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I Always Suspected Eliza Dushku Was Dumber Than A Bag Of Gravel, Now It's Official

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (63)

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If you missed it earlier this week, Buzzfeed has a gallery of 60 Gay Couples who were married in New York over the weekend. Someone pointed out that the whole matchy-matchy concept between groom/groom and bride/bride was a little…interesting. I mean, when I get married it’s going to be an über obnoxious “LOOK AT ME I’M SO PRETTY” kind of day. If my lesbian bride Kate Winslet shows up wearing the same thing, Imma be pissed. While we’re on the subject of dressing alike, here is a supremely weird yet kind of fascinating tumblr Pinky McLadybits sent me. (I Like Looking Like Other People)

And while I do have those bridezilla instincts, sometimes I feel like a total failure as a female of the species. I mean, ladies and drag queens, what is the deal with fake eyelashes? WHY ARE THEY IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT ON? WHY WOULD YOU PUT GLUE NEAR YOUR EYEBALL? If I could manage to wrangle false eyelashes, I would want to wear these papercut ones. Everyday. I would wear them to the store. (Paper Self)

Also, unlike most women and, in fact, any human with a beating heart, I was not overwhelmed by the cuteness of Wall-E. That being said, this real-life Wall-E robot? Pretty f*cking cute. Thanks, Case. (AV Club)

Also, did we learn nothing from Wall-E? The folks at Yosemite are planning to thin thousands of trees in order to preserve certain views in the park. Chopping down trees in order to maintain certain views for tourists? Yes I’m sure that’s exactly what John Muir had in mind. (GOOD)

On the other side of the Good Works coin, Whedon Doll, Eliza Dushku, is in Uganda building a trauma and healing rehabilitation center for former child soldiers and war victims. I think that’s amazing and admira-A PLANKING PHOTO, DUSHKU? REALLY? (Blame It On The Voices)

Thanks to Sara Tonin for this fantastic list of foreign idioms we ought to introduce into the English Language. Her favorite and mine comes from Germany. Kummerspeck: Excess weight gained from overeating due to emotional problems. Translates as ‘grief bacon.’ I want to start a screamo band called Grief Bacon. (Allermann)

Speaking of sh*tty music , the site Critical Condition is doing a Tournament of The Best Pop Songs Since 1981. Get in and vote and help me ensure Lady Gaga does not make it past the first cut. You can see the bracket here: Vote! I know you care!

Were you wondering how Harry Potter’s Matthew Lewis got so damn handsome? Well here’s an intricate breakdown of the evolution of our little Neville Longbottom. (I Love Charts)

Speaking of goofy-ass Matthews I love, I’ve always had a shameful affection for Matthew Lillard. This story, where an internet writer (they are they scum of the earth, are they not?) begs Lillard to punch him in the face only makes me like the actor more. (Evil Beet)

I don’t share the same misguided affection for former “SNL” cast member Chris Kattan, but I do appreciate the fact that Jimmy Fallon seems to have a lot of loyalty when it comes to his old friends/co-stars. I’ve seen Horatio Sanz on “Late Night” several times and this week Kattan will be a guest every. single. night. Risky, but sweet. (Warming Glow)

I do love fairytales. Who doesn’t. I’m really disgusted with Hollywood’s recent plot to destroy them (first the Twilightening of Red Riding Hood and now this lip bitey Joan of Arc as Snow White monstrosity). Anyway, as far as reinterpretations go, I much prefer these minimalist fairytale posters. The Pied Piper is my favorite. (The Curious Brain)
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Speaking, as we were, of pop songs, a Danish a capella vocal group, Local Vocal, has released this medley of 90’s hits. If anything you should watch it for the beard-o in the bottom row. He’s a beat boxer and the expressions he makes are priceless.

Finally, here is a gorgeous video which cleverly celebrates some of the great names in Title Design. For some reason, I think the Opening Titles for Sneakers will always be my favorite.

A History Of The Title Sequence from jurjen versteeg on Vimeo.

Joanna Robinson expects to be snorted at for her Lillard love. Watch “SLC Punk”, haters.









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Comments

Joanna, cut the lashes in half. That way you have an easier time because you only have to deal with placing smaller segments at a time. Since you're going to have to use a heavier liner anyway, if there's gappage you're at least filling in the lash line behind your own lashes.

(This is possibly the best comment I've ever received. LOVE IT.--JR)

Posted by: Jerry at July 27, 2011 1:19 PM

Can someone tell the old guy from the small town whats so terrible about the Dushku pic? TIA!

Posted by: logan at July 27, 2011 1:21 PM

Man, I thought it was a Punisher poster and the rats were bullets.

Bummer.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at July 27, 2011 1:22 PM

Posted by: coveredinbees at July 27, 2011 1:23 PM

You're not alone in your Lillard, though I feel absolutely no shame about it. SLC Punk 4 Lyfe.

Posted by: TheMaskedEmu at July 27, 2011 1:24 PM

You're not alone in your Lillard, though I feel absolutely no shame about it. SLC Punk 4 Lyfe.

Lillard love, even. Curse my itchy posting finger.

Posted by: TheMaskedEmu at July 27, 2011 1:25 PM

Thanks again, Bees! I did not know that.

Posted by: logan at July 27, 2011 1:27 PM

I pretty much give anybody who is is in Uganda building a trauma and healing rehabilitation center for former child soldiers and war victims a pass when it comes to idle/stupid ways to pass the time, such as planking.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 27, 2011 1:27 PM

What a douche...ku.

Hahaha...

Posted by: haplo at July 27, 2011 1:31 PM

logan, I think it's more to do with the lovely Dushku falling prey to the new Internet fad than the photo itself.

Posted by: Fredo at July 27, 2011 1:31 PM

If "9 to 5" loses to "Bad Romance" in that pop music bracket, I'm going to smother Lady Gaga to death with Dolly Parton's rack.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at July 27, 2011 1:35 PM

That The Wizard of Oz poster looks like heart, light bulb (for brains), and ball sa..OH. I get it now.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at July 27, 2011 1:36 PM

Aw. Let Eliza plank if she wants.

(NEVER!--JR)

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 27, 2011 1:36 PM

Would you be happier if she was owling? That's the new fad after all.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 27, 2011 1:46 PM

You can thank the drag queens I used to have to chauffeur between airports, clubs and hotel rooms for about three years when I was still working in bars. And Carmindy from What Not to Wear, though that's about the same as a drag queen, depending on your perspective.

Posted by: Jerry at July 27, 2011 1:50 PM

A friend of mine starting a Planking Group at his local bar. It makes me wonder why I am friends with him.

Posted by: KatSings at July 27, 2011 1:51 PM

re: untranslatable words

13. Bakku-shan (Japanese)
The experience of seeing a woman who appears pretty from behind but not from the front.

A classic butterface, or for anyone who's seen Clueless, a total Monet


Tingo (Pascuense, Easter Island)
The act of removing everything you want from someone's house by slowly borrowing all of it.

So, stealing then?

Posted by: Even Stevens at July 27, 2011 1:54 PM

you keep your grubby paws off my winslet, mrs. robinson!

Posted by: stopmadness formerly and currently known as Angry Black Lady at July 27, 2011 1:55 PM

I can understand the Lillard Love - no bashing here. My grandmother would not leave the house without her false eyelashes and high heels. She died from a heart attack/stroke one morning while putting them on. I think it is how she would have wanted to go but I'm sure she was pissed she didn't get the last one on in time.

Posted by: LuLu at July 27, 2011 1:58 PM

Even Stevens, while the concepts are close, those aren't quite the same things. Gimme a sec though and I'm sure I could come up with something.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 27, 2011 2:01 PM

My new favorite words:


Tingo (Pascuense, Easter Island)
The act of removing everything you want from someone's house by slowly borrowing all of it.
- I believe this is happening between me and my mom.

Nylentik (Indonesian)
To flick someone with the middle finger on the ear.
- Is this like a bird?

Biritululo (Kiriwani, Papua New Guinea)
To settle a dispute by comparing the sizes of one's yams.
- And by yams, I mean the large orange tuber I'm holding in my hand. Oh, nevermind.

Koro (Japanese)
A man's fanatical fear that his penis is receding into his body.
- Bwa-hahahahhaha!

Igunaujannguaq (Inuit)
A game that translates as 'frozen walrus carcass' in which a person is passed around overhead and tries to remain stiff throughout.
- So it's like body surfing at a concert?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 27, 2011 2:01 PM

Eliza Dushku in the role she was born to play...
a fucking piece of wood.

Posted by: bev rage at July 27, 2011 2:04 PM

So Eliza Dushku is the lintel for the door of the new school? Her acting skills have finally paid off.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 27, 2011 2:06 PM

Socrates, I mostly just wanted to reference Clueless there. One can never have enough Clueless.

Did you see the second Wall-E video of the robot chasing his ball? Even more adorable:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuNXGAVxfg4&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_476099

Posted by: Even Stevens at July 27, 2011 2:07 PM

Wow, that is a buttload of crappy music.

Posted by: The Mutt at July 27, 2011 2:07 PM

I knew you were my favorite for a reason, Joanna. I LOVE SLC Punk. LOVE.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 27, 2011 2:08 PM

Right on sister!

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 27, 2011 2:08 PM

If "9 to 5" loses to "Bad Romance" in that pop music bracket, I'm going to smother Lady Gaga to death with Dolly Parton's rack.

Hee! But are they really going to force me to choose between "Rolling In The Deep" and "Dog Days Are Over?" And "Crazy in Love" versus "No Diggity?" It's like Sophie's Choice all up in here.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 27, 2011 2:14 PM

No Diggity by a landslide. Side note (because it is, sadly, one of my greater accomplishments in life) I may know all of the lyrics, including both the Dr. Dre and Queen Pen raps, and enjoy performing them whenever possible.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 27, 2011 2:21 PM

Eliza Dushku in the role she was born to play... a fucking piece of wood.

You mean, like a "marital aid?"

Posted by: RobP at July 27, 2011 2:26 PM

Those are some pretty rad fake eyelashes. I'm not great with most makeup, but false eyelashes come pretty easily to me.

I, too, commented to friends on the weirdness of marrying someone dressed like you - especially when they already look like you.

And I'm with creosote - Dushku should be owling.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at July 27, 2011 2:31 PM

"grief bacon" is my favourite two word combination since Pajiba taught me there's a guy named "Scoot McNairy".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 27, 2011 2:32 PM

There is NOTHING shameful about loving Matthew Lillard.

NOTHING.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at July 27, 2011 2:41 PM

Posted by: Ian at July 27, 2011 2:43 PM

Choosing between "Rolling in the Deep" and "Dog Days are Over"? Very difficult.

Choosing between "Tumthumping" and "Don't You Want Me"? WHY GOD WHY?!? I will go down with this ship!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 27, 2011 2:57 PM

KOSHATNIK (Russian) A dealer in stolen cats.


Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 27, 2011 3:13 PM

But if it's They Might Be Giants performing Tubthumping, I might consider it.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 27, 2011 3:14 PM

Kelly Clarkson is almost tied with Tina Turner.

I repeat, 49% of the people voting in that contest are absolute fucking morons. TINA TURNER, people.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 27, 2011 4:22 PM

I'm going to say this, then I'm going to run away. Tina Turner? A little overrated.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 27, 2011 4:54 PM

I'm running with you. Slightly ahead, though, so the cheetahs will get you.

Posted by: Ian at July 27, 2011 5:11 PM

Overrated or not, Tina Turner should still win against anything remotely connected to American Idol -- even if the song is "Tina Turner Gives Birth" or "Tina Turner Undergoes Root Canal Without Anaesthetic" or "Tina Turner Pukes/Dry-Heaves After a Three-Day Bender".

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 27, 2011 5:11 PM

That header photo is freaking me out, it looks like some creature is trying to separate itself from her neck under that shirt.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 27, 2011 6:21 PM

"Tubthumping" wasn't a good song, and it's still not a good song. If Patty is saying that those two songs are a difficult choice she will be trapped under a frozen lake for her comments against the Sheffield ones.

Posted by: Jay at July 27, 2011 7:00 PM

Lillard isn't a fave, per se, but he's pretty memorable in every movie I've seen him in as a gangly doofus who talks too much and yells a lot.

Posted by: Slash at July 27, 2011 7:04 PM

@coveredinbees, I thought owling was herald of Idiocracy in our times?

Posted by: clancys_daddy at July 27, 2011 7:20 PM

You like Matthews, huh?

[begins to unbutton shirt]
[sways hips]
[licks lips]

Posted by: superasente at July 27, 2011 8:06 PM

"Bitter blogger hates on rich person for charity work, news at 11!"

Posted by: Salad_Is_Murder at July 27, 2011 8:49 PM

For folks that dont know, planking is what they did to slaves in the ships bringing them here. They made them lie flat in stacks on top of one another. And she thinks its cute to do. In Africa. Dumb ass. I never thought much of her to begin with.

Posted by: Melissa at July 27, 2011 10:40 PM

Melissa, I know you probably read that somewhere and it seemed like it made sense, but you're simply incorrect.

This is an excellent explanation of what it is and is not.

Posted by: Horvath at July 27, 2011 11:40 PM

that girl who said that too many of the gay couples getting married looked like siblings = TACOKICK

Posted by: gp at July 28, 2011 10:29 AM


The best words come from German. Any language that gave us "schadenfreude" wins.

Collection here:
http://www.amazon.com/They-Have-Word-Lighthearted-Untranslatable/dp/1889330469

The author, Howard Rheingold is worth following whatever he does. Some people are like that Rheingold, Stewart Brand, Brian Eno ...

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 28, 2011 10:36 AM

Horvath,
Gee thanks for trying to school me with your "Racialicious" historical evidence. Try this and check out its sources.
http://www.courtneyluv.com/planking-is-related-to-slavery/

Like i said go to the sources. Do some further research.

Posted by: Melissa at July 28, 2011 10:47 AM

I like that one movie where Matthew Lillard played a variation on Matthew Lillard.

Posted by: Craig at July 28, 2011 11:34 AM

Really, Melissa? Seriously? That is the "evidence"? Planking has a superficial resemblance to slave ship conditions, so OBVIOUSLY it is racially motivated?

This morning I was feeding my pet rat and then I remembered that there were rats on slave ships and realized I must be a racist.

Posted by: Craig at July 28, 2011 11:46 AM

I wonder how long it will be before we see someone owling on top of someone who is planking?

Posted by: Rykker at July 28, 2011 12:04 PM

Melissa your source, courtneyluv.com, is citing Savages of Gor as their source. Savages of Gor is a fictional book which can be described at best as very pulpy sci-fic. It is part of the Gor series by John Norman which is noted for its sexism, violence toward women, and non-consensual S&M scenes. It should never be considered accurate historical source material. Since your courtneyluv.com uses this book as reputable information it makes it obvious courtneyluv.com has not really done any careful research and their conclusion lacks crediability.

Posted by: ArmaAngelus at July 28, 2011 12:20 PM

Actually, sleeping next to other people is racist, because slaves carried over from Africa had to sleep bundled together. That's why I always sleep alone or with my cats (since slaves didn't get to bring pets with them, that's not racist).

Posted by: Pat C. at July 28, 2011 3:17 PM

So to be clear, the woman helping to build a trauma and healing rehabilitation center for former child soldiers and war victims in Uganda gets that much of an insult b/c she took a break to take that photo? Harsh no?

Posted by: Johnny at July 28, 2011 3:48 PM

What is a TACOKICK?

Posted by: Sara Tonin at July 28, 2011 3:54 PM

Sara,

I sincerely hope that it is when one delivers a devastating roundhouse kick to some deserving fool's neck -- and the moment your foot makes contact with said neck, you scream "TACO!"

If that is incorrect, I do not wish to know.

Posted by: firedmyass at July 28, 2011 6:33 PM

I'd just like to say that I'm really grateful for the shout-out to sneakers. it's one of my all time favorites.

Posted by: calvin at July 29, 2011 3:07 AM

Really? She is dumb because she has some fun in the middle of horrible and heartbreaking work? Wow are you trying to live up to the stereotype of a woman looking for any excuse to bitch about attractive woman?

Posted by: Minto at July 29, 2011 2:40 PM

Melissa looked pretty stupid initially when she called Dushku a dumbass for not knowing a made up factoid, but really made herself look stupid when she criticised Horvath for 'not doing the research' by linking to the Racialicious piece, and linking instead to the Courtneyluv page - because the Racialicious piece is in part a direct response to the CL piece and refutes its innaccuracies!

Posted by: Ender at August 1, 2011 8:19 AM