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Hate Keira Knightley And Russell Crowe? You're In Luck! Casting News To Satisfy Your Revenge Fantasies

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)



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Okay, this is a real treat for me. Trade and casting news aren’t usually in the Pajiba Love purview. (My purview is, I think, supposed to be celebrity gossip and cat videos. Ha! Dustin hasn’t fired me yet!) However, because he’s a gentleman and a scholar, the boss let me cover these two bits of literary adaptation news. First of all, the jawesome Ms. Keira Knightley (not my favorite) has been confirmed as the titular role in Joe Wright’s Anna Karenina. Now, Wright directed both one of my favorite films of the last year (Hanna) and my least favorite Jane Austen adaptation (the rain soaked Pride and Prejudice). So, it’s a crapshoot, really. At least those of us who rather dislike Knightley can look forward to the (spoilers!) locomotional climax. (BBC)

And, much to my COMPLETE delight, Russell Crowe has been cast as Javert opposite Hugh Jackman in Tom Hooper’s Les Misérables . Crowe is PERFECT. 30 Odd Foot of YES. Javert also meets an untimely end so you Crowe haters should be mollified. Also cast? Geoffrey Rush (who has played Javert) and Helena Bonham Carter as the moth-eaten, grubbing Thénardiers. This is seriously great casting, folks. Everybody raise a glass. Whooo. (MovieLine)
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Okay. Whew. That was a lot of musical/literary excitement! Let’s go tech nerd for a moment, shall we? TechCrunch is reporting that Facebook is rolling out a new “Smart Groups” feature to compete with Google+’s Circles. I loathe Google+ (one more thing to check, CAN’T BE BOTHERED), so I applaud any competing feature that may rub them out of existence. (TechCrunch)

I’m sorry, did that last bit make me sound old and curmudgeonly? Here’s a one-two punch to make you feel even older. Randall Cobb, who scored some touchdownbaskets for Green Bay last night? (GO PACK!) He was born in 1990. And Jonathan Taylor Thomas? He of “Tiger Beat” fame? He turned 30 yesterday. Persephone has a fitting tribute. He’ll always be Simba to me. (Persephone Magazine)

Does that make you want to crawl back into the 90s and curl up in a warm nest of flannel and Hypercolor T-shirts? Well, Late Night TV is here for you this week with performances by both Pearl Jam and The Foo Fighters. (Added bonus clip of Fallon and Vedder singing “Balls In Your Mouth.”) It’s enough to make me dust off my Doc Martens. (Uproxx)

Like JTT, “Star Trek” celebrated a birthday yesterday. Here’s an infographic that celebrates 45 years of phasers, tricorders and holodecks. (/Film)

Speaking of people I’d like in (on?) my holodeck, check out these bodacious photos of Sofía Vergara in “Vanity Fair.” And because we’re equal opportunity objectifiers, here is Anderson Cooper being dashing and charming and, best of all, self-deprecating. (Celebitchy)

Gamers, tell me, would you enjoy Vergara all the more if she were wearing this Angry Bird lingerie? Me? I find it creepy. I would much prefer it if someone gave me these Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru action figures. (Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen)

Whilst we’re on the subject of the skeletal, American Apparel has released a line of “plus size” clothing. (The company’s stick thin, spandex-y look inspired this, my favorite Jezebel article of all time.) One AWESOME woman, objecting to the language and tenor of the plus size model search, sent in these amazing photos. I want to marry her. (Jezebel)

Speaking of body image, Courtney Love objected to a recent Village Voice review which mentioned her physical appearance. She objected incoherently. And at great length. In their comments section. (Village Voice)

My hope that the 2012 Oscars won’t be incoherent increased when I heard that Norm McDonald was lobbying for a writing gig. I love him. (SNL)

When does SNL come back on? Why, let’s check this handy list of Fall TV Premiere Dates. September 24th? Delightful. Thanks, Eric D. Snider! (Snide Remarks)

Finally, here is a delightful art project which mashes two iconic (new and old) faces together. It’s pretty fancy but Pattinson and James Dean? I don’t think so. (Iconatomy)

I can never say no to some good Nature Time Lapse. Here is a whole year’s worth.

And, well, my darjeelings, Sunday marks the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Though it may seem shallow, I’m going to honor that fact with this supercut of The World Trade Center in Film. It’s symbolic, damnit. For something more profound, check out Sarah Carlson’s post about New York. It’s lovely.

Twin Tower Cameos from Dan Meth on Vimeo.

Joanna Robinson has been making “Oh No, Mr. Bill!” noises at that Keira Knightley photo all morning.









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Comments

So to be perfectly accurate, I don't think Norm McDonald has ever made anything more coherent. I think it's quite the opposite. But what he can do is actually make said incoherence funny.

Note to self: Write more coherently about the coherence of award shows.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 9, 2011 2:21 PM

I dont hate Kiera. I just feel sorry for the wee thing. I would pick her up, tuck her under my arm and take her home with me to feed her Ghirrardelli chocolates and pizza until she sprouted hips like a real woman and then like a wounded bird I would set her free.

Posted by: logan at September 9, 2011 2:23 PM

Ok, before I read ANYTHING else - WHY IS MOST OF THE CAST OF LES MIS PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FUCKING SING?!?!?! GODDAMMIT! I am so fucking sick & tired of Hollywood buying up brilliant pieces of musical theater, with brilliant scores and then going "oh, dude, fuck the music, it totally doesn't matter if anyone is good enough to actually sing it, just give me a big fucking name so that people come just to watch that person shit all over their songs!" And this always seems like a great idea! It's Sweeney Fucking Todd all over again. You want to cast Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter? THEN CUT THE SCORE AND MAKE IT A NORMAL MOVIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE. At least with this one they started out well - Jackman and Hathaway are not my vision of those parts, but they at least possess the requisite skill set to pull them off. EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON you just listed CANNOT SING. Javert has some incredibly difficult music, but let's just cast Russell Crowe cause people like him and he kinda looks a bit right, so let's totally forget that he CAN'T FUCKING SING.

/endrant

Posted by: KatSings at September 9, 2011 2:26 PM

Isn't Anna older and, um, womanly?

Hate them both. Two more for the Won't Watch pile. When is a new Colin Farrell movie coming out? Please!

Posted by: Gin at September 9, 2011 2:27 PM

The Twin Towers have as much screen time on Sports Night as Dan and Casey. Watching it now is eerie and sweet all the same.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at September 9, 2011 2:28 PM

**Cynic Alert**

Am I the only person who feels jaded and manipulated by the 9/11 commemorative hype?
I fully understand that affected families and communities want to mark the date. But for most people nothing really changed.
There were about ten hours of people saying how we would all pay more attention to our families and the things that really matter and not let our jobs rules our lives and then just about everybody went back to the salt mines to be abused by bosses and push the time clock further and ended up participating in one of the most greed-fueled decades society has seen in centuries.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 9, 2011 2:36 PM

Thank you Joanna for the Sofia Vergara pics! I'd hug you but the restraining order precludes that so I'll just wave from 501 feet.

Posted by: logan at September 9, 2011 2:39 PM

Am I the only person who feels jaded and manipulated by the 9/11 commemorative hype?

I get what you're saying, Paddy. Because we've lived through it, and are still living through its aftermath, it feels weird to have retrospectives and the like. But 10 years is a legitimate anniversary, and even beyond that, I personally don't feel that the days/week leading up to December 7 or July 4, or the third Monday of January, each and every year are over "hyped" either.

Posted by: RobP at September 9, 2011 2:43 PM

To qualify, now that my rage has subsided, I think Rush and Bonham Carter can probably pull of the Thenardiers - the music is secondary to the character work for both, and they can both act the hell out of those parts. Most of my rant is geared towards the trend of taking music with beautiful, complicated scores and giving those parts to people who are severely un- or underqualified to play them just to put a big name on the marquee.

Posted by: KatSings at September 9, 2011 2:47 PM

Um ... Russell Crowe can, in fact, sing. Just FYI. I have a degree in voice, so yes, I AM qualified to make that judgement. Anyway.

Also, that RC pic is the best picture to ever grace this website. Yes, I did just say that. Swoon.

Posted by: Samantha at September 9, 2011 2:50 PM

Oh I agree it's a legitimate anniversary that should be marked, but the 24-hour non-stop commercialized commemoration is what I'm objecting to.
Do you really think People magazine would have a cover of the "children of 9/11" instead of the usual celebrity pulp if they didn't think it would sell well?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 9, 2011 2:50 PM

Holodecks have not been around for 45 years. They were introduced on The Next Generation, and are therefore about 24 years old. Duh.

Posted by: fracas at September 9, 2011 2:56 PM

I'm just dreading the non-stop 9/11 commemorative special that is sure to be airing during NFL games this Sunday.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 9, 2011 2:57 PM

So there's another Randall Cobb out there, huh? Not Tex? And much younger, apparently.

Posted by: Todd at September 9, 2011 2:57 PM

Wait... People hate Russell Crowe?

Posted by: Camytaru at September 9, 2011 2:58 PM

I'm with you, Paddy. I'll be avoiding live teevee and radio and print media for the weekend.

Also, getting out of the house, since that's all that will be on/discussed all weekend. (As it's been for the last week, really.) I do get that it's a legitimate thing and an historical event and all that (I really, really do; pseudo-Mr.vB's sister is one of the people who made it out of one of those buildings alive, and I realize that for her 82-year-old mother it's a Big Effing Deal, and I respect that), but to have to deal with that commercialization (which is very definitely more about ratings and the almighty dollar than coming together as a nation/world to commemorate) and to have to re-watch all the footage again and again and again... No. No thank you. I just don't need to, you know? I know already. I do.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at September 9, 2011 3:01 PM

Do you really think People magazine would have a cover of the "children of 9/11" instead of the usual celebrity pulp if they didn't think it would sell well?

Fair enough. I guess I was just thinking about all the stories I've heard on NPR this week, and I've "enjoyed" every single one of them. But, yeah, I would violently avoid rags like People for doing that.

Posted by: RobP at September 9, 2011 3:25 PM

Gwyneth can sing! Gwyneth as Eponine!

Just so I can watch her die of a gunshot wound.

Posted by: sars at September 9, 2011 3:28 PM

I'm also thinking of the fact that it wasn't until this year that the 9/11 responder's health benefits bill was finally passed and only then when John Stewart pretty much shamed lawmakers into doing it.
Willing to walk around wearing giant flag pins on Sunday? Sure.
Willing to provide health care for those injured trying to help on the day? Nope.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 9, 2011 3:29 PM

Posted by: fracas at September 9, 2011 2:56 PM

Who pissed in your dilithium crystal flakes?

Posted by: branded at September 9, 2011 3:34 PM

Sorry, that should read "last year"

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 9, 2011 3:35 PM

According to American Apparel's size chart, their XL is the equivalent of a size 12/14.

They must be basing their sizes on women in countries that grow 'em small because a size 12 sure as hell isn't an extra large in my neck of the woods.

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 9, 2011 3:42 PM

Paddydog, I think that this is the best, most honest and most heartfelt honoring of 9/11 I've seen so far. You'll appreciate it.

Posted by: TK at September 9, 2011 3:45 PM

Posted by: TK at September 9, 2011 3:45 PM

SEE! You are a pussycat. I knew it.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at September 9, 2011 3:48 PM

Goddamnit, Joanna.

Posted by: TK at September 9, 2011 3:52 PM

TK:

That was perfect.

Hugs to all.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 9, 2011 4:03 PM

Thanks, TK.

No Hypercolor for me. I'm kicking back in my color-wash Guess.

Keira Knightley has Surprise Legs, it's a deceptively slender woman thing. I didn't really find her attractive until she was 1. In bulky drag ("I can only see her face and it's pretty!") and then 2. Wearing a bulky top without pants ("I can only see her face and her legs and it's pretty!"). The "Atonement" dress look did nothing for me, but she's got strengths with me.

I rather enjoyed "Sweeney Todd" AND "Topsy Turvy".

Posted by: Jay at September 9, 2011 4:16 PM

Where is the link to Sarah Carlson's post about NY?

Posted by: John W at September 9, 2011 4:18 PM

duh! never mind!

Posted by: John W at September 9, 2011 4:19 PM

Awww...JTT was my first celebricrush.

I just know in my bones that Lea Michele will be cast as Eponine. Because people always like to ruin my fun.

Posted by: Quorren at September 9, 2011 4:29 PM

That you enjoyed Hanna and dislike Pride and Prejudice tells me we shall never be friends.

Posted by: KKO at September 9, 2011 4:49 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxmHTmfFZXs&feature=related

Russell Crowe doing Molly Malone with my two favorite bands, Carbon Leaf and Great Big Sea.

Posted by: DominaNefret at September 9, 2011 5:10 PM

I don't get the brouhaha that American Apparel's XL is a size 12. That's pretty standard. Other than that, I agree with just about all crap heaped on AA.

In terms of commercialization of 9/11...it's late in the day and all, but I'm going to self-promote a bit. WAIT - it's for something free! I'm part of a musical-theater oratorio in NYC that was written shortly after 9/11/01. And one of the pieces actually deals pretty pointedly with all that commercialization. So if you are in NYC, there are free concerts tonight, tomorrow and Sun, plus 2 next week.
http://www.ashkenasi.net/job.html

If self-promotion can ever be anti-commercial...this is that case

Posted by: Sara Tonin at September 9, 2011 5:54 PM

So...Keira Knightley will have sex with a train?

Posted by: Jim Doggie at September 9, 2011 6:11 PM

Since we're talking t-shirts, I went to the Hanes website and snagged their size chart which shows size 16 - 18 as an XL. That, to me, is a pretty significant size difference.

Hopefully my hyperlink worked or I'm going to be embarrassed.

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 9, 2011 6:52 PM

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 9, 2011 6:53 PM

I guess I'm in the minority, I LOVE Russell Crowe!!!!

Posted by: dl at September 9, 2011 8:57 PM

Seriously Joanna, how can anyone hate Russell Crowe? He is the best actor to ever exist in the entire universe, and yes, he can sing. He sang a duet with his wife on his latest album and it is lovely. I'll admit, sometimes Rusty does bad things, but he is still RUSSELL CROWE!
And Captain Jack Aubrey is TOTALLY HOT!!

( Jeesh, I feel like a 14 year old belieber)

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 9, 2011 9:29 PM

Why Keira Knightley? They can't let her wreck all the classics!
Also, Helena Bonham Carter would make an awesome Anna Karenina.

Posted by: sarahj at September 9, 2011 10:40 PM

Keira Knightley's skin is gross. Every closeup of her face shows a thick spackling of makeup over a rash of pimples. English Rose, my ass! And those jagged little teeth...CREEPY! Yep, I'm a hater.

Posted by: BitterKitten at September 9, 2011 11:49 PM

TK: that was perfect. Hugs to you all!
Paddy: I totally get it. I work for the US Military so it's always a bit more...there for us I guess. I will spend Sunday avoiding the TV though. I agree that the commercialism has taken over and is out of control. I do disagree that after 10 hours it was over and life didn't change. I'm glad that you were able to be unaffected as much as others were.
These 10 years have taken a terrible toll on our Military and their families and the resources that support them. This is as good a time as any to reflect and reassess, and hopefully plan for a less war filled future for us all.

Posted by: trixie at September 10, 2011 1:51 PM

I was at a major-league baseball game on a Sunday this year, and every Sunday MLB has a seventh-inning tribute to 9/11, and I asked the guys I was with, "When do you suppose we'll stop doing this? I mean, you KNOW we'll give up the 9/11 tributes somewhere down the road. Something like 12 bajillion people died in WWII and we don't do tributes to them anymore, do we? So, who's gonna be the first and when? 20 years? 50? We don't much commemorate the Kennedy assassination anymore, right? When does 9/11 leach out of the collective conciousness?"

Also, Keira appears to have some skin issues, as that photo appears to be more high-def than she should pose for.

Posted by: , at September 11, 2011 1:26 AM

The thing is, Kat Sings, the idea of casting proper actors in Les Mis, rather than the overstuffed emoting hams in bad wigs who typically pop up in the stage version, is absolutely delighting me. I used to love it as a kid, but I can't take it seriously as an adult: Broadway-voiced singers tend to sound insincere and be too taken with their own high notes to get the actual strength of the story out there.

Posted by: Kirstini at September 11, 2011 7:20 AM

Www.evilbeetgossip.com

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Posted by: dpmqwnht68 at October 22, 2011 1:20 AM