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I'm Making The Exact Same Skeptical Face, Michael Madsen

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (42)

michaelnn2.jpeg

Happy Friday, poppets. If you’re feeling too fatigued or too old to click on any or all of the links, I implore you to at least scroll down to the audio/visual portion of today’s Love and then helpfully explain to me what in the hail is going on there.

So you know how we just had the biggest mob bust in New York history? I’m sure that’s all very important, but look at the silly names they used!! Oh mobsters, your adorable nicknames make you so much less menacing. (The Village Voice)

Hey it’s new episodes of NOVA with my boyfriend Neil deGrasse Tyson! No, seriously, he’s my boyfriend, back off. (PBS)

Ok I thought the ginormous bus stop touch screens here in San Francisco were bad but that’s nothing compared to the advertising hijinkery of Caribou Coffee. You stay frosty, Minneapolis. Or, you know, toasty. (Food Beast)

So, let me get this straight, just in case the world wasn’t already convinced that we Americans were an invasive, egomaniacal country, we’re going to send a massive and hugely expensive spy blimp trolling the skies? Oh, America, f*ck no. (Switched)

NPR reveals the longest word in the English language. You already know it, don’t you, you clever boots? (NPR)

Hey, Pajibans, which Tarantino film do you MOST want to see turned into a porno? Did you say the one where that guy gets his ear cut off? You’re in so much luck. (Bleeding Cool)

So while one subset of geek is busily trying to predict which parts of the comic books Christopher Nolan will stuff into The Dark Knight Rises, the rest of us are feverishly wondering which parts of Anne Hathaway Christopher Nolan will stuff into ze catsuit. (Fashionably Geek)

Wait, Republicans, you’re coming after my public radio? You’re gunning for Terry Gross and the Car Talk boys? Oh hell no. GIANT WALL GODTOPUS ATTACK!! Back off the National Endowment for the Arts while you’re at it. (HuffPo)

When I called you “trailer trash,” I obviously meant the wall-mounted espresso machine, leek-chopping kind. Don’t be so touchy. (Reddit)

Which athlete has more cajones? Mark Visser for tackling this insane wave? (Daily What) Or Kim Clijsters for eviscerating a journalist in front of thousands of people? I vote for Kimber. (ESPN)

This, right here, is a trailer for the esteemed David Carradine’s final film, El Dorado. I don’t want to spoil the gobsmackery for you, but I will mention that there’s a surprising Kill Bill presence, the term “The Jews Brothers” makes my eyes roll and I believe Steve Guttenberg is sporting Mickey Rooney’s glasses from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s not a joke, it’s a real movie. Well, it’s a joke AND a real movie. Oh, and it’s going to be shown in 3-D.

Joanna Robinson wishes the Grasshopper had gone out of this world with a little bit more dignity. In all respects. Seriously, godtopuswept@gmail.com









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Comments

I am not honorificabilitudinitatibus.

Posted by: Jadine at January 21, 2011 1:12 PM

My favorite Mob name out of those is Jimmy Gooch.

Aaaaaaaaay, Jimmy GOOCH! Whatsa matta witchoo, eh? You don't think you gotta show respeck in 'ear? Ai, calzone!

I really miss the Sopranos.

Posted by: Paultera at January 21, 2011 1:15 PM

I'm not giving up pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. It's still my favorite.

Posted by: Kargoyle at January 21, 2011 1:16 PM

Your boyfriend stole my planet.

Posted by: Larold at January 21, 2011 1:17 PM

"...we’re going to send a massive and hugely expensive spy blimp trolling the skies?"

Didn't we see that in Aeon Flux?

No, I am NOT admitting that I saw the movie, oh no ... you can't prove it.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 21, 2011 1:31 PM

Big fan of antidisestablishmentarianism myself.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 21, 2011 1:31 PM

True fact: I am acquainted with Neil deGrasse Tyson. He is an awesome dude.

Posted by: MM at January 21, 2011 1:34 PM

Snuggiepants has been dubbed "Baby Shack" and Lainey is "Junior Lollipops". Mob names are the teets!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at January 21, 2011 1:36 PM

Wow, Michael Madsen AND the abusive husband from Sleeping With the Enemy???!!!

p.s. I love that Guttenburg always goes for broke, there literally seems to be nothing the man won't do -- Ping glasses?

Posted by: Finn at January 21, 2011 1:58 PM

My favorite long word is:

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

It's the fear of long words.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 21, 2011 1:59 PM

Holy crap. That movie looks like every kind of awful that there is.

Posted by: Mattfactor at January 21, 2011 1:59 PM

I call shenannigans on Neil deGrasse Tyson being yours, Johanna, as he will always be mine. MINE, I SAY!

When I was but a wee lass, and fell in love with Carl Sagan, from that moment on, I was determined to marry an astrophysicist. Many moons later, saddened by my idol's death, I was perusing the interwebs and came across a video which featured the intelligent and charismatic Mr deGrasse Tyson. I learned to love anew. My heart learned a new song of hope and spaghettification and killer planets.What I feel for him is real and true and how dare you attempt to come between us?!

Also, when he guest starred on "Big Bang Theory" I was totally not expecting it and I gasped, squeed and clawed at my monitor. If random inappropriate reactions aren't love, then I don't know what is.

Posted by: Nobody's Little Weasel at January 21, 2011 2:07 PM

3D? Really?

2 Girls, 1 Cup would be a better option for 3D than Eldorado and it would be less shitty to boot.

Posted by: Paultera at January 21, 2011 2:24 PM

So Anne Hathaway as Catwoman will look something like Amy Winehouse without the tattoos? But can she sing "Valerie"?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 21, 2011 2:26 PM

Well, now David Carradine's death makes sense. I'd have autoeroticasphyxiated myself if this were my last movie, too.

Posted by: RobP at January 21, 2011 2:29 PM

Oh, Mr. Bullet, I know you can recognize an Adam Hugher Photoshop job.

Posted by: Jay at January 21, 2011 2:46 PM

Hughes, even.

Posted by: Jay at January 21, 2011 2:46 PM

From now on I want to be known as Figgy Bagels Firehawk.

Posted by: Figgy "Bagels" Firehawk at January 21, 2011 2:48 PM

That Catwoman thing looks fucking stupid. Nolan is better than that and everyone should know it by now.

Posted by: Figgy "Bagels" Firehawk at January 21, 2011 2:52 PM

This header pic needs to accompany every Lohan post.

Posted by: Kristin at January 21, 2011 2:54 PM

I MARRIED A REAL ASTROPHYSICIST! Are you jealous? I guess it would help if he were on TV, huh?

Posted by: BWeaves at January 21, 2011 3:08 PM

I am all for gutting public radio. If there is something worth listening to and many people want to listen to it then it will survive the free market. If its something worth listening to and only 5 people want to listen to it, podcast time, people.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 21, 2011 3:11 PM

Yes, yes, and why should people borrow books for free? Make them pay a fee, don't raise my property taxes!

Putz.

Posted by: Jay at January 21, 2011 3:16 PM

Muni Diaries was promoting that bus stop game where neighborhoods battle each other for...something (bragging rights), I guess. Well, only certain neighborhoods because apparently none of us in the Avenues likes video games?

Also, we can have giant video games and, yet, we can't have an accurate Next Muni? Didn't know timers were suppose to count up.

Posted by: JapJay619 at January 21, 2011 3:16 PM

The prize was an OK Go concert for the neighborhood with the most points.

Posted by: coveredinbees at January 21, 2011 3:17 PM

Yeah, those Caribou Coffee bust stop advertisements look stupid, but it was -19 when I was waiting for the bus in Minneapolis this morning, so I'll forgive almost anyone who installs heaters in the bus shelters. As far as I'm concerned, they can turn them all into toaster ovens until March if that's what it takes.

Posted by: giovanni at January 21, 2011 3:18 PM

"bust stop"? Unfortunately, Minneapolis isn't nearly that interesting. Just regular old bus stops here.

Posted by: giovanni at January 21, 2011 3:20 PM

"If there is something worth listening to and many people want to listen to it then it will survive the free market"

By this logic Van Gogh's paintings should all have been burned, Mozart's later symphonies after he fell out of favour with the Austrian court should all have been destroyed and most great writers who survive on grants would be forced to write airport novellas instead.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 21, 2011 3:24 PM


Hands off Terry Gross and nobody gets hurt.


If you had all the people Terry Gross has interviewed in one room, I'd still just want to talk to Terry Gross.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 21, 2011 3:41 PM

It took RobP's observation to shake me out of the sheer dumbfoundedness I felt from having just experienced that 'El Dorado' preview: the comment would have been funny as hell had I read it before watching the preview; as it is, I am (seriously) genuinely disturbed at what I just watched - that preview creeps me out like one of those weird, unexplainable, surreal dreams that border on the nightmarish, when I awake and try to reassure myself that this shit just doesn't exist & was actually just some tiny rip in the fabric of my brain that gave me such unnerving, apocalyptic images.

Yet there it is -- it does exist, and I can't deny it...

Before I pop 5 or 6 xanax to help me sleep through the entire weekend in hopes of coming to terms with this all-too-horrible reality, thanks to RobP, not for just what could have been a very funny comment, but mostly for pointing out probably the most accurate reason behind Mr. Carradine's reckless, life-ending act that we're ever likely to get.

Posted by: It's not me, it's them, right? at January 21, 2011 3:57 PM

My favorte mob name is still Vincent "The Chin" Gigante.

The NOVA they just broadcast with Neil deGrasse Tyson is awesomeness; it's about how dangerous and difficult it would be to try to get to Mars. I have yet to see a disappointing show with him in it. And his appearances on The Daily Show are delightful, too.

Posted by: Slash at January 21, 2011 4:25 PM

Reservoir Dogs XXX – A Porn Parody has an all-too-familiar cast list [...] Lizzy Borden (Ms Blonde)

Um, does somebody want to tell us something? Lizzie? Hmm?

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 21, 2011 4:31 PM

"bust stop"? Unfortunately, Minneapolis isn't nearly that interesting. Just regular old bus stops here.

"Isn't nearly that interesting"? Alright, once the temp gets above zero, the stop nearest to my house is totally getting turned into a bust stop.

Posted by: branded at January 21, 2011 4:36 PM

And here I was thinking I'd get the "too soon" card thrown at me. I guess you're welcome, It's not me, it's them, right?...?

Posted by: RobP at January 21, 2011 4:59 PM

Hey BWeaves, my son shares a name with an astrophysicist. Does that count? And how do I know this? Because during the naming process, I googled all of the name finalists. True story: When I looked up Sadie Lastnameredacted I got two hits a. a child playing soccer in Ireland AND b. the madame of an S&M brothel in Singapore. It was justification enough to go with Sadie as a name.

I am loving Pajiba Love lately. Great job Joanna. Imagine my joy if my employer didn't block virtually every link!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 21, 2011 5:06 PM

RobP, now that the medication is kicking in nicely while I've just been gliding through the 'jiba fun factory meanwhilst, let me clarify that was indeed a 'thank you', albeit a sobering one; however, a better nom de plume' for me might have been 'Is It Just Me?'

Peoples, I tried sitting through 'Human Centipede' for the sheer hype I'd read about - so uniquely boring that a 'Citizen Kane' or 'Gone With The Wind' ending could even remotely redeem such crap; I have yet to see 'A Serbian Film', though I have no doubt whatsoever that if it rattles Prisco's cage, it's going to be beyond reprehensible.

But good GOD! Am I the only one who's just flat-out astonished that this film does indeed actually exist?!?
Brigitte 'Cabaret Girl' Neilsen?
Jeff 'Musicman/Hoofer' Fahey?
Steve 'WTF-with-the-glasses???' Guttenberg??
Michael 'Ohgodnoudin't' Madsen?!?
and 'Didn't-da-dumbass-monologue-tip-you-off-dipshit' Darryl Hannah??

FUCK Hollywood, and movies churned out by desperate hacks, and recycled plots, and just plain batshit insane sewage this 'El Dorado' "movie" is, exploiting obviously pathetic and needy out-of-work actors who'd sell their mother (but not their crack pipe) for a screen credit!!!

I apologize to you all for what may appear to be a deranged tirade from some blue-collar schmuck who's had enough of the workweek and just looking it to dump it on something. But I guarantee you, it takes a unique brand of cinematic slime and sabiliousness to move me to such vehemence.

and this disgusting abomination, this patchwork, execrable mess of celluloid is just the one I hoped I'd never have to witness in my lifetime.

I hope the rest of you can live with yourselves, knowing this sickening piece of trash exists; perhaps I'm one of the 'chosen ones', pre-ordained to warn the masses of end-time events such as 'El Dorado'.

Consider yourself warned, and may God have mercy yadda yadda..

Posted by: It's not me, it's them, right? at January 21, 2011 6:58 PM

I MARRIED A REAL ASTROPHYSICIST! Are you jealous? I guess it would help if he were on TV, huh?

Posted by: BWeaves at January 21, 2011 3:08 PM

So, so ENVIOUS.

And no, the being on TV part doesn't matter. I just have a passion for charismatic people that talk nerdy to me. Hell, I squealed when Stanislas Dehaene responded to an email I wrote to him and I don't even know what he looks like. I just admire his big, throbbing brain

Posted by: Nobody's Little Weasel at January 21, 2011 7:22 PM

The longest word in the English language is "smiles" because there is a mile between the first and last letters.

My name is Bob and I'm 7 years old.*

*not really.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at January 21, 2011 9:42 PM

Was that movie financed by a Juggalo shell corporation?

If I write a movie where the plot revolves around people who are disaffected, tired of the world and themselves, have dead eyes, and fill it with second tier actors... will I win an Oscar because the performances are so real?

Posted by: e at January 21, 2011 11:47 PM

The Republicans can have Terry Gross, she's terrible. I'll sacrifice her. And the financial shows. They can have those too. But I will cut a bitch if they take Diane Rehm and Science Friday.

Posted by: stardust at January 22, 2011 4:08 AM

Holy moley! That El Dorado trailer was something else! I think RobP was hilariously on the money. I wonder if we'll be seeing any more fatal sex mishaps?

What adds to the incedulity of it all is the rest of the cast on the IMDB page:

David 'Hutch' Soul
Sylvester 'Doctor Who' McCoy
Rik 'Young Ones' Mayall
Robert 'Kryten' Llewellyn
Caroline 'Hammer Horror' Munro
Robin 'Confessions' Askwith
Buster 'Bad Manners' Bloodvessel
and Tom 'SFX' Savini

It's up there with the great cast lists of The Longest Day, A Bridge Too Far and Hell Drivers !!

Posted by: Simon at January 22, 2011 7:04 AM

I remember a teacher bringing up 'smiles' many years ago, as it was taught in conjunction with the 'ghoti' conundrum, I was pretty cheesed at gaining knowledge that day.

As far solar systems and symphonies go, going straight to Jupiter seems like quite the ego suck, no? Those unwashed, fey snuff-huffers knew what they were doing. They should've gone with his contemporary William Crotch instead, he knew the score *slap!* Ow.

Was it the Conan blimp?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 22, 2011 7:58 PM