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For Nicole Kidman's Birthday We Remember Simpler, Less Botoxic Times

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (72)

nicolekidman9.jpeg

How was your weekend my loves? Google, which has, of late, stepped up efforts to integrate personal and social messages into their interface, made a bit of a faux pas with a Father’s Day reminder to “Call Dad.” This struck a sour note with several of my friends who have lost their fathers. Then again, computer engineers aren’t famous for their social graces. (Tech Crunch)

I know some folks spent a very paternal time watching the U.S. Open this weekend. I’m super impressed with golf champ Rory McIlroy but keep wanting to call him Roy McAvoy. You know why? Because Tin Cup is a damn fine underrated movie. That’s why. Anyway, NPR has a glowing write-up of young Rory. (NPR)

Speaking of RILFs (Rory’s I’d Like To Frisk), this story of a man who moved into his wife’s tomb to spend the rest of his days with her reminded me of “Doctor Who“‘s Lone Centurion. Only, you know, with an added dash of macabre. (io9)

We know that we’ll likely not see any “Doctor Who” in 2012, but maybe this story of Matt Smith as Batman (yes in a suit…yes there are fake abs) will cheer you Whovians up. (Telegraph)

Alas, alack, there will not be a “Doctor Who” panel at ComicCon this year. There will, however be a “Torchwood” panel to tide you over. Warming Glow has the schedule of some other great TV Panels. Ooooh, “Game of Thrones” panel. Glimpsing Emilia Clarke’s delightful posterior in person would be worth the price of admission. (Warming Glow)

In other swords and sorcery news, Evangeline Lilly (aka horrid Kate from “Lost”) has been cast as an elf in The Hobbit. I was going to grumble about a marginally talented yet easy on the eyes brunette actress ruining the film but then I remembered Liv Tyler. (Facebook)

I wish pixie-faced Nicole Kidman had played an elf (you know, in her pre-Cellophane Monster days). In honor of her birthday, MovieLine asks which is her finest performance. My brain says To Die For but my heart says Far and Away. “Yer a corker, Shannon. What a corker you are.” (MovieLine)

Oh Celebitchy, I’ve no wish to fight ya, but when you say just looking at these photos of Colin Farrell gets you pregnant, do you mean just looking at these photos of Colin Farrell gives you all the STDs? From Hep B to HPV? That’s what I thought you meant. (Celebitchy)

Speaking of greasy Irishmen, this is what Virginia Woolf has to say about James Joyce: “[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.” AUTHOR BURN. Read this and 29 other instances of authors insulting authors. (Flavorwire)

Ah, in the wonderful world of insults, there is nothing quite like the sting of being told you are empirically and unquestionably “not beautiful enough.” When I first read this story about a dating website for beautiful people that was hacked and made to accept members who didn’t meet their “standards,” I thought it was fake news. It’s not. The supercilious superficial sanctimony of the site’s slimy spokesperson is sickening. (The Guardian)

You’re all beautiful, my attractive attention whores. That’s Lady Gaga’s general message, yes? It’s in her mission statement? I’d like to say Weird Al is attractive in this parody of Gaga’s “Born This Way,” but I find myself wishing he had gone full drag instead of CGI.

Finally, enjoy the sheer claire de lunacy of this American Apparel ad. I hate American Apparel, but I can’t resist some well-executed DeBussy and a tiny, slow-mo breakdancer.

Directed by Tony Kelly for American Apparel from Tony Kelly Photography on Vimeo.

Joanna Robinson’s gob is still a little smacked over that Beautiful People dating site. Is she naive? Shhhh, don’t burst her bubble.









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Comments

That's because Google is evil.

Posted by: Jay at June 20, 2011 1:09 PM

The supercilious superficial sanctimony of the site’s slimy spokesperson is sickening.

That is an artfully alliterative aspersion of an asinine ad-man. Brava!

Posted by: RobP at June 20, 2011 1:11 PM

Is that Weird Al or Jane Krakowski?

Posted by: mswas at June 20, 2011 1:16 PM

If Faulkner were alive I'd bitch slap him.

Posted by: logan at June 20, 2011 1:20 PM

Really, though? This is considered offensive? I lost my dad in 1989 and I still put up a Happy Father's Day status update on FB. My brother and brother-in-law are dads, and I always thank my mom for being the mom *and* the dad. People die all the time. I mean, I feel like this is tantamount to me wishing a friend happy birthday, and another friend getting offended because they have a friend with the same name who died. Is that just me? Am I just a callous and unfeeling robot?

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 20, 2011 1:25 PM

I wouldn't call you callous and unfeeling but I would point out that for some the wound is fresher. Maybe this is the first year they can't call their father. . .you know. Different things hit home in different ways for people.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 20, 2011 1:29 PM

"Glimpsing Emilia Clarke’s delightful posterior in person would be worth the price of admission."
That woman's got an ass that would make a bishop kick out a stained glass window. Her anterior ain't bad either.
Glee is going to be at ComicCon? WTH? Did Kate Gosselin have something better to do? What's next, round table discussion with the hosts of The View? RISE UP NERDS AND RETAKE CC!
Best Kidman movie? The Human Stain.

Posted by: dorquemada at June 20, 2011 1:30 PM

I've seen that quote from Capote on Kerouac before, but I laugh every time. It's just a crusher. An arched eyebrow and curled lip delivered in five words.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 20, 2011 1:35 PM

True or not I don't know, but I heard folks with less than stellar relationships (abuseive) with their fathers were also upset.

Posted by: elsie at June 20, 2011 1:36 PM

Author Burn is delicious. I love that!

Posted by: MM at June 20, 2011 1:39 PM

We've Been brushing up on our Chandler, haven't we dorquemada?

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at June 20, 2011 1:40 PM

"That woman's got an ass that would make a bishop kick out a stained glass window."
- Posted by: dorquemada

So, like a 10 year old boys?

Posted by: Groundloop at June 20, 2011 1:54 PM

It's sad watching young Nicole Kidman and realizing that she would turn into the Botox Queen she's become. Damn.

Posted by: Fredo at June 20, 2011 1:57 PM

Posted by: Christopher at June 20, 2011 2:00 PM

I'm with Anna von Beav. This actually was my first father's day since losing my Dad, and it hurt; but you know, I'm not the center of the universe. I don't see how this is any worse than drugstores putting out Father's Day cards or what have you.

Posted by: Cree83 at June 20, 2011 2:02 PM

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT BREAKDANCING IS AMAZING!

Posted by: SUPERASENTEINCAPS at June 20, 2011 2:03 PM

Because Tin Cup is a damn fine underrated movie. That’s why.

Word. A fine movie, or good movie, it is not. But a damn fine underrated movie, good for MST3K'ng with friends, drinking games and alcohol, or the following day's Hangover Theater.

And even better when you use tequila and tin cups.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at June 20, 2011 2:05 PM

I think I just broke up with you Joanna. You dis Colin Farrell but love McIlroy? At least Farrell has the balls to admit where he's from and not skive around the issue so as not to offend his corporate sponsors.

On another note I was at a fund-raiser on Saturday night hosed by Magic Johnson and at one point he asked all the fathers in the room to stand up for a Father's Day round of applause. The woman at the table next to me burst into tears and her husband almost did too. Turns out she just had her third miscarriage. These things can be rather sensitive.

Another point of sensitivity: Magic Johnson asking everyone to hold hands and bow their heads in Jesus' name....at a fund raiser for Mt. Sinai hospital.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 20, 2011 2:06 PM

I have several problems with casting Evangeline Lily in The Hobbit. Let me tell you them. I promise to not yell so much:

1) She's a terrible fucking actress.
2) What the fuck character is she going to play? There are exactly ZERO female elves mentioned in The Hobbit. NONE. AT ALL. Which means...
3) Goddamn fucking Peter Jackson is going to come up with some fucked up, ridiculous love story to force into the movie, isn't he? And she's going to be a pretty pretty warrior princess or some shit and it is going to SUCK.
4) One of the great things about the previous movies is that they were cast with relative unknowns. Yes, there were some fairly big names, but for the most part they didn't rely on stupid starpower to attract fans. No one went to see the movies because of Cate Blanchett or Ian McKellen.
5) Did he cast her because she's Monaghan's girlfriend?
6) GRR, KATE.

The point is, the more I hear about these films, the more I despair. I don't trust Peter Jackson any further than I can throw him, and shit like this is why.

Posted by: Figgy at June 20, 2011 2:11 PM

Fair point. I am a bit insensitive to others' sensitivity at times, it's true.

Also, just looking at these photos of Colin Farrell's eyebrows gets me pregnant. With little fat bushy eyebrow babies. Seriously, I want to lick them.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 20, 2011 2:12 PM

Paddy, your Magic Johnson story has set my teeth on edge.

Also, though, too: you must have missed Michael Murray's post about the death of homophobia, because a lovely commenter over there schooled all of us that "the whole Bible, every part, is all about Jesus."

Really? The Jews would like a word.

Posted by: MM at June 20, 2011 2:27 PM

We've Been brushing up on our Chandler, haven't we dorquemada?

Hells Yeah. My other favorite Chandlerism: "I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.""

Posted by: dorquemada at June 20, 2011 2:30 PM

The beautiful people thing is pretty suspect. I guess they've done similar fake publicity stunts before:
http://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2011/06/20/beautifulpeople-dupes-mediashrek-virus-media-stunt/

Posted by: Cree83 at June 20, 2011 2:32 PM

I use hotmail, not google (shut up) and I don't even know if hotmail has a calendar function. But in my opinion, it's one thing for hotmail to send me periodic emails reminding me that I can upgrade my service or whatnot. But it would be an entirely different thing for them to post a calendar entry on my calendar, especially when that entry is a command. I just think it shows a certain lack of judgement on their part. I sure as hell don't need my email service provider telling me what to do.

Posted by: elsie at June 20, 2011 2:34 PM

*irritably rubs bridge of nose*

The Father's Day Google outrage is just people with nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon. Let's just eliminate all reminders of holidays and such so we don't offend ANYONE, shall we?

Mother's Day reminder? No way. Can't have this and not the Father's Day one.

July 4th? Nope. Got alot of immigrants offended by America's awesomeness and maybe an Uncle Sam impersonator once punched them in the dick.

Memorial Day? Think of all the people killed by American soldiers over the centuries! Makes me SICK!!!

Thanksgiving? Yeah, tell it to the Native Americans, jerkwads.

Arbor Day? Tree fell on my house, ruined my life.

Christmas? Ha! Try "X-MAS," Jesus-freaks!

My father died a slow, agonizing, nasty, awful death from cancer not long ago and I really sit down to remember him on three days of the year: Father's Day, his birthday, and the day he died. I think it was kind of sweet of Google to do something like that, and they were trying to do something nice for the good dads everywhere. And if he isn't here anymore? Then call him in your mind, have a conversation with him, remember some great times you had. Everyone dies, you just have to learn to live with it. And if your father was a mean, abusive, horrible person, then a harmless Father's Day message via Google is probably the least of your problems.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 2:39 PM

Damn, Nabokov! Dude is throwin' shade on everybody!
I love the Capote quote because it makes him sound like such a catty bitch and I LOVE it.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 20, 2011 2:40 PM

Yes people are sensitive, but it was an unsolicited reminder that couldn't be turned off.

The linked page mentioned a comment that said it well:

"It’s the difference between someone coming up to you on the bus and asking you if you’ve called your father and a poster on the side of the bus asking if you’ve called your father."

AND what if that person kept asking you, all day, every time you got on the bus? Or kept sticking notes on your fridge, reminding to call all day long?

I don't expect the world to bow to my sensitivities, but I want to be able to click the damn X when it bothers me.

Posted by: mswas at June 20, 2011 2:44 PM

Saying Happy Father's Day is now insensitive because some people don't have dads or can't have kids? Sorry, but that's fucking stupid. Better not mention the 4th of July this year. A lot of people have fireworks accidents around that time. There's also a lot of drunk driving accidents. Someone may have lost someone on that day. Don't wish me Happy Birthday anymore either. My dog died on my birthday when I was 12. Just to be safe, better not mention the word dog.

I have no relationship with the man who I grew up calling "dad". I have no clue who my actual father is. I didn't meet my real mother until I was 21. I am a better parent because and in spite of these things but even if I wasn't a parent it would be ridiculous of me to find that offensive.

Posted by: Paultera at June 20, 2011 2:48 PM

And to be clear, the google thing was not the Google doodle that they do such cool things with, it was a reminder you got once you logged into your own personal account.

Posted by: mswas at June 20, 2011 2:48 PM

MM:

You should have seen how uncomfortable many people were in the room. I'm afraid I missed the Murray post. Paid employment can really interfere in ones interneting some days. But it doesn't surprise me: I once received a term paper that read
"Jesus cured lepers in many books of The Old Testament; in fact leprosy has been documented in corpses from many hundred years BC when Jesus was actively curing lepers in the Holy Land".

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 20, 2011 2:49 PM

Hope she finds lasting happiness with Keith and to have the baby she's always longed for. I'm sure she'll look spectacular on her big day, after all she has all these great designers to choose from! *so jealous*

Posted by: iPhone Fan at June 20, 2011 2:50 PM

Okay, the fact that it couldn't be turned off is fucking stupid. THAT is poor judgment. That's like having sex with someone, then every time you see them from then on you immediately try to have sex with them again, regardless of the setting or circumstances. #Inappropriatemetaphors

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 2:50 PM

I wish pixie-faced Nicole Kidman had played an elf (you know, in her pre-Cellophane Monster days).

Despite it being a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad movie, the iron(face)y-laden peak of Kidman's career could be following Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha in Bewitched.

Posted by: branded at June 20, 2011 2:51 PM

Wow did I just win an argument with Kballs?

Posted by: mswas at June 20, 2011 2:52 PM

Kballs, get out of my head.

I think we all need to take a moment and listen to iPhone Fan. Really puts it all in perspective, you know. Thank you, Spambot, thank you.

Posted by: Paultera at June 20, 2011 2:52 PM

But, like, that spambot deserves a slow clap. That was some good spamming. On topic. Had a human touch to it? Well done, spambot, well done.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 20, 2011 2:54 PM

I think that I read something stating that, yes, Evangeline Lily will be playing a brand-new, made-up for the movie character. I doubt that her hire has anything to do with Dominic Monaghan since the two broke up and she just had a baby with some camera operator/crew dude from Lost. I don't know why Hollywood thinks you have to have a love story in EVERY MOVIE. I don't know, figs, I DO NOT KNOW!!

People must pay a lot more attention to banner ads or little reminder dealies than me, because I did not see the "Call Your Dad" thing when I logged into Google. But if I had....I would have yelled YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, GOOGLE! /shakes fist

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 2:58 PM

It was for gmail users, pinky, on the gchat column under their phone feature. If you click on the article you can see the screen cap. To be honest, I didn't notice it myself until a few friends mentioned it, but once I saw it, well, yeah, there was no avoiding it.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 20, 2011 3:00 PM

This isn't Kidman's best movie (no fucking way) but I always thought she was hottest in Practical Magic. It was all that red hair!

Posted by: denesteak at June 20, 2011 3:01 PM

mswas,

I lose arguments all the time.

*waggles wedding ring in the air*

Besides, I basically used the Google thing as an opportunity to goof around with hating on the holidays. Apparently no one enjoyed that, so I'll just return to my hate-cave.

Pinky, you comin'?

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:03 PM

Re: Nicole Kidman.

BMX Bandits!!

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at June 20, 2011 3:04 PM

On my way, Kballs! Do we still have that Hate Taco Dip in the Hate Cave, or did you eat it all?

That's what I meant, coveredinbees. I used the sheeeeit out of my Gmail over the weekend and didn't notice it at all. If I had, then see my previous comment for my reaction.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:07 PM

Yeah but does the taco dip have diced spambot in it? You know, for that extra kick?

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 20, 2011 3:09 PM

Diced Spambot is only used when real Spam isn't available. Spam is only used when ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE OCCURS.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:12 PM

There's chopped zombies in the dip.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:14 PM

Ohhh. That's worse. I logged in to my Gmail this weekend and didn't see anything, but that's because I rarely scroll down far enough to see the chat thinger.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 20, 2011 3:17 PM

I also have Google Margaritas. They just showed up one morning and every time I turn around there's another one waiting for me to drink.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:17 PM

You dis Colin Farrell but love McIlroy? At least Farrell has the balls to admit where he's from and not skive around the issue so as not to offend his corporate sponsors

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 20, 2011 2:06 PM

Huh? Surely the whole world knows Rory McIlroy is from Norn Iron. When has he ever tried to hide it?

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at June 20, 2011 3:20 PM

My father died about a decade ago. How dare other people mention Father's Day? In fact, how dare other people have a father? Everyone should just act if their dad has already died, just for me.

Posted by: Slash at June 20, 2011 3:22 PM

Uh, Kballs? I once drank a margarita and then puked, so I must ask that you refrain from mocking me with margarita jokes. Also, MMMMM! ZOMBIE TACO DIP!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:22 PM

So, like a 10 year old boys?

Is it? I can't picture it in my head so I guess it wasn't memorable to me. I've also been very occupied with how much those two actors should *not* be platinum blondes. It distracts the hell out of me.

Posted by: Jay at June 20, 2011 3:28 PM

I hate to be a pain, Pinky, but I recently heard a terrible joke and can't bear to hear the word anymore, so please stop throwing it in my face. Plus, you made me say it just now, which is 10 times worse. You are some kind of monster, young lady.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:28 PM

Dearest Kballs,

How sorry I am that the word *oke caused you so much pain. I will work strive to remove the word *oke from my *ocabulary (traumatic experience at a spelling bee, don't ask). I assure you that I will be more thoughtful in the *uture (some people hate the *uture, duh)

Pinky McCENSOREDbits

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:33 PM

*** ***'* ********** ********, Pinky!!!

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:35 PM

And **** to *** as well, KCENSOREDs!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:36 PM

This thread? FLANtastic!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:37 PM

mswas, I thought it was Jenna AND Paul at first.

Posted by: Quorren at June 20, 2011 3:38 PM

My father was killed by Flan! *Sob*

Posted by: Paultera at June 20, 2011 3:39 PM

Paultera, was your father the leader of Belgium? I thought I told SeaKat to destroy that flan murderer!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 3:41 PM

Flan tastes like old pudding jizzed in a sick elephant's mouth causing a steaming hot mist of shit to fly out of it's anus that's mixed into a waiting bucket of vomit for people to enjoy after their definitely-not-spit-in Mexican dish.

Topped with caramel, of course.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:44 PM

An asterisk just tried to rape my face, Pinky. Do you want me to cry? Is that your game?

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 3:46 PM

I like flan. Not even your disgusting elephant analogy can dissuade me from liking flan.

So there, Kballs! Also: ******************!!

Posted by: MM at June 20, 2011 3:55 PM

No seriously, flan is revolting. It's like frothed eggs dipped in depression and cooked in fear. Just horrible, wretched food.

And I've gotten over all my pains today. I just swallow them down into the dark crater of my soul and let the demons do the rest.

Posted by: Kballs at June 20, 2011 4:01 PM

Demons rule at eating pain and tapeworms rule at eating cheeseburgers. FACT.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 4:06 PM

Three things I like, you might even say, I feed on them:

Eggs, depression, and fear!

It's a win-win-win.

Posted by: MM at June 20, 2011 4:06 PM

Ooh, Flan. I LOVE Flan. Loooooooooove.

Posted by: Figgy at June 20, 2011 4:16 PM

It did actually remind me to call my dad. Not that I'd ever done anything for father's day ever in my life. So that was weird.

Posted by: Lucas at June 20, 2011 4:30 PM

It's a highly FLANnable bunch of issues in the PLove today.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 4:32 PM

Random, but I actually saw Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban and their daughter today at the grocery store, and she looks gorgeous and super natural in person. She is the only person I've ever seen who looks less botoxed in person than in pictures. Sidenote, they were a really adorable family.

Posted by: ami at June 20, 2011 8:22 PM

I just want to point out that Weird Al video had him covered in bees AND wearing a Godtopus suit.

Your argument is invalid.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at June 21, 2011 12:25 AM

Your problem with flan is cultural. Specifically your absurd culture calls it Flan. Flaaaaaaaan. Mmm, that sounds delici-flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. No. Horrific.

Those of us from civilised nations enjoy a delicious Creme Caramel, and love it.

Posted by: Ender at June 21, 2011 7:32 AM

I'm a day late to this, but how is it that author list has no Dorothy Parker quotes? The woman was famous for her ability to insult people. As I recall she wrote a whole series of poems dissing other authors.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at June 21, 2011 11:57 AM