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'Love Actually' Rage Strikes Again; Mass Forehead Vein Explosions Reported Worldwide

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | December 19, 2013 | Comments ()


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If The Neverending Story were made for today’s audience, it’d basically be the most terrifying children’s fairy-tale movie ever, as these drawings attest. (The Mary Sue)

What were the 10 best commercials of 2013? I rundown AdWeek’s list. I was completely blown away by the number one pick, which prompted one fella on Twitter to call me a “hipster queermo” for preferring what he called an “obesity” ad over the Geico Camel. I’m going to take that as a compliment. In fact, that’ll be my new nickname. (WG)

What the f*** is wrong with Ellen Degeneres? One day, one of these plots to scare celebrities is going to result in an embarrassing pants-wetting scene and a lawsuit. Poor Julia Louis Dreyfus. (BF)

Speaking of Ellen Degeneres, Justin Bieber is looking awfully Degeneres’ like in his Christmas outfit. (GFY)

And speaking of Justin Bieber, he will NOT be replacing the late Paul Walker on the next Fast and Furious movie, you’ll be happy to know. Ludacris, however, is not. (FilmDrunk)

In case you haven’t yet heard, Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson was suspended indefinitely by A&E for comments about gays he made in GQ magazine. (Dlisted)

As you might expect, the Christian right and Sarah Palin have come to Robinson’s defense. Palin’s got some words for you “intolerants.” (Celebitchy)

The Love Actually analysis continues, as Lindy West is perturbed (perhaps rightfully) that the women in the movie barely talk, and all the men “win” a woman. Fair criticism, but COME ON. It’s Love f**king Actually. Since when did we start applying this kind of analysis to Richard Curtis films? (Jezebel)

Good news! Peter Jackson won’t be adapting Tolkien’s The Silmarillion. The bad news? It’s because the Tolkien estate hates Peter Jackson, and also New Line, because it won’t give them any royalties because, like these to 10 Movies That Made Hundreds of Millions in Box-Office Dollars, The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings Somehow Showed No Profit. (BI)

Early test footage from Paul Rudd’s Ant Man has already been released, and it looks mind-blowingly fantastic. (Rejects)

Grey’s Anatomy? You gotta go. (Underscoopfire)

Here are some stereotypes about yourself based on your favorite television show and f**k them for all the stereotypes they got wrong, and even more for the ones they got right. (Flavorwire)

A Vine of Jennifer Lawrence spilling breath mints is hurtling through the Internet right now, because that’s where we are with Jennifer Lawrence coverage. NO REGRETS. (Gawker)

“Five Character I Refuse to Be Forced to Like.” Ferris Bueller? Why? WHY? (Unreality)

Mr. Dave Chen ranks his five favorite actions scenes of the year. (Slashfilm)

Sweet, merciful Christmas, this video holiday card that’s been making the rounds is terrible. What I don’t understand, however, is why anyone would get so worked up over it. I assumed it was an ironic mockery of white people. I’m right, aren’t I? This isn’t earnest, is it? I mean, it can’t be.



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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Afferbeck

    I doubt anyone will make a Silmarillion movie/series of movies, but man do I want to watch Fingolfin duel Morgoth. http://i.imgur.com/mJxfbxM.jpg

  • BobbFrapples

    I guess I should watch Love Actually. I've never seen it an now I wonder why people talk about it so much.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That Love Actually writeup is fucking hilarious.

  • Green Lantern

    I didn't make it a full minute for that "Christmas Jammies" video. Dear gawd...time for the brain bleach. Why? WHY??

  • John G.

    my hatred of Love, Actually has always been that it's a ridiculous hodgepodge of cliches smashed into one incredibly stupid movie that I had originally thought was a parody film of romantic comedies. It was unfortunately not that, but that would have made it brilliant.

  • Amanda

    That one plotline where the kid goes to America to get laid was SO preposterous that I thought it was a dream sequence.

  • nosio

    COGNITIVELY DISSONANT DOWNTON AFFECTION SYNDROME:

    This syndrome, which derives its name from the once-critical darling 'Downton Abbey', describes a condition in which people are afflicted by a belief that a pop culture item is of particular merit despite all evidence to the contrary. Symptoms include being blindsided by one's adoration of noteworthy British individuals, nostalgic fondness for said individuals due their earlier roles, renewed fondness for said individuals upon encountering them in subsequent roles, and tension/tautness in the heart strings despite a lack of authentic character development or remotely realistic/interesting plot.

  • Bedewcrock

    This. This forever.

  • DominaNefret

    Of COURSE that is what Love Actually is. It is a RomCom for men, instead of women, where all of the typical RomCom roles are reversed.

  • BWeaves

    And I fell for the AntMan clip. You guys!

  • NateMan

    An updated Neverending Story with that artwork would ROCK. I'd love to give my kid nightmares with that!

  • stardust

    Aw, come on. That video card is earnestly silly.

  • ljridley

    Thank you! That's what I thought.

  • bonnie

    I will not debate Love Actually on this site, because I know how much people LOVE it here, but admit it, Lindy West's phrase of "cock-blocktopus" is genius. That should be godtopus's sidekick.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Cock-blocktopus needs to become a thing. I'm planning a Halloween costume already. But I thought the whole write-up was hilarious.
    And man, I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I can't stand Love, Actually. Mostly because it's poor story telling featuring some of my absolute favorite actors.

  • becks2point0

    I like Love, Actually (it's no masterpiece but it's cute) and West's critique is completely hilarious. Both Cock-blocktopus and Natalie Dysmorphic Disorder will come to mind every time I watch from here on out.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Oh man. The test footage of Paul Rudd as Ant-Man is perfection.

  • Scully

    “The bad news? It’s because the Tolkien estate hates Peter Jackson, and also New Line...”

    How is this bad news, exactly? This is the best possible news! TFOTR was amazing, but the other two that followed were so dull. And what Jackson has done with The Hobbit (Part$ Eleventy-One) is absolutely deplorable. I’m thankful the Tokien estate is holding out.

  • Cree83

    I love Lindy's post. I love how outraged people in the comments are getting about her fairly accurate assessment. MMMMMMmmmm outrage.

    But I think I prefer her Titanic review from a few years ago. Such detail! http://jezebel.com/5898432/i-r...

  • Rebecca Hachmyer

    I just laughed so hard at her assessment of Titanic that I woke up the baby. Totally worth it.

  • mswas

    wow it must be good

  • Aaron Schulz

    is she the chick people went nuts on over the rape joke thing?

  • Cree83

    I believe so

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Hey, Feminist Pajiba site: are you deliberately using header pics that make me feel like I'll be fired for clicking on the post at work? (aside from the fact that it means I'm slacking off).

    No JingleBalls ad for JCPenny? (was the Big Gas savings ads this year or older?)

  • Ben

    Wait...are people upset about a movie that came out like 10 years ago.

  • Amanda

    Only because people get a giant collective holiday boner over it EVERY DAMN YEAR.

  • JoannaRobinson

    The lovely Lindy West has lost her damn mind.

  • FrayedMachine

    Ugh. of course it's that time of year when everyone decides to shit on the one rather decent Romantic Comedy out there. I swear people just get off from shitting on this movie, and considering Jezebel's rather painfully piss poor reputation of actually being a helpful Feminist site, I am feeling okay with taking any critique they have over this movie with a gigantic grain of salt.

  • Tracer Bullet

    I can only imagine you're mad at Lindy Curtis because she's stepping on your dick. Pajiba has made a cottage industry out of over-thinking silly bullshit.

  • pajiba

    It's Lindy WEST, Tracer. GET IT RIGHT. (Sorry for the yelling. I'm in a bad mood on account of the crushed penis.)

  • Tracer Bullet

    Hey, you know I love you, baby. But let's be frank about who we are and what we do.

    (Where the hell did I get "Curtis" from?)

  • becks2point0

    Richard Curtis made Love Actually.

  • Aaron Schulz

    I've got eight slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop and I pack a revolver

  • nosio

    For some reason, after reading the Celebitchy piece on Palin, I suddenly find myself *really* wanting a bumper sticker that reads, "FREE SPEECH IS ENDANGERED SPECIES." I don't even own a car, I just want people to know.

    FREE SPEECH, YOU ENDANGER, GIRL.

  • Dumily

    I absolutely would buy that bumper sticker. And if anyone can mock me up a photo-shopped Palin head onto Whoopi's gold- lame dressed body, I will forever be grateful.

  • becks2point0

    I'm not sure I understand American politics perfectly but I'm fairly certain A&E is not the head of the government, right? The old Duck Dynasty man is not in jail, he's suspended from his job for making inappropriate public statements. He probably signed a contract at some point that said he wouldn't make statements about his whackadoo beliefs.

    Oh wait, I'm considering Sarah Palin opinions critically instead of dismissing them out of hand as inflammatory nonsense.

  • foolsage

    The problem here is that Sarah Palin has no understanding of American politics, yet ALWAYS has an opinion to share nonetheless. Sarah Palin clearly has a below-average intellect and no desire to improve that; I wish she'd just go away.

    Our First Amendment protects an individual's right to free public speech. It has nothing whatsoever to do with exempting people from the consequences of their speech. So if e.g. you incite people to riot, or share defense secrets, you're committing a crime. It's not the fact that you spoke that's the problem; it's what you chose to say.

    This issue has nothing to do with the First Amendment. Some guy said something hateful and the company that he works for was unhappy. This hate speech is likely to do some financial harm, because a lot of people don't like hate speech. Very reasonably then, Robertson's been suspended. That's a business decision, not a government one. That's the free market, right there... not government censorship. A company is choosing to protect its profits. That's all.

  • PerpetualIntern

    The wolf in Neverending Story scared the living Christ out of me as a kid. I would never be able to handle that reworked version. Also, Artax. *Tear.

  • Kane Leal

    The "Video Christmas Card" is earnest. It is an earnest ad for their new business.

    I really don't think one bit of it is ironic.

  • birdgal

    He is (was? I guess he quit) a local news anchor in my city, so acting like a doofus in front of a camera isn't a stretch for him.

  • kirbyjay

    In the immortal words of Joey Tribbiani..
    "I liked it! What's not to like? Silliness...yeah.....cuteness.....yeah.....CHRISTMAS JAMMIES... .....YEAH!!!!

  • becks2point0

    I think the father may be the inspiration for Phil Dunphy on Modern Family.

  • Tom

    I haven't read what that article has to say, so I don't know if the author made the same point, but fuck Ferris Bueller. He was a selfish asshole.

  • What's your take on Marty McFly? Dude used a time machine to create an alternate reality where everything works in his favor, including destroying a man's life to the point that he is now a submissive man-child washing his car, and basically put forth the idea that white people gave rock 'n' roll to black people from the future.

  • BlackRabbit

    To be fair, the guy he destroyed was a massive jerk from a family of historic jackholes as well as a potential rapist, and everything he did (in the first movie anyway) was accidental.

  • Tom

    Even though Marty McFly basically went through history destroying members of the Tannen family, it somehow seemed ok because they were all monumental assholes. Still fucked up though to travel back in time and always make sure you ruin a Tannen's life.

  • Still, he fate castrated him.

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