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Gwyneth Paltrow Officially Promises You Her Sh*t Does Not Stink

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (17)

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My power went out this morning. On a sky blue sunny day in California. I’m taking that as the first sign of 2012’s promised End Of Days. As such, let’s all read up on How To Survive The Apocalypse with the help of television’s most beloved characters. (Warming Glow)

Well, fine, most beloved by me, okay? Also, ladies, brush up on your post-apocalyptic grooming tips by studying these Hottest Girls In Apocalyptic Movies. Don’t look skeptical! It’s actually a pretty kickass collection. (Complex)

Speaking of dystopian females, Kristen Bell wins all the points with me by confessing that she dressed as Katniss Everdeen from “The Hunger Games” for her 30th birthday. Read all the way through as she adorably pitches for a role in the sequel. (Moviefone)

This is a great little trivia list from io9. Hit movies that everyone thinks were flops. I have to admit, with the exception of The Last Airbender (which I already knew inexplicably made money abroad) I thought all these films had tanked. (io9)

Speaking of tanks, Gwyneth would like you to give yours a thorough and expensive flushing. And, finally, the GOOP branding name broke me. I guffawed. (Celebitchy)
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But, trust me, you will need all the cleanses after trying these Star Wars themed burgers. They’re being linked all over the place and I normally avoid something you’ve probably already seen, but DEAR GOD THE BUN IS BLACK*. (The Daily What)

Speaking of Star Wars nostalgia. Sometimes I get tired of all this sh*t being marketed with the express purpose of tapping into my youthful pursuits. Wookiee Hoodie indeed, Hot Topic. But this? This is actual, unmanufactured nostalgia. Called “Growing Up Star Wars,” it’s a collection of images of people, well, growing up with Star Wars. And it’s adorable. (Unreality)

In related news, John Carter sure looks like *ss. Paint him any color you want, I KNOW A JAR JAR WHEN I SEE ONE. (Comic Book Movie)
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Listen, it may not be the worst movie ever, but I am going to say that John’s fancy necklace shirt isn’t going to make its way into the Ultimate Fanboy Costume anytime soon. What this costume is lacking, however, is either a fez, a bow tie, or a brown trench. (Fashionably Geek)

I have to agree with Boing Boing. This is, in fact, the best NYT correction I’ve ever read. (Boing Boing)

As someone who has watched all of “Battlestar Galactica” (well, most…there was one REALLY boring half season), I enjoyed this 8-bit reenactment of the entire series. Spoilers. Like, obviously. All the Spoilons.

Finally, of all the non-Obama options this election season. This seems the most viable. Eh?

*racist.









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Comments

Given that Johanna is totally or nearly naked for most of her appearances in Catching Fire...I'm on board.

Posted by: Sean at January 5, 2012 2:18 PM

Good for you, Gwyneth. A noble cause.

I finally saw "Iron Man 2" the other day. Not a great movie. Not at all. That said, Pepper Potts was one of the bright spots and the scenes with Pepper and Tony were by far the best.

Gwyneth comes through again!

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at January 5, 2012 2:21 PM

I was wondering how you got that picture of my queen friend Sofie, and then...

No, I can't say that I realized it was Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't think that's her.

Posted by: Lemonhead at January 5, 2012 2:23 PM

I think the more important point is that "Eragon" was hilariously terrible.

I was telling my friends the other night that I prematurely feel sorry for "The Hunger Games" and we discussed all the other YA movies that have failed. There are so many. I don't wish it ill will, it's just an unlucky thing.

And now I wish I had the pictures of me ecstatically holding up my blister-packed Star Wars figures on my birthday, I guess I was three or four (see pictures of me in my mid-30s for mostly the same thing). My visual memory says it was Han and Leia in those shots. They're in a photo album somewhere. My dad recorded audio letters to Santa from my sister and I and neither of them knew what I was talking about. "A town-town? What?"

Posted by: Jay at January 5, 2012 2:23 PM

No seriously, it's the best NYT correction EVER!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 5, 2012 2:28 PM

Those Growing Up Star Wars pictures really are the best ever.

Posted by: MM at January 5, 2012 2:30 PM

If you enjoy the correction, you HAVE to read the Observer piece linked in the post. I enjoyed this little gem.

"'I hate to get anything wrong, but I confess to some enjoyment in finding the right way to phrase this one,' Ms. Harmon wrote The Observer in an e-mail."

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at January 5, 2012 2:57 PM

Not to shit all over everything, but the 2 little blonde kids in the Star Wars pics look a little "Heil Hitler" to me. I mean...take a look at how the action figures are posed....
just sayin

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at January 5, 2012 3:01 PM

I got my first copy of Star Wars (all three on VHS!) for Christmas when I was 7 and I was so excited I accidentally ripped the package trying to open them. My dad had gone to the opening showing of 'A New Hope' in '77 and the bedtime story I best remember is him telling me about it. Not just the plot of Star Wars, but of experiencing that kind of groundbreaking cinema.

And then that Halloween I was Leia, complete with hair buns and a laser pistol I chased all the neighborhood kids around with. My parents rock.

Posted by: Tori at January 5, 2012 3:08 PM

Since the only experiences I have with John Carter are the opening pages of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol. 1, I can only say, "Meesa thinking yousa left your shirt inna saddlebag."

Posted by: NateS1973 at January 5, 2012 3:12 PM

Personally, if you absolutely desire a Gwyneth Paltrow product in order to relieve an impacted colon, save your money and just watch a double-billing of Bounce and Country Strong while killing a canister of pitted apricots. I guarantee you'll be evacuating with such force that you'll be denting the toilet bowl before bedtime.

Curious that she's is promoting this product to flush one's excrement, when it's a known fact that she's been a fourth degree master of talking her shit out for years.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 5, 2012 3:19 PM

Boy, I need to watch The Road to Wellville again.

"My own stools, sir, are gigantic and have no more odor than a hot biscuit."

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 5, 2012 3:39 PM

"When Gwyneth takes a healthy shit
Do odors foul the air?
The ones that you and I expel,
That rot our underwear?
Or does it hint of frankincense,
And other fragrance rare?"

Hell no.

Anyway, that is a rather amazing NYT correction. Bronies may rest easy now.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 5, 2012 4:07 PM

The Canada Party failed to mention the Canadian government has been convicted of breaking the law. It is ignoring its conviction and continuing to act in an unlawful fashion. The Federal judge called the Minister's actions "an affront to the rule of law."

Two relevant news articles on the matter:
Does it matter if our laws are passed illegally?
Canadians should understand that at stake here is not just a technical point of law, but the integrity of parliamentary government.

Rule by law, or is it rule of law?
University of Ottawa constitutional law expert Errol Mendes warns that when a government does something in violation of existing laws regardless of justice or what rights are at stake, "that moves us towards an authoritarian state. What the government is doing is saying basically let's forget about the rule of law in this country and let's introduce the concept of rule by law."

Posted by: AmaraAngelus at January 5, 2012 4:32 PM

I'm sorry, I hate to get all complainy-wainy just as the new year begins but the story on the Goop colonics coupled with a pic of her putting her fingers in her mouth is really grossing me out.
Oral-fecal contamination people. It's a real problem. I don't care how pretty it looks on Gwynnie.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 5, 2012 5:18 PM

What I want to do is put 'racist' in EVERYWHERE you put an asterisk so it reads like racistss and shracistt.
Because...why the heck not?

Posted by: Nadine at January 5, 2012 5:42 PM

JoRo, it's "urban"...whatever.

Posted by: ElmoTee at January 6, 2012 1:09 PM