini in the Arctic. Just running your fingertips over those little bumps, promising her the warmth of your embrace in your cabin right over there where a roaring fire awaits near the soft bedding . . .

    Oh shit, now I've made mess.

  • Are you sure that's what Kate Upton looks like? She's been edited so heavily she doesn't even have an armpit crease.

  • Natallica

    I even think they took two completely different pictures, one of her upper half and another of her lower half, and pasted them together.

  • MissAmynae

    I think if you calculated the square inches of what the bikini covers vs the edited inches, the bikini would be the victor. That looks almost nothing like her actual body. She's in great proportion, and a beautiful girl. Shame on you, SI.

  • Three_nineteen

    That bikini bottom is so small on her I think they also had to airbrush out her genitals.

  • NynjaSquirrel

    Yeah - there were some much less mess with pics in the Sun piece about her frostbite. Same bikini, not quite as tiny as in SI it seems.

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/ho...

  • Kballs

    Are you besmirching the size of Kate's labia, you scoundrel?

  • Three_nineteen

    I'm sure Kate's labia is not only the perfect size but also of undeniable beauty and class. I just don't like the way her labia is depicted in the mainstream media.

  • Shazza

    If they'd put her in bikinis that actually fit her, this wouldn't be talked about. But she's constantly spilling out of her tops so some people comment.

  • Yes. And I, for one, comment on how glorious her spillage is. Physically, she is incredible. I wouldn't go as far as to say she's perfect. But if that's fat then bring me all the fatties.

  • ,

    This guy agrees. She's not fat, but it's certainly true that a girl can have too much of a good thing. (Unless, I guess, you're a 17-year-old boy, which appears to be SI's market.) That's just waaaaaaay too much boob for those bikinis. It's supposed to be hot hot hot I guess, but I find it kind of a turnoff. I've had women from flat to boobulous, and really didn't care, because in my experience the fun is mostly in the nipple.

    Here's a trip down SI memory lane, with someone who, now that I see her again, wasn't especially svelte either but was much better proportioned.

    Cheryl Tiegs, FTW:

    (NSFW)

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr...

  • ZombieNurse

    Although I noticed that Kate Upton was heavier than most bikini models, I never once thought she looked overweight. Perhaps it's because she refuses to wear a bikini that has more than a square inch of cloth over her fun zones? Even a thin woman can look like a busted up can of biscuits if her clothes are too small.

  • apsutter

    It's partly because she's apple shaped as well. She's definitely a little softer in this year's SI and when girls like her gain weight it goes all to her stomach plus she has no waist and narrow hips. She's beautiful but known for her breasts because, let's face it, she doesn't have the best body of the girls picked for the swimsuit edition.

    Oh and can we put a moratorium on using the word "curvy" incorrectly? Kate is not "curvy" She has big tits, that is all.

  • PaddyDog

    Seriously: the photo-shopping in the crotch area is out of hand. I'm disturbed by the need for all women to look prepubescent in a swim suit. A little waxing is one thing, but photo-shopping all evidence of puberty (on the lower end) is a little too Belgian for me.

  • Spoon

    You know what? That comment fucking offends me. I'm Belgian and I visit this site every day to read about American (pop) culture, and then I have to read a comment using my own country as a synonym for "pedophilic"? We go on and on here about fat-shaming and Kate Upton and Lena Dunham because oh-my-gosh, but offhandedly dismissing an entire country? A-okay, apparently.

  • Jezzer

    Yeah, I'm from the U.S. Gosh, it must suck to see people from other countries dissing your nation of origin all over the internet.

  • Spoon

    Um, what the fuck is your point? Dissing an entire country is ignorant in any case, no matter the country. And of course the US is particularly prone to being shat on because, hello, it's huge and its politics and culture influence the world. I'm bothered by PaddyDog's comment because it concerns my own little country, because it's hard to think of anything more offensive than being equated with pedophiles, because it's real ironic that everyone gets their knickers in a twist when Kate Upton or Lena Dunham are called fat but not when something distasteful like this is said, and because I feel part of the Pajiban community and I expect better from this website and its longtime commentors.

  • Jezzer

    I like how you followed how dissing any entire country is bad with reasons why it's okay when the target is the U.S.

  • Spoon

    What the? Are you thick or are you just trolling? I never said it's okay to diss the US; I explicitly said it's not. I merely explained why the US is more likely to be dissed on the internet and elsewhere (which, again, DOESN'T justify the dissing). You're obviously intent on misunderstanding everything I say, so have fun with that.

  • Jezzer

    Belgians sure are touchy.

  • Kyliebling

    I'm with Spoon on this one. Though i should probably congratulate you for knowing that Belgium is an actual country and not the capital of, ooh, let's say Brussels, it doés indicate some degree of thickness when you think that 'Belgian' and 'pedophilic' are interchangeable concepts. The whole Dutroux-case was (and still is!) something so painful and destructive for the people of Belgium (or 'Pedophiles' as you prefer..) that one would expect a person of average intelligence to get why this gratuitous equalization is so incredibly offensive. You don't go about calling a case of incestuous child-molestation typically 'Austrian', do you? (i'm referring to the Josef Fritzl case from a few years back). Furthermore, calling people who are offended by a comment like that 'touchy' is not only stupid, it indicates that you are in fact an honest-to-god emotional retard. (BTW, you see what i did there? I called you a RETARD, not an 'American'. You know why? BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN STUPIIIIDDD). So again : shut the fuck up, pay attention in history class nex time you have to take it (which i'm sure will be or was more than once) and have a Belgian beer or eat a Belgian 'praline', they're just delish!

    Signed,

    A Dutch-speaking, French-hating, chocolate-gobbling, beer-guzzling, limb-severing colonial bitch (did i forget to mention any atrocities from the last 182 years of Belgian history? Did i? Well, i'm sure you'll let me know in the manner most accustomed to you (sic).

  • Jezzer

    I doubt it. No one really gives a shit about Belgium who isn't from Belgium.

  • QueeferSutherland

    Kate Upton has amazing godzilla biscuits. That is all.

  • e jerry powell

    King Kong Kolaches?

  • ZombieNurse

    To be clear, I'm not saying that she looks like a busted can of biscuits. I'm just saying that...you know, fuck it. I just don't want anyone misunderstanding me and chewing off my face.

  • Jezzer

    "Fat" for a model. Not at all fat for a human being.

  • BWeaves

    I was going to say what you said, only without the busted up can of biscuits, which I will now steal from you, just like the "I'd nail like a board of a broken window during a zombie apocalypse" which I knew I stole from someone but didn't remember who until I just saw your name.

  • Kala

    Biscuits are delicious. No harm, no foul.

    And yes, she is more voluptuous than the average fashion model, but the fat claims are bizarre.

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