If Your Sister Looked Like This, You Might Want To Bone Her Too

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (39)

So I don’t know if you’ve noticed, my little chickadees, but, for the time being, Dustin and I are going to try trading off linking duties. Don’t worry, you’ll know it’s me by the ~~smutty photos~~ labored puns. Let’s get to the links! First off, for you Facebook users, some of you already achieved Timeline and now the rest of us are having it thrust upon us. Mandatory roll out starts today, brace yourselves for change. (TechCrunch)

Okay, listen, I’m prepared to believe a lot of things, but I am not ready to accept that the Speed bus jump was impossible. Keanu Reeves knows physics! Here are nine other “Implausible Movie Stunts.” (Shortlist)

But we all know the plausibility of a movie scene doesn’t matter too much if it’s backed by a good score. Here is a celebration of 8 Epic Movie Scenes And The Music That Made Them Great. (Unreality)

Speaking of epic, check out the brass cojones on this all-female construction team. They built some barracks in the freezing mountains of Afghanistan. . in record time. (LA Times)

And, while we’re on the subject of tough chicks, I have to express much love for “Dexter“‘s Deb Morgan. I didn’t watch this last season, so my opinion of her remains unsullied. And that’s why I’m actually rather pleased that she and her brother-husband Michael C. Hall may be reconciling. (Evil Beet)

And, to balance out that luscious header photo of Jennifer Carpenter, we have this photo spread of soon-to-be-Oscar-winner Jean Dujardin looking dapper as all f*ck. (Tom&Lorenzo)

Speaking of Oscar nominees, just in case it escaped your notice, “Community“‘s Jim Rash is now “Academy Award Nominee, Dean Pelton.” (Uproxx)

Ahhhh, “Academy Award Nominee,” one of Hollywood’s favorite combination of words. Outside of Hollywood, however, here are the “100 Most Beautiful Words In The English Language.” Well, it’s somebody’s list. Did your favorite make the cut? (Deshoda)

Speaking of words, Chris Dodd may want to eat his. After threatening to withdraw financial support from politicians who opposed SOPA and PIPA, the MPAA president is being accused of, well, bribery. (CinemaBlend) In fact, there’s an official petition on the White House website to investigate Dodd. Um. How easy is it to get an official petition on the White House website? Can I submit a petition about the fact that there are some places in the world where you can’t buy Diet Coke? Because that is an INJUSTICE and it will not stand. (White House)

Speaking of world travels, check out this incredible website of a woman who has made it her mission to photograph the oldest things on the planet. Oh, sure, a lot of it is, essentially, moss. But it’s still cool. WHERE IS MORLA? (Rachel Sussman)

And, who wants to join me in my world travels as I attempt to participate in all these 10 of these Cult Literary Traditions. Which should we do first, friends? Smooch Oscar Wilde’s tomb or help judge the Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest? (Flavorwire)

Oh and this? This is the best way I’ve seen someone handle a cell phone interruption. String section’d, yo. (BBC)

And, finally, via Pinky from Hot Ink, comes Bon Joviver. Now, I love Bon Iver, but this is hilarious.

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Comments

Does anyone know who is tweeting as President J. Bartlet? Is it Aaron Sorkin or Martin Sheen? I need to know.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/24/florida-primary-campaign-live-coverage

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2012 1:10 PM

Was that Ashton Kutcher as a member of Bon Jovier?

Posted by: SZ at January 24, 2012 1:17 PM

So I've done Poe's tomb, Wilde's tomb (the lipstick thing is really gross, I'm delighted that they have glassed it off now) and Bloomsday. Bloomsday isn't a celebration of James Joyce's life though. It's a recreation of the route Leopold Bloom took through Dublin on June 16th. There's also a party held every January 6th recreating the dinner held at the Misses Morkan's house in Joyce's story, The Dead. That's one I really want to add to my collection. I'm not sure about the Austen thing: I'm afraid it might just be women who want to dress up. But I'm game if Mrs. Julien or klingonfree will join me.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2012 1:24 PM

Paddy, neither...I think its some random "20-somthing writer" but still

Posted by: Luke at January 24, 2012 1:26 PM

For the love of God, people. Turn off your phones. How frickin hard is it.

Posted by: Ghisent at January 24, 2012 1:26 PM

Luke:

Can someone just appropriate the character's name like that? I would have thought it would be proprietary. No?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2012 1:30 PM

"Defenestration" did not make the list. I suppose that is because the word is not beautiful, but it is AWESOME.

Posted by: Ranting Raven at January 24, 2012 1:49 PM

PaddyDog, I'd be willing to endure the Austen Weekend's Regency clothing if, and only if, I get to channel Lady Catherine De Bourgh (with a hint of Lady Bracknell) and call Lydia a slattern in public! That's right! I'll only do it if I can go FULL VIRAGO! Alright, I'd do it just to spend time with you and klingonfree, and for the tea cakes.

Incidentally, "Full Virago" would have been the name of my first pianoforte CD, if I had ever learnt, for I should have been a great proficient.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 1:57 PM

100 Most Beautiful Words? HARDLY.
Close, but no.

Someone forgot moist,
and panties,
and fragrant.

One of those was included (mostly) just because the other two will bother some, so why not really piss 'em off.

Posted by: Walter at January 24, 2012 1:59 PM

I love those photos of the oldest living things on earth. I completely understand the artist's impulse to catalogue them. I would very happily hug one of those trees and would likely cry while doing so.

Posted by: Back on Topic Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 2:01 PM

"If Your Sister Looked Like This, You Might Want To Bone Her Too"

I have to respectfully disagree having seen her assless behind.

Posted by: haplo at January 24, 2012 2:09 PM

"If Your Sister Looked Like This, You Might Want To Bone Her Too"

Sorry to disappoint you, John Irving, but she'd still be my SISTER.

Posted by: Craig at January 24, 2012 2:22 PM

"Susquehanna" may be a beautiful word, but as one who grew up swimming in it (and consequently suffering from many ear infections), I can tell you that it ain't a pretty river. Especially now that it's one of the most endangered rivers in the world, thanks to all the fracking going on in PA.

Ahem. Anyway... my favorite word, mellifluous, made the list.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 24, 2012 2:52 PM

Loved the violinist.

The oldest living thing near me, "The Senator," was a 3200 year old cypress tree that mysteriously burned down last weekend. The firemen say it was arson and the ranger says it wasn't. I'm not sure who to believe. At least I got to see it.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 24, 2012 3:04 PM

They hit two of my top three words: opulent and panoply. They left off nefarious, which is a gorgeous word rich with meaning, and myriad, which speaks for itself. Also, I would have given up comely for toothsome, simply because I wish the latter to make a comeback.

I would much prefer to spend the weekend in the fashion of Oscar Wilde's day than Jane Austen's, especially if one is encouraged to the sharpness of wit that gentleman promoted.

Posted by: Reba at January 24, 2012 3:13 PM

Okay, I know I'm pissing everybody off today, but how can Susquehanna be one of the most beautiful words in the English language? It's an Iroquois word.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2012 3:28 PM

(haven't looked at the beautiful words list) but:

I've always been partial to the word diabolical.

Posted by: MM at January 24, 2012 3:33 PM

We're not surprised, MM.

I've always liked "dovetail".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 3:43 PM

Minus one on that oldest living things link.

"the senator; bald cypress#0907-0107 (3,500 years old; seminole co, FL)"

The Senator burned down this month.

Posted by: Protoguy at January 24, 2012 3:48 PM

“Academy Award Nominee, Dean Pelton.” is fine, but how about Academy Award winner Stephen Wright? It's true.

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at January 24, 2012 4:07 PM

Mrs. Julien, every time you post, I think I cannot possibly admire you more. And then with every post, I realize I am wrong. Thanks for bringing a little delight to my day.

Posted by: marya at January 24, 2012 4:10 PM

Also, I like salacious. For its mouth feel and its meaning.

Posted by: marya at January 24, 2012 4:14 PM

@Mrs. Julien:

Well, I never! True story: on one of my college applications, one of the things they asked was "Use one word to describe yourself". I really REALLY wanted to put "diabolical", but my mom talked me out of it. (And no, I honestly don't remember what word I used instead. It was a long time ago, dammit! {sob})

I find myself enjoying the word "panoply" today. Thanks, Reba.

Posted by: MM at January 24, 2012 4:19 PM

You really shouldn't encourage me, marya, you really shouldn't, but I'm too much of a Canadian and a Protestant to do anything other than assume you represent the infinitesimal portion of the readership which doesn't wish I would, just once, SHUT THE FU*K UP!

I like salacious too. In our salad days, Mr. Julien would call me a wanton and salacious jezebel. He really is a magnificent cheesy bastard.

I would automatically accept anyone's application who had the ovaries to call themselves "diabolical", MM! I would have gone with slattern because a. it is my favourite word b. it implies I'm slutty, but kind of classy about it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 4:34 PM

Loquacious is not on the list. It just feels good to say it - even though for me it harbors association with an evil ex.

@Reba I've had a special place in my heart for toothsome ever since a Top Chef contestant used it to "sell" their undercooked pasta (I think that was the food) to the judges.

Posted by: hbender at January 24, 2012 4:37 PM

A slattern *is* the classiest kind of slut, you're right.

Posted by: MM at January 24, 2012 4:38 PM

They got "gossamer" and "Diaphanous", but I have oh so many more. I have a list.

Preposterous
Ambivalence
Exquisite
lustrous
insufferable
indubitably
glossolalia
juniper

and pudding

I love the word "pudding". And "muffin". A lot of food words.

Posted by: figgy at January 24, 2012 4:43 PM

It's certainly a cut above "faithless jade". Those whores.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 4:43 PM

Ah, palimpsest, how I love thee.

Also, "seraglio" should be the new "bunk".

I'll be in my seraglio.

Posted by: branded at January 24, 2012 4:56 PM

Did your favorite make the cut?

No.

Posted by: Jay at January 24, 2012 5:11 PM

"If Your Sister Looked Like This, You Might Want To Bone Her Too"

Well, considering I don't have a sister, but a younger brother ... hmm. If he looked like that, would I bone him?

Susquehanna! Slooowly I turned ...

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 24, 2012 5:46 PM

Slattern and sl*t may have derived from cittern, a guitar-like instrument common in bars, brothels and barber shops in 1750's London. Citterns and other musical instruments would hang on the walls of barber shops for customers to play while waiting.

From Thomas Decker's The Honest Whore "Is she a wh*re? A barber's cittern for every man to play on?"

From Ben Jonson's play The Silent Woman "That cursed barber. I have married his cittern, that's common to all men."

(I asterisk'd some potentially objectinable words and sent it on through.--JR)

Posted by: hbender at January 24, 2012 7:32 PM

Are the comment "rules" posted somewhere? My (intended) comment about the possible etymology of "slattern" from "cittern" is getting rejected and I can't find what might be objectionable. I did research for this comment, somehow finding the 30-seconds of discussion in the 11-hour audiobook "Guitar" and looking up the correct spelling of playwrite Ben Jonson only to be denied comment-posting due to rule-breaking.

Posted by: hbender at January 24, 2012 7:38 PM

I feel your pain. I get dinged all the time and have to go back when I know I haven't broken a rule, so why I can't be helpful there, I can suggest you do what I do and copy my comment before I post it. Sometimes, when it happens more than once, I insert a space in the website line and that takes care of it.

I bet your post was really interesting, too.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2012 7:44 PM

Mondegreen made the list! Huzzah!

And Mrs. J, you're one of the reasons I always come back here, even though everybody is usually gone by the time I get off work. I would indubitably buy your pianoforte CD, had you ever learned.

AND Regency weekend clothing sounds like the most comfortable kind of dress-up. In my mind, empire-waist dresses = pajamas.

Posted by: Anne At Large at January 24, 2012 7:48 PM

Compared to, say, hoopskirts and corsets, empire-waist dresses are pajamas.

Compared to my actual pajamas... well...

Posted by: MM at January 24, 2012 8:00 PM

my buddy's ex-wife makes $76 an hour on the computer. She has been without a job for 5 months but last month her income was $9097 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read more on this site... LazyCash10.com

Posted by: pagecharl at January 24, 2012 8:00 PM

MM, that's really more like what I was comparing them to. In the period costume dept. I figure one could do a lot worse than Regency as that seems to be a pretty low-stress clothing era.

Posted by: Anne At Large at January 24, 2012 8:22 PM

Thanks Joanna! I saw slut and whore posted previously (and I tried disguising them one at a time but never together). It must be the combined slut-whore that takes the post to a level deemend offensive (unless this posts, then I have no idea).

Posted by: hebnder at January 24, 2012 8:51 PM

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If Your Sister Looked Like This, You Might Want To Bone Her Too

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