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How To Go From Random Hot Actress To My Personal Hero In Five Tweets Or Less

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (31)



sarah-shahi-03160901.jpeg

Were you aware, my little particle men and blue canaries-in-the-outlet-by-the-light-switch, that today is They Might Be Giants Awareness Day? I mean, I think the band themselves declared it as such…so that’s a little odd. But they are an odd bunch. In honor of, well, themselves, the band has released four new songs on iTunes. (They Might Be Giants)

Speaking of every day oddities, I really wish the vampire-lovers would just stop it already. You’ve already made Kristen Stewart the top earning actress in Hollywood, this Blood-Type perfume nonsense is really beyond the pale. (Who Killed Bambi)

Sorry, my dears, the whole “Twilight” thing riles me up. Speaking of riling, I know how you adorably punctilious punctuators hate any errors in grammar. Here is a list of Eleven Grammatically Incorrect Movie Titles. It’s all a bit fiddly for my taste, but I do love the idea of renaming Can’t Hardly Wait as He Be Wearin’ T-Shirts Sometimes. (11 Points)

If I were to pick one book from my youth that was most influential on my writering, I’d have to say it was “The Phantom Tollbooth.” One of my favorite contemporary writers, Michael Chabon, has written a love letter to Norman Juster’s classic and it lifted me right out of my morning Doldrums. (New York Review of Books)

While we’re on the subject of reading and writering, I loved Amy Stewart’s “Wicked Plants.” In this interview with NPR she discusses her follow-up, “Wicked Bugs.” No Humbugs here, but she did make me regret the ham I put in my eggs this morning. (NPR)

Speaking of books and parasites, Levi Johnston (or likely some unlucky ghost writer) is writing a tell-all about the Palins. See, I’m torn. On the one hand, I’m in favor of anything that might annoy Ms. Sarah, on the other hand, I am against anything that might earn this horrible kid more money. (Celebitchy)

And while we’re on the subject of females I despise, actress Sarah Shahi (pretty, super-busty, was on “Dawson’s Creek” once and is now on a stupidly titled USA legal show) ripped P***s H*l**n a new one via Twitter yesterday. I’m not allowed to say that woman’s name but you know who I meant, right? London Hyatt? Madrid Radisson? (Evil Beet)

See, while I feel fine and dandy objectifying Ms. Shahi, I feel a little ookie leering at these ladies dressed as Disney Princesses. But, mostly, I feel that Sleeping Beauty needs a Sassy Gay Friend to ask her what, what, what is she wearing? Flora and Merryweather would NOT approve. (Unreality)

Boobquakes! Earthquakes! San Francisco! (This is how my train of thought routinely derails.) Marvel with me, won’t you, at this model of the SF Bay Area made out of One Hundred Thousand Toothpicks. Lest you think this is too dorky a link to click on, I’ve included a mind-melting photo below. (Laughing Squid)

Rolling Through the Bay by Scott Weaver.jpeg

Speaking of gravity-defying cities, check out this fantastic poster art for Inception. (Reelizer)

Let’s meander back to boobs for a second. Did you know, my little know-it-alls, that “Gynecomastia” is the scientific name for man boobs? It sure is. This list of 25 Everyday Things You Never Knew Had A Name comes courtesy of reader Socrates_Johnson. I bet you know some of them. You are very clever. (Buzzfeed)

You know, my darling CGIdolizers, I was a little hasty when I said computer effects ruined everything. (Even though Harrison Ford kind of sort of agrees with me. And we know he has excellent judgment. Just ask Calista Flo-nevermind.) This somewhat grainy and wonky footage for Tarsem Singh’s Immortals looks amazing to me. AMAZING. That might be my helmet fetish talking.

Finally, I know we’re not all liberals here, and that’s fine. I know some of us think Barack Obama is a bad president, and that’s fine. But do any of us honestly…HONESTLY think he wasn’t born here? I believe The Birthers are some of the most wack-a-doodle people out there and apparently the wack-a-doodliest of them all is Donald Trump. Anderson Cooper agrees with me.

Joanna Robinson should have seen the Trump-a-doodle coming from a mile away. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

um, is that the bow ranger had in the d&d cartoon?

Posted by: gp at April 26, 2011 1:18 PM

GP, I think you're right.
Does that mean that there's a cowardly paladin with an invulnerable shield? If so, I'm in.

Ooh, and what was that villain's name? Venger! Throw him in, voiced by Peter Cullen (*cues Stan Bush riffs*) and you've got yourself an instant cult classic.

Posted by: Wintermute at April 26, 2011 1:26 PM

Well, at least I got Personal Jesus out of my head, but now I'm in a Road Movie to Berlin.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 26, 2011 1:26 PM

Sarah Shahi was on Life. That is enough for me to like her. Then she called out PH. Again, sufficient on its own to warrant my admiration.
The two together might just make her awesome enough to overcome any odds, including association with some lame USA show.

Posted by: maryc at April 26, 2011 1:29 PM

And now I'm blushing. Admittedly, the only one of those I already knew was aglets. It should also be noted that their true purpose is sinister.

Official TMBG song of P Love should be Pet Name. Always loved that one.

Dallas HoJo thinks that SF city scape is pretty epic.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 1:34 PM

I'm with MaryC. Life was great as was Shahi.

The Slutty Disney Princesses have been a Comic Con fixture for several years, now. Started with one, Snow White was the first I saw, quite a while ago, and they've been adding another here and there along the way. I hadn't seen Tinkerbell or a couple of the others before that photo set. The Unreality author is apparently captivated with their appearances, however, as there are numerous Comic Con logos all over the place in those photos.

Posted by: lubeg at April 26, 2011 1:37 PM

Yeah. Priss Holdin pisses me off, too, Joanna.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 26, 2011 1:41 PM

Ooh, I knew like four of those words! Philtrum, mondegreen, arms akimbo, and crepuscular rays. I knew *of* ferrule, but not really what it referred to. Also, I knew of Morton's Toe, but not that it was called that. (Does Drew know that one? I wonder)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 26, 2011 1:47 PM

nice to see someone else who loves the phantom tollbooth.
most favorite children's book ever...

Posted by: the Fatman at April 26, 2011 1:52 PM

Given the choice between getting repeatedly punched in the face by Sarah Shahi and having sex with Paris Hilton, I'd take the punches. But these celebrity feuds make everybody look bad.

Posted by: Todd at April 26, 2011 1:59 PM

Trump is the new Palin.
Like we needed another one.

Posted by: dorquemada at April 26, 2011 1:59 PM

Life rocked. Damian Lewis. Sarah Shahi. Conspiracies. Christina Hendricks as Lewis' hot future step-mom (don't ask). Fruit. Lots and lots of fruit. That ending.

And I vote we officially rename PH to "Madrid Radisson." It's just too perfect. Seconded?

Posted by: Fredo at April 26, 2011 2:01 PM

Anyone else disappointed by that Immortals clip? I thought it looked more Zack Snyder than Tarsem.

Posted by: Socraz6 at April 26, 2011 2:03 PM

Ha! I love the incorrect movie titles. Specially when they try to take on "You Got Served".

Posted by: Figgy at April 26, 2011 2:22 PM

I would totally see a movie called You Have Been Served, especially if it's about the seedy, underground world of butler battles and Michael Caine's Alfred and Tim Curry's Wadsworth co head-to-head in the final round.

Posted by: jM at April 26, 2011 2:47 PM

I take issue with your assertion that Vampire lovers had anything to do with Kirsten Stewart's fame. People who love Twilight are NOT Vampire lovers. They may be many things, most of which I will not say because someone here will take offense, but they are not Vampire lovers.

Go Team Spike!

Posted by: JGirl at April 26, 2011 2:50 PM

We might not be allowed to call her by actual name, but thanks to anagrams we can rename her in much the same way several others in Pajiba already have. I'll let you decide;

Phials Intro
Loin Harpist
Lost Hairpins
Phat Sirloin
Train Polish
and my personal fave...
Tailspin Hor

Posted by: bleujayone at April 26, 2011 3:04 PM

Of course I mesread the first link as "a tell-all about Pajibans." and reached for my credit card to get copy #1 of the first printing.
Then I realized my mistake and got sad..

Posted by: Odnon. at April 26, 2011 3:06 PM

Ok. Not the first, but the sixth link. About the Palins.
That's how sad I was. I forgot how to count.

Posted by: Odnon. at April 26, 2011 3:13 PM

I, for one, do NOT believe that Barack Obama was born in these United States. I believe he was born on a faraway planet, and has come to Earth to save our poor, misguided human species and show us the errors of our ways.

#notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Posted by: MM at April 26, 2011 3:26 PM

Thought just occurred to me.

If TMBG awareness day was declared by the band itself, they should invest in bringing back Dial-a-song for a day. I'm sure they could find someone willing to front the money for a phone system that could handle it. You know Linnel has got a million little diddies he could stick on there.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 3:34 PM

Sarah Shahi will always be Carmen from the L Word to me. Mee-yow.

Posted by: Sara H at April 26, 2011 3:35 PM

Ms. Shahi is gorgeous and whatnot, but I'm gonna withhold the Purple Heart for calling someone a bitch on Twitter. If she actually punched Hilton in the face for some heinousness, maybe I'd give her a round of applause, but registering hatred or annoyance on Twitter isn't exactly hero-worthy.

Sorry. My standards on hero-fying are a little loftier than "wrote something mean about someone I hate on Twitter."

Posted by: Slash at April 26, 2011 4:03 PM

Slash,
With Paz de la Huerta on the loose, you may need to break out that Purple Heart at some point.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 4:18 PM

Someone should ask for Trump's birth certificate, he is after all President of reality TV nation.

Posted by: John W at April 26, 2011 4:38 PM

Wouldn't "You Have Been Served" be a sequel to "Are You Being Served?" and therefore be all kinds of camp 1970s awesomeness?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 26, 2011 4:53 PM

What JGirl said. It's not our fault, we swear.

Posted by: Even Stevens at April 26, 2011 5:43 PM

This is probably the best disney princess costume I've every seen:

http://www.epicponyz.com/2009/12/pocahontas-irl.html

Gah, that girl is gorgeous.

Posted by: exploranora at April 26, 2011 6:51 PM

Donald Trump is a sad, misguided, deluded fraud of a man.

Posted by: frank_247 at April 26, 2011 6:59 PM

Lovers of The Phantom Tollbooth would probably also adore Salman Rushide's "Haroun and the Sea of Stories"

Posted by: idleprimate at April 26, 2011 9:46 PM

Sarah Shahi is astonishing, even more so now that she has adopted the standard U-backed, high-ass doggie-style pose so popular for photos these days.

Also, I want to see Barack's birth certificate just to say I did, and so I can "nyah-nyah" the rest of y'all.

Posted by: , at April 26, 2011 11:33 PM