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Have You Ever Been in a Turkish Prison?

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Pajiba Love | February 13, 2013 | Comments ()


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Have you waited until the last second to get that special someone something for the day that commemorates David Boreanz trying to have a film career? Good news! The most mediocre newspaper in the world has a list of last second items you can buy for Valentine's Day. Here's a hint. Make certain to not buy anything that appears on that list (seriously, a "grow your own tree" kit that's not a sex joke?) and just put a bow on it.

On a related note, do you love old books? Because if you don't, just go put your head in the oven as that would be the best present that you could get your loved ones for Valentine's Day. Here's Neglected Books which is dedicated to finding old out of print books that everyone has forgotten about, and reviewing them.

Hackers broke their way into the Emergency Alert System in Montana, leading to an announcement during the Steve Wilkos show that "dead bodies are rising from their graves."

Matt Damon has announced in an ad that he is going on strike from urination until the entire world has access to clean water. Journalists are irresponsibly assuming that this is a joke, but I insist that Damon put his catheter where his mouth is. That came out wrong.

Paul Tassi argues that Kai the Stoned Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker Hero could in fact be a serial killer like Dexter. I find that entirely plausible, and not just because of my hatchet collection. Don't ruin this for us Paul. We're everywhere.

I'm pretty sure that Leon Sandcastle just won Jeopardy's Teen Tournament. And he does it with the best answer not written by drunk Sean Connery. In other news, Jeopardy is the last remaining thing in the world allowed to have a "teen tournament" that isn't immediately raided by the FBI.

Have you ever had a drink and thought to yourself, self, this drink would be better if it had been mixed using a color-coded set of specifications built in autocad? Engineers have your back.

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Just a travel note, Chechnya has now banned wizards, so if you were going to ignore the travel bans for Westerners and thought your robes were protection enough from the bullets, this might put a cramp in your vacation plans. A little know fact is that this is really just an elaborate mechanism of keeping Nate Silver and proper vote-counting out of the region.

Oh, speaking of Russia, if you think your commute is bad, at least you don't live where tanks come crashing across the highway without even the courtesy of a turn signal:

Finally, I don't know what's going on with this animated GIF, but I haven't stopped sobbing for days, so I figured I'd share the experience:

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Ley

    Oh, THAT gif! It's on Youtube, you know, with sounds and all. I'm too scared to search.

  • Oh holy shit that gif is scarier than that one of Julia Roberts' face pasted on Clive Owen's face. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

  • Mrs. Julien

    HA! I just mentioned that in response to BWeaves!

  • Tinkerville

    If I ever walked through an Apple store with those pictures on the backgrounds I'd have to explain to the blue shirted geniuses why I suddenly started bawling my eyes out.

  • Mrcreosote

    ugh, Autocad? Who even still uses that? The drinks however I approve of.

  • bleujayone

    All I can hear when I see that tank wildly rolling through is Egor Yetzonov screaming "HELP! HELP! ZANETA, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!

  • BWeaves

    That GIF looks like that Julia Roberts GIF. You know of which I speak.

  • Mrs. Julien

    The crazy psycho Clive Owen's face with her smile. Is that the GIF of which you speak?

  • BWeaves

    So far, the two most annoying ads I've seen this week when clicking on video links are the two last things I would want as Valentine gifts:

    1. That giant fucking teddy bear from Vermont.

    2. The fluffy pink onesie with footies for women. The ad line? "Spoil her." Yeah, that would spoil wanting to have sex for a year.

  • BlackRabbit

    Be a good wedding anniversary gift then.

  • hippyherb

    That GIF looks like an ad for a movie-Revenge of the blow up dolls.

  • alwaysanswerb

    Does the header photo have a purpose other than MAKING ME CRY

  • John W

    That GIF!

    I can't stand to look at it yet I cannot turn away...

  • MissAmynae

    i hear them screaming "WE ALL FLOAT!!!!!"

  • Leonard was a baller. Just a few minutes before his winning answer, he bet $18K (his total) on a Daily Double ... and got it right.

  • Jerce

    It is just possible that the single greatest thing about being alive in the 21st Century is Russian dash-cam footage on the internet.

  • Slash

    Agree. Holy shit, their driving makes ours look almost sober and responsible.

  • Kballs

    I think that's Russia's version of Air Force One.

    "Da! Zhust drrrive acrrrozz de fahking motorway, Boris, you Shluha vokzal'naja! We arrre late, we arrre late for a verrry imporrrtant date!!!"

  • lowercase_ryan

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

  • Leelee

    WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT GIF THERE?! Jesus H Christ that's more horrifying that those adverts with the old people puppets. Except they're not even puppets, they're like melted wax with gaping mouths shrieking in a 'hilarious' fashion at me as I hide behind a cushion on my couch.
    I would give you the name of the company it's advertising so that non-UK readers can look it up see them, but I'm not a sadist.

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