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First Comes Pajiba Love, Then Comes Pajiba Marriage, Then Comes. . .The Pajiba Staff Passed Out At The Reception

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (43)



bride-flask.jpeg

In case you didn’t know it, gentle readers, today Stacey Nosek, Original Link Wench and all around Cool Chick, is getting hitched. Several Pajiban writers and commenters are surely, at this moment, wriggling into their powder blue ruffled tuxes and magenta taffeta gowns in anticipation of Stacey’s kickass day. Prisco is a groomsman. Need I say more? So for Stacey, I present to you, A Very Matrimonial Pajiba Love. No, not all the links are STRICTLY wedding themed, but I’ll let Miss Amy Pond clue you into how I got around that:

This link is old, but good. By good I mean delicious. Here the always hilarious Allie Brosh debates the merits of pie versus cake. I’ve been to two weddings this summer and missed the cake ceremony at both. What? I was kidnapping the groom the first time and scrawling all over the happy couple’s car the second time. Also? I sort of like it when couples go a non-traditional route with the cake. WEDDING PIE FOR EVERYONE! (Hyperbole And A Half)

But the oldest link I could probably find for you, is this one of The First Thing I Ever Remember Seeing On The Internet. What’s the first thing you remember seeing? (Know Your Meme)

The Second Thing I Ever Remember Seeing On The Internet is this cat, The Peter Pan Guy. Do you remember him? Well apparently he got married. To a lady. Okay?! Congrats! (Urlesque)

Okay, let’s have some new links, shall we? They say, after folks get married, the spark in the boudoir can diminish. So perhaps it’s a good thing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie never officially married because allegedly Miss Jolie is a bit of a wildcat in the sack. You know, I don’t like reporting on these word of mouth stories, but, I mean, I think we could all see this one coming. (Celebitchy)

Also new to me is this concept that muppets Bert and Ernie are supposed to be kids. Okay, let’s back up. There’s a petition requesting “Sesame Street” have Bert & Ernie get gay married to each other because it would be a good model for kids to see a married gay couple on the TV. Okay, but this article alleges Bert and Ernie are supposed to be children and children shouldn’t marry. Um, aren’t they roommates? Aren’t they essentially Oscar and Felix? I never once thought of them as kids. Elmo, sure. That little annoying yellow one, why not! (The Mary Sue)

This part’s easy. All my links are borrowed. This one comes from io9 and gives you some tips on how to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower this morning. Maybe some of the Pajiba Wedding revelers will still be up late enough to catch the show. (io9)

Um, was the portrait below from Van Gogh’s blue period? Let’s say it was. Some clever chap has done a series of portraits comprised of one tiny word or phrase repeated over and over. The Van Gogh one is made up of “genius,” whereas Marilyn Monroe’s is made up of her famous measurements. I could make a sexism comments here, but it’s Wedding Day, so I shan’t. (Laughing Squid)
Genius.jpeg

For those of you here who are married or have been married. Were you nervous on The Big Day? I imagine it must be a terrifying/exhilarating feeling. Possibly akin to the feeling I get looking at these rooftop photos. Vertigorgeous. (My Modern Metropolis)

Admit it. You thought Russell Brand was an idiot, didn’t you? I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU HE ISN’T. But no, you scoff. Anyway, on the heels of his touching tribute to Amy Winehouse comes this thoughtful piece on the London Riots. I sort of want to marry him, and that’s not just the wedding champers talking. (The Guardian)

Finally, my dears, we have this timely nugget from Michele Bachmann. I know I said I wouldn’t talk sexism but in a recent interview Bachmann likened wifely submission to respect. I’m not sure how to take that. I want to hop on the HOW DARE SHE bandwagon. You know, cause I hate her. But in any marriage or relationship, mutual respect means occasionally giving over? Yes? That could be interpreted as submission. Right? As long as both people are doing it? I DON’T KNOW. I’M TRYING NOT TO BE HATEFUL. (Jezebel)

Here’s a toast to Stacey. May the road rise to meet you, my the rain be always at your back and may you have some batsh*t insane drugged out cousin or druncle at your reception to dance his ass off.

And, to close, I’m going to get a little sappy. JUST BE GLAD THE LOVE ACTUALLY VERSION IS UNEMBEDDABLE YOU CYNICS. Also, um, are the lads chewing gum?

Joanna Robinson sincerely hopes Stacey is not reading this on her wedding day. She hopes instead that Ms. Nosek is being primped and pampered. If Stacey does see this eventually, please drop your well wishes to her in the comments! LOVE LOVE LOVE!









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Comments

Were you nervous on The Big Day?

I was a nervous wreck thinking about walking down the aisle and having all these people stare at me and listen to me as I exchanged my vows. I vividly remember lining up with my ladies, waiting for the harpist to start the chosen song, when I realized what a moronic idea it was to hold the ceremony in front of 100 people. It was just like Speech Class in high school. Goosebumps. Heart palpitations. Strong urge to vomit. Gah. Stage fright is one nasty fucker.

...

Congrats Stacey!

Posted by: Scully at August 12, 2011 2:25 PM

Congrats Stacey!~

Posted by: TWoPFan at August 12, 2011 2:31 PM

The "batsh*t insane drugged out cousin or druncle" was fucking fantastic.

You dance, drunkle. Dance it out.

Posted by: John G. at August 12, 2011 2:34 PM

I got married by a judge and we only our best friends there as witnesses but I still got a case of the helpless giggles. I tend to do that at solemn occasions when I'm nervous.

Posted by: snapnhiss at August 12, 2011 2:36 PM

Congratulations Stacey and Shep! May you have ten thousand lifetimes of love and happiness.

Posted by: Kolby at August 12, 2011 2:37 PM

We had two weddings. The first was before traffic court in the local police station. We only knew one person, so we had to pull in a witness from the court room. The second wedding was the family affair and it does take the edge off if you know that you've already been married for 8 months.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 12, 2011 2:42 PM

this article alleges Bert and Ernie are supposed to be children

You know, I keep hearing about having Bert and Ernie get married, and honestly, the "children" thing never occurred to me. They're pretty ageless, as far as I'm concerned. The thing that throws me is that they're puppets on a children's television show, and COMPLETELY ASEXUAL. I mean, HONESTLY. They don't even have BODIES from the waist down. They're just a foam tube. No genitalia. None of the puppets (that I recall) have EVER had ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING a human boyfriend-girlfriend (or anything other than familial or friend) relationship. WHY is this even a discussion? I feel like maybe the people arguing for this have never actually seen Sesame Street. Why wouldn't they just bring in a gay *human* couple?! It just doesn't make any sense is all.

CANON etc.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 12, 2011 2:44 PM

Congratulations to the happy couple and may all your wishes come true....

Posted by: Rubble44 at August 12, 2011 2:51 PM

Congrats Stacey!

Posted by: Luke at August 12, 2011 2:52 PM

Congratulations Stacey! There but for the grace of Godtopus go I.

Posted by: StoatCat at August 12, 2011 3:26 PM

Congrats Stacey!

Posted by: KatSings at August 12, 2011 3:29 PM

Stacey is indeed reading this (in the cab enroute to the wedding) and she thanks you all for the well wishes!

Posted by: stacey nosek at August 12, 2011 3:36 PM

Congrats!

Posted by: Riles at August 12, 2011 3:40 PM

Now that's true Pajiba Love, checking in on your way to your wedding! I hope you & Shep have a wonderful day, Stacey!

The first thing I remember seeing on the internet? The glorious Hamster Dance. Oh, those halcyon days...

I love that Russell Brand donated his fee for that article to a clean-up project.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 12, 2011 3:41 PM

All you need is love (and gum), Stacy. Sincere congratulations.

Posted by: Green Lantern at August 12, 2011 4:10 PM

The first thing I remember seeing on the internet? The glorious Hamster Dance. Oh, those halcyon days...

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 12, 2011 3:41 PM

Yep. Me too. Dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-doh-doh...

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at August 12, 2011 4:18 PM

Elmo lives by himself; he's supposed to be three. Big Bird lives by himself; he's supposed to be six. Just add a married adult gay couple to the Sesame Street grownup lineup if it's so damn important - now can we refocus on equal rights for actual people, not puppets?

----------------------------------------------------

I wasn't nervous on my wedding day - more disheveled and disorganized. We were married by our GM in his living room with a bunch of our friends there, we were fifteen minutes late to our own wedding, and he forgot his shoes, so we both got married barefoot.

Posted by: Kris at August 12, 2011 4:47 PM

My first internet thing was the Hamster Dance, as well.

Stacey, congratulations. If you read this, you might want incorporate the toast that darling hubby and I did 30 years ago:

Me: Here's to You!
Him: Here's to Me!
Me: May we never disagree!
Him: And if we do?
Me: The hell with you!
Him: Here's to me!

Actually that toast works for any occasion where nobody else has heard it before.

If you want something mushier (that I read at my parents 50th anniversary):

For a Golden Wedding
(by Kathie Lee Bates of America the Beautiful fame)

Dawn love is silver,
Wait for the west,
Old love is gold love,
Old love is best.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 12, 2011 4:55 PM

Amazing!! Congratulations Stacey!

Posted by: denesteak at August 12, 2011 5:16 PM

I was so nervous the day I got married that I almost threw up in the church vestibule.

I didn't though, so...score!

Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 12, 2011 5:22 PM

I had a hard time swallowing food until the time actually came. My throat felt like it was going to close up all day. The fact that everyone was mad at everyone else all day for stupid little shit (I swear to god, there was a covert operation to swap out the pen for the guest book so my mom wouldn't notice the "ugly one" was gone). But when the time came, everybody forgot being pissed off or anxious, and it really was the sort of beautiful-fairy-tale-hooray moment everyone always says it should be.

Posted by: ChristianH at August 12, 2011 5:22 PM

Oh, and congratulations on the big day!

Posted by: ChristianH at August 12, 2011 5:24 PM

You know, I keep hearing about having Bert and Ernie get married, and honestly, the "children" thing never occurred to me. They're pretty ageless, as far as I'm concerned. The thing that throws me is that they're puppets on a children's television show, and COMPLETELY ASEXUAL.

Exactly--see the whole "Spongebob is gay" hulabaloo a while ago...I do wish people would quit attempting to use asexual children's characters to make political statements about sexuality.

I used to think Russell Brand was a moron 'till I read "My Booky Wook". It was well-written and hilarious, and made me seriously rethink my opinion of Le Brand.

I wasn't nervous on my wedding day, just a bit stressed at the beginning, then emotional the rest of the time. In fact, I think I started bawling the second I began my walk down the aisle, and didn't stop till the end of the ceremony. My hubby was blubbering the whole time too, which made for some wonderfully weepy vows in our video.

Congrats Stacey, I hope you day is as amazing, fun and memorable as it should be!

Posted by: Jessie at August 12, 2011 5:31 PM

I don't remember the first thing I saw on the internet, but I do remember one of my friends bringing me into her office after hours to teach me how to email so I could add the skill to my resume. I think it would have been 1993 or 1994.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 12, 2011 5:44 PM

I was chill on my wedding day. Apparently a lot of people were freaking out in the background, though. A family friend made our cake, and during the drive the top two tiers slid, making the bottom tier lopsided.

You would have thought the alpacalypse was coming.

Our stand-in coordinator (original coordinator was at the hospital, waiting on a grandbaby to be born) was pacing around saying, "Don't tell Allison!" I should probably explain that her daughter was a beast of a bridezilla on her wedding day (spoiled), so I guess she thought all bride's were like that. My cousin (not generally a bright girl, though I thank her for this) just said, "Here, cut the bottom layer so it is ready to serve, then let them slice the top one", and went to work.

When I heard the story later, I just laughed, which is exactly how I would have responded before the wedding. It's. Just. Cake. And it tasted good, so who cares?

All in all an easy day. For a friend of mine (her first wedding), she had to take a vodka shot in the limo just to work up the courage to pursue. Not entirely surprising she is on to husband #2, a vast improvement.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 12, 2011 5:53 PM

As for Russell Brand, I wish you WOULD marry him, if only to save him from that wretched wench he chose. Blech...

Congrats, Stacey! Have an excellent day and a life of fulfilling sex!

And, you know, love and stuff...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 12, 2011 5:55 PM

Where there's a druncle, an auntoxicated is sure to follow.

Congrats, Stacey!

Posted by: branded at August 12, 2011 6:08 PM

Congratulations Stacy!

Posted by: angie at August 12, 2011 6:23 PM

Congratulationsto Stacey and Shepard, long life and happiness to you both!


My first experience on the Innertubes was probably seeing Kylie Minogue on a mechanical bull wearing Agent Provocateur undies.


That was special......

Posted by: frank_247 at August 12, 2011 6:33 PM

Congrats.

And "druncle" is my new favorite word.

Posted by: Slash at August 12, 2011 6:54 PM

Congratulations, Stacey!

I would love to invite all you Pajibans to my wedding, but our guest list isn't quite expansive enough to accommodate everyone. An Internet live-stream of the event did occur to me, though.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 12, 2011 7:21 PM

Congratulations, Stacey! Hope you remember to have some fun on the Big Day.

Do something silly like... Mr. Stinky and I got married in the frog exhibit of Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans. Reverend Don from the Chapel of Love on Bourbon Street married us. Children visiting the exhibit that day had been held back from pouncing on the 6 X 8-ft. plastic frog in the center of the room until after we exchanged vows. As soon as Rev. Don said, "I now pronounce you man and wife," one of the kids ran flying past us and landed with a loud thunk on the frog. (We take the little Stinkies there every year or so, make them sit on the frog and take their picture.)

Posted by: Stinky at August 12, 2011 10:21 PM

Congratulations, Stacey!

Posted by: Another Jen at August 12, 2011 10:38 PM

... wait. 23 Foster children? I am terrified.

Posted by: DominaNefret at August 13, 2011 12:20 AM

Congrats Stacey!!

My wedding was chill as well. I had a great tux that felt like I was wearing a jacket I'd owned for years. The band was live and decent. No mishaps.

I don't buy the Jolie story for a second.

Bachmann's baloney would be laughable if she didn't have so many people who think she's worthy of governing anything. Choosing your career because your husband told you to, is not respect. It's not even submission.

Posted by: Protoguy at August 13, 2011 5:54 AM

1. The day I was wed to The Evil Succubus was, by sheerest coincidence, the anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster. Guess I should have paid greater attention to the omens . . .

2. Russell Brand always struck me as a complete idiot, until I read his piece in The Guardian. Reassessment in progress.


3. Allow me to lay this down upon La Bachmann, then channel my Inner Conservative:

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."

- 1 Timothy 2:11-15 (NIV)

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 13, 2011 11:48 AM

Aha. The riots are Thatcher's fault. Gotcha. Thanks Russell.

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at August 13, 2011 1:31 PM

Yeah, that's like Cons still blaming Clinton despite 8 years of Bush but somehow Obama's to blame for everything immediately

Posted by: Protoguy at August 13, 2011 2:27 PM

Congratulations, Stacey.

Posted by: csb at August 13, 2011 2:52 PM

The Pajiba Staff Passed Out At The Reception

I seriously thought this was a review of Pajibacon 2011. I would've been pissed if I had missed a wedding crashers-themed Pajibacon.

Posted by: duckandcover at August 13, 2011 6:46 PM

Congrats Stacey! Blessings to you both.

Posted by: Four Eyes at August 13, 2011 11:21 PM

Am I really the only person who always assumed that Bert and Ernie were brothers?

Posted by: Tilly at August 14, 2011 6:15 AM

You know the thing that bugs me most about the whole "let's get Ernie and Bert hitched" poll is how people want the sexuality of Ernie and Bert to their defining characteristic while missing the main message being taught to children, i.e. tolerance, patience and love which in my opinion is far more important.

It may be because I haven't found a better way to express my feelings on the subject in a manner better than the following Paul Newman quote

"I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."

Posted by: Colombo at August 15, 2011 2:39 AM