Life After Jon Stewart, Maps, Librarians, Gorillas Proposing to Giraffes, and Kangaroo Pornography

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Life After Jon Stewart, Maps, Librarians, Gorillas Proposing to Giraffes, and Kangaroo Pornography

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Pajiba Love | August 20, 2013 | Comments ()


Hello everyone. Dustin is on “vacation” and we’re totally not feeding stories into the system with his byline in order to confuse the timeline of when he went missing or anything like that. Because if that was the case, then me saying that last sentence would be totally stupid. Or anticipating that fact and saying it anyway is my alibi. Ah Basic Instinct, is there any lesson, you can’t teach us? Let me recross my legs, suggest that the icepick is in TK’s freezer, and get on with the business of Pajiba Love.

First up, here are Zombieland rules applied to “The Walking Dead” with nifty animated GIFs. I guess a pair bitching about spoilers would have been too meta.

So a guy decided to write a kid’s book about a gorilla proposing to a giraffe and then uses it as a prop to propose to his very own, um, giraffe in the library.

This is very cute, right up until the point you think about it and focus full cynicism on it. First, he “wrote” it, but had someone else do the art. Dude, you wrote a crappy ten line poem and had somebody else actually do the work, way to 1% that shit. Second, there are photos of the whole thing, so you did this with someone following you around to take pictures, and this didn’t strike the giraffe as creepy? Third, the gimmick was to wander through a library and pick a specific children’s book and get her to read it there on the spot? How was a rape whistle not blown at some point?

A gorgeous article about death of used book stores. My god, they are my Mecca, my sun and stars.

Apparently trolling old pictures for hot people from the past is a thing. Here are Bangable Dudes Throughout History and Historical Figures That Used to be Hot. Both are invalid on account of leaving out hipster Stalin:


Here’s a considered theory on the end-game for Walter White in Breaking Bad that is both mind blowing and obvious, and mind-blowingly obvious.

And here are a couple of Calvin and Hobbes strips rewritten as Spider-Man and Batman. I don’t fault Watterson for stopping Calvin and Hobbes when he felt it was done, but I mourn that he didn’t continue to release work of some sort. It’s like J.D. Salinger, except that I actually care.

I’m pretty sure this will be of use to many of you: ranking the states by how easy it is to marry your cousin:

I don’t really want to contemplate this because I think it would be a terrible loss, but here’s a piece on how the Daily Show can survive losing Jon Stewart.

An Australian zoo has gotten in trouble for pixelating out a kangaroo’s crotch. I’m really not sure if people are angry because they don’t get to see the K-dong, or because the pose is forcing them to confront the existence of K-dongs in the first place. In any case, it’s quite the cocktroversy:


Maps are awesome. Here are a few overlaying different countries with different continents. I like the Africa one myself. Place is big, yo.

If “Joshua,” the brains behind the computer simulation in War Games that nearly triggered World War III, had a face, it would probably look like Benedict Cumberbatch’s in the Julian Assange biopic.

Reddit is having a charity thing collecting money for teachers to buy supplies and such. Last year they raised $150,000, which ain’t too shabby. Of course I’m assured by Scott Walker that they’ll probably just spend it on Cristal and cocaine, bunch of leeches on the public.

Finally, here is the Beastie Boys Sabotage reenacted by librarians:

A Pale and Stale Shadow of the Real Thing: Pop Culture's Tired Obsession with White People | NSYNC to Reunite at VMA Awards, Pajiba Writer Cleans and Presses Her Liveblogging Capelet

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • RE: that kangaroo picture. If ever there was a legit opportunity for someone outside the Internet to caption a picture 'Draw me like one of your French girls' this would be it.

  • Ben

    So uh between this jullian assange movie and pacific rim, has hollywood just forgotten that their are shitloads of australians over there? Also we allready did a Jullian Assange movie.

  • googergieger

    Walt is going to use the ricin on himself, and either take Hank, Jesse, or Hank and Jesse with him. Probably just end up using it on himself and the other person doesn't go for it so the series can end "happy".

  • DominaNefret

    We definitely don't have enough used bookstores in NoVa, but there is a good one pretty closed to me.
    Anyone familiar with Charlottesville, VA? It has more used bookstores per capita than any city I have ever been to. A friend of mine went down to tour craft breweries, and wen't to used bookstores during our free day. We made it to 8? I think? The first was maaaaybe a ten minute walk from the furthest one out, at most. I know there are more we didn't make it too.
    They were all FANTASTIC stores too. I spent so much money on books that weekend. Brought home four heavy bags full, dating from as far back as 1811. The books, not the bags.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    My Virginia geography is terrible, but isn't there a giant, GIANT used bookapalooza place nearish Staunton?

    There's also that free book place in Baltimore - I mentioned to my sister and she came away with some good stuff. And I have very fond memories of a big book fair somewhere in NC where I came away with a Jay Williams book I treasure.

    But this post is probably the reason I walked out of The Strand with 7 books last night (for $12!).

  • DominaNefret

    I think you must mean Green Valley Book Fair, which is between Staunton and Harrisonburg.
    Green Valley IS enormous, it's also pretty unique. What they really do is sell the hardcovers of books that have since come out in paperback,overstock and slightly damaged or somehow defective versions of other books (cover was put on upsidedown, pages weren't all cut apart, etc.), and previous editions of books that are updated every year; all at prices typically lower than what you will see at Powell's or The Strand.
    Probably 5%? of their stock is used.
    Last time I went I bought 15 Mad Libs for ¢.99 each. I was so excited.

    On the other hand, the last time I went to The Strand I spent $300 on four books.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    YES! That is the book fair I mean. I can now visualize the green bookmark I took from of my sisters went to Washington & Lee, so we stopped there on trips to/from.

  • Jim

    When you say "vacation" do you mean like that time um someone I know was on "vacation" but turned out there was like a 8 or 9 day blank memory space that ended when I woke up in a bathrobe in Red Square cuz that was totally the Kremlin off in the distance?

    Or are we talking Disneyland?

  • "Or anticipating that fact and saying it anyway is my alibi. Ah Basic Instinct, is there any lesson, you can’t teach us? Let me recross my legs, suggest that the icepick is in TK’s freezer, and get on with the business of Pajiba Love."

    "It’s like J.D. Salinger, except that I actually care."

    That's pop culture Mock and Droll, Pajibans. Have a beer, SLW, you've earned it.

  • emmalita

    Librarians are the best and should get way more love.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    If someone ever asks me why we need a Master's degree to do this job, I'll just show them that video and say they're teaching us stuff like that. Nobody's asked me yet, but now I hope they do.

  • DominaNefret

    Agreed, since my mommy is the best and she is a librarian.

  • Ted Zancha

    But, they work at the library.

    People at the library are the worst group of people ever
    assembled in history. They’re mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.

  • DominaNefret

    You know, there are all sorts of libraries, right?

  • Punkass book jockeys!

  • emmalita

    Hey, Leslie Knope. how are things in Pawnee?

  • eeeee

    this has to be said.

  • Buellie413

    There's a great used bookstore two blocks from my office in Philly called Whodunit. It started as a bookstore that (obviously) sold mysteries, but they've branched out to basically everything under the sun. I recently found Kavalier and Clay for a few bucks there, and I bought a gorgeous hardcover of the entire Hitchhiker's Guide series.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I like Whodunit, but I love the giant second hand bookstore on 2nd St across from the Christchurch. Philly has some nice bookstores (though I still felt a pang the last time I visited and saw the Borders space was STILL empty.)

  • Buellie413

    That place is AMAZING. I used to go there when I worked in Old City :)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I like to browse the upstairs sci-fi/fantasy for hard to find books by my favorite authors until I start to sneeze.

  • Hipster Stalin beats everything.

  • e jerry powell

    Nuh-uh. KATO KAELIN. Who knew that O.J. was into freeloading paranoid fascists?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    The picture's refusing to load for me, but the very first post on Historical Figures that Used to Be Hot is Stalin. Is it a non-hipster picture of him?

    Btw, it appears the author of that blog is confusing "hot" with "young and not trollish."

  • RobynRobotron

    He's also one of the first entries on BDiH, and they even use the same picture. I'm guessing someone just didn't go past the most recent pages on each site.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Ok, I'm going to toss something out there in relation to Dustin's Breaking Bad theory. There's one guy left alive besides Walt and Jesse that knows just about EVERYTHING about the business (probably more than Jesse, even). He's got shady associates, good connections, and is obfuscatingly slimy - but deliberately so. He's got secret compartments and a multitude of disposable phones, and a legit business with which to launder money freely. Let's not forget, HIS guys were the ones to retrieve and package up Walt's money that got buried in the desert - maybe with a GPS tracker in one of the barrels?

    What if future Walt is going after SAUL?

  • If that is true, then wherefore the Saul spinoff??

  • Bert_McGurt


    Or - Walt loses.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Kangaroos are surprisingly louche.

  • Batesian

    Someone needs to give kangaroos the "Hey, Girl" treatment.

  • This bears sharing, and suddenly validates a number of male urges. We aren't just douches, we evolved that way.

  • Uriah_Creep

    "Do you even lift, bro?" That was a good one.

  • Maguita NYC

    All of a sudden, I have Divinyls "I Touch myself" playing in my head.

  • Slash

    That is one cool-ass kangaroo. He/she be straight chillin', fo' real, yo.

  • The key to talk show hosts transitions is easing the audience in. Take a break, let someone else do a week here and there, the summer was great. Then in a couple years, once a week, then boom, done. We will persevere.

  • Kris

    My favorite used bookstore is still alive and kicking, thank God. Chamblin's Bookmine is a hazard to my paycheck every time I visit. It's still standing room only every weekend, so I doubt that it's going anywhere anytime soon. If you're ever in Jacksonville FL, stop by one of the two locations and then ask if used bookstores are doomed.

  • BLA

    Also relevant to documenting hot men from the past, but unfortunately no longer updated: http://timemachinecougar.tumbl...

  • domytoruluq

    мy coυѕιɴ ιѕ мαĸιɴɢ $51/нoυr oɴlιɴe. υɴeмployed ғor α coυple oғ yeαrѕ αɴd prevιoυѕ yeαr ѕнe ɢoт α $1З619cнecĸ wιтн oɴlιɴe joв ғor α coυple oғ dαyѕ. ѕee мore αт...­ ­ViewMore----------------------...

    So uh between this jullian
    assange movie and pacific rim, has hollywood just forgotten that their
    are shitloads of australians over there? Also we allready did a Jullian
    Assange movie.

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