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It's Unofficial Cute Animal Friday. Deal With It.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (38)

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You know me, I’m not overly fond of cute animal links unless they’re dinosaur related. But Friday’s aren’t about me, they’re about you, dear readers. And as much as I try to fight it, I can’t deny that you love your cute animal things. So here, interspersed amongst talk of live crabs in vending machines and Right Said Fred, is a heavy dusting of Pajiba Loves Animals links. Enjoy! We’ll start with this link from the lovely Mrs. Julien which lists 15 Cute Animals That Could Kill You. Why don’t I know anyone named Loris? I would call her “Slow Loris” every damn day. (Mother Nature Network)

Another thing I don’t get? Nutella. Why not just eat chocolate? It’s chocolate-y-er! For those of you who love Nutella and want to smother a slow loris in it, this Food Pyramid, courtesy of Lainey, is for you. (Skull Swap)

My least favorite animal? The Oh-So-Intellectual Douchebag. (The OSID is not the same thing as a Smart Person. I like Smart People.) MeBivDevoe sent me this wonderful list that reminds me of the pack of OSIDs I used to know in San Francisco. That’s right, it’s Favorite Books Of The Secretly Jerky! And while the gawky Jesse Eisenberg might be a little too Oh-So-Intellectual for your taste, I absolutely adore this piece that he wrote for McSweeney’s on how a pro-feminist man might try to pick up a lady in a bar. Thanks, esme! (McSweeney’s)

And while I have no doubt that most of the men participating in this Leisure Dive meme are Unintellectual Douchebags, I’m sort of charmed by this gallery from Even Stevens. Yes, I hate planking and owling but think Leisure Diving is cute. What can I say? Man is a giddy thing. (Yahoo)

Listen, ladies, intellectual or no, don’t marry a douchebag. Same goes for you gents. (LADIED CAN BE DOUCHEBAGS TOO, OKAY?) If you do, you might end up on this list (courtesy of Seakat) of the Most Expensive Weddings That Ended In Divorce. (Bossip)

Ah, but you know which weddings don’t end in divorce? The marriage of true minds. I’m convinced that’s the case with the lovely Angeleno Ewok and our very own C. Robert Dimitri (Darth Corleone) who just announced their engagement. Congratulations, guys! The blushing bride-to-be sent me this link about some enormously fat and possibly famous cat? I’ve never heard of him but he’s awfully cute in his morbid obesity. (MSNBC). The future groom sent me this gallery of grains of sand. Sounds boring, right? Actually it’s kind of mesmerizing. (Daily Fail)

You know, sometimes I forget about Jennifer Connelly’s stupendous rack, but there is always something there to remind me. Like The Rocketeer, or Celebitchy’s Hot Girl/Guy Friday, now with more Agent Bedhead! Some very nice picks this week. (Celebitchy)

I used to live in the big city of San Francisco, but have recently moved to a little hippie town in the country. It consistently smells of cow here and there’s a restaurant downtown that proudly advertises their fat free, vegan French Fries. I sort of want to install this Hot Fresh French Fry vending machine right outside their door. (Delish) And while those vending machines are odd, Mrs. Julien sent me this even odder round-up of vending machines. LIVE CRAB? REALLY? (The Week)

Many of those vending machines are from foreign shores and I’m sure if I traveled more I would have seen more of them. Oh, also, I might not suck so hard at these maddening Geography games Captain Tuttle sent to me. The game keeps cheekily asking me if I know that we live on earth. STOW YOUR SNARK, GAME. (Travel Pod)

Another favorite little internet pastime is this Amazing Fact Generator Sofia sent my way. It’s an oldie but a goodie. While I was on Mental Floss, though, I accepted their challenge and tried to name all the things Right Said Fred was Too Sexy for. I missed two and as the clock was counting down I kept frantically typing in wild guesses. “THE CATWALK!” “SLOW LORIS!” “MARK ZUCKERBERG!” (Mental Floss)

We’ll close today with two animal videos. This one, from Scully, is British folk doing voice-overs for wild animal footage. I’ll admit it, I laughed out loud. I’m not proud.

And while we’re on the subject of talking animals, Vee sent me this puppy video. It reminds me of that Beggin’ Strips commercial from my youth. I effing loved that commercial.

Joanna Robinson has one thing to say: Alan Alan Alan ALAN Alan Al Alan ALAN Alan Alan ALAN ALAN ALAN Al Alan Alan Alan Alan ALAN Alan Al Alan ALAN Alan Alan ALAN ALAN ALAN Al Alan Alan Alan Alan ALAN Alan Al Alan ALAN Alan Alan ALAN ALAN ALAN Al Alan Alan Alan Alan ALAN Alan Al Alan ALAN Alan Alan ALAN ALAN ALAN Al Alan Alan Alan Alan ALAN Alan Al Alan ALAN Alan Alan ALAN ALAN ALAN Al Alan









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Comments

I don't think that was Alan. Steve. That was Steve.
STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!

Posted by: Scully at July 29, 2011 3:20 PM

OHMYGODIAMSOBOREDATWORKITISMAKINGMESTABBY!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 29, 2011 3:29 PM

I love that British video. It's a couple years old, but that "Alan!" bit gets me every time.

Posted by: ChristianH at July 29, 2011 3:35 PM

Thanks for the Pajiba Love recognition! This might not be the Internet joint where the two of us first met, but it does make a nice mutual Internet home now.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 29, 2011 3:35 PM

That starts to look like "anal anal anal" after a while.

Posted by: superasente at July 29, 2011 3:37 PM

That list of books douches read is awesome sauce. Also - the comment thread warmed my heart. My slightly drunk at the office 'cause I had a drinking lunch 'cause it's Friday heart.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at July 29, 2011 3:40 PM

I might debate the relative cuteness of some of the animals on that list, but the slow loris you singled out takes the prize in my opinion.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 29, 2011 3:41 PM

I would love to take home both cats from that header photo.

I had no idea that more people are attacked by moose than bears. Now all those threats that admin makes are legitimately scary.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 29, 2011 3:42 PM

I really dig that geography quiz. It's always been a weakness of mine. I need to practice.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 29, 2011 3:50 PM

Mrs. Julien and the Portentous Freckle

Once upon a time, I had a physical at work that was only mildly violating and in many ways long overdue. My blood work was “beauteous” and my reminders of things that women should take care of underneath-their-shifts duly noted. But then the mole patrol and the questions and the clucking of tongues and the needing to have things looked at.

I was given an appointment for a free freckle check with a dermatologist they bring onsite. It was not all that I had hoped: I had not braced myself for the thoroughness and en dishabille requirements of the check, but submitted to them nonetheless as I am sepulchrally-pale and wont to burn. They discovered a localized build up of pigment just below my left shoulder blade. They examined it with whatever dermatologists call their jeweler’s loup and declared it excise worthy.

One week ago, I attended the dermatologist’s office for the necessary gouging and sewing. I experienced the unique joy of seeing the aforementioned suspicious lump sitting like a flesh divot on the instrument table.

Yesterday, I returned to the scene of the gouging for my results:

Nurse: It’s a good thing we removed that mole. It was a [insert latin term here] and those are judged as mild, moderate or severe. Yours was moderate to severe, but we got all of it out.
Me: So it was cancerous?
Nurse: No, it was a kind of mole that can become a (sotto voce) melanoma but not the kind caused by the sun.
Me: So it was pre-cancerous?
Nurse: No, it was just the kind of thing that could become so, but not the kind caused by the sun.
Me: So it was something that could maybe, possibly, in the long run have the potential to perhaps become cancerous?
Nurse: Yes, but not the kind caused by the sun.
Me: So it was nothing.

I am still waiting to find out how much “nothing” is going to cost me.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 29, 2011 3:54 PM

The talking animal show is BBC One's "Walk on the Wild Side," if anyone's interested. I'm not a fan of YouTube people who take clips of others' works, mash them together, but don't give proper credit to its source. I'M FEELING A BIT SELF-RIGHTEOUS TODAY.

Series 1, Episode 4 Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n6GYolfWug

Posted by: duckandcover at July 29, 2011 3:56 PM

If it makes you feel better duckandcover, and it mightn't, BBC put that youtube video together, likely as an advert for the show. So, you know, there.

Posted by: coveredinbees at July 29, 2011 3:58 PM

That geography quiz is addictive. My least favorite response - "You know this is Earth, right?" Grrrr!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 29, 2011 4:06 PM

Thanks Captain Tuttle for the geography quiz. I got up to Level 5 (shameful) but at least I've realized how awful my knowledge of Asia is.

Posted by: Scully at July 29, 2011 4:10 PM

DarthCorleone, I find it hard to believe you have any weaknesses. I've seen your Qrank/Jeopardy scores.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 29, 2011 4:26 PM

Well... since it's cute animal Friday, here's my favorite video:

http://youtu.be/CSK1D3bZhRs

It's been around awhile but some of you might not have seen it yet. Language isn't exactly SFW.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 29, 2011 4:41 PM

"little hippie town in the country"

Bolinas? Sebastopol? Canyon? There are so many around here.

Posted by: Krix at July 29, 2011 4:47 PM

Um, noooooooooooo. (Yes.)

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at July 29, 2011 4:57 PM

Bacon! I smell bacon! Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon! If there's one thing I like to eat it's bacon! Bacon bacon bacon over there! What's it say on that bag? I CAN'T READ!!!!!!

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 29, 2011 4:57 PM

I knew I'd wear you down eventually Jojo!

Posted by: Vee at July 29, 2011 5:28 PM

My thoughts exactly, Krix. There are a damn lot of little hippie towns around here.

Posted by: Drake at July 29, 2011 5:36 PM

Oh Mah Gah, I have wanted a slow loris as a pet ever since that "Slow loris loves tickles" video hit the interwebs. But now to hear this? To know this? Snap.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 29, 2011 5:38 PM

I'm not one for internet memes, but dammit I'm completely in love with leisure diving. Brilliant. Thanks, JoRo!

Posted by: beckster at July 29, 2011 5:56 PM

Thanks for the shout out and the congrats! Now I kind of want to come visit you so we can eat fat free vegan fries together.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at July 29, 2011 6:05 PM

If it makes you feel better duckandcover, and it mightn't, BBC put that youtube video together, likely as an advert for the show. So, you know, there.
Posted by: coveredinbees at July 29, 2011 3:58 PM

The one I linked, yes; the one that is linked in the article, no. Unless BBC One posts under "Mandrake1942" for whatever reason.

Posted by: duckandcover at July 29, 2011 6:39 PM

Dammit, level 8! I totally used to be able to beat that stupid quiz! YES, I KNOW THIS IS EARTH, I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH COUNTRIES ARE EAST/WEST AFRICA. Stop mocking me!

Posted by: esme at July 29, 2011 6:45 PM

Seems the cassowary really remembers birds are descended from dinosaurs.....

Posted by: seemless at July 29, 2011 7:33 PM

@snapnhiss, all that video needed was another cat to jump up and say "'PC Load Letter'? What the fuck does that mean?".

Posted by: Groundloop at July 29, 2011 8:31 PM

Speaking of cancerous growths and animals, I had a delightful colonoscopy yesterday. On Wednesday, I had to fast and gulp down two liters of the ironically named HalfLytely. (There is nothing halfway or light about that noxious cocktail.) The fasting instructions said that I could eat gelatin, which I read as: gummi bears.

During the procedure, the doctor discovered a small growth in my colon, but on further inspection noticed that it had a partial... face. It was a gummi bear. (I was pronounced "lookin' good" down there.)

Posted by: Stinky at July 29, 2011 9:53 PM

Never, never, NEVER eating another gummi ANYTHING. What the hell are they made of that they survive the digestion process?

Mrs. Julien, I can somewhat sympathize. My sister had a small melanoma removed from her ankle and had to go in for routine skin checks twice a year. The first time I asked her how it went. "They spread your cheeks," she answered through clenched teeth. I never asked again.

Posted by: DeadBessie at July 29, 2011 10:23 PM

In all seriousness (trite but necessary) get yourself checked out if you have a family history of specific cancers or suspect all is not well with your bits. Despite how degrading these little "procedures" may feel at the time, early detection can be life-saving (plus, it's exhilarating to find out there's nothing wrong). Oh, and congrats, Mrs. Julien, on nothing.

Posted by: Stinky at July 29, 2011 10:57 PM

Jennifer Connelly's glorious rack isn't there anymore for the most part. I'm fairly certain she had a reduction. And before anyone starts goin' off on that, I've had one and trust me, it's a good thing. Her back was probably killing her! She still looks hot. Lucky Paul Bettany...

Posted by: TurnipTheRadio at July 29, 2011 11:01 PM

Omg, a Pajiba engagement!! Congrats Angeleno Ewok and Darth Corleone!!!

Posted by: denesteak at July 30, 2011 4:50 AM

HA Ha HA Stinky that is a truly fabulous story I look forward to telling people.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 30, 2011 8:39 AM

I had one of those, too, Mrs. Julien. Mine was on the back of my leg, just south of my tush. It was the first time I ever had stitches. The next day I got to fly across the country with stitches pretty much in my ass. Less than fun, and for "nothing."

BUT - like Stinky says, melanoma (as well as other cancers) is nothing to mess with. I'll take the ugly scar over the alternative any day.

And thanks for posting the GeoQuiz! Sorry to everyone who's now addicted (I count myself among you). Full disclosure: stole it from HuffPo's "Sites you shoud be wasting time on."

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at July 31, 2011 8:44 AM

Oh - and I grew up with someone named Loris. It's a good thing we didn't know what a slow loris was. Poor girl would never have heard the end of it. Especially since we were on the cross country team.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at July 31, 2011 8:49 AM

Check out my compilation album I put along with my music production with J-Stalin, AP-9, Sweet Geez, City Side Crew and so much more rappers from the bay area.

Posted by: DJ Taylor Made at August 4, 2011 3:34 PM

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Posted by: Roland Hugh at August 25, 2011 3:18 AM