Leading Men Age But Their Leading Ladies Stay The Same, Plus Alec Baldwin's Head Explodes
Justin Bieber's experiencing what some would consider to be a very bad year. He's just had a drug bust, plus the monkey drama and the public temper tantrums and the new bangs. Frankly, it's difficult to keep track of it all, so thank goodness there's an official timeline for this mess. (Popwatch)
For the love of God, Gwyneth Paltrow has overexposed herself in more ways than a few in the past month. She was on that "restrictive diet" book tour for weeks, and now she's promoting Iron Man 3. This time, she's gone too far by flashing a middle finger towards the haters in the form of the Goop-butt baring dress. Click through for the full effect. (Celebitchy)
The captioner who described one of the Boston marathon bombing suspects as "Zooey Deschanel" has apologized and says that he regrets his actions. I still don't understand how this happened. (Page Six)
Jessica Alba felt the need to announce that she wore a double corset in an effort to lose baby weight. While I don't doubt that such an undergarment helped Alba retain some muscle tone in her abdominal area, corsets don't cause anyone to burn calories. Liposuction, on the other hand ... cough. (Us Weekly)
A Seattle-area school has banned any "grinding" dance moves from the senior prom. Okay, that makes sense, but I hope they realize that these teenagers are probably going to have sex anyway after the dance ends. For no reason at all, here's a slightly related tidbit -- my own prom dress was a purple version of Stephanie Seymour's "November Rain" gown. (Warming Glow)
Matthew McConaughey's mom sounds like a good time, alright, alright, alright. She wants to remake The Graduate with herself playing the Anne Bancroft role, and guess who would be taking over for Dustin Hoffman? McConaugheyhey himself. For the record, this is her idea, not his. (Film Drunk)
Speaking of The Graduate (in a sense), this is a rather sobering look at line graphs that illustrate the love interests of 10 middle-aged leading actors in Hollywood. Liam Neeson is 60 years old, and his latest cinematic leading lady is ... Olivia Wilde, aged 29. Nobody will even blink an eye at this discrepancy, but if the gender roles were reversed, you had better believe that critics would be making Mrs. Robinson jokes. (Vulture)
Sure, you probably already know that David Bowie has just released an album. However, it's worth mentioning that David Bowie completely orchestrated the entire concept of an album instead of pulling what Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and Lil Wayne do as a means to monetary success -- record a few catchy singles and lazily toss some filler crap in there for good measure. Sadly, we know that Bowie's record won't sell nearly as well as it should. (The Rumpus)
Naturally, I am positively creeped out by this video of 17-year-old Ireland Baldwin "twerking" and willingly shaking her booty for the camera. At the same time, I simply can't wait for the video footage of Alec Baldwin's head exploding into a million ragey pieces. (IDLYITW)
Gentlemen, this is the reason that you never, ever hide a diamond engagement ring within a lady's drink or food. Because if she's going to be wearing it on her finger for years to come, you certainly don't want it coming out of her ass. Also, what if she says no? Then you're stuck with that shit forever. (Jezebel)
Hulk Hogan has gone to court in an attempt to remove all evidence of his sex tape from the internet. Obviously, he won't succeed in removing every trace of that nastiness, and he'll never be able to remove those images that are already seared into our collective minds. Sashimi. (Gawker)
Regardless of whether you've ever had the distinct pleasure of "stair training" a puppy, I think you'll agree that this video of puppies scuttling, rolling, and sliding up and down stairs is perfectly adorable. The winner? Cone dog. (Blame It On The Voices)
Finally, this last video features Tom Cruise attempting to remember the most famous lines from his most iconic movies. He pretty much fails miserably because Xenu has recrafted him into an empty vessel. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.
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