Life After Jon Stewart, Maps, Librarians, Gorillas Proposing to Giraffes, and Kangaroo Pornography
Hello everyone. Dustin is on “vacation” and we’re totally not feeding stories into the system with his byline in order to confuse the timeline of when he went missing or anything like that. Because if that was the case, then me saying that last sentence would be totally stupid. Or anticipating that fact and saying it anyway is my alibi. Ah Basic Instinct, is there any lesson, you can’t teach us? Let me recross my legs, suggest that the icepick is in TK’s freezer, and get on with the business of Pajiba Love.
First up, here are Zombieland rules applied to “The Walking Dead” with nifty animated GIFs. I guess a pair bitching about spoilers would have been too meta.
So a guy decided to write a kid’s book about a gorilla proposing to a giraffe and then uses it as a prop to propose to his very own, um, giraffe in the library.
This is very cute, right up until the point you think about it and focus full cynicism on it. First, he “wrote” it, but had someone else do the art. Dude, you wrote a crappy ten line poem and had somebody else actually do the work, way to 1% that shit. Second, there are photos of the whole thing, so you did this with someone following you around to take pictures, and this didn’t strike the giraffe as creepy? Third, the gimmick was to wander through a library and pick a specific children’s book and get her to read it there on the spot? How was a rape whistle not blown at some point?
A gorgeous article about death of used book stores. My god, they are my Mecca, my sun and stars.
Apparently trolling old pictures for hot people from the past is a thing. Here are Bangable Dudes Throughout History and Historical Figures That Used to be Hot. Both are invalid on account of leaving out hipster Stalin:
Here’s a considered theory on the end-game for Walter White in Breaking Bad that is both mind blowing and obvious, and mind-blowingly obvious.
And here are a couple of Calvin and Hobbes strips rewritten as Spider-Man and Batman. I don’t fault Watterson for stopping Calvin and Hobbes when he felt it was done, but I mourn that he didn’t continue to release work of some sort. It’s like J.D. Salinger, except that I actually care.
I don’t really want to contemplate this because I think it would be a terrible loss, but here’s a piece on how the Daily Show can survive losing Jon Stewart.
An Australian zoo has gotten in trouble for pixelating out a kangaroo’s crotch. I’m really not sure if people are angry because they don’t get to see the K-dong, or because the pose is forcing them to confront the existence of K-dongs in the first place. In any case, it’s quite the cocktroversy:
Maps are awesome. Here are a few overlaying different countries with different continents. I like the Africa one myself. Place is big, yo.
If “Joshua,” the brains behind the computer simulation in War Games that nearly triggered World War III, had a face, it would probably look like Benedict Cumberbatch’s in the Julian Assange biopic.
Reddit is having a charity thing collecting money for teachers to buy supplies and such. Last year they raised $150,000, which ain’t too shabby. Of course I’m assured by Scott Walker that they’ll probably just spend it on Cristal and cocaine, bunch of leeches on the public.
Finally, here is the Beastie Boys Sabotage reenacted by librarians:
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)