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Jennifer Lawrence's Cleavage Is Doing a Poor Job of Convincing Us She Can Play a 16-Year-Old

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (58)

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Happy Leap Day, folks. It is my understanding that nothing I write here today counts. So, in that spirit, I’ll confide this to you all: I think Malcolm Tucker is better a television character than Ron Swanson (*flinches*). (WarmingGlow) (And while you’re over there, check out the 25 Bizarre Celebrity Commercials You’ve NEVER Seen).

In politics, Mitt Romney defeated Rick Santorum in last night’s Michigan primary in a very unconvincing fashion. On the same day, my home state’s Republican Senator Olympia Snowe (who I like) decided against running for re-election (the Tea Party up here is small, but it has a stranglehold on the GOP). Could it be that she’s planning to jump into the Presidential race with a third-party candidacy? Maybe? (NY Mag)

This list of 15 Sad Products Designed for Sad Girls — which includes a “Grow a Boyfriend Kit” — is positively depressing. (Gurl)

Did you know that penguins have been around for 27 million years, and that back in the prehistoric days, they look like they could’ve speared a dolphin with their beaks. They may have lost some utilitarianism through evolution, but they’ve gained adorableness. (History)

Hey, “Buffy” fans: You remember the mad vampire villainess Drusilla? She’s getting her own comic-book series. (EW)

I know this is uncharacteristic for us, but after Steve Martin’s viciously tongue-in-cheek putdown, I actually feel bad for Gwyneth Paltrow. (The Daily What)

There are rumors — again, RUMORS — that Benedict Cumberbatch may show up on the 50th Anniversary episode of “Doctor Who” as a very familiar foe. (Gamma Squad)

Over at ScreenJunkies, they take a look at the post-“Community” careers of its cast members. WHY ARE YOU JUMPING THE GUN? There’s still three-and-a-half seasons and a movie left. (SJ)

This image of Uggie the Dog hanging out with Oscar the Grouch is totes adorbs. (Videogum)

But, this video of the first ever appearance of the Cookie Monster — WITH TEETH — is mindhole blowing. (Neatorama)

While we’re on the subject of Jim Henson, The Muppets Blu Ray has a blooper reel. You can watch a minute of it here and you should. (Slashfilm)

“Eastbound and Downton Abbbey” is the perfect blend of period style and contemporary profanity-fueled bluster. (Uproxx)

Baby news! Ben and Jennifer popped out another this week. Also, those two are adorably geeky in this photo. (Celebitchy)

I honestly have no idea if this is a joke or a real ad for H&R Block, but Ellie Kemper is supporting the Moustache Act for some reason. I think viral video may have gotten a little too subtle for me. (Buzzfeed)

It’s Leap Day, but the girl in this video doesn’t understand Leap Day, nor why she can’t have two birthdays and she’s rather upset about it. Ladies and Gentlemen: The YouTube Generation.

And on this sad Leap Day, Monkees lead singer Davy Jones passed away at the age of 66. Heaven is a little groovier today.









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Comments

I made it to :56 on the leap year girl's video. It was MUCH worse than I expected.

Posted by: toepic at February 29, 2012 1:31 PM

WHAT? Davy Jones died?!

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 29, 2012 1:31 PM

Curse the NY Times and their responsible reporting. All they've got is the tiniest little link to the AP story on Jones way down at the very bottom of the homepage. Not even linking to in on the Arts page yet.

Very sad about losing the cutest Monkee. Fond memories of watching the show in reruns on early Nickelodeon.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 29, 2012 1:34 PM

She still looks like she's about to cry. Every photoshoot is like Irene Cara in "Fame".

Posted by: Jay at February 29, 2012 1:35 PM

I am severely bummed about Davy Jones. I remember running into my room after school to watch The Monkees. Even though he was 20 years older than me, I always had a crush on him (for a while, I actually insisted on being called "Davy" by my friends. Yes, I was weird that way.) Definitely breaking out my Monkees box set when I get home tonight. RIP, you Daydream Believer, you.

Posted by: SugarKane at February 29, 2012 1:35 PM

Oh my god. I had no idea Davy Jones passed away! I'm not sure I will be able to explain my sudden weepiness to my boss.

Posted by: elsie at February 29, 2012 1:38 PM

You clearly don't know many 16 year-old girls. They didn't look like that when we were 16.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 29, 2012 1:39 PM

Marsha's going to be crushed! RIP Davy. 66 is too young. Did he have health problems? (Possibly explained in the video that I can't watch.)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at February 29, 2012 1:40 PM

1. If that girl says "like" one more time, I'm going to, like, cut a bitch.

2. Feeling sorry for Paltrow is like feeling sorry for your dog when it farts and scares itself. You can do it, but neither the dog nor Paltrow will understand why. It's better to just point and laugh.

3. You're coming dangerously close to smirtching Miss Lawrence. Watch what you say else it will be pistols at dawn.

Posted by: admin at February 29, 2012 1:44 PM

I misread Ben and Jennifer for Ben and Jerry's and, hungry, clicked the link.

I have never been so disappointed.

Posted by: desmedt at February 29, 2012 1:44 PM

That leap year girl makes me weep for humanity.

Posted by: mpbstereo at February 29, 2012 1:48 PM

Now that I've processed Davy Jones, other comments!

I don't think Steve Martin's comment is clever enough to be actually mean. It's pretty straight-foward irony.

Gwyneth Paltrow's tweet just demonstrates how UN-ironic she is. (You can tell, because she uses the word "seriously".)

The Sad Girls list..is silly. Too many of those are clearly novelty products, or products that actually do make functional sense. (though where can I get a cheetah toe-thong?)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 29, 2012 1:50 PM

Aw, RIP, Davy Jones. I loved watching "The Monkees" as a kid.

That "15 Sad Products" article has me all confused. What IS the point of the foot underwear? And is there REALLY a need for the Kush Support? I've never felt my breasts squeeze together and thought to myself, "What a horrible sensation! If only I could find something to put between them when I sleep at night..." as if my husband wouldn't volunteer for that job anyway.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 29, 2012 1:58 PM

Ok, clearly I have too much time on my hands that I'm STILL here, but anybody else notice the "Winning Our Future" SuperPAC ad on the page? Pajiba's made the big time if Gingrich is targeting you!
(though this is clearly a Ron Paul audience)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 29, 2012 2:22 PM

Wait, the DVD's not going to have any of the bloopers or extra content?

Fuck you too, Disney. I know where I can get the movie if I care to watch it again. It wasn't that good.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 29, 2012 2:27 PM

Sad about Davy Jones, one of my first boyhood crushes.

Also, one of the first to make me realize that having a boyhood crush on a guy wasn't something to be shared.

Posted by: Drake at February 29, 2012 2:34 PM

Jennifer Lawrence's Cleavage Is Doing a Poor Job of Convincing Us She Can Play a 16-Year-Old

Agreed. I, for one, have never seen a 16-year-old girl with developed breasts. Girls start puberty at 21, right?

Posted by: pissant at February 29, 2012 2:34 PM

Yeah but do the teenagers typically wear dresses that so blatantly flaunt them?

Actually, don't answer that. Please.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at February 29, 2012 2:37 PM

Love those prehistoric penguins!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 29, 2012 2:38 PM

Holy bananas! I had no idea there was actually a product for breasts and sleeping. Here I was just trying to shove the edge of a pillow between my DDDs. Also, I don't feel sad at all.

And speaking of breasts, I had DDs at 16 years old and was horribly uncomfortable with all the attention I got from men who were my father's age. Of course, I wore XXL men's shirts instead of a low cut jumpsuit - not that it stopped the sexual harassment.

She doesn't seem all that comfortable to me; I wonder if some stylist pushed her into the 'sexy'. I guess what I am saying is look at her face and then imagine what Courtney Stodden's face would look like if she had landed that photo shoot.

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at February 29, 2012 2:49 PM

Most of the 10 year old girls I see in my neighborhood have bigger breasts than that.

The Davy Jones news made me very sad. He was one of my first crushes. Now that I look back at the videos of him, I realize that most 10 year old girls today have bigger breasts than Davy's entire body.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 29, 2012 2:53 PM

I couldn't make it through Stupid Leap Girl's video. And the sad thing is, she thinks she's being cool and that everyone agrees with what she is complaining about. She doesn't get that she's a stupid, ignorant ass, who should have asked her teacher to explain it to her, in private, so she's not ridiculed by her smarter classmates. If her classmates are with her on this, I weep for humanity.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 29, 2012 2:58 PM

Penguins! Is it just me or do the prehistoric ones kind of look like an auk crossed with a loon?

I love penguins! They are one of my favourite things in the whole wide world, and one day I shall have an Emporer penguin chick and I shall call him Malcolm and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Malcolm, and I will say, "Come on, Malcolm. Come on, little Malcolm", and then he will peck me and I will say, "No! Bad Malcolm!".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 29, 2012 2:58 PM

mpbstereo. I see we think alike. (wipes tear from eye)

Posted by: BWeaves at February 29, 2012 3:00 PM

They aren't foot underwear-- they're a type of modern dance shoes.

Posted by: Ruby at February 29, 2012 3:04 PM

Mrs. Julien, have I told you today that I love you?

So, Yes on penguins, No on sharks AND whales. How do you feel about seals and sea lions?

P.S. Does that mean that you watched Mr. Popper's Penguins? (It has penguins.)

Posted by: MM at February 29, 2012 3:39 PM

I used to work PR for a famous PETA target (theme park) and we travelled all over the western US with penguins to appear on morning shows. Most airlines let us bring the panguins on the plane as they had to buy a seat just like every other uh biped. I loved when the flight attendants would let us have the penguins walk up and down the aisles to amuse the passeners. They barf a lot, though, which was less than great, and they need a hotel room all to themselves with the AC cranked the fuck up. One sorry little aviculturist would have to sleep in the cold room with them though.

All this is to say: Penguins are mega groovy and the best most cooperative and least barfy ambassador penguin was named Malcolm.

Posted by: klingonfree at February 29, 2012 3:45 PM

Ugh. Sooo many typos. My hands are freezing for some reason. Also, penguins make a soft mooing sound. Like a very small and gentle soprano cow.

Posted by: klingonfree at February 29, 2012 3:47 PM

I like my penguins like I like my men: On land and sitting on my egg.

I don't like watching anything underwater, particularly dark or deep water, and if they are between me and the surface. (I just shuddered thinking about it). The recent Penguins of Madagascar with the circling sea lions shown from below nearly killed me. It's an intense phobia is what I'm saying.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 29, 2012 3:54 PM

Oh my god, klingonfree, that part of your old job sounds like the best thing EVER. I would love to travel with penguins, even if they get a little barfy.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 29, 2012 3:55 PM

Hell, I have a cat that barfs a lot, and she's not nearly as amusing as a penguin.

Posted by: MM at February 29, 2012 4:00 PM

Do you think if you showed Rick Santorum the Leap Year Girl video he'd change his views on abortion? (I'm talking about the abortions that both of her grandmothers should've had.) (Yeah.)

Posted by: Timmy at February 29, 2012 4:01 PM

Paul McCartney is going to outlive us all. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Posted by: Chrispeare at February 29, 2012 4:08 PM

Umm, yeah, the stripper wannabes I saw at my kid's high school whenever I took her there... especially on the days parents are there and they're still dressed like Taylor Momsen at a tattoo convention. As are the moms.

Posted by: Protoguy at February 29, 2012 4:14 PM

DONE!

17 seconds. She is why grown men shoot laptops.

Posted by: Protoguy at February 29, 2012 4:20 PM

Damn I loved The Monkees and the passing of Davy Jones makes me so very sad. I'm fairly certain his death won't be the media frenzy that Whitney and MJ's was, and that just proves how effed up the world is today.

Posted by: JAJenks at February 29, 2012 4:24 PM

I'm really bummed about Olympia Snowe. She was one of the true centrists (Republican OR Democrat) left, and I always felt proud that she was our Senator. I haven't lived in Maine for years, but it's sad to hear that the Tea Party has created such a hostile environment for moderate Republicans.

Posted by: PerpetualIntern at February 29, 2012 4:52 PM

I had the opposite reaction to the Lawrence shoot. I thought she looked exactly like a 16 year old girl awkwardly posing her way through a photoshoot that's meant to enhance her cleavage that she's not used to yet.

(This is only partly critical of Lawrence's modeling ability, and more critical of the bizarre juxtaposition of her in her "intentionally young-looking" stage and "LET'S RELEASE THE BOOBS")

Posted by: Amanda6 at February 29, 2012 5:06 PM

Also, speaking of boobs, the Sad Girls list needs to lay off the Wine Rack. Out of all of the ways to illegally sneak booze into places, the Wine Rack is my 2nd favorite.

Posted by: Amanda6 at February 29, 2012 5:15 PM

Mine is the Beer Nutz.

Posted by: admin at February 29, 2012 7:02 PM

Also, penguins make a soft mooing sound. Like a very small and gentle soprano cow.

Posted by: klingonfree at February 29, 2012 3:47 PM
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Posted by: betty at February 29, 2012 10:33 PM

I am seriously upset that I've never been on a plane with penguin passengers now. I hate flying, but that would certainly make it a hell of a lot more enjoyable. Now that I know others have enjoyed penguins on their flights and not me, I AM ANGRY.

Posted by: mb at March 1, 2012 6:28 AM

That Grow a boyfriend kit reminds me of the celebrity cardboard stand-ups in The Lonely Guy. But the Booty Pop is actually useful.

Gwyneth, no one says "Dude" nowadays. It's archaic as the words thy, Contumelious and chillax.

Posted by: Adrien at March 1, 2012 8:10 AM

If you happen to see two new stars twinkling next to each other in the night sky...those are Davy Jones' eyes...RIP

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Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at March 1, 2012 10:01 AM

klingonfree, how did you get the penguins through airport security?

Posted by: Bert at March 1, 2012 10:27 AM

The penguins get patted down and felt up like eeeeverybody else. They're not special, even if THEY think they are. They have this capacious cloaca so who knows what kind of tomfoolery they could be secreting in their netherparts, amiright? But the attitude on those birds when some hard-working TSA officer asks them to step outa line...? Man. You haven't seen bitchface till you've seen the withering look a hungover macaroni penguin can give an airport rent-a-cop.

Posted by: klingonfree at March 1, 2012 10:39 AM

You know how young teens go through a period where they're so self absorbed that they border on sociopathic? Having that shit on YouTube is not my idea of progress.

Posted by: John G. at March 1, 2012 11:32 AM

yes she has a look like of greater than 16 years old whether she is truly 16 years old..

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