I Thought Shia LaBeouf's Droopy Dangler Was the Most Traumatic Thing On the Internet Today, Then I Heard Ron Swanson Sing
NOT COOL. A former "NYPD Blue" writer was arrested for fatally punching his poodle in the face. I'd like to see that motherfucker try that with a Doberman. Or better yet, A GORILLA. (NYMag)
If that's not enough to ruin your faith in humanity, this should do the trick: Some asshole vandals destroyed a LEGO project a disabled man had been working on for years. I hope he gets restitution in the form of major life karma. (Uproxx)
The man who plays the 11th Doctor, Matt Smith, is making a movie about a coupla Olympic rowers, and if you thought it was impossible for Mr. Smith to not look sexy, you were wrong. (The Guardian)
You like pie charts? YOU get a pie chart. YOU get a pie chart. EVERYONE gets a pie chart. (Unreality)
This is a few weeks old, but the pie chart link reminded me of my favorite Venn Diagram of all time.
The AV Club explores the humor of "Parks and Rec" with its showrunner, Michael Schur. (AV Club)
A couple of Charming Potato's old stripper pals are accusing Tatum of ripping off their life experiences for Magic Mike, which seems to suggest a major misunderstanding of how movies work: Charming Potato didn't write the movie. In fact, Charming Potato can barely spell or complete sentences that are not written for him. (FilmDrunk)
I was attempting to read J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan to my four-year-old last week when I realized that 1) he's not nearly old enough for it yet, 2) I'm not old enough for some of the language, and 3) editing out the racism became an impossible chore. Thanks to the NYTimes, however, now I know how to read a racist book to my kids. (NYTimes)
Celebitchy asks about Emma Stone's photospread for Vogue: Busted or Beautiful? officially becoming the first celebrity blog on the planet to suggest that busted was a possibility when it comes to Emma Stone. (Celebitchy)
Do you want to see Shia LaBeouf's flaccid penis? Let me answer that for you: NO. Do you want to see the new Sigur Ros music video? Only if you like great short films and amazing music. (The Superficial)
You've taken the Nic Cage memes TOO FAR. (Buzzfeed)
Here's something to help you get over the shock of seeing LaBeouf's down-low: Chris Hemsworth in a wet suit. I'm pretty sure that guy could look svelte in a pair of assless low riders and a sweater vest. (DListed)
In case you didn't believe that "Breaking Bad" could be more haunting, you can check out this "BB" montage set to Clint Mansell's Requiem for a Dream score, but only if you like the way it feels when your soul shrivels. (Slashfilm)
Brian Salisbury indicts Alien vs. Predator and brings it up on felony charges for the wholesale slaughter of your brain space. (FSR)
Jesus Christ, John Mayer. Wash your hair, put on a decent outfit, and act like you know, son. Have some respect for the people whose field of vision you occupy. (GoFugYourself)
Buzzfeed has compiled a list of Anderson Cooper's sassiest tweets, in case you needed another reason to love him. (Buzzfeed)
What's worse than Shia LaBeouf's flaccid wang? Ron Swanson's singing voice.
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