It's Okay, Selma Blair. There's No Way the Money Was Worth It
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It's Okay, Selma Blair. There's No Way the Money Was Worth It

By Courtney Enlow | Pajiba Love | June 19, 2013 | Comments ()

sheen blair reuters 660.jpg

Hey, you know how Charlie Sheen is a total twatface? Well, if you didn't, I don't mean to shock you, but Charlie Sheen is a total twatface. And, now, he's gone ahead and found a new way to be a twatface--by kicking Selma Blair off "Anger Management" because she dared to posit that maybe he should, like, show up on time for work and not be such a twatface. Don't worry, though. He kept it classy when letting her go. JK, GUYS! He texted her and called her a c*nt. (WG)

Speaking of twatfaces, Serena Williams is a massive one. Why? Oh, just blaming the Stuebenville victim, saying she was "lucky" worse didn't happen to her and questioning her previous virginity situation. Good god. (Celebitchy)

Well, of course Paula Deen has used the N-word on many occasions, and of course, she's even referred to President Obama as one. But what's wrong with that? It's just jokes, y'all, and "most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, and black folks" so it's totally OK, says the racist little twatmonster inside of Paula Deen's head. (Dlisted)

In potentially dangerous news, there's a site that lets you know where you can buy the props and costumes used on your favorite TV shows. This ends badly for me. (Thanks to Ashley for the heads up!) (Spotted on TV)

What happens when Toy Story meets The Shining? You get nightmares you didn't even know were possible. (Unreality)


Bryan Cranston did an AMA. Enjoy the best of his answers. (Uproxx)

Is M. Night Shyamalan lying about ghostwriting She's All That? Credited screenwriter R. Lee Fleming (which I initially read as R. Lee Ermey, making it so much better) says so. As lies go, however, that's not a bad one. I'm totally starting one that I wrote Fear. And appeared as an extra in the rave scene. I kept the pacifier, guys! (Videogum)

Well this ad featuring a man strangling a woman with a belt sure is. (Buzzfeed)

There's a Movie 43 drinking game. Warning: it requires you to view Movie 43. (Film School Rejects)

The Catholic church totally endorses gay marriage!...Assuming it is between a gay man and a gay woman. Progress! (Salon)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • e jerry powell

    Serena is now claiming to have been "misquoted."

    Tennis champ Serena Williams apologized Wednesday for the controversial
    comments she "supposedly said" about the Steubenville rape case in a
    Rolling Stone interview published online this week.

    If she weren't thirty, I'd say it was because she was young. She's old enough to know now that whatever shows up in the article is probably on some journalist's digital recorder somewhere...

  • Classic

    Yeah and Rolling Stone responded yeah we have it on tape. I love how these athletes and celebrities think that journalists will just roll over for them and take the blame when they were not misquoted. Serena Williams is a piece of crap for even saying this crap. Ugh.

  • e jerry powell

    "The interview is on tape. Other than that, I'll let the story speak for itself." And no more need be said on his part.

    You're being too kind to her. And I'm actually a Serena fan, so double my disappointment, but halve my surprise.

  • Way to be a giant asshole, Serena.

  • caragwapa

    Oh God, that's my country and our Archbishop!

  • googergieger
  • MachineGunJeanMaurice

    Serena Williams is just awful. Awful, Awful.

  • I wonder if I can buy that coat that Leslie Knope wears all the time. It is red and has giant buttons and is fucking FABULOUS. I wonder where they got it, and if I can get it in my size.

  • Tinkerville

    You can indeed! Ta da!

    Aw, looks like it's sold out. But knowing J Crew they'll have more soon.



  • Tinkerville

    I hope you were serious about this because I've already printed up the save the dates. (I also spend way too much time finding clothes from TV shows. Damn you, Gossip Girl. Worst show ever but the headbands were so pretty.)

  • alwaysanswerb

    We really wanted to start this day out right with those first three stories, didn't we? Damn.

  • NateMan

    Well, she could have ended up pregnant or murdered. That would have been worse. But it's a bit like saying putting a dead rat on a shit sandwich is going throw off the taste. Serena Williams either needs to get her head out of her ass or push it up far enough that she stops sucking oxygen.

  • Mrcreosote

    I would just like to point out that Mitt Romney tried as hard as possible to close that joke gap. Binders full of Women alone added to the straight white male joke count more than everything George Bush did in 8 years.

  • Mrcreosote

    Oooh, I can hardly wait for the next episode of "Anger Management" when Hellboy drops by and punches the snot out of Charlie Sheen.

  • PaddyDog

    It would appear clear that in the Celebrity World, there is a secret contest in which they vie to be the one who says the most outrageous and offensive thing and at the end of each year the Oscar for Most Rotten Human Being is awarded. In recent years, people just became fed up with Mel Gibson winning all the time (he's the Meryl Streep of the MRHB Oscar if you will) and have vowed to break his streak.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Spotted on TV is all clothes?!?!?!??! Props my ass. They don't even have a Raylan Givens hat from Justified.

    bunch of crap

  • Fredo

    So who's "winning" this 3-horse race of shame? Serena? Paula? Or Charlie?

    BTW, go find the #PaulasBestDishes on Twitter. Major laughs.

  • prince_of_montagu

    I checked out that hashtag and it was the best thing i've done all day.

    with dishes such as:

    We Shall OverCrumb cake

    Who Taught You How To Read Alphabet Soup

    You Hear White Folk Talkin You Better Hushpuppies

    Oh my Lord. I have a headache from all the laughter.

  • NateMan

    My personal favorite was Separate But Equal Light & Dark Meat.

  • prince_of_montagu

    Malcolm Xtra Hot Wings.


  • NateMan

    I'm going to go with Paula. Because Sheen is just an ass, and Serena - wait, no, tie between Paula and Serena. Because Paula's an old racist, whereas Serena could be a terrible role model for women who aren't old, white, and Southern.

    One thing's for sure; I'm not even pausing on any of Paula's shows any longer. She already annoyed me with her previous bouts of racism and drug-peddling, and now I'm just done.

  • So let's see, what the current Courtney (or is it Joanna) List of Stuff She Apparently Forbids People To Debate Simply By Expressing Her Opinions On Them?

    1) rape jokes

    2) using suicide to sell stuff

    3) calling women bad names and firing them because they say you need to get your shit together

    4) rape victim blaming

    5) racist jokes

    6) using attempted homicide to sell stuff
    7) M. Night Shyamalan lying

    Did I get all of it? I just want to make sure this is up to date.

  • Wow. Sorry, I forgot to turn my Poe's Law filter on. I thought the Joanna part would have made it clear.

    As Courtney was saying, my comment was mocking the commenter who complained about her somehow forcing her opinion on the readers, when all she did was express it. Apparently this person objected to the assumption that using suicide to sell clothing was not all that reprehensible, and expressed that (and the rape joke part) in a similar form as above.

    I do apologize to those who were not familiar with me and the post in question and thereby made their displeasure known. At least your hearts were in the right place.

  • kucheza

    Haha, you know, I've found it's harder and harder to tell the assholes from the sarcastic people impersonating the assholes, such is the overwhelming presence of trolls in the interwebs I visit. Perhaps a /sarcasm tag? I dunno. Sorry I misunderstood though!

  • NateMan

    I rescind my downvote and sarcasm pointed at you, Sir. Apologies.

  • Mrs. Julien

    So it turns out you're incendiery even when you aren't trying to be? Dude, that's a gift, dude.

  • Tinkerville

    I think we're all teetering on the edge of the rage cliff this week on account of all the shitastic nonsense going on in the news.

    However, I am offended by your making light of M. Night Shyamalamadingdong lying. This back and forth about the true author of the cinematic masterpiece She's All That has torn my heart asunder. That is a serious subject and I, for one, won't stand for you making such jokes. Good day, sir.

  • But I do hate other people's freedoms, so you can see why they took you at face value.

  • NateMan

    By all means, let's discuss when it's appropriate to be racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. You start, because I'm struggling to come up with any examples that don't include physically fighting off a black lesbian trying to rape you.

  • kucheza

    Yeah, you are totally FORBIDDEN from "debating" those things as long as Pajiba doesn't provide you a friendly venue to "debate" them. Go get your freeze peach somewhere else, dude.

  • Courtney is THE WORST. Unless she's Joanna. That chick is hot.

    For the record, Claude is referring to yesterday's comment shitshow. Just jokes.

  • PerpetualIntern

    "Well this ad featuring a man strangling a woman with a belt is…it sure is."

    Courtney, thank GOODNESS you didn't tell us what we SHOULD think about this link. Because I'm sure some people consider it totally not fucked up because it's, you know, art!

  • NateMan

    New tag-line: "We're KILLING you with fashion!"

    I suppose it could have been going for an S&M flavor. Of course, I think most folks with that twist would still look at it and go "Wow... That's kinda fucked up."

  • TheOtherGreg

    Hey, I found another twatmonster! ^^^

  • $27019454

    It's like "People Suck" week. But I will not succumb. I'm going to go crank my speakers and put out great vibes to all. I will kiss my kids, make sweet sweet love to my husband, go for a run w my dog, water my fahhhbulous rose garden, and do great work for my coworkers today. You can't get me down, Sucky People of earth. No waaaay. I'm even going to call Scary Mary (my mom) and offer to drive her to latin mass this Sunday. I will. Just watch me. So Serena Williams and Charlie Sheen -- I officially ignore you today as I set out on my one-stoner quest to make the world a better place. My own, personal Million-Smile March.

  • PaddyDog

    Oh dear Klingonfree! Please don't go down the dark path of Latin Mass. It's just a couple of quick foot steps before Opus Dei initiation and then we will lose you forever. Whatever you do, stay in the car: don't be tempted inside.

  • $27019454

    O honey I grew up on that stuff. Mother's milk. Ain't no big thing. It's a trip down memory lane and it makes The Scary One happy. But I love your concern. Sincere thanks!

  • PaddyDog

    I trust you my dear. Just be careful. The OD people nearly got me once. I don't want to wake up one morning and find you've left home to dedicate your life to Clarence Thomas.

  • NateMan

    You TOO?! I thought I was alone!

  • PaddyDog

    You mean the Opus Dei thing? Yeah. They targeted me in uni (it's their M.O. in European countries) and for a while you feel really flattered because they're singling you out and introducing you to people who could really help you in life, etc. And then (if you're lucky), you wake up one morning and thing WTF?

  • NateMan

    Oh... I meant the Clarence Thomas bit. ;) The closest I ever got to Catholicism was making the crazy Catholic girl cry while debating abortion in my Medical Ethics course. Still one of the highlights of my life.

  • Christy

    I'm curious, what "worse" thing could have happened the to girl in Stuebenville? I mean, she was gang raped, peed on and the whole thing was video-taped and bragged about. Then she was bullied and now morons like Serena Williams are weighing in on how she is to blame. What "worse" thing could she be referring to? Human centipede? Other than that I'm kind of at a loss. What an ass-hat.

  • Batesian

    After all that, starring opposite Charlie Sheen?

  • BWeaves

    WTF? (to everything)

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