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Hey, Smith Family, You Know That "Mold Your Child In Your Image" Is Not Meant To Be Taken Literally. Right? RIGHT?!

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)

Will Smith And Family 2.jpeg

Summer fast approaches, my lovely loafers. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and I’m thinking of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. S’Mores. Summer also means the end of this dad’s year-long endeavor to embarrass his teenager by dressing in a different costume every morning to wave at the school bus. His wife documented the whole affair. I really respect their commitment to offspring humiliation motion. (Wave At The Bus)

I will admit that the aggressively famous Smith offspring make me a little uneasy. A lot of peeps seem to think those kids aren’t alright. I think it’s too early to say, but I do very much respect Jada Pinkett-Smith’s response to criticism. She knows what’s up. (Celebitchy)

I want to make a comment about how these planking prom photo kids aren’t alright, but, if I’m being honest, this is the first instance of planking that has made me laugh out loud. Well played, teenagers, and enjoy explaining that photo to your kids. (Bunny Food)

Speaking of photographic memories, check out this nifty project of a picture from the past taken in the present. (Dear Photograph)

Photo-graphic content ahead! No no, it’s not that Weiner picture. The NYT has put father-to-be Anthony Weiner and his “Repent/Regret/Remorse” face in the context of other abashed politicians. There’s something so eerily similar about these faces…you guys, I’m starting to think that maybe these politicians aren’t sorry at all. (NYT)

You know who will be sorry? This guy who’s trying to make a dinosaur out of a chicken. Um, I think I’ve seen this movie (about eleventy billion times) and it doesn’t end well. Uncleveh boy. (io9)

I’ve also seen this movie. BierceAmbrose alerted me to the fact that scientists have discovered “worms from hell” deep beneath the earth’s surface. JUMP BACK. Sorry, wrong cut of Bacon. GRABOIDS! (Washington Post)

Speaking of Bacon, why don’t you chop some up and put it in your lorem ipsum? Thanks mswas! (Bacon Ipsum)

I’ve been listening all morning, my audacious audiophiles, to this nifty, non-stop stream of every song ever played on NPR’s All Songs Considered. It’s indie-licious. I may now, however, switch over to the free stream of Bon Iver’s new album, it makes me happier than Endless Edges Brownies. (Bon Iver)

I was also happy to read this story about a Spanish contortionist thief who stuffed himself into a suitcase in order to rob other people’s luggage. The best part? Unlike the teeny little lady cotortionist from Micmacs, this dude was six feet tall. That’s crazy. (Fark)

Crazier are these photos of the recent volcanic eruption in Chile. Also, no one told me Mount Doom was in Chile. Don’t believe me? Look at photos # 22, #27 and #32. (The Big Picture)

I’ll tell you what, though, I don’t think that volcano would have had the audacity to erupt after this challenge from the teeniest Who in Whoville. Here is a kindergartner delivering Matt Smith’s monologue from last season’s “Doctor Who” finale. They even got the slightly too short pants right. Adorable. Thanks, Patty O’Green!

Nothing beats a good dressing down. The dressiest in recent memory came from Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood. I’ll tell you what, though, this redub takes some of the milk outta that shake. I guess those anger management tapes didn’t take.

Joanna Robinson wants edgeless brownies, a side of bacon and a milkshake. That’s like three parts of the USDA food plate! Brownies count as a grain, yes? Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Re: S'mores: my sisters have a fire pit at their house. We generally have s'mores nearly every weekend of the summer. Last week, they brought out the biggest marshmallows I have ever seen. Seriously, like, fist-sized marshmallows. I laughed and joked about Stay-Puft s'mores. Not even kidding.

When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 9, 2011 1:10 PM

Jada's looking a tad cartoonish in that header photo. Her unnaturally high cheekbones look, oh I dunno... a little unnatural? And although I don't like children anyway, that boy has an annoyingly smug look on his smarmy little face that annoys me.

Man, I'm cranky today! Sorry.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 9, 2011 1:10 PM

If planking had been around when I was in highschool, I would have attended my prom for the sole reason of taking that picture.

In other news, that Lorem Ipsum generator is the best thing I've seen all week.

Posted by: the_wakeful at June 9, 2011 1:12 PM

Okay, I recognize all the members of the Smith family except for the guy in the top left corner. Who's that guy? Cousin Larry Smith? Urkel Smith? Jazzy Jeff Jr.?

Posted by: mightygodking at June 9, 2011 1:41 PM

Best Friend: I want to make brownies like yours.

Me: I just use the Baker's Chocolate brownie recipe on the box.

Best Friend: That's what I did. So how come my brownies don't taste like yours?

Me: Oh, I change the recipe.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 1:44 PM

Child of First Marriage Smith

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 1:44 PM

Child of First Marriage Smith

I have reason to believe they all will be received in Graceland.

Posted by: Forever Jung at June 9, 2011 1:46 PM

"Summer is approaching"?!

It's already 95 here. At noon. It was 130 in the car yesterday. It was 88 at 11 o'clock last night. APPROACHING? WE ARE ALREADY THERE AND THE SUMMER WILL NEVER END.

*sob*

Posted by: Figgy at June 9, 2011 1:53 PM

Stealing my thunder, O'Green? I see how it is.

Posted by: Jay at June 9, 2011 1:55 PM

Not all of us live in the 2nd circle of Hell, Figgy. For the sane people in this world, summer is just beginning. (Yes, everyone south of the equator is insane).

Posted by: the_wakeful at June 9, 2011 1:56 PM

WE ARE ALREADY THERE AND THE SUMMER WILL NEVER END.

It's the Berkeley hippie, don't bother, figgy.

Posted by: Jay at June 9, 2011 1:56 PM

I may now, however, switch over to the free stream of Bon Iver’s new album

Ooooooo, the stream is not blocked at work. Bon après-midi!

Posted by: branded at June 9, 2011 1:57 PM

When I went to the wave at the bus website, one of the banner ads was for a child abuse charity. Well done, GoogleAds!

Posted by: Marra at June 9, 2011 1:58 PM

For the sane people in this world, summer is just beginning. (Yes, everyone south of the equator is insane).

Um......

Posted by: Jay at June 9, 2011 1:58 PM

And how is The Bean today?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 1:59 PM

Oh, I BRING the thunder. But I do generally share, so tom-ay-to to-mah-to...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at June 9, 2011 1:59 PM

When I went to the wave at the bus website, one of the banner ads was for a child abuse charity.

Were they for or against it?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 2:01 PM

Donald Duck will always be the original Daniel Plainview in my eyes.

You remember in Mickey and the Beanstalk when he snuck out with axe and went all apeshit at the poor cow? He had that insane look in his eyes. It terrified me.

Also, why do the mouse and duck have a pet cow? And why can't it talk like they can?

Posted by: penelope at June 9, 2011 2:02 PM

The "all edges" pan also works for lasagna. I got mine the same place I got my titanium spork. It's a spork! Made of titanium! It's light and strong, just perfect for gouging eyeballs. Um ... I've heard.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 9, 2011 2:09 PM

I hate all you sane people who live in places where summer doesn't start in late May and sticks around until September.

Wait, I chose to live in Dallas? Oh shut the hell up.

Posted by: Figgy at June 9, 2011 2:10 PM

He had that insane look in his eyes. It terrified me.

Not to mention that he wasn't wearing any pants at the time!

Posted by: branded at June 9, 2011 2:13 PM

Doing well, Mrs. Julien, and you?

I relocated from the South to the Midwest, and got through last winter by saying "at least summer won't be as bad." With the heat index, the last two days were over 100 degrees. And today it's 50. Seasons in Chicago don't follow rules.

Posted by: The Bean at June 9, 2011 2:23 PM

Hey The Bean do you have any friends who could delurk as well? How about A Legume or The Tuber or a nice El Gourdo?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 2:33 PM

I'm pretty sure Will told Jazzy the picture was an hour later.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 9, 2011 2:33 PM

WE ARE ALREADY THERE AND THE SUMMER WILL NEVER END.

Don't worry, I hear Winter is Coming.

Posted by: mswas at June 9, 2011 2:36 PM

Haricots Verts, Chickpea, Great Northern and I are all holed up in a basement monitoring your activities. We have sworn never to interfere, but I have broken that promise in order to warn you all---Green Lantern is going to really suck.

Posted by: The Bean at June 9, 2011 2:46 PM

Empathy Figgy. It's 100 actual degrees here today. Have I mentioned that the heat makes me grouchy? It makes me "grouchy"? Grouchy is woefully inadequate for the effect of the heat. Irritable is closer. Psychotic is too melodramatic, but definitely in the ballpark. Let's see:

grumpy – too avuncular

petulant – I AM NOT!

irascible – too fancy

crabby – insufficient

cantankerous – I’m pretty sure I need a handlebar moustache for that

huffy – too close to my natural state to be distinctive

snappish – automatic Ally McBeal disqualification

fractious – What am I a tired toddler? (Metaphorically, I kind of am. Keep this one in reserve.)

prickly – close and provides a nice heat double entendre, but that's not quite it

querulous - yes, but I could never remember how to spell it and even I think it sounds a bit pretentious

surly – BINGO!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 2:49 PM

Posted by: mswas at June 9, 2011 2:36 PM

Ha ha ha ha ha

::falls off chair::

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat at June 9, 2011 2:54 PM

Well, I found the kid first anyway, so NYAH!

And don't give me that look, Robinson. I could've called you the Berkeley folkie.

I hear thunder. I'm going outside. I forgot what rain is.

Posted by: Jay at June 9, 2011 3:16 PM

Still got plenty of rain this week in Seattle. Summer never starts until after the Fourth of July.

AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT!!! {maniacal laughter}

Posted by: MM at June 9, 2011 3:28 PM

::blows raspberry in MM's general direction::

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 3:46 PM

- Earthquake? Check.
- Crazy and totally out of the blue tornado in an area where we've never had tornadoes before? Check.
- Scary-ass volcanic eruption? Check.

I'm starting to suspect that Chuck Norris was born here.

Posted by: Sofia at June 9, 2011 3:52 PM

Seeing as how it's currently 101 at 87% humidity here in Houston, I hope everyone appreciates how difficult it was for me to use my melting laptop to type the following-

I hate you people with "seasons."

Sidenote- Mrs. Julien, you should consider the use of "out-of-sorts" for your mood placard. Out-of-sorts is my goto for a fussy mood. Contrary and contentious are also good choices.

Posted by: ZombieMedic at June 9, 2011 4:05 PM

I'll take it under advisement ZombieMedic but only if I can scream "I'm feeling a little out of f*cking sorts!".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 4:14 PM

Or Satan.

Mrs J: I also get very angry in the heat. Which is bizarre considering I was born and grew up in the tropics, but I'm just a walking contradiction. I think it was the 4 years I spent in upstate NY that ruined me. They showed me what actual SEASONS were and what actual COLD felt like and I liked it so much that now I can never go back.

Posted by: Figgy at June 9, 2011 4:34 PM

Oh, ZombieMedic, Houston is Satan's armpit itself. My in-laws live there and when we visit in the summer I refuse to go outside unless it's the 10 foot walk from the car to the nearest door.

Posted by: Figgy at June 9, 2011 4:36 PM

Absolutely. Far be it from me to stiffle your creativity. Embellish away, my dear. An f-bomb or two never hurts.

Posted by: ZombieMedic at June 9, 2011 4:39 PM

Not to be that guy again, but if you like the Bon Iver album, you could check out AudioSuede's review. Chris Bosman says it may be the Album of the Year already!

Posted by: ChristianH at June 9, 2011 5:32 PM

Figgy, you're right. You're so right. Armpit. Same level of humidity. And I break a sweat from the door to the car. And, and, and my car is black. So you ROAST when you get in. It's unbelievable. Although, should the apocalypse involve fire or heat, I feel as though I could make it thru, so maybe that's what Houston is preparing me for.

Posted by: ZombieMedic at June 9, 2011 6:03 PM

I love "irascible." But I also really love "obstreperous."

Posted by: klingonfree at June 10, 2011 11:44 AM

Well, I can't stand the winter and that faux spring we have in NY, so I'm thrilled the summer's here. And I'm 7 months pregnant, so you KNOW I love the summer.

"There are so many other kids you can worry about. My kids? They’re going to be all right."

That's pretty insightful, Jada. Well-done.

Posted by: samantha t at June 10, 2011 3:31 PM

I think it is totally hilarious that his surname is Weiner and his Weiner/Penis got twittered out to a young girl. hahahaa providence i tell you! Mr. Weiner.

Posted by: jared jewelry at June 20, 2011 9:30 AM

I'm wondering when we're going to care more about how politicians use their vote on the Patriot Act, healthcare, tax cuts, education, war, defense budgets, subsidies and disaster relief, than what they do with their penises.

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