Gwyneth Paltrow Named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, But Tilda Swinton is the Most Flawless
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Gwyneth Paltrow Named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, But Tilda Swinton is the Most Flawless

By Courtney Enlow | Pajiba Love | April 24, 2013 | Comments ()


Clearly selected because she appeals to all of humanity, regardless of age or income level (oooh! Cleaning tips from a butler! How charitable of her to interview the help like that!), People Magazine, a publication located firmly inside the anal sphincter of Hollywood, chose Gwyneth Paltrow as their World's Most Beautiful Woman! (exclamation point theirs). Her appeal is so universal. (People)

In a related story, Time named Christina Aguilera one of their 100 most influential people in the world, despite the fact that she wasn't that influential when she was actually relevant. Celine Dion wrote her write-up and it is the Celineist. *chest pound* (Time)

As I've harped on many a time, the industry of celebrity public relations is so insane, it actually rivals the industry of being an actual celebrity. For instance, that incident with Reese Witherspoon (aka, Laura Jeanne Poon) yelling at a cop and getting a DUI this weekend? Her husband might, for the sole purpose of scrubbing her previously flawless image, go to rehab for a drinking problem fabricated for the aforementioned sole purpose of scrubbing her previously flawless image. What in the wild world of fuck, people? (Lainey Gossip)

Speaking of Reese's pieces, that "one drink too many" rendered her unable to even lift her head up in her mug shot. Like, I'm not crazy, right? Other people think drunk driving is a bad thing, right? (Celebitchy)

Budweiser is going to be sold in bow tie-shaped cans. Yes, bow ties are cool, but I've heard little on how shape will prevent the product from tasting like piss water. (Co.Design)

Is there anywhere you shouldn't twerk? Not in my estimation, but this list makes a fairly compelling argument against certain places. (Stereotude)

This GIFset of clips from TLC's "Waterfalls" video is literally the most necessary thing to ever grace the internet. (Uproxx)

Salon asks, "is it ethical" for media outlets to interview Amanda Bynes? You know how I feel about that one. (Salon)

Here's a dog dressed as a shark. On a Roomba. Chasing a cat. Dressed as a duck. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE INTERNET. (Neatorama)

Album cover cake pops? They're so pretty, but I have a hard time eating things that well crafted. GOOD JOKE, ME. I don't have trouble eating anything. (Boing Boing)

Finally, because she is a superior alien being without human flaw, SWINTON lead a conga line at Ebertfest, and Chaz Ebert danced along and made me heart-happy. Central Illinois pride, people. (Chicagoist)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • ,

    Budweiser is ... piss water.

    If you are ever in my town and come by my favorite bar, I will happily buy you a Chimay White, just for those four words.

  • poopnado

    Oh how I miss you, Shampoo Banana.

  • Like Tom and Lorenzo said: People is the greatest troll there's ever been. What better way to ensure that people won't shut the hell up about your 'decision' than to make it the most hated woman in Hollywood?

    Next year: Anne Hathaway!

  • $27019454

    I'll fucking drink to that.

  • John W

    When Tilda Swinton asks you to dance you say YESSS!!

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    At some point we have to stop paying attention to what People magazine says. And by "we" I mean "you people". All of you. Stop. And so having come here seeking refuge from the general fuckery of the internet I learn that Gwyneth Paltrow is now the most blah blah blah of the blah blah blah. Wasn't she a different blah blah last week?

    So now I'm confused and cranky. I hope you are pleased with yourself Pajiba Love.

  • Simulacrum 1138

    What do you mean, "you people"?

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    What do YOU mean "you people"?

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Well what do YOU mean when you ask what YOU mean?!?

    *I meant Pajibans

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    The internet heard out all the whining about her being most hated and rewarded you with this title. Publishing time differences be damned. Merry Christmas, fluffers.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    perish the thought: reaching swinton saturation point.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    I do not understand what those words mean when you put them together like that.

  • googergieger

    So is the list like, most beautiful women that used to be famous? Or married to shitty musicians? Or, most beautiful women you wish you could still like but they make it impossible to?

  • Lee

    The worst part of this is that you just know how much this will go to her head, and reinforce the narcissistic traits that make her so insufferable. I cringe at People mag choices every year, coz they ALWAYS pick the least deserving.

  • e jerry powell

    So now Tilda's art is derivative of Ellen DeGeneres.

    Still fun, though.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Did you just diss SWINTON?

  • e jerry powell

    No, I didn't. When we were discussing her performance piece, did I not say that Marina Abromavic was derivative of Swinton? Now Swinton is putting on some Ellen DeGeneres, no?

  • e jerry powell

    Apparently the cat is quite pleased with itself.

  • dizzylucy

    I'd like to know how you get a costume on a cat. Let's just say I've tried, and it has never gone well.

  • Rochelle

    I had a cat I could put costumes on. She loved to be admired and would tolerate a lot for attention. She would never ride on a roomba though. She preferred to be horizontal as much as possible.

  • Maguita NYC

    One word.

  • e jerry powell

    That's a good question. I think sedation must have been involved. Maybe even drugged cat treats.

  • Bea Pants

    It should be. My cats run from a plain old dust mop. Riding for an extended period of time on a roomba is quite a feat of bravery for a cat.

  • Bea Pants

    It should be. My cats are scared shitless by the dust mop. Consenting to ride on a roomba for an extended period of time is out of the question.

  • BlackRabbit

    Duct tape?

  • toblerone

    Gwyneth Paltrow Named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

    If ever there was proof needed that these types of lists are complete garbage then this is it.

  • TheOtherGreg

    I like Gwyneth just fine.

  • Mrs. Julien

    More to the point, they usually represent current popularity. That's what makes it truly baffling.

  • dizzylucy

    Maybe they saw she was voted #1 for something and chose her, and THEN found out it was most "hated"?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Here’s a dog dressed as a shark. On a Roomba. Chasing a cat. Dressed as a duck.

    Surrealism in art has been rendered redundant.

  • BWeaves

    OK, actually it's a cat dressed as a shark on a Roomba being chased by a duckling. Then a very embarrassed looking dog, dressed as a hammerhead shark shows up and hangs his head in shame.

    Fremdschämen at it's finest.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Nice incorporation of the new word. 5 points to Gryffindor!

  • e jerry powell

    I don't know if I'd go that far...

  • Mrs. Julien

    I would. I would go that far AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

    I artichoked a ukeleke hamster!

  • e jerry powell

    You've been dipping into the margaritas again, haven't you?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I am injured and I do what I have to to get through my day.

  • Maguita NYC

    ? What happened? ... Need a bit of momoaaaning to help with the healing (see boobies in see-through)?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Jesus, it's insane. He gives Raoul Bova a run for his his money. Who is Raul Bova? I'm glad you asked...

    (Sprained ankle)

  • Maguita NYC

    It's the new haircut, isn't it? "Handsome Devil" never suited one so better.

    Although I support any and every excuse for extra bed "rest", do try and take care of the sprained ankle Mrs. J.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Plus more momoa

  • Mrs. Julien


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