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George Clooney Says He Can't Run For Political Office Because He's F*cked Too Many Chicks? Me Too, Cloons. Me Too.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (30)

george-clooney.jpeg

Hey rest of the world! We’re about to have unprecedented amounts of (a.k.a. any) snow here in San Francisco. Thanks, global warming. So you’ll excuse me if I’m distracted and clicking refresh on this site as I deliver today’s linkage. (Snowing In SF Yet)

I really dig this story of South Korean forces dropping leaflets about the protests in Egypt and Tunisia over North Korean soil. It seems so…wistful. (Reuters)

Do you ever feel, my randy little rams, like this column is a little too girlie? Well, Pissboy has sent me a wrestling-related link that is sure to butch up the place. Also, I met Rikishi in a Lyon’s restaurant one time, but I’ll tell you about that when I know you better. (Where’s Randy Savage)

Speaking of things I’d like to wrestle, how cute is James Franco? TOO CUTE. It’s only a few days until the Oscar Ceremony, so here’s a handy little infographic on projected winners that might help you win C. Rob’s devilishly hard quiz. I’ll see you here on Oscar night, my dears, for Courtney’s live blog of the ceremony. Bring Cake! (Next Round)

One Oscar story that’s been buzzing around the internet is about the so-called “curse” that afflicts married/coupled actresses who win an Academy Award and then promptly lose their man. This tidy little retort says everything my feminist heart is hollering. (Flick Filosopher)

You know whose love life hasn’t been afflicted by an Oscar win? Cloons. Did you read his interview in Newsweek where he claimed he “f*cked too many ch*cks” to run for office? Even when he’s crassly honest, I love him. The ch*ck he is currently giving the business to is planning a big blowout for his 50th birthday. I hope there are wall-to-wall stripper cakes. (Celebitchy)

I’d buy all the stripper cakes for the hacktivist group known as “Anonymous” who took on the Westboro Baptist Church this week. Especially if this guy is actually a member. (Business Insider)

Oh but they’re computer nerds, right? They’d probably prefer “Doctor Who” cupcakes. No, no, don’t be silly, I won’t serve them the ones with those stupid new amazing technicolor dream Daleks on them. I’m not cruel. (Flickr)

Personally, I think the P. Love drinking game should involve some rule about mentioning Star Wars. But I wouldn’t want to kill you. Um, so have you seen this wicked cool series of Star Wars action figures reimagined as Western archetypes?!? There’s a grammar error in the headline that hurts my teeth, but other than that this might be my favorite thing the internet gave me today. (Unreality)

But then again, today the internet gave me Nick Offerman of “Parks and Recreation” talking about the internet meme “Cats Who Look Like Ron Swanson.” Money quote while describing one of the cats: “That would be Ron sitting by a burbling stream, redolent of trout.” (NY Mag)

I think this “Riverdale” trailer has settled the age-old question for me. In the battle of Betty vs. Veronica, it’s definitely Veronica. Or, possibly Midge. But it ain’t Betty. Also, this is not safe for work probably. (The High Definite)

But it was never a battle when it came to my favorite Beatle. It was always George. Sitartastic! (Concert For George)

Check out this surprisingly well done sketch with the bullies from The Neverending Story. I always wanted a Luck Dragon of my very own, but now I’m not so certain.

Apparently this “Misery Bear” character is a long running thing at the BBC? I’ve never seen it before, but it cracked me up. It’s almost like a cute animal video, y’all. Almost.

Joanna Robinson is ignoring the coked-up, porn star-loving elephant in the room because Dustin sort of covered it. However, in the words of Mark Lisanti: “Charlie Sheen is a national hero for getting “Two and a Half Men” off the air 8 weeks early. Let’s chip in and send him a nice crack basket.” Please send all crack baskets to godtopuswept@gmail.com









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Comments

CLOONTANG! CLOONTANG!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 25, 2011 1:04 PM

Wasn't Amy Pond a "dancer" before the Doctor picked her up? Or something like that. She definitely wasn't a police officer. At any rate, there's no reason those cupcakes can't be stripper AND Doctor Who related.

...but I’ll tell you about that when I know you better.
It already been a few months. How well do you need to know us? I think we need have a talk about where we think this relationship is going.

Posted by: L4NkYb at February 25, 2011 1:12 PM

Nick Offerman's comments made my god damned day.

Posted by: Julie at February 25, 2011 1:18 PM

I hate to rain on your parade, Love-mistress, but the Anonymous beat down of Westboro BC may be a hoax ginned up by Father "I'll do butt seks for publicity" Fred Phillips.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 25, 2011 1:27 PM

(The link I have up there covers that. . .promise! But even if you can't rain on my parade today, you can snow on it if you like. SNOW!!!)

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at February 25, 2011 1:30 PM

Oh, and since you mention San Francisco - darling fellow deviants, my wife of 10 and I will be heading to SFO at the end of March for our anniversary. If you have any good things to do, not necessarily touristy things, I'd be in your debt if you'd email them to me @gmail. And nothing arrest worthy, please - she's a pastor has to keep the public nose clean.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 25, 2011 1:32 PM

CLOONTANG! CLOONTANG!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 25, 2011 1:04 PM

Do you have ANY idea how painful it is to laugh nachos out your nose? DO YOU?!

Posted by: lubeg at February 25, 2011 1:34 PM

I met Rikishi in the Atlanta airport.

Posted by: Kargoyle at February 25, 2011 1:43 PM

Jesus Christ the Oscars hasn’t even begun yet and I’m already sick and tired of James Franco. Him and his fake renaissance man routine. Hey buddy, unless you’re some eighteenth century recluse I would suggest you leave the painting to Monet or Renior, and not you, James Franco. I mean you might think that you’re an artist and therefore you have something to present to the world, but really you don’t, you’re just a grade B actor that luckily got picked to by spidey’s sidekick.


Maybe someone needs to tell Cloons that right now he’s getting the best pussy he’ll ever get. I didn’t know that hanging out at the UN making speeches and being a goodwill ambassador turns you into such a pussy magnet.

Posted by: Pookie at February 25, 2011 1:48 PM

There’s a grammar error

No there's not. And shouldn't that be "grammatical error"?

Anyway, I LIKE the big colorful Daleks. Ptoeey!

Posted by: Jay at February 25, 2011 1:59 PM

The colorful Daleks are just wrong. How can they be different colors if their whole deal is to kill anything that's different?

Posted by: (Not so) Blonde Savant at February 25, 2011 2:06 PM

I always thought the luck dragon was far more unsettling than the Gmork. If I was in the swamps of sadness and had to choose between some huge ass wolf or that cackling dog faced abomination I honestly don't know which one I'd choose.

Posted by: elgarcon at February 25, 2011 2:07 PM

I prefer brunettes but Veronica Lodge will always be a waste of space.

Posted by: Jay at February 25, 2011 2:35 PM

So much for snow in SF. Its sunny as shit today. Really windy, though.

Posted by: JapJay at February 25, 2011 3:42 PM

so, george clooney owns his own satellite for spying on the military in the sudan? right to the top of the list for creative ways to enjoy being a millionaire.

so, people are allowed to just start their own private intelligence agencies? can anyone put a camera into geosynchronous orbit?

Posted by: idleprimate at February 25, 2011 3:54 PM

idleprimate, don't worry yourself none too much about Cloons. The satellite is just a prop to keep the broads coming. Cloons ain't getting any younger and the satellite, well, that's for when he has trouble getting it up.

Posted by: Pookie at February 25, 2011 4:09 PM

I wasn't worried, i was jealous. I want a spy satellite! Except I would use mine to become a super villain.

Posted by: idleprimate at February 25, 2011 4:23 PM

There are rallies all over the country to show support for Wisconsin this Saturday. Show up.

Democracy is not a spectator sport.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 25, 2011 4:29 PM

Way to harsh my Clooney buzz PaddyDog.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 25, 2011 4:46 PM

I still don't get why bedding too many women precludes him from running for office. Clinton not only ran for office, but won and balanced the budget while banging everything in sight.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 25, 2011 4:55 PM

Oh, Jay, yes, there is an error. A horrible, teeth grinding one. It should be "If Star Wars WERE a Western." "Was" is incorrect.

Posted by: noodlestein at February 25, 2011 4:56 PM

Sorry Mrs. Julien, but every little mention may help.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 25, 2011 4:58 PM

I just thought of how Clooney can become President. It involves sexual favors and getting the women's vote.

Posted by: denesteak at February 25, 2011 5:12 PM

I would just like to say that San Francisco has it easy. Here in Boston it's 34 degrees and pouring. And so windy that umbrella-carrying is not practical. And all the snow is about half-melted (the piles are only up to my shoulders now! No, I'm really not exaggerating!), so all the sidewalks are lakes. It's like Boreas got together with the Nephelae and had a "let's see how cold we can make it before the rain becomes snow" session. Or possibly a "let's see how much can we piss esme off" session.

Posted by: esme at February 25, 2011 6:23 PM

"Was" is incorrect.

No, you're just looking at it wrong.

Posted by: Jay at February 25, 2011 6:35 PM

Reminds me of the heady days of my "James Suck" shirt.

Posted by: Jay at February 25, 2011 6:35 PM

Cheryl Blossom all the way.

Posted by: Shadowen at February 25, 2011 7:22 PM

I kinda feel like calling Anonymous "hacktivists" are giving them more credit than they're due. Every now and then they use their powers for good, and get their pats on the back, but more often they're hanging out at 4chan posting the personal information of people who piss them off.

Posted by: Amanda6 at February 25, 2011 7:56 PM

I love the juxtaposition of two of my favorite faces, Winston and Ron Swanson.

I'm sure there's a grammatical error in the above sentence (sentence above?).

Posted by: Three-nineteen at February 25, 2011 9:10 PM

Can we get an actual number ruling on just how much pussy is TOO much pussy? Because I'm in the low double digits, so I'm hoping I have some leash to play with.

Posted by: , at February 26, 2011 2:53 AM