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Keanu Reeves In A Classic Robert De Niro Role? Whoa.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)

rtr2ibnj.jpg

Alright, you discerning bunch. You caught me out yesterday. Occasionally (very rarely) I will post an article that comes highly recommended without reading it first. When I do that, you can usually tell. Such was the case with that Miranda July New Yorker article. You all are right, the tone was completely off-putting. I swear I’ll never do that again. Until next time. Let’s get to today’s links, all 100% read by me. “Cash-Strapped Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence.” I’m just going to leave that there. (Mediaite)

I often wonder what brand of clever you readers are. Do you identify as Nerd, Dork or Geek? I took this fairly comprehensive quiz over on OKCupid and came out “Pure Nerd.” (74 % Nerd, 48% Geek, 22% Dork) I’d quibble with their use of “pure”…but anyway. Take the quiz if you like and report back to me. Don’t worry, you don’t need to give them any personal info. (OKCupid)

Movie nerd Scott Neumyer has a fantastic column called “Raising A Cinephile” for all you parent types out there who want to make sure your kid ends up following in your dorky footsteps. (Movies)

Speaking of little ones, that little princess girl who belted out an impressive Nicki Minaj cover? This is video of her meeting Minaj. It’s…you guys it’s just f*cking adorable. (Evil Beet)

Less adorable are these horrifically styled poodles. They’ve been shaved, moussed and painted to look like a My Little Pony and a Dragon. Okay the Dragon’s pretty awesome. (Telegraph)

Let’s take a break from poodles and princesses to talk Occupy Wall Street. Here’s an interesting tumblr in response to We Are The 99 Percent consisting of testimonials of rich folks who support the protesters. (We Are The One%) Also, as an offshoot of the protest, An Official Bank Transfer Day is being scheduled for the fifth of November (remember, remember). The movement encourages folks to transfer their money to Credit Unions, a move I was considering given the new Debit Card Usage Fees most big banks are rolling out. (The Street) And, finally, in a naked attempt to oust the protestors from Zuccotti Park, NYC is claiming the park needs to be closed for cleaning and that the protesters will be allowed back in once everything is spic and span. Unwilling to vacate, the protesters are going to clean the park themselves. That’s fairly clever. (Gothamist)

Ahhhhhh, too much politics! Look! “Community” outtakes! (Warming Glow)

In other TV Sitcom news, replica sent me this lovely “Arrested Development” tarot deck. (29 Tumblr)

Allegedly, Samuel L. Jackson has a Twitter account. I remain skeptical, but just in case, motherf*ckers. (Twitter)

Also? Here’s a Celebitchy article about Vincent D’Onofrio. Ostensibly it’s about how he’s lost weight but I don’t really care. I like my D’Onofrio fat, skinny, bearded and not. I’m just posting because there’s NEVER news of Vincent D’Onofrio. (Celebitchy)

In fact. Let’s talk sandwiches. GOOD has put out a map of the United States of Good Sandwiches. (GOOD)

But all you sandwich eaters, beware. You’ll never look like Barbie if you keep eating. Here’s an arresting image of a gorgeous naked woman marked up with the cuts a plastic surgeon would have to make to turn her into Barbie. It’s fairly SFW. (Healthy Is The New Skinny)

Speaking of arresting images, Haper’s Bazaar has put out a pictorial of iconic scenes from Scorcese films recast with modern actors. Some choices are inspired others are, well, Harper’s Bizarre. Chloë Moretz as Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver? Sure. Keanu Reeves as Robert De Niro? Um. Hell no. (Harper’s Bazaar)

Check out this video of a toddler who thinks magazines are just broken iPads. I want to find this cute, but mostly I find it distressing.

Finally, because I begged him, Dustin let me post the Albert Nobbs trailer in today’s Pajiba Love. Cynics are calling it Glenn Close’s desperate and vain grab for Oscar gold, but I honestly think it’s a passion project for her. And I love passion projects. Here she is playing a 19th Century Irish woman who cross-dresses in order to be able to work and support herself. Oh I know, it’s no Scarlett Johansson Exploding Bus Movie, but I’m excited. After you watch the trailer, head over to The Film Experience for Nathaniel’s fantastic analysis of the trailer’s rather uneven tone. He’s even more excited than I am.









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Comments

I can't tell you how I did on the nerd/geek quiz because I got hung up on the awful sentence structure of question #25 ("Do you not "get" any of the following: rap music, sports, pornography, "Hollywood" movies?").

That makes my head hurt, especially when forced to answer "yes" or "no." No meaning I DO get it? No meaning I don't? Yes, I don't get it? Yes, I do not?

Or yes, I don't not get it? DO YOU SEE?

IT'S TEARING ME APART.

Posted by: Ghisent at October 13, 2011 2:12 PM

Of course, the pure nerd in me would point out to OKCupid that that's 144%. The disturbed parent in me is wondering why the hell that kid already knows what an iPad is and how to work one. She probably has her own Twitter account. The rest of me is just giggling at the AD Tarot Cards.

Posted by: NateS1973 at October 13, 2011 2:15 PM

Speaking of making sure your kid ends up following in your dorky footsteps, my breakfast included a dissertation from Mr. Julien to Little Julien (who is 6) on what awful singers Linda McCartney and Yoko Ono are and how they were working with their husbands anyway, but at least Paul had the decency to bury Linda's voice in the mix, whereas John put Yoko right out front. Then he went to the videotape. Little Julien laughed hysterically and asked why John would do that and Mr. Julien said it was because he loved Yoko so he thought she sounded beautiful. John's sanity was then questioned.


I identify as a geek. The quiz said I'm a nerd, but I don't think they know me. This question was my favourite: Do you consider yourself a "good note-taker"? I do. I take excellent notes.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 2:23 PM

57 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 22% Dork

Yeah, it totally bugs me that I'm "pure" nerd. Shouldn't the test identify that as Dorky?

Posted by: superasente at October 13, 2011 2:29 PM

OK, nice pictures of D'Onofrio, but you failed to mention that there are also pictures of Detective Munch with an adorable PUPPY.

Posted by: MM at October 13, 2011 2:32 PM

Mrs. Julien, I would like to come have breakfast at your house. It sounds much more fun than breakfast at my house.

Posted by: MM at October 13, 2011 2:33 PM

I saw D'Onofrio at the Museum of Natural History once. There was eye contact. JEALOUS?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 2:33 PM

That Nicki Minaj video, oh my god. I'd not actually seen the first one anyway but OH MY GOD, CUTEST THING EVER.

Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2011 2:34 PM

As noted on my Geek/Nerd/Dork continuum test, I do not know what a Nicki Minaj is, nor do I care to find out.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 2:37 PM

Apparently I am a fossil from the Victorian age because all those videos recently of children being shamelessly encouraged to sing and dance on video just make me wish for the old days when they were supposed to be seen and not heard.
Listen to me other people. I do not find your children adorable, talented, cute, sassy or even tolerable. I am forced to attend exactly one school-age talent show a year out of blood ties to the attendees. I make an appearance simply to earn a "get out of hell free card" that I can use in the afterlife to prove I have suffered enough.
To borrow from a loud dead offensive comedian:

Devil: Welcome to Hell. Oh, I see here you had to sit through a performance of little girls singing a tween pop hit. There's nothing new for you here.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 13, 2011 2:37 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd. My percentages were very similar to yours, just more dork. I feel the need to put that on a T-shirt.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at October 13, 2011 2:38 PM

I'd settle for your pajibanym on a t-shirt. It's delightful.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 2:43 PM

65% Nerd, 52% Geek, 30% Dork.

It seems I'm a "modern, cool nerd"

Line forms to the right, ladies.

Posted by: Lucas at October 13, 2011 2:45 PM

Modern, cool nerd, as well. So I've got that going for me.

Posted by: logar at October 13, 2011 2:47 PM

Concerning the Debit Card Usage Fees...for fuck's sake, for once, don't blame the banks. Blame the United States government and all the restrictions they've imposed on the banks within the last couple years. I dunno what it is about the average person but they fail to realize that, just like EVERY OTHER FUCKING COMPANY IN THE WORLD, banks are BUSINESSES. And, being a business, they have some basic things they need to cover like 1. operating expenses, 2. the expense of lending money (contrary to popular belief, banks don't just go "POOF!...here's money." They borrow it from the gov't) 3. and god fucking forbid, make a little profit. To cover these expenses and to make this money banks have to assess fees and/or charge interest. Fucking deal with it! As an example...credit cards need to have about a 13.45% interest rate to break even. Take a fucking econ class or better yet, realize you have to pay for shit in order to get a service.

Posted by: Handle Witheld at October 13, 2011 2:50 PM

Tri-Lamb Material
61 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 61% Dork

I think the only reason I didn't score higher in Geek is because I'm too lazy to be really obsessive about anything.

And now to get all Nerd-dorky on you:
1) The percentages are percentages of that quality, not percentages of you. It is possible after all, to be all three of these things at the same time.

2) It seemed pretty clear from the results that the only requirement to be considered any one of these things is to score over 50% in that area. It may be shoddy methodology, but I'm pretty sure that's how they were doing it.

3) Now where's my damn cheerleader in the Funhouse?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at October 13, 2011 2:52 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd

83 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 30% Dork

Posted by: Drake at October 13, 2011 2:52 PM

The Samuel L. Jackson account is verified.

Posted by: mswas at October 13, 2011 2:53 PM

Oh and go figure I scored highly in the one thing it's not really acceptable to be any more (he complained dorkily.)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at October 13, 2011 2:55 PM

74 % Nerd, 35% Geek, 9% Dork

Pure Nerd, just as I suspected. *wink*

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 13, 2011 2:56 PM

Mrs. Julien - did you see anyone approach D'Onofrio? He was one of the few celebrities I saw during my tenure at Disney World. Most of the time, celebs stay backstage at the parks to avoid being mobbed by the crowds, but he not only hung out outside my attraction, he was completely ignored by the people milling about. It made me want to yell, "Don't you people know who that is? It's Detective Goran!"

Not all banks have started charging for debit cards. It's mostly the big Goliath banks, not small community ones that are assessing the fee.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 13, 2011 3:01 PM

D'Onofrio was eating in the cafeteria with the rabble.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 3:02 PM

What's the difference between a dork and a nerd?

The dork the one that would even think about telling you.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 13, 2011 3:06 PM

Posted by: Handle Witheld

Get Up, Stand Up, ya pussy.

Posted by: Jay at October 13, 2011 3:16 PM

Or Handle, how bout this

the banks actually STOP dishing out enormous bonuses because apparently they don't have enough excess money to operate.

Posted by: Alex00 at October 13, 2011 3:18 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd
61 % Nerd, 61% Geek, 13% Dork

I think it didn't like my answer to the dancing question, hence the "13% dork".

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 13, 2011 3:23 PM

GOOD has put out a map of the United States of Good Sandwiches.

According to that chart, Massachusetts' sandwich is the fluffernutter? What in the everloving, rhino-humping, buddha-jumping FUCK?

Posted by: TK at October 13, 2011 3:27 PM

Heavens, Mrs. Julien!!

What were YOU doing among the rabble? How could you bear the crudity and vulgarity? I thought we talked about letting the Ladies Maid check out the area before you put yourself and Julien Minor at risk.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 13, 2011 3:28 PM

Also, @Ghisent

That makes my head hurt, especially when forced to answer "yes" or "no." No meaning I DO get it? No meaning I don't? Yes, I don't ...

If they meant to do that, it's called a "dual option, forced choice" question. Evil psychology types in their seekret meetings have designed entire tests - called "instruments" - claiming that answering *this way* or *that way* reveals some deep preference having nothing to do with the words. (They also wear funny hats at their meetings, and call using Minitab "doing math.")

For example, they might ask: "Is Sluge a dessert topping or a floor wax?" Now, we all know that Sludge the Miracle Product(r)(c)(tm) is both. The clipboard set, however, based on some arcane theory and piles of stats will claim that choosing one or the other shows whether you are more a panda-appreciative, pan-sexual, snarkoholic or a hetero-normative, repressed, true believer. (I ain't telling which is which.)

The psyche types claim they do this sideways question thing because most people will trying to do the "right" thing if they know what that is ... or the wrong thing. (You know who we you are.) Either way screws up the data. Anyway, the whole thing is suspect, but they are so cute when they try to do math with the results.

Or maybe the test isn't the test & the real test is whether you'll call them out on their BS. Also, that thing called a "Venn Diagram" in the other link strictly speaking, isn't.

I am such a nerd.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 13, 2011 3:30 PM

Utah's sandwich is a peanut butter and butter sandwich? What the heck?

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 13, 2011 3:31 PM

Michigan's sandwich is the pasty? It's like a little delicious pot pie with a flaky crust. Like the Hot Pocket God would bring for lunch in grade school.
I don't know why they would call it a sandwich.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 13, 2011 3:40 PM

57 % Nerd, 43% Geek, 22% Dork. Whoot, I know how to interact with people of the fleshy kind!

Posted by: Julie at October 13, 2011 3:41 PM

We thought it would be broadening for Little Julien. Next time, I'll just watch from the landau.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 13, 2011 3:43 PM

I may have told this story before, but who cares? I was in a museum in San Jose about a year ago. They have this sweet project there from Google where an employee networked eight computers and each of them outputted to a large TV which was tilted 90 degrees more than it usually is. These were then placed in a circle, leaving room for you to get inside. Inside was a 3D mouse. The screen formed a panoramic view from Google Earth. It was fucking sweet. Anywho, when I was waiting to use it I saw some little kids wander inside (fuckin' line-cutters). They immediately started touching the screens. They just expected them to react to their touch. It was pretty awesome. Also, my co-workers nephew tries to change channels on the TV by swiping the screen.

That's the way these kids are gonna grow up. Swear to god, if I had a technology business, my R & D department would simply be five employees in a big room with a shit load of toddlers and a bunch of electronics.

Posted by: pissant at October 13, 2011 3:51 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd

96 % Nerd, 61% Geek, 48% Dork

Maybe Pajiba should start a dating service based on these results, we already know most of us would be compatible in many other ways...

Posted by: jmd at October 13, 2011 4:41 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd
70 % Nerd, 57% Geek, 43% Dork

It is a pernicious lie. I am dorkier than dork.

In other news, of course Ohio is a Fried Baloney Sammich. Most of us here look like we're built of stacks of fried baloney sammich.

The caption at the end of the iBaby thing reads exactly how you would expect it to from an Apple Polisher. I saw it as, Your baby is too stupid to read a operate a magazine.

I would enjoy Vincent D'Onutsfrio large or small.

Posted by: Stacy D at October 13, 2011 5:03 PM

Victory! Thanks, Mrs. Julien.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at October 13, 2011 5:17 PM

Modern, Cool Nerd
74 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 35% Dork

I'm extremely bothered by the fact that the percents do NOT add up to 100%.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2011 5:32 PM

D'Onfrio is amazing and always doable. His guest turn on Homicide is one I will never forget. He and Andre Braugher together make that one of the most amazing hours of television I have ever seen.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 13, 2011 5:56 PM

The pride in a baby not recognizing the print medium is unquestionably dubious.

I just worry the parent thinks it's gonna make the kid smarter. That honestly worries me.

Posted by: Jay at October 13, 2011 6:02 PM

I didn't copy down my percentages, because of course I didn't, but it labeled me as a "Computer Savant." I dunno what the hell that means, but I do know I ranked more than 50% in both nerd and geek, and a lot of % in dork.

I'm going to just go with dork, because that was my highest percentile. My parents would be so proud.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at October 13, 2011 6:23 PM

PaddyDog I think we come from the same era, I mostly feel uncomfortable when I see such displays. Honestly, who raises these children to be so insufferable? I love my nephews and nieces to distraction, and if any of my sisters had a concussion and decided to display them on Youtube or whatever the hell, I would kidnap them and take them to an Amish village.

Posted by: Joker at October 13, 2011 7:18 PM

Outcast Genius: 65% Nerd 52% Geek 70% Dork. I think I'll go with Geek status personally.

Posted by: Bee at October 13, 2011 8:54 PM

Outcast Genius
87 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 61% Dork

Mostly true, but I am at least 80% dork. I think it's skewed bc I am Latina and can dance really well. That's less me being cool and more me being terrified of my grandma.

What? Abuelitas are the Universe Police. Ask Michael K from DListed, he knows whats fear is. I don't do horror movies bc they never have abuelitas. There even the priest can't save you.

Posted by: Donut Plains at October 13, 2011 10:54 PM

I'm Pure Nerd=70 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 39% Dork.

But while I was there I took the Lover Style Profile and found out I am
The Liberated Lover=59% partner focus, 52% aggressiveness, 80% adventurousness.

I reckon that means I want to study the Kama Sutra first, take good notes, and then get my freaky freak on in a bed made up with Star Wars sheets.

Posted by: Shonda at October 14, 2011 12:22 PM