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Jake Gyllenhaal Is a Real Ladies Man

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (15)

jake-gyllenhaal.jpg

On one hand, it’s really creepy and inappropriate that someone would follow Jake Gyllenhaal around in a club all night filming him dancing and flirting with girls. On the other hand, THIS IS HILARIOUS. (Evil Beet)

As you may have heard on Facebook or Twitter or somesuch, metal legend Ronnie James Dio has passed away. I don’t really know much about him since I’ve never been a metal fan, so here is a more adequate obit than I could possibly give. (Audiosuede)

Ooooooooh! Here are some details about the upcoming Season Five of “Dexter.” Contains SPOILERS, so don’t blame me. Also, can I just say that I TOTALLY predicted who the main suspect of that bad thing that happened would be? (Screen Junkies)

Here are five things your parents thought would exist by now. (Holy Taco)

Facebook has added a new security feature after it came under fire for privacy concerns, and here’s how to turn it off if this shit is going to inconvenience you. (The Flickcast)

Oh, vomit. Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood plan to take their relationship to a Gigli-esque level. (Agent Bedhead)

Huh. When I was a kid, I thought “Teddy Ruxpin” would be the creepiest anamotronic bear ever to be invented in my lifetime. (Gamma Squad)

Here are ten awesome depictions of the afterlife. (Topless Robot)

Roman Polanski has — surprise surprise — been accused of another sexual assault of a minor, who for some reason has waited over two decades to press charges. (Yeeeah!)

There are more strains of feminism than there are sub-genres to horror, and someone over at Berkley finally put together a test to determine what kind of feminist you are. (Zelda Lily)

I’ve yet to see a single promotional image for Sex and the City 2 in which the hags don’t look like straight-up illustrations. (Celebitchy)

The whole “Hollywood Movie Cliche YouTube Mash-Up” trend can officially die now, because someone has thought to expose the biggest cliche of all: “I Hate Muffins.”

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









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Comments

Marylin Manson is a creepy, androgynous, chalk-white goblin with no chin yet his last three girlfriends have been solid 10s. Clearly, he knows something we don't.

Also, I never knew Batman had a problem with muffins. I knew he didn't eat nachos.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 17, 2010 1:20 PM

There used to be a comic strip a guy did in college called "The Afterlife of Bob" which was absolutely hilarious.

Unfortunately I can't seem to locate it online any longer. (I read it about 15 years ago..yeah I know, that's like forever in internet years).

However, I do recall some of the above fondly. (Purgatory for instance, and the Stephen King story).

However, I'm certain they've all got it wrong.

Posted by: UncleJR at May 17, 2010 1:20 PM

Marylin Manson is a creepy, androgynous, chalk-white goblin with no chin yet his last three girlfriends have been solid 10s. Clearly, he knows something we don't.

Seriously. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Amirite?

Posted by: MM at May 17, 2010 1:41 PM

Tracer, Manson either has a complete and terrifying knowledge of the dark and arcane arts, or he's got a nice car and serious game. I'm leaning towards some sort of mind control.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 17, 2010 1:46 PM

Mrcreosote I agree. That dude is even scarier without any makeup/special effects. Sleeping next to him would be like having the same nightmare every night.
And the stories of how he acts out after break-ups make me seriously question the sanity of anyone who would go back to him a 2nd time, i.e. ERW.
My guess is he drugs them.
That guy is narsty.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 17, 2010 2:04 PM

Oh, and RIP RJD. \m/ \m/

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 17, 2010 2:05 PM

Soooo...that teddy bear just sits around and watches you 24/7 through the video camera in it's nose? Frankly, I find that terrifying.

Posted by: Jeni at May 17, 2010 2:33 PM

Altering any piece of a performance by Bruce Campbell is a willful act of treason AND heresy, which under the Treaty of Stuff I Made Up 1542, is punishable by electrified crucifixion.

Thou shalt not altereth The Bruce in the name of poor comedic judgment, lest ye be judged.

Posted by: D-Day at May 17, 2010 2:47 PM

@ Whorish Mouth:
Word.
Rock on Ronnie. [sniff]

Posted by: Ms MoMo at May 17, 2010 2:55 PM

That fucking Gyllenhaal, who in the fuck is he trying to fool? Trust me he aint dancing with no broads because he likes to. He needs to explain why in the fuck is he and that queen John Travolta are up in that plane of John's flying around Hollywood.

Posted by: Pookie at May 17, 2010 3:03 PM

Jake Gyllenhaal just looks like fun. (The video is a bit creepy though. I felt weirded out watching it.)

Posted by: Amanda at May 17, 2010 3:43 PM

Never before have the lyrics to a Tenacious D song rang so true.

Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeasts and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned.
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.

\m/
RIP

Posted by: TK at May 17, 2010 3:44 PM

Oh, and RIP RJD. \m/ \m/

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 17, 2010 2:05 PM


AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I read that RIP RDJ.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 17, 2010 3:54 PM

Quoting Patricia Fields:

It [Sex and the City 2] was different than any other movie I’ve seen lately. I could call it ‘Sex and the City musical.’ It’s just one happy surprise after another. It was visually beautiful.”

Please no, not a musical. She might have been glib, but I can see this happening.

A grand Broadway production, with Samantha's cavernous vagina as the centerpiece.

Posted by: Brie at May 17, 2010 5:49 PM

Oh no! DIO DOA?!?


It will be a short funeral.

(Oh come on, you know somebody had to...)

Posted by: bev rage at May 18, 2010 12:32 PM